Tag Archive: Vicky Bruce
This is a very emotional time in all our lives. It is 8 weeks and 2 days since Vic died. We have all lived on our nerves for a long time and although we thought it would be a relief that Vic’s suffering was over, the grief has been overwhelming. Not only for the boys and I but also others that loved Vic…
I know the family is concerned about me. I know their concern stems from love.
I however need to blog. I need to hear from other bereaved parents that I am not going mad. That my grief is normal and that it is okay to grieve for my beautiful child.
I have subscribed to several blogs or sites for bereaved parents and it is not working for me. It is other parents words.
I will however borrow these words from another grieving parent
I would like to share with you my pain but that isn’t possible unless you have lost a child yourself and that I wouldn’t want you to have to experience. So with that being said, I would like to say this. I will try to my best to understand you if you try to understand me. I lost my child. My life will never be the same. I will never be the same again. I will be different from now on. I no longer have the same feelings about anything. Everything in my life has changed from the moment my child left to go to heaven. I will, on some days be very sad and nothing you say will changes that so don’t feel like it is your job to make me feel better on those days, just allow me to be where I am.
When you lose a child you not only lose your reason for living, you lose the motivation to go on. You also lose your sense of self. It takes a long time to come to some kind of understanding for why this has happened, if ever. Of course we who have lost children know we have to go on but we don’t want to hear someone else tell us too. Especially from someone who has not lost a child. It makes me and anyone who has lost a child want to say who are you to tell me that? Did you bury your child? I don’t want this to sound like I don’t appreciate everything you say because I know you mean well, but I just want you to appreciate where I am coming from too. I want you to understand that some of the things you say hurt me and others like me without you really knowing it. I know it must be pretty hard to talk to people like myself, not knowing what to say. That is why I am writing this letter.
If you don’t know what to say, say nothing or just say I’m sorry. That always works for me. If you want to talk ad say my child’s name feel free I would love to hear his name anytime. You not saying his name didn’t make me forget it, or what happened to him. So by all means say his name. When special dates come or holidays come please forgive me if I’m not myself. I just can’t keep it up on those days. I may wish to be by myself so I can think about my child without putting on a front. Most of all I want you to know I’m having a hard time with the death of my child and I am trying my very best to get back into life again. Some days it may look like I have accomplished that, and other days like I am at square one.
This will happen the rest of my life periodically. There are just no words to explain the living hell this feels like. There are no words that could ever do it justice. So please bear with me and give me time and don’t put your own timetable on my grief and let me be the person I am now and not have to live up to the person you think I should be. Allow me my space and time and accept me for me. I will try my best to understand you.
Love, Your Friend in Grief https://www.facebook.com/pages/Whispers-from-Heaven/604565892890783
So, if you are going to read my blog read it through my eyes and see my heart. If you are unable to handle the rawness of my words know that you are reading my soul. Remember that I don’t easily verbalize my emotions and this blog is my coping mechanism.
I have found hundreds of notes and journal entries in a file called “Our Story.” Vic loved my blog and wanted me to share “Our Story”. It was her wish. I will continue to do so.
So, love me in my time of sorrow and allow me to cope whichever way I can…. I love you too and appreciate your caring.
This year – today – I am saying “Why don’t I just go to sleep and never wake up?”
Last year Vic said: ”My boys don’t need me anymore. I have been sick all my life. Even my ears hurt. “
On the 8th of January 2013 Vic said “Mommy my room is full of angels…”
Tonight I reread something a friend sent me as a comment http://tersiaburger.wordpress.com/wp-admin/edit-comments.php?p=383&approved=1
I have been following your journey now for some time and my heart goes out to you and your family. It is NOT EASY to care for somebody that is terminally ill. It makes it even more difficult if that person is your child.
I would like to share something with you though. It is vitally important that you take care of yourself in this tiring time. Please accept all the help from family and friends that’s been offered to you. This will give you some breathing space. It will also allow Vic to know that it is okay if Mom is just having a little bit of “me” time. Her energy is very powerful and she proved it to everybody up to now that she wants to survive.
Allow all Angels and guides to assist you with the care that you and your family so much need right now. God allows you to call upon their assistance when you need them. When Jacob was struggling with an Angel he called the Angel Michael to assist him and Michael was there not only to help him, but also to guide him with whatever he was struggling with. There are many stories in the Bible and other scriptures about God’s Angels. What still amazes me is that God found it necessary to create Angels. HE knew that we and all other creatures would need assistance and comfort when we are lonely. It took me a long time to work this out. It was only after my mom passed away and I fell very ill that my awareness of these wonderful creations of God was awakened.
Dear Tersia, know they are there, they are with you. You just need to ask for their guidance and assistance. Please know that Angels come in all forms. It might be your neighbour, your friend, nursing staff or maybe a presence! Nurture yourself. Get all the friends, family and help that you can now and trust people. They will be guided and equiped with the knowledge to help you now. You need to be taken care of now and so does your family.
The angels did come to comfort my child in her most fear-filled day.
We have found many angels in human form. Friends, family, acquaintances, WordPress Friends, Facebook friends…..
Thank you Louise for opening my eyes to the angels. Thank you for the angels that comforted my child in her hour of need and thank you for the angels that came and took her by the hand and whisked her away to a pain-free, joy filled place.http://tersiaburger.com/2013/01/08/gramps-was-here/ http://tersiaburger.com/2012/06/17/i-always-pray-for-you-but-you-dont-seem-to-have-a-guardian-angel-17-6-2012/
My beautiful Angle Child
Today it was 29 long miserable days since you stopped breathing.
I have continued to breathe, walk, talk, eat, drink tea; I have attended meetings, cried and even laughed. My life has continued yet part of me is dead. I have lost my words today. I just want to have a cup of tea with you. I want to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you.
I’ve kept my promise,
of what I would do.
To continue to live,
my life without you.
I get up each morning,
I get through the day
struggling past tears,
every step of the way.
I go on with life with,
a forced happy face.
My heart aches badly,
for what I can’t replace.
I don’t know what to do,
to deaden this pain
It’s so hard, here without you,
where I must remain.
But I will keep my promise
and I must believe,
That you’ll be there waiting,
when it’s my time to leave.
Day 22 has finally arrived. Day 21 dragged on and on… I waded through a haze of misery today. Jared had an horrible day. I could see he had cried.
Jon-Daniel has a friend sleeping over. He is a young boy of 14 who lost his dad to a drug overdose a year ago. I asked whether he had been for counselling. He said he had but that it had not really helped.
“I had to get over it by myself” this old soul said.
“The shrink kept telling me I must forgive my dad. I hated my father for using drugs. So I stopped going. He wasn’t listening to me so there was no point…”
I have to travel to an exhibition in the UAE from the 16th – 21st of February. Upon my return the boys and I will go and see the Hospice psychiatrist again. I think we would have worked through enough grief to be able to cope with this part of our journey.
Children are so fragile. On the surface they appear to be coping yet the pain lies shallow…
Last night Jon-Daniel cried. Today Jared battled to breathe.
It is now 10 days since my beautiful child’s body came to rest… I cannot believe it is already 10 days and on the other hand I am amazed that it is only 10days….
Vic came home today. She was delivered in a little wooden box. The plaque simply reads “VICKY BRUCE 31.8.1974 – 18.1.2013”
The boys walked in after archery and Jon-Daniel said “Mommy’s home!”
Tonight the boys went through Vic’s cupboards to make up memory boxes. We laughed as we shared precious memories. The boys were selective in what they chose. Jared wanted one of Vic’s favourite Egypt T-shirts and Jon-Daniel her favourite track suit top… A lipstick and her driver’s licence; a brush each….
We opened her safe and in Vicky style everything was labeled and marked….
Her first pearls that she received as a little girl from my brother and his wife had a little note in the box…”Received from Johan and Henda when I was their bridesmaid. I would like them to have it back. I love you more than words. Johan you were always my hero! Henda you are amazing”
A note attached to two sets of earrings “For my boys from Mommy. These were from you”
Pink and white pearls labeled – “Received from Mommy and Daddy. Thank you for always loving me so much. I give these back to you now.”
My heart is shattered. I want to die.
Vicky Bruce, brave warrior, beloved mother of Jared and Jon-Daniel Sadie, beautiful daughter of Tersia and Danie Burger, sister and friend lost her brave battle against Osteogenesis Imperfecta on 18 January 2013. Finally, you can run angel child! Your incredible will to live and your beautiful soul will live on in your amazing sons. They are truly monuments that will honour you forever. You are finally free and reunited with you Daddy, Moekie and Gramps.! Run Vic run! Love you now and forever baby!
The liver works with the endocrine system to regulate nutrients in the body and remove toxins. An enlarged liver means that it is endangered due to disease or other factors, which can lead to toxic shock. The proper medical term for an enlarged liver is hepatomegaly.
A healthy liver helps fight infections and filters toxins from the blood. It also helps to digest food, store nutrients for future needs, manufactures protein, bile and blood-clotting factors and metabolizes medications. A healthy liver has the ability to grow back, or regenerate, when it is damaged. Anything that prevents the liver from performing these functions – or from growing back after injury – can severely impact health and very possibly length of life.
The initial symptoms of liver failure are often ones that can be due to any number or conditions. Because of this, liver failure may be initially difficult to diagnose. Early symptoms include:
- Loss of appetite
However, as liver failure progresses, the symptoms become more serious, requiring urgent care. These symptoms include:
- Bleeding easily
- Swollen abdomen
- Mental disorientation or confusion (known as hepatic encephalopathy)
Fatty or enlarged livers are caused by infections, certain medications, general toxicity, hepatitis, autoimmune disorders, metabolic syndrome and genetic disorders that affect the liver. Abnormal growths, such as cysts or tumors, impact liver size. Blood-flow symptoms, such as heart failure, can cause liver enlargement. Conditions also exist that restrict blood to the liver veins, such as hepatic vein thrombosis.
An enlarged liver indicates a problem with the liver itself or your overall endocrine system. If you suspect that you have any of these symptoms, you should seek medical attention. The causes of an enlarged liver vary in their severity and complexity. Only a medical professional can make the proper diagnosis for the cause of an enlarged liver.
If not addressed and stopped in the earlier stages, the damage resulting from these multiple causes leads to scarring of the liver, known as cirrhosis, where large portions of the organ begin to lose their capacity to function or regenerate.
Treatment of patients with liver failure is specific to the unique symptoms and conditions experienced by each individual. Any patient with liver damage will be asked to abstain from alcohol. For patients with cirrhosis and end-stage liver disease, medications may be required to control the amount of protein absorbed in the diet. If there has been a build-up of toxins, particularly high ammonia levels, medication will be offered which lowers these levels. Low sodium diet and water pills (diuretics) may be required to minimize water retention. In those with large amounts of ascites fluid, the excess fluid may have to be occasionally removed with a needle and syringe (paracentesis). Using local anesthetic, a needle is inserted through the abdominal wall and the fluid withdrawn. Sometimes surgery is performed to minimize portal hypertension and lower the risk of gastroesophageal bleeding.
At this point, a person may become a candidate for liver transplant of part or all of the liver. Transplant success has improved in recent years with 1-year patient survival rates of up to 87%. Due to the severe organ shortages, patients who are listed for liver transplantation have an estimated wait time of 1 to 3 years, depending on blood type and illness severity. Many patients are never able to be considered for transplants due to severity of their disease, other medical problems, or social considerations such as ongoing alcohol use or non-compliance with treatment recommendations. Others die while waiting for a transplant as their disease continues to progress.
The impact of these various symptoms and conditions on suffering and quality of life are profound, and ESLD patients can benefit greatly from hospice and palliative care. Even, when an ESLD patient is on a transplant list, this does not automatically prevent them from being on hospice services.
According to Medicare/Hospice guidelines, patients will be considered to be in the terminal stage of liver disease (life expectancy of six months or less) and eligible for hospice care, if they meet the following criteria (1 and 2 must be present; factors from 3 will lend supporting documentation):
1. The patient should show both a and b:
a. Prothrombin time prolonged more than 5 seconds over control, or International Normalized Ratio (INR)> 1.5
b. Serum albumin <2.5 gm/d1
2. End stage liver disease is present and the patient shows at least one of the following:
a. ascites, refractory to treatment or patient non-compliant
b. spontaneous bacterial peritonitis
c. hepatorenal syndrome (elevated creatinine and BUN with oliguria (<400ml/day) and urine sodium concentration <10 mEq/l)
d. hepatic encephalopathy, refractory to treatment, or patient non-complaint
e. recurrent variceal bleeding, despite intensive therapy
3. Documentation of the following factors will support eligibility for hospice care:
a. progressive malnutrition
b. muscle wasting with reduced strength and endurance
c. continued active alcoholism (> 80 gm ethanol/day)
d. hepatocellular carcinoma
e. HBsAg (Hepatitis B) positivity
f. hepatitis C refractory to interferon treatment
I have traveled to 50 odd countries. I have filled up quite a few passports. I am a seasoned traveler I suffer from airport rage. I hate the “hurry up and wait” part of travelling. I hate queues and I HATE sitting so close to other people!
I have spent more hours that I care to remember sitting at airports. I love watching families reunite, lovers melting into one another’s arms, fragile old people being wheeled out in wheelchairs to meet their loved ones. I recognize the detached “I am on a business trip” air that the professional travelers have surrounding them.
I have spent a lot of time waiting to be collected, or for coaches, buses and trains. I have seen thousands of loved ones being met with “Welcome” balloons and bouquets of flowers. I do not have a romantic bone in my body. I am quite a serious person who loves deeply without conditions or expectations. I have never been met with flowers or balloons only my name on a hotel ID Board.
This morning when I disembarked the aircraft it was a glorious sunshine day in South Africa. I was one of the first off the aircraft and went through passport control within minutes. I could not believe my luck when I got to the carousal and my luggage was already there! Customs was a breeze. I walked out of Terminal A and no Danie…. I knew he was minutes away from the airport when we landed because I phoned him to tell him I had landed…. He was minutes away from the airport….
I phoned him and there was no reply…. I phoned him three more times and still no reply. I shut my mind down. I did not want to think what could have happened in the 30 minutes since I had last spoken to him. I phoned him again and left a message…. I kept glancing around. A couple of taxi drivers started offering their services.
Then I saw him. My beautiful, handsome husband carrying this huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers! My unromantic heart was touched by this beautiful gesture. It was great feeling his arms around him and hearing him say “I really missed you”.
Despite the fearful trauma and pain of Vic’s journey we are happy as a family! I cannot imagine going through this painful journey without Danie and his beautiful, wonderful children and our grandchildren. We are a family of love.
Life is good. Life is great.