Vic has left home for the last time…


My beautiful Vic sleeping peacefully 10.1.2013.
My beautiful Vic sleeping peacefully 10.1.2013.

For a long time after Vic had breathed her last breath I lay next to her.  I touched her face and hugged her close to me.  Something I could not do in life as I may have fractured a bone or two.  Everybody left me alone with Vic.  I was so grateful for that precious time with my angel child.

I washed Vic and dressed her in her favourite pyjamas.  It was so difficult trying to dress her limp body.  Although I knew it did not matter anymore I was scared I would hurt her.  Years of conditioning I suppose.  I was shocked to see that a large part of her body had already discoloured.  Her right hand shoulder, her back and the top of her legs were black and blue.  When I washed her little body at 7am that morning, a mere 3.5 hours earlier, only her little toes had started discolouring… Her back was still so warm from the fever that had racked her body.  Her hands, feet and face were cold to the touch. 

I brushed her beautiful hair. 

Then I realised that the boys could not come home until Vic had been “removed”.  I phoned Siza to pronounce Vic and the undertakers and requested that they send their people to come and fetch my child.  I lay with her for a further 30 minutes.  I held her tight and cried for her.  I just wanted to die.

Siza, arrived…. She was so matter of fact about Vic’s passing.  She put cotton wool in my child’s mouth because Vic’s jaw had relaxed!  I wish I never saw that!

Just before 1pm the undertakers arrived.  I was torn.  I did not want her to go but I could see that her beautiful soul had left her body.  It was no longer my beautiful baby girl who lay in that bed.  In death Vic looked like a stranger… yet I felt that if Vic left that room she would forever be gone.  Strange…..

The undertakers walked into Vic’s room.  They were so smartly dressed in dark suits, white shirts and red ties. 

They hugged me and said “When you are ready… We can wait”.

I remember thinking “I look so ugly when I cry.  These strangers can see me cry!”.  I nodded and they wheeled in a gurney type “bed”.

They meticulously folded up the outer cover to reveal a plastic sheet.   They lowered the gurney to the same level as Vic’s bed and took her from my arms…

Someone said “Be careful.  She breaks bones easily…”

They lay Vic on this horrible plastic sheet and covered her in it.  I wanted to die.  I still want to die just thinking of it.  My beautiful baby girl, who only deserved Egyptian cotton, wrapped in hard plastic!!  They quickly replaced the cover and zipped it close.  I think my sobs were driving them mad.

Vic looked so tiny on that darn gurney!  Tiny and dead!!

Minutes after one my baby girl left home for the last time.  Never again would she grace us with her presence.  Never again would she shuffle down the passage, never again would we hear her laughter or her cries of pain.

Vic left home – forever.

Published by

tersiaburger

I am a sixty plenty wife, mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

153 thoughts on “Vic has left home for the last time…”

  1. Pingback: Rose of Kindness Award | Looking for reasoning to a complicated world

    1. I was so saddened by your post on domestic abuse. No-one should ever be exposed to domestic violence. Thank you for you kind words and visit Barbara.

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  3. Dear Tersia,
    I am sorry for your loss of your child, no parent should have to go through that level of grief, however her errand here on earth came to a conclusion and our Father needed her at Home. A mutual friend of ours sent me by and I’m glad that they did. I have shoulders that can hold up the world if you ever need them. You are in my prayers.

    Father Eddie +

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  4. Pingback: The Rose of Kindness Award « Bishop Eddie Tatro's Study
  5. Pingback: Rose Of Kindness Award | The Long Road From Still Birth And Miscarriages. A "Struggle to Conceive"

    1. Shaun and Dawn – I cried. Thank you so much for keeping Vic’s journey alive! Thank you for caring. Vic would have loved you! Thank you so much!!!

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      1. Our pleasure. Dawn helped me with this. So it from us both. And I hope they were happy tears because Vic loves it.. x

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  7. I just wanted to let you know you are in my heart and mind. I wish gentle healing for your entire family and much peace. May you know that Vic is at peace. Hugs, Barbara

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  8. A surreal out of body experience the mind processes over years, because to take it all in at once, the dreadful ending to your child’s life, I think our hearts would implode.

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  10. I have only now discovered your sensitive blog. I cannot imagine the pain you felt that day, and in the days since. I hope you take comfort in having been there to support Vicky, and especially, to hold her during her last moments. There is nothing I can say to ease your pain, but know I send you thoughts of peace.

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    1. Vic was a blessing and radiated good. All dead people become saints but Vic was truly born one. A primary school teacher once said Vic was too good for this earth. Thank you for the visit! Your blog is truly spectacular.

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  13. Pingback: Sometimes the best people leave us first | Free psychology
  14. Pingback: The sound of angel wings | Mirrorgirl: My life as a psychologist

  15. It is interesting how we know in our heart after a loved one dies that they are not there any more. So since we know that and their bodies are still in front of us that is how I know we go on and on and on. Back into the vast well of consciousness waiting to be incarnated again into something new. Because as Einstein put it “Energy can only change once it is created.” Hugs as you journey through your grief. xoxoxoxo :~)

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    1. Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. Have you read Journey of Souls? It is an amazing book that advocates your sentiments. I have seen the soul leave the body everytime I witnessed a death. It is actually an amazing experience. It does not reduce my longing for my child. I love your blog – it truly is a “feel good” blog!

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  17. Tersia, I am so sorry for your loss, but what a beautiful tribute you’ve posted to your lovely and exceptionally gifted daughter, Vic. As one who knows the grief and suffering that losing a much loved child occasions, I can empathize completely with your sorrow, and I wish you well as you work through this difficult period of transition. And finally, thank you so much for the kind comments you left at my blog regarding the recent death of my son, Dillon. That was so generous of you. Best regards, Jack

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  18. Pingback: The sound of waking up | Mirrorgirl

  19. Tersia, I read this through my tears. I hit the “like” button although, I did not LIKE what you had to go through but you wrote from your broken grieving heart and it was so very touching. NO!!! I don’t like what you had to see, either. They should not have allowed that. I believe your sweet angelic child is perfect and pain free. I pray you have peace and strength to endure. Much love dear friend.

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  20. Dear Friend:

    I have nominated you for Special Awards that you truly deserve. These are unconditional awards, and to receive these you don’t have to do any additional work. You have already done a great job of offering your great support, camaraderie, and positive feedbacks to the posts by yours truly, and this recognition signifies my appreciation of your kind support.

    Please visit the link below for additional details.
    http://dshenai.wordpress.com/2013/09/30/nominating-10-awards-to-16-superb-bloggers-to-celebrate-super-september-of-16000-visitors/

    Congratulations and Namaste.
    =Deo

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  21. I know it’s been a while already, but as a mother who also lost a child it does not matter. We think about them every single day. Your compassion for your daughter is amazing. Your Tribute everlasting. I too had to “see” my son in a way that i never wish on any parent who has to endure this pain. They took me into the Autopsy room where unbeknown to the porter they had already started. and that sight is the most Vivid image in my mind. Over and over.
    Sending you lots of Love and blessings.

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    1. What a horrible experience!! I am so sorry you were subjected to it! It is so traumatic losing a child – to still witness what you did is absolutely unthinkable! A dear friend of mine found his son after the son had committed suicide. The image was so vivid in his mind that he carried a photo of his son in his pocket. Every time the horrible image of his son entered his mind he took out the happy photo. Thank you for visiting and taking time to comment. Good luck with your journey. I have commented on your blog. I pray that you will have the courage to leave.

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  24. What a journey you have undertaken Barbara… what a wonderful loving life… despite the vic’s illness… I feel deeply for your loss… She is at peace and I hope you are too… May you find the strength to live now and enjoy your family with vic forever in your heart… thank you for sharing, you are very brave… Barbara (I found you through shaun..)

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    1. I am at peace that Vic’s suffering is over. I miss her dreadfully! More than I ever anticipated. Thank you for popping in and gentle wishes. Shaun is a dear and special friend.

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  26. Pingback: In Memory of Vicky Bruce for my friend Tersia | Looking for reasoning to a complicated world
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  29. Tersia, It is a wonderful and heart breaking story of your last moments with Vic, thank you for sharing them with me. Please take care, Bill

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  30. Precious one, my heart knows your pain; the journey that you are on is one that only those who have lost a child can understand. There age does not matter, it is still you “baby”! I send hugs and know that is does come to visit and you are right we must treasure those we love because we do not know the hour they may no longer be with us. Ann

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  31. Words can barely begin to describe what I feel for your loss ….. have to leave it at that.
    Know that your are thought about ….. Sending good energy your way.
    Glad to have connected with you
    From the heart …….

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  33. Having been brought up in a Presbyterian household and getting taken to church every Sunday, I enclose some words of comfort you or anyone else suffering through death of a loved one:

    “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26 and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?””

    John 11:25-26 (New International Version)

    He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

    Revelation 21:4 (New International Version)

    God knows the exact time of your birth and death. You cannot change this, but it is good to know that you will be reunited in the future by your own death or at the Second Coming of Christ, whichever comes first.

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  38. At first I was filled with remorse and tried to comment through my tears but then I am reminded of how courageous you truly are and after reading the comments here I am further reminded of the power within of every woman. Please accept my deepest sympathy and prayers. Thank you for visiting, reading and leaving such a positive comment on my blog :) You are braver than you know whilst giving so many other mothers out there and here, a strengthened heart. ❤ ♡ ❤

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  40. The death of a child must be the most agonizing pain of all. I’m so sad for your loss, but am inspired by your gentle and sweet tribute here.

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