Never gone away…

I have received countless beautiful messages of encouragement, love, compassion and caring on my blog.   Vic read my blog every day.  The last couple of blogs I deleted because even I could read the despair in my words.  Vic was in emotional anguish.  She kept saying “Mommy, I don’t want to die””  or “Mommy, I am so scared”.  She would wake up and cry with fear…

I have not replied to all the messages, but will systematically work my way through it.  I did read the messages of encouragement and support to Vic.  Right up until the end….  Vic loved the support we received.

It may come as a shock, but I am actually a very private person and allow very few people close to me.   Through my blog people have come close to me, reached out and touched my hand and heart and I thank you for it!  Vic often said she wanted to write and thank you all for your love and support.  Sadly she never got to do it.

Over the past 8 months I have laughed and cried with you as you have laughed and cried with me.  Some of you have written Vic beautiful poems and others have dedicated songs.  

Thank you so much for your loving concern.  For allowing us to enter your lives; for your encouragement and support.  I shall continue to blog our survival journey.

Judy Unger  http://myjourneysinsight.com/2013/01/28/never-gone-away/ has on a regular basis written me encouraging emails and shared her beautiful songs with us.  I would like to share this special lady’s one email with you.

Jan 22, 2013

Hi Tersia,

 I am continuing to write to you. You have entered the awful hole. You are now a member of the bereaved mother’s club. No one wants to join this club.

I read your post. The numbness is very bizarre. What purpose is there left to living – where did she go? I remember it all.

I continue to compose and sing. I was stunned when I wrote and recorded my new song “Angel in the Sky” just two weeks ago. Never has such a beautiful song come out of the sky to bless me. It is many years along for me – so I can sing about my angel with sweetness and without pain. I dream of when that time will come for you. For now, close your eyes and think of Angelic Vicky holding you tight.”

This is Judy’s latest song that she dedicated to her son who died 18 years ago.  It is crystal clear that 18 years down the line Judy still mourns her son…  I know in another 18 years I will still be mourning my baby girl’s passing.   Thank you dear Judy for sharing your beautiful song with us.

 

NEVER GONE AWAY

Copyright 2011 by Judy Unger

 

I know that soon you will leave me

how will I ever say goodbye?

there’s so much you’ve left me

I’ll try hard not to cry

and when you’ve left you’ll still be with me

in all the songs I’ll long to play

every time I see a smile

you’ll have never gone away

 

It always seems to me, that whenever I was down

your hand was the one holding mine

but your fingers I’ll let go of now; how I long to hold on

you’ll touch so many others when you’re gone

 

I know that soon you will leave me

how will I ever say goodbye?

there’s so much you’ve left me

I’ll try hard not to cry

when you’ve left you’ll still be with me

in all the songs I’ll long to play

every time I see a smile

you’ll have never gone away

 

Sometimes I will stop and wonder

you’ll know what I am feeling

I’ll hear your laughter in my mind

I’ll remember all our special moments

They’ll run by with a tear

You’ll leave, but in my heart, you’re still here

 

And I know that soon you will leave me

how will I ever say goodbye?

there’s so much you’ve left me

I’ll try hard not to cry

when you’ve left you’ll still be with me

in all the songs I’ll long to play

every time I see a smile

you’ll have never gone away

you’ll have never gone away

http://myjourneysinsight.com/2013/01/28/never-gone-away/

–

Jan. 23, 2013

Hi Tersia,

 Tersia, what can I say? I read your post. It is unbearable. There are no words. I think every bereaved parent suffers the helplessness of being unable to save his or her baby. Vic is your baby. The horror of her ending will eventually fade, but your opera has begun.

The amputation of a soul – there are no words for it. You will emerge from the fog, you will get through this – and you have already been through so much already. You had goodbyes – something that many bereaved parents long for. But with the goodbyes came god-awful suffering and trauma. How can you let go of that?

I think of the lyrics from my “Angel” song – “My lovely light – just not in sight.” Vic will always light your way now. She is not in sight – but that doesn’t mean she isn’t with you.

I know Vic is with me.  I still smell her, sense her presence and find notes of love everywhere.  Vic will always be the light of my life.  I love and miss you Angel Child!!!