This was my song for Vic. I played it for her all the time. We spoke about the words and the meaning of the words.
Today it is 21 weeks since I have been able to touch my child, hold her, brush her hair. I know that she is around me, but I feel so alone without her. Vic was my dearest friend, my companion, my daughter, my soul mate.
Yes, Vic is in my heart. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think of her, miss her…. But I really want her to be with me. When will this pain end? When will I come to terms with the fact that I am alone now.
Yes, I know I am surrounded by people who love me…I know they are worried about me… But nobody can fill the void that Vic’s death has left.
I feel alone even when I am surrounded by lots of people, family….
Nothing in the world could have prepared me for this thing called “grief”. This devastating sorrow.
This weekend I will work in the garden and start preparing Vic’s Angel Garden. I don’t want my child in a friggin garden – I want her in my home. I want her sneaking up behind me and kissing me on the cheek. I want to hear her voice saying “I love you Mommy”. I want to tell her how much I love her.
I want to hear her talking to her boys. Telling them she loves them the “mostest in the world”; reminding them to brush their teeth
I don’t want to feel this sorrow and pain. I want to be happy again.