486 days; 1 year, 4 months; 69 weeks….
Oh dear God, will this pain never stop? Will my heart ever heal? Will I ever be able to look at a photograph without tears welling up in my eyes? No matter where I am or who I am with – I miss my precious Angel Child.
I know your pain is over. Remember the night you crawled into bed with me and I told you that I looked forward to your pain being over? Did you know that night how many tears I would shed for you? Did you know that my life would change forever?
Yes, I know you did. Your words echo through my mind…”Mommy, I am so worried about you. How will you cope when I am gone?”
My stock standard reply was “I will cope baby. I will remember your pain and be glad that it is over”. How stupid of me.
As time goes by I forget how sick you were my precious little one.
Then I look through my photos. I see your pain. I see death in your beautiful eyes.
You knew how hard it would be. In your infinite wisdom you tried to prepare me. You tried to prepare the boys… Sweetie, nobody or nothing in the world could have prepared me for the pain, the loneliness, the void…
Sometimes I wonder how many days it will be until we meet again. I pray it is soon. This is just too hard.