Beautiful Blogger Award


A very gifted young lady has honored me by awarding me the Beautiful Blogger Award.  Not only did she honor me in this manner but she also wrote some really flattering things about my blog.  Pat is a very gifted and published writer and this truly makes this award so special!   Pat also paints silks and makes beautiful handmade gifts.  Please check this out and join me as being one of Pat’s loyal blog-followers/ fans.  http://patwoodblogging.wordpress.com/pats-pop-up-shop-october-2012/

Pat thank you for this award.  Thank you for all your heartfelt comments and loyal following of my blog.

You are truly a Beautiful Blogger.

Seven things about myself:

  1. I am a frustrated amateur photographer
  2. I used to gamble
  3. I love watching TV
  4. I think that cooking is a labor of love….
  5. I bake a mean Christmas Cake that comes with an age restriction
  6. I only learnt to cook in my 30’s and bake in my 40’s
  7. I drink at least 20 cups of tea a day

Now here is where I get to nominate other people:

I suggest you check out:

  1. http://jesussavingmefromme.wordpress.com
  2. http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/
  3. http://throughthehealinglens.com/
  4. http://writerightmel.wordpress.com/
  5. http://jmgoyder.com/
  6. http://picturesofsilverbyjanice.wordpress.com/category/sculptures-silver-art-jewelry/
  7. http://valeriedavies.com/
  8. http://rachturner.wordpress.com/
  9. http://whatcherylsaid.wordpress.com/
  10. http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com/
  11. http://ourlonggoodbye.wordpress.com/

I do hope you will go and take a look at them. They really deserve their awards and your visit.

Thank you again Pat for your kind nomination. I will do my best to be a Beautiful Blogger!

http://patwoodblogging.wordpress.com/

Vic’s poem


Aarthi Raghavan, http://sickocean.wordpress.com, http://mysticparables.wordpress.com, a very talented poet, whose work I enjoy immensely, has written a beautiful poem and dedicated it to Vic and I.  We are so honored and blessed with the gift of your words and your heart!   Thank you so much Aarthi!

the love you share
the words that say you care
those moments between you and your daughter
those drops of peace and happiness and joy
save them like drops of pearls
save them like diamonds rare
that is a form of unending love
that gives and gives and never expects
be there like a rock for your child
and i am sure she would win and survive
our world is one of miracles too
our world is an oasis rarities
and your child too shall her courage prove
just be there with a smile always
give her the courage to stand taller than before
she shall overcome her struggles soon
prove all wrong and herself right
she must win and win this time
make sure you are there to know
witness her strength, her wars, her fight
love can kill the worst of fears and
happiness shall soon return
changing the way she views her life…

with love and regards…

Dedicated to Vic and her wonderful Mom. :)

http://sickocean.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/to-vic-and-her-wonderful-mom/

http://mysticparables.wordpress.com

And Hospice says “Go!”


 

Image

South Africa is advertised as “Sunny South Africa” with beautiful white shores and blue skies.  Barbeque is our national pastime.  Today is an overcast day.  It is as if Mother Nature is preparing me for England’s grey skies, drizzling cold and wet weather.

By now I assume everyone has concluded that I got the go-ahead from Hospice to travel!

I am hopping, skipping and jumping with excitement.  I cannot wait to see my UK babies.  Not only see them but hug, kiss and hold them.

Vic is insisting that I go.  We are both fearful but I also realise that I desperately need a break.  There is never a perfect time.  Vic is very swollen and not well at the moment.  She is partially obstructed but we will clear it by Thursday.  The Hospice Sister will pop in every day to evaluate and monitor her and report back to me.

In the words of the Hospice Sister Ceza:  “Things are slowly going downhill.  Go now.  You need your strength for what lies ahead”.

Timing, as always, is an issue.  Vic is well enough for me to travel but on Monday it is little Yuri (youngest grandson’s) school concert, Simone (2nd eldest granddaughter) birthday and Lani’s (2nd eldest stepdaughter) 40th birthday in the week that I will be away.  I have still not seen Liza and Adrian…. On the other hand I will get to see the girls “trick or treat”, Chloe is on a week’s school holidays and I will watch the extravagant Guy Fawkes fireworks displays and bonfires being lit… I feel so selfish and caught between two fires.

I am scared for Vic, worried about the boys, guilty for Yuri, Simone and Lani and excited as can be about seeing Danie, Michaela and the girls.    On the one hand I feel so selfish.  On the other hand I realise that I need a break.  It has been a year out of hell!  On a daily basis the demands on me are increasing.  It sounds as if I am having a pity party and/or trying to justify my decision to go to the UK….Yes I am!

The Hospice Nurse will start on Wednesday evening.  I must shop for groceries and ensure all meds are in stock.  I must write up a medication schedule for the nurse….

Got to run!  Lots to do!  I will make it up to everyone….I hope!

I will only be 14 hours away from Vic….

 

Tears are sacred…


There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.  They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”

Washington Irving

 

Vic’s Roller Coaster….


 

 The Voyage
Located at Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana, this roller coaster is a wooden hybrid consisting of a steel structure and wood tract. The lift goes up 163 feet, before falling 154 feet, then up and down 107 feet, and once more up and down 100 feet. Not only that, it goes through five tunnels, and it is the second longest wooden roller coaster in the world with a run of 6,442 feet. The top speed for the roller coaster is 67.4 miles per hour, third fastest in the world among wooden roller coasters. If the drops and trips through the tunnels was not enough to make you cringe, there are three 90-degree bank turns. http://roadtickle.com/worlds-scariest-roller-coasters

The life of someone who is chronically ill can be equated to being on a roller coaster ride.  Physically (and emotionally), you can be up and hopeful one minute and down and despairing the very next. The illness inevitably takes unexpected and unpredictable turns. One disease can dispose you to or give rise to another. Cortisone suppresses the immune system and is used to treat inflammation.  Cortisone weakens Vic’s bones further and has resulted in her developing Addison’s….This is frightening.

Every chemical that enters your body has a side effect.  Correct and adequate pain control, a healthy diet, balanced lifestyle is needed to minimize the effect of the illness on your daily life.  Living with illness affects every part of your life and every significant relationship you have.

There have been times in the past couple of months that all Vic can do is lie in bed and breathe.  Completing simple tasks is a cause for celebration….if Vic is able to get out of bed, showers and put on clothes, all in the same day, it is a major achievement.  There have been days (few and very far in-between) that she has been well enough to pick up the boys from school, take them for a milkshake.  She attended Jared’s confirmation and Jon-Daniel’s prize giving… We are so grateful for the good days!

Vic is going through a grieving stage where she (once again) is experiencing profound grief for the life that she had known and which has been lost forever. Vic is feeling lost and confused.  She is on the down ride hurdling to who knows what stage of her journey.

Vic is so sad that she is unable to actively participate in her children’s lives.  Most friends have stopped calling. Her sense of identity is blurred. She has been reduced from being a wife and mother to “a child”.

Danie and I planned to go to dinner on Friday night.  Vic was not well so we decided we would go on Saturday.  On Saturday Vic had another lousy day.  She fluctuated between being confused and weepy.  She was up and down like a little jack in the box.  By Saturday night she was asleep on her feet.  The intestinal cramping kept her awake.  She was weeping from pain and frustration.

Last night Vic cried “Mommy, I am such a burden.  You don’t have a life because of me.”

“Sweetie you are not a burden.”

“I am” Vic sobbed.  ”You can’t even go to dinner with your husband because you don’t want to leave me alone.”

“Sweetie, it was our choice to stay home”  I said

“But I have ruined your life” Vic cried….

Jared spent the weekend with a friend.  The child never goes out.  The two of us are too scared to leave.  I suppose we have become overprotective control freaks.

I have come to realize that I must take a break. It is not only for my own sanity but for Vic and Jared’s sake’s too.  My protective behavior is a bad example to Jared and is causing Vic distress.  My entire family is concerned that I will “crack” under the pressure.

I hope to fly to England for just over a week to spend some time with my UK children.  I have so much to arrange.  I must sort out the toy cupboard in the girls’ bedroom to make space for a nurse; I must appoint a nurse; get adequate medication in; get Hospice to okay the trip; buy groceries to see the family through and cook a couple of emergency frozen meals..

Vic’s symptoms wax and wane on this roller coaster ride of hers. Her illness is slowly depleting her energy reserve. A cold or infection can overwhelm her ability to fight it and her overall health and functioning can change dramatically – very suddenly. There will come the day that we will not be able to clear the partial obstruction or to contain the infection…..

I hope that it will not happen whilst I am away.

 

When A Daughter Cries


http://halfmanhalfgreek.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/sad-woman.jpg

when a mother cries
her tears stab at her daughter’s heart
as they plummet to the floor

when a mother cries
he daughter cries too
because her heroine is wounded and she doesn’t know how or why
she cries because she cannot rid her mother of the pain
she cries most of all because she loves her mother

when a daughter cries because her mother cries,
her mother cries more
because her weakness has hurt her child
she cries because it hurts to know she’s the cause of her daughter’s tears.
she cries most of all because she loves her daughter

once the tears have ceased however
love remains
the love forever shared between a mother and her daughter

Portia Lane http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-daughter-cries/