Vic embraces life 23.6.2012


Today is a glorious, wonderful day!!  Vic seems better and even walked down the passage to my TV Lounge and then she made us tea!!

I say “seems” because she is ill.  By her own admission today, she is ill but she has decided to “live a bit”.  And she is sick and tired of people telling her what to do… She concedes that we all mean it well but……

This child of mine is so stubborn!!  She truly does not know the meaning of giving up.  The one minute she is contemplating death and the next she is worried about who will inherit the dinner service when I die!    In a moment of anger Colin once said “Vic is too spiteful to die” – I don’t think she is a spiteful person but hard-headed – now that is another story.  This is one stubborn lady!

A while ago, in the early hours of the morning, I started a PowerPoint Presentation on “What makes her strong” I will share this with you…

What makes her strong?

Her Heritage

 Image

Vic, My Dad, My Mom, Jared and I

Vic comes from a long line of stubborn Vikings.  Vic’s maternal grandmother was an amazing person.  She too was ill most of her life.  From her sickbed she “controlled” our family – as Vic now does.  My Mom certainly kept the family together.  Her immediate family was everything to her!  We only truly realized and came to appreciate her strength after her passing.  

My Dad was a wonderful caregiver and provider.  A man of great wisdom who until the last two weeks of his life fought Alzheimer’s with every fibre of his body, mind and soul.  He was a true gentleman who never let on that he did not know who you were.  Once, when he was hospitalized, I went to fetch him on his discharge.  When he saw me he exclaimed “My goodness, how wonderful to see you!  Imagine bumping into you here of all places…”  Dad lived with us…

This is Vic’s maternal heritage. ..Brave, strong people who do not know how to give up. 

Tienie, Vic’s biological dad, was an amazing person.  He lived life to the fullest – every single second of it!!  He did not ever want to grow old.  He wanted to die young.  He died young… He died living!  He hated sleeping.  Considered it a waste of time.  He was generous even in death.  He was an organ donor.

Image

 Vic and her father on her first day of school!

Tienie and I separated when Vic was very young.  He could not accept the fact that the Osteogenesis gene was passed from his bloodline to Vic.  Vic’s paternal grandfather died from OI at the age of 35.  All the other paternal grandchildren are unaffected.  The only affected family member is Vic and now I believe Jared.   The curse of Osteogenesis lives on in my beautiful, innocent grandson!

Vic comes from a long line of people who lived.  It must be so hard for Vic to be trapped in a body that barely allows her to breath.  Imagine a life of pain with absolutely no prospect of recovery…

Vic is the greatest warrior of all!!   Living in the shadow of death has truly made Vic embrace life whilst she is still alive.  She grabs the good seconds, she does not wait for good minutes… She knows that her fragile health is a ticking timebomb…

Vic embraces life 23.6.2012


Today is a glorious, wonderful day!!  Vic seems better and even walked down the passage to my TV Lounge and then she made us tea!!

I say “seems” because she is ill.  By her own admission today, she is ill but she has decided to “live a bit”.  And she is sick and tired of people telling her what to do… She concedes that we all mean it well but……

This child of mine is so stubborn!!  She truly does not know the meaning of giving up.  The one minute she is contemplating death and the next she is worried about who will inherit the dinner service when I die!    In a moment of anger Colin once said “Vic is too spiteful to die” – I don’t think she is a spiteful person but hard-headed – now that is another story.  This is one stubborn lady!

A while ago, in the early hours of the morning, I started a PowerPoint Presentation on “What makes her strong” I will share this with you…

What makes her strong?

Her Heritage

 Image

Vic, My Dad, My Mom, Jared and I

Vic comes from a long line of stubborn Vikings.  Vic’s maternal grandmother was an amazing person.  She too was ill most of her life.  From her sickbed she “controlled” our family – as Vic now does.  My Mom certainly kept the family together.  Her immediate family was everything to her!  We only truly realized and came to appreciate her strength after her passing.  

My Dad was a wonderful caregiver and provider.  A man of great wisdom who until the last two weeks of his life fought Alzheimer’s with every fibre of his body, mind and soul.  He was a true gentleman who never let on that he did not know who you were.  Once, when he was hospitalized, I went to fetch him on his discharge.  When he saw me he exclaimed “My goodness, how wonderful to see you!  Imagine bumping into you here of all places…”  Dad lived with us…

This is Vic’s maternal heritage. ..Brave, strong people who do not know how to give up. 

Tienie, Vic’s biological dad, was an amazing person.  He lived life to the fullest – every single second of it!!  He did not ever want to grow old.  He wanted to die young.  He died young… He died living!  He hated sleeping.  Considered it a waste of time.  He was generous even in death.  He was an organ donor.

Image

 Vic and her father on her first day of school!

Tienie and I separated when Vic was very young.  He could not accept the fact that the Osteogenesis gene was passed from his bloodline to Vic.  Vic’s paternal grandfather died from OI at the age of 35.  All the other paternal grandchildren are unaffected.  The only affected family member is Vic and now I believe Jared.   The curse of Osteogenesis lives on in my beautiful, innocent grandson!

Vic comes from a long line of people who lived.  It must be so hard for Vic to be trapped in a body that barely allows her to breath.  Imagine a life of pain with absolutely no prospect of recovery…

Vic is the greatest warrior of all!!   Living in the shadow of death has truly made Vic embrace life whilst she is still alive.  She grabs the good seconds, she does not wait for good minutes… She knows that her fragile health is a ticking timebomb…

May God have mercy of your soul… 30.5.2012


I started this blog because I don’t trust myself to talk.  If I start crying I may not stop.  Actually I don’t have too many people to talk to.  For the past 10 years we have been waiting for Vic to die.  Initially, I think,  people believe, that holding a dying person’s hand in the final hours is  “romantic” but then the person doesn’t die…and the world moves along.  People carry on with their own lives.  That is just the way it is.  People battle to handle the emotion, the waiting, the suffering.  And it is okay for them to move on.

It is not only other peoples fault’s.  I don’t have time to visit, go for coffee, phone…  It is a constant juggle between Vic, the boys, work, hospital, pain clinic, family.  Many of my old friends must think I deserted them.  Maybe I have but time in every which way has deserted me.

I have been moved by old friends and acquaintances sending me messages of support.  Thank you all.  I had no idea that people would actually read my blog.

Earlier today I read an blog written by Michael Wolff, a writer,  where he beautifully articulates this dreadful struggle to die. He writes about witnessing a loved one’s inexorably slow, modern-medicine-propped decline and suffering that endlessly stops short of death. It is so true.  I cried. http://www.caring.com/blogs/fyi-daily/the-long-long-too-long-goodbye

Good news!  Prof Froehlich phoned yesterday and said that Vic and her situation has haunted her.  She will do an experimental “procedure” on Vic next week.  Monday to Friday Vic will go to theatre for 5 hours a day for a Ketamine/Lithium/something else infusion.  Hopefully it will erase the “pain memory bank” and her body will lose some of its opiate resistance.  That will be so merciful!!  Vic takes 400mg of morphine, in tablet form, twice a day.  She also takes Stilpayne, Panado, Degrenol, Neurontin, Buscopan, cortisone twice a day with 25ml morphine syrup every 4 hours for breakthrough pain.  The meds is not what is causing her sleeping.

Vic sleeps 95% of the time.  When she is awake it is to whimper or vomit.

Jared has started to display symptoms of severe stress.  His school marks are dropping and he doesn’t sleep.  Like me, he is awake every couple of hours to check on his Mom.  Jon-Daniel doesn’t talk.  He just carries on.  I worry about him – how will he handle The Day, when it comes?

In the movies the Judge says, when handing down the death sentence: “May God have Mercy on your soul” – I pray that God will have Mercy on our souls.  Especially on Vic and the Boys souls…