A night out of hell


Vic had a night out of hell!  The nausea was vicious and unrelenting.  Pain reduced Vic to a whimpering bundle of human flesh.

Vic’s palliative Care physician, Dr Sue, visited Vic this morning.  I think she was a little taken aback by Vic’s condition.

Sue is an amazing person.  She was so gentle with Vic.  Vic’s heart rate is fast and her blood pressure is 101/58.  Vic has a bronchial infection, her liver is taking severe strain and the sepsis has flared up – badly.  Her oxygen saturation levels are low – 90%.

Sue gently explained that although Vic is running a fever her body’s “warning systems” have started shutting down….. Vic is very warm to the touch yet the thermometer only reflects a temperature of 36.8⁰.

I asked her what I was doing wrong because sometimes, when I inject Vic and withdraw the needle, blood and/or the injection fluid spews out!  Sue explained that it because Vic’s collagen is so poor…. In layman’s terms; the flesh does not “seal” when I extract the needle….  That is why the subcutaneous syringe driver did not work and blood and whatever else spews out.

Vic is such as gentle, beautiful, caring human being.  Last night when I gave her an additional morphine injection, in desperation, she said “Mommy, what do poor people do who have no access to pain medication?

As a layman with access to Google I Googled “low oxygen saturation” and nearly had a heart attack of my own.

Basically, a saturation of 97% of the total amount of hemoglobin in the body is filled with oxygen molecules. A range of 96% to 100% is generally considered normal. Anything below 90% could quickly lead to life-threatening complications. The margin between “healthy” saturation levels (95-98%) and respiratory failure (usually 85-90%) is narrow. If oxyhemoglobin is low (below 90%) inadequate amounts of oxygen will reach body cells!

As a rule of thumb, respiratory failure usually occurs when saturation (SpO2) falls to 90%, although some patients with chronic respiratory disease may tolerate lower saturations. http://www.favoriteplus.com/oxygen-saturation.php

Every time your blood oxygen level falls below 92% saturation your body suffers drastic consequences Insufficient oxygen level is an immediately life threatening issue. http://www.heartfailuresolutions.com/34/oxygen/low-oxygen-levels-how-low-is-too-low-and-should-you-worry

By tomorrow afternoon we should start getting the results in from the blood tests and blood gases.  In the interim Sue has increased the amount of intravenous anti-nausea medication as well as the pain medication.  Dr Sue will make a call tomorrow whether Vic should go onto oxygen or not.

We have cancelled all our vacation plans.  We desperately wanted to take the boys away for a couple of days to give them a break, but it is not possible.  We will have the best Christmas ever.  A Christmas filled with love and togetherness….  Maybe our last.

 

 

 

 

19 thoughts on “A night out of hell

  1. I hold my breath when I read your posts. This is torture for you, Vic, the boys, everyone. I so admire your courage to share this and please know how much you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers – oh this is terrible Tersia. Juliexxx

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  2. My heart is with you all. you, and Vic and her beautiful boys.
    we are waiting for X-rays and an appointment with the pain clinic in my life!
    Your courage and awareness are so inspiring. love V

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      1. Dear Tersia,
        I don’t have anything like the challenges that you face so gallantly every day.
        Thank you for your undeserved comment! But I’m not brave, I just take what comes, trying to remember that “all is well and all is well and all manner of things are well”.
        When I accept and don’t resist, I find strength and peace of mind… so – I’m not brave! just living in the moment!
        Thinking of you all, with such admiration for your conscious living, and loving courage, Valerie

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  3. My God Tersiia. I was instantly taken back to my mom who had stage 4 lung cancer that we were aware of just 2.5 months after diagnosis.I know the fear of the low oy2 count. I do know the fear of the oy2 therapy. What I did not know is the long lasting journey that you & Vic know.

    Every post you share and I read I am left with this love for you both that seems to wash away all those things in life that matter not one bit. I have stopped sweating ALL the small stuff. There is something so loving & giving in your sharing with us, but more importantly Vic’s children are always going to have this. your journal of their mom’s life. I cannot think of a more loving, tender and generous thing for a mother and grandmother to do. my prayers and wishes are that this cathartic in a good way for you.

    Although I am still behind in reading posts I have devoted m, myself to missing one of yours. Just may put me behind in commenting and I am wondering and hoping this does not cause you more pain having to come back to a memory of a few days ago. You tell me if so because I will understand and honor your wishes.

    My gentle hugs to you both, Please give my love too. ~ BB
    p.s. you will forgive me please..I cannot hit the like button on your posts.

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  4. Dearest BB, you are such a gentle, caring and compassionate person. I can feel your love and caring when I read your comments. I think one of the greatest things that have come out of my blogging is your comment of “I have stopped sweating ALL the small stuff.” This is so wonderful! Thank you. Vic has touched so many lives! Please go ahead and read and comment at your own pace. I take great solace from my cyber friends comments and love. Thank you BB.

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    1. My Dear friend, You have choked me up with tears. You, who is going through so much have the sight to see beyond. I am humbled by your kind and generous words. I’d like you to know that any time you need a cyber-shoulder to lean on I would be honored if you chose me at times, or all the time. You can even email me, you have my permission.

      I am grateful Tersia for your words. I mean what I said that the small stuff is not on my plate anymore. If it arises I am able to just kick it to the curb with no further attention. You & Vic are enforcing this belief in myself every day Vic should know that all she allows to be shared is the most loving gift any human can give to another at this time when real wisdom’s surface..Its amazing to me that at a time when it would be allowed to let her withdraw she instead reaches out to her children, her mom, and via your blog even her words.

      Thank you so much for this message~ My love & gentle hugs to you both.

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