Messages from Heaven – 2


When I wrote my last blog, https://tersiaburger.com/2019/10/15/messages-from-heaven-1/ I realised that it would have to be a “series” of Messages from Heaven. So, here goes …Messages from Heaven – 2.   Again, this post should, however, have been the first.

Vic and I often spoke about life after death. We often, stoically, discussed ways of communicating after “the event”. We agreed that the bed and bathroom would be off-limits.

We both believed that there would be a way.

Vic often, as a Convent Girl, expressed her fear that her pain would not end with her death. I was responsible for administering huge amounts of drugs to her during the last months of her life. Whilst the medication was prescribed by a Palliative Care doctor, I was not a medical person and feared this part of caring for her. I dreaded sticking needles into my child’s little body. The medication took her pain away but did I kill her???

After Vic died I washed her little body and dressed her in her warmest pj’s. I put her warmest woolly socks on her feet.

I whispered “Vic, you have to give me a sign… You have to let me know that you are okay”

“Vic, you know Mommy is a blond. You have to give me a clear sign. A very clear sign”

After the Memorial Service, we carried Vic’s coffin to the hearse. It was heart-wrenching carrying our brave little warrior knowing that this is it….

The Minister quoted from Ecclesiastes 3:20  “…all are from the dust, and all return to dust.”  and in Ecclesiastes 12:7 the Bible said, “Then the dust will return to the earth as it was, And the spirit will return to God who gave it.”  

We said our finals goodbyes.  

We stood back and the undertaker secured the coffin with “coffin clasps”. He pressed a button and the rear door of the hearse slowly closed…and, opened. Very apologetically he resecured the clasps and again pressed the button to close the rear door. It slowly closed and…opened.

“Vic’s here. She is going nowhere” I said to nervous giggles of family and friends.

A very embarrassed undertaker apologised and again he fiddled with the coffin and the clasps. The third time he pushed the button the door closed.

Vic had sent me a message, loud and clear, she was okay!

To the Living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return;

To the angry, I was cheated.
But to the happy, I am at peace.
To the faithful, I have never left.
Talk to me, and I will hear,
your prayers, they comfort me,
your laughter makes me laugh,
but don’t weep for me as I have my reward,
I am with the Father and he will never let me perish,
The Lord comforts me and longs to comfort you.
So be happy my family and don’t despair,
I am in good hands, waiting for the day when
the Lord calls you to come home.

Anonymouscropped-dsc_0911-001.jpg Continue reading Messages from Heaven – 2

Messages from Heaven – 1


On the 24th of August, Vic’s eldest son married the love of his life.   The morning before the wedding, he stood talking on his cell phone when out of the blue a little white feather stuck to the screen of his phone… Vic communicates with us through feathers. This was his message from Heaven

Jared and the feather from Heaven

Planning a wedding where the bride is surrounded by loving parents whilst the groom had lost both parents is hard. Keeping the balance between remembering and hoping, missing and embracing is hard. Kirsten was sensitive to Jared’s feelings and I am grateful to her for this.

Jared did not want his parents absence to overwhelm the day but he wanted to honour his them. They decided on photographs in front of the Church

I was filled with sadness knowing how desperately Colin and Vicky would have wanted to be there. I know how desperately Jared wanted his parents at his wedding… Positioned to the left of the bridal couple, there was a table with three photographs.  There was a photograph of Colin, Jared’s dad.  The second photograph was of Vicky and was placed in the middle. The third photograph was of Kirsten’s grandfather. 

 

 

During the service, with a loud bang, Vic’s photograph fell over… I smiled and looked at my husband acknowledging Vic’s presence. The photographer picked up the photograph and positioned it properly. Five minutes later a huge bang… Vic’s photograph had fallen over…again. This time the photographer was busy snapping away and Kirsten’s one bridesmaid picked up the photograph and firmly positioned it on the table.

I KNEW Vic was there and making her presence known.

I was mesmerised by the photograph. In my mind, I said, “Vic, if you are here your photograph will fall over again…” The photograph started moving forward and fell over…

Vic was at her boy’s wedding.

The wedding was beautiful and filled with love, hope and tomorrows

Everyone remembered Vic and Colin in their speeches. Some tears fell but it was a day filled with tomorrow. The mother and son dance was heartbreaking. Jared and I cried. Vicky should have been there in her son’s arms dancing to I’ll be Around

https://youtu.be/CsY07KFALa

God speed Jared and Kirsten. We are so happy for you. It was a beautiful wedding and know that your guardian angels were there witnessing your vows and joy

 

Happy Birthday my Angel Child 31.8.1974 – 18.1.2013


Happy birthday my precious Angel Child.

I wonder whether you were excited about your birthday?  Do you still celebrate your birthdays or do you celebrate the day your pain and suffering ended?

I miss you so much, sweetheart.  Although I still cry for you almost every day I honor your legacy every single day of my life.  What a community changer you were…  Through your suffering, almost 1400 people have received love, dignity, and quality of life.

Would I rather have had a healthy child?  YES!!!!  But this was our destiny and out of our control.  Your suffering led us onto a path that we would not have chosen voluntarily.

So my little Angel, tonight we will have a dinner and talk about you the entire evening.  We will do your birthday eulogy as we did all the years you lived.  We will talk about your stoic bravery.  We will laugh about your idiosyncrasies, your inability to remember or tell a joke.  We will remember your ability to smile through your pain.  We will hear your voice saying “I am fine”.

We will cry for your empty seat at the table and the huge void in our hearts.

Someone asked me whether it ever gets any easier and I could only say “No”.

The pain has not gone away.  The pain will never go away.  The longing for another “tomorrow with you” will never go away…  Every morning is a stark reminder that another “tomorrow has broken”.

But Baby Girl, I looked at old photos of you tonight and the dreadful pain in your eyes was a harsh reminder of your suffering.  I am seldom not awake at 2 O Clock in the morning…injection time.  I am haunted by your whimpers of pain, your tears when you say “Help me, Mommy.  I cannot handle the pain anymore”.  My feelings of helplessness.

I was talking to someone yesterday (about you) and she said “I could never see my child in so much pain.  I would take him out.  I would not be able to handle it…”

Did I ever consider it?  You know I did.  You begged me to do it.  But in the dark of night, there was always a remote possibility that “tomorrow” would be better.  Sometimes it was.

But today is not about me and my grief.  Today is the reminder of the happiest day of my life – the day I held you in my arms for the first time.  Know, that I will always love you.  .

You will always be the highlight of my life – my greatest joy.  Know that I am at peace that your suffering is over.

But always know that I wish your life was different.

I hope and pray that you have found the peace that eternity is supposed to bring

Happy birthday my angel.

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Two years today


Our last coffee shop outing...
Our last coffee shop outing…

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My precious Angel Child

Two years ago I lay next to you listening to your laboured breathing. You lay motionless in your bed. Your hands and feet were ice-cold. Your body was burning up with fever. Daddy and I counting the seconds between your breaths. My hand on your little heart and my head next to yours.

I remember whispering how much I love you; that there was nothing to be scared of…I felt your heart beat getting weaker and weaker; your breathing becoming more shallow by the minute.
When your little heart stopped beating my heart broke into a million pieces. As your soul soared mine plummeted into a hell hole of grief and despair.

I knew that it would be hard but nothing in the world could have prepared me for the pain that followed. My heart aches for you and I would give anything to hold you one more time. To hear that mischievous giggle…

We miss you so much. Our family will never be the same again.

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Our Hearts Will Always Touch


Our Hearts Will Always Touch by Ranja Kujala (Changed)

When I laid there beside you,
Could you feel me there?
My arms were wrapped around you,
And I was stroking your hair.

I was talking about all the good times,
For me they were every single day.
I wanted you to feel love and comfort,
Be happy in some way.

I watched your every breath,
And prayed that each one wasn’t your last.
The time we got to share together,
Went by too quick…Too fast.

I wanted you to wake up,
Please Vic…Open your eyes.
Tell me this is a nightmare,
And not our goodbyes.

As your last breath grew closer,
We lay there peacefully together.
My heart continually breaking,
Because I wanted you forever.

Then there it was,
Your final breath of air.
I didn’t want to believe it,
It was so cruel and not fair.

I held your beautiful face,
And prayed you’d breath again.
I wasn’t ready for you to go,
I couldn’t admit that this was the end.

But then I realized that you were now in peace,
And not suffering anymore.
You were beginning the life of an Angel,
And your body would no longer be sore.

I held you close and squeezed you tight,
And tried to say goodbye.
I’ve lost my child and my number one best friend,
All my heart could do is cry.

I slowly got up,
I wanted so much to stay.
I leaned over and gave you one more kiss,
It was so hard to walk away.

Vic you were my entire world,
And I miss you so very much.
I wish I could feel your loveable cuddle,
And your soft and gentle touch.

But for now I have to wait,
Until we meet again.
You will always be in my heart and thoughts,
My precious child and best friend.

Always and Forever,
Our hearts will always touch.
Always and Forever,
Baby girl Mommy loves you so much

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/our-hearts-will-always-touch#ixzz3EphiuOal
Family Friend Poems

In memory of Vicky by Dennis McHale


Tonight I visited the blog of a brilliant blogger Dennis McHale who writes hauntingly beautiful poetry.  I read through a number of his poems, very aware of the man own personal pain, when I came across this tribute to Vic that Dennis posted on the 2nd of May 2013.  Reading it, I was as touched as I was then…  Thank you Dennis.

I hope that one day I will read happiness in your words.

MAY 2, 2013

In Memory of Vicky

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This poem is dedicated to my dear friend “tersiaburger”
In memory of her beloved daughter, Vicky.

——————————————————————-

You and I
are touched by one star.

Wherever you are
we stand together in one light
which no depth or height or distance
can ever dim.

Wherever you are
your light shines;
past time and space
past flesh to thought,
I feel your power.

Wherever you go
the day will dawn
and the star will appear;
for you are a child of this light
and it fosters your heavenly dreams.

In this light, I have found ways
to heal, to bind up,
to tear down the feeble structures
of fear of your absence has
carelessly constructed within me.

You and I
are touched by one star.

In its glowing embrace
we find our true selves;
we find our peace.

Today I may stand alone,

missing you with all my heart
be I stand strong.
Through the corridors of our courage
you have helped me to
discover those eternal lines
of love within myself;
my birthright discovered because

Vicky and I are
touched by one star.

http://dlmchale.com/2013/05/02/in-memory-of-vicky/

 

Wave Of Emotions ©Stacy Lynn Stiles


A tidal wave of emotions,
have sent my soul out to sea.
Crashing currents submersing,
what once was you and me.

Drifting afar distantly,
a glimpse of precious time.
While I held you close to me,
singing your favourite rhyme.

Rocking gently back and forth,
arms encircling you whole.
Lips pressed upon sweet innocence,
your cries I did console.

Praying the Lord may keep you;
wash your troubles away.
Hoping a bond forever remains,
the same tomorrow as today.

Splashing scents of adorable purity;
upon your mother’s face.
I draw you closer, your tiny being;
and even tighter I embrace.

Consumed with pure admiration,
at the woman you’ve became.
Beautiful imperfections,
your absence chastised me numb.

Although I know you had to,
spread those vast angelic wings.
I still can hear the laughter,
of a child’s heart that proudly sings.

These crashing, violent riptides;
will soon turn a peaceful wave.
Knowing the life I gave you,
is the life in me which you did save.

This current of my heart, is perfectly;
in synch with every beat.
A perfect bond between us;
without your love, I’m incomplete.

http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/tidal-wave-of-emotions
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