“Promise me Mommy…..”


ImageIt has been a long day.  Vic is in a drug induced sleep.  She looks so peaceful.  Vic is not anaesthetized – she wakes when she is thirsty or in pain.  She has only urinated once in 24 hours.  Her end is near.

Vic is looking angelically beautiful.  Her skin is blemish free and almost transparent.  Her hair seems to have taken on a life of it’s own.  Her little hands look skeleton like.  Her body is wasting away and yet she remains as beautiful as ever! 

I will not sleep tonight.  Many years ago I promised Vic that she would not die alone or in a hospital.  The time is near and I must honour this promise.

Earlier tonight she woke up and I wasn’t in her room.  She had a panic attack… Danie found her trying to walk down the passage.  She was holding onto the wall and tears were running down her cheeks.  “Mommy, I am scared…”

Something has started bleeding again.  Vic vomited and there are signs of old and new blood again.  “Look Mommy, my mouth is bleeding…” she said.

Vic is deadly pale and her body has involuntary “jerking” movements.   She is decidedly unstable.

“Mommy, you have to get me to the awards evening.  I don’t care how.  Promise me Mommy!!!”  She sobbed tonight.  Tomorrow I will speak to the school and make the arrangements.  It is not a wheelchair friendly school and Vic could never sit through a two hour ceremony.  We will find a way.

We had a strangely “normal” day today.  Jared brought his gaming computer down from the study into my TV lounge.  It is something I don’t encourage because there are wires and cords all over and I HATE the untidiness of it.  Today I welcomed it.  We needed to be close to one another.  I swam twice and we ate spaghetti bolognaise. 

The boys have fear in their eyes.  I have fear in my heart. 

 

 

 

 

15 thoughts on ““Promise me Mommy…..”

  1. You’re hanging on as night turns to dawn
    I know you can’t stay, and soon you’ll be gone
    We both know, it’s hard to let go
    wherever you are, my love won’t be far
    Your smile, your touch, your voice, your face;
    your essence I will never replace
    though I long for you to hold me; I need to set you free

    There is no fear and your leaving is clear
    we’ll still have our love; it remains with each tear
    I cry as you leave, though I truly believe
    as you leave my sight we’ll both be all right

    though you have flown
    to somewhere unknown
    we’re never apart; you’re here in my heart
    your smile, your touch, your voice, your face;
    your essence I will never replace
    though I long for you to hold me; I need to set you free
    I need to set you free

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  2. Tersia, I am praying for you and your family. You are going through a very difficult time now. God bless you and your family. He will give you strength and when the time comes take the fear away.

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  3. Goddess be with you, may she visit you with love and kindness and be Vic’s escort home. Blessings to you Tersia, deep slow breaths now. Your letting go is as necessary to this process a Vic’s. Give her permisssion to go, if you can. Encourage her to seek those angels she witnessed the other evening. They will guide her home.

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