Mommy can you feel how sore it is?

I posted this a year ago.

I still remember my precious child’s eyes.  Old, wise eyes filled with pain and fear.  I remember the unrelenting nausea and excruciating pain.  I remember my beautiful child’s desperate fight to live.


I remember her holding my hand, her tears silently running down her cheeks… The fear in my heart that her suffering would never end.

Now I wish I could hold her one more time; wipe her precious tears away; whispering “I love you angel child”


Hospice has just fitted a subcutaneous driver – again.   Vic’s pain has spiralled out of control over the past couple of days.

Vic was in absolute excruciating pain during the night.  She battled to breath.

“Help me Mommy!  I can’t stand the pain anymore…”

I lay next to her and put constant pressure on the area that hurt most.  It was just below her ribcage – liver.  “Oh Mommy, it is so sore.  Can you feel how sore it is?

As a little girl Vic used to believe that I could “feel” her pain…

“Feel how sore my toe is Mommy…”

As I lay there with my hand on her “sore” I wished with every fibre in my body that I could lay my hand on her sick body and soak up the pain and disease.  It cannot be so I look for a new spot on her bum to stick in a needle.

Vic seems calm now and the pain under control.  She is sleeping peacefully.  She has not vomited since this morning and managed to have a sandwich for lunch.

Please God let the subcutaneous driver work.  Please let the tissue hold up!   Please God!

I know that you are with me.  Feel my love Angel Child.  See my heart.  Know my heart.  Love you yesterday, today and forever.  Mommy

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I am a sixty plenty wife, mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child.

12 thoughts on “Mommy can you feel how sore it is?”

  1. One day it will be easier to remember the good times more often than the bad. You did so much for her, I can’t imagine a day in your shoes. God bless you.


  2. Tersia, so so much pain. I wish for you to feel warmth and hope again. Sincerely, N’n.


  3. i can so identify with her asking if you feel how much it hurts. there are times i want my sister or husband to understand the pain not necessarily actually feel the pain. vicky was so blessed to have a mother who put her life on hold and layed by her side at a time she needed you to most.

    this brought tears to my eyes and that is not a bad thing. thank you for sharing this again. i send you love and big warm hugs.


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