It has been a long day. Vic is in a drug induced sleep. She looks so peaceful. Vic is not anesthetized – she wakes when she is thirsty or in pain. She has only urinated once in 24 hours. Her end is near.
Vic is looking angelically beautiful. Her skin is blemish free and almost transparent. Her hair seems to have taken on a life of its own. Her little hands look skeleton like. Her body is wasting away and yet she remains as beautiful as ever!
I will not sleep tonight. Many years ago I promised Vic that she would not die alone or in a hospital. The time is near and I must honour this promise.
Earlier tonight she woke up and I wasn’t in her room. She had a panic attack… Danie found her trying to walk down the passage. She was holding onto the wall and tears were running down her cheeks. “Mommy, I am scared…”
Something has started bleeding again. Vic vomited and there are signs of old and new blood again. “Look Mommy, my mouth is bleeding…” she said.
Vic is deadly pale and her body has involuntary “jerking” movements. She is decidedly unstable.
“Mommy, you have to get me to the awards evening. I don’t care how. Promise me Mommy!!!” She sobbed tonight. Tomorrow I will speak to the school and make the arrangements. It is not a wheelchair friendly school and Vic could never sit through a two-hour ceremony. We will find a way.
We had a strangely “normal” day today. Jared brought his gaming computer down from the study into my TV lounge. It is something I don’t encourage because there are wires and cords all over and I HATE the untidiness of it. Today I welcomed it. We needed to be close to one another. I swam twice and we ate spaghetti bolognaise.
The boys have fear in their eyes. I have fear in my heart.
7 thoughts on ““Promise me Mommy…..” 13.1.2013”
I am lost for words, Vic loved you and you were there with her as she crossed over. I can assure you Vic is in a peaceful place.
I am only liking this for the information you have given regarding the dying process. Otherwise, it is very sad, very very sad. She does look like an angel.
Vic had the heart of an angel. She was so beautiful. Thank you!!!!
Such terribly painful memories – dear Tersia.
This is the space between heaven and hell. The time with thoughts like, “Go! This suffering is no life for you! and, Your dying is killing me!”
So true. This must be hell. What can be worse than the pain we live every day?
As my son lay suffering in his dying was far worse than this pain of losing him. Just wanted to clear up my initial statement Tersia.
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