Posted in A Mother's Grief, Death of a child

and with my last dying breath I say I love you….


IMG_8501

This morning I came across a beautiful quote and it brought back a flood of memories of how hard Vic fought to live.  Vic was born with a passion for living.  Vic so desperately wanted to live.  She fought for every second of her life.  She battled pain, indignity, 81 abdominal surgeries…She lived with her impending death for years.

Please hear what I am writing – Vic LIVED

It is so difficult to read the journal which she kept meticiously.  She recorded the cruel remarks that cut through her soul.  I feel her pain and I am sure that if I had the pages foresically analysed there would be traces of tears on it.  Vic’s tears….And yet, all the world ever saw was that beautiful smile of hers.

An entry from Vic's journal
An entry from Vic’s journal “OUR STORY”

Chaka 2007

Vic wanted her story told. She wanted people to know what is feels like to be cronically and terminally ill.  She wanted the world to know how she experienced the switch from curative to palliative care.  She wanted the world to know how helpless a sick person is.  How vulnerable they are.  She wanted to make a difference.

061813_1539_Agentledeat1.jpg

It is her one wish I have ignored so far.  As you know I have stopped blogging for almost a year.  I can no longer ignore her wish.  As hard as it is I have to do it.

Reading her journal I was reminded of her passion for life.  How incredibly brave she was.  Now, it is my turn to be brave.  I will write her story.  I will celebrate her life and journey.  I will do my best to articulate Vic’s pain and vulnerability.

I will honour her life and wish.

IMG_8393

And the words that will echo in my ears will be her very last words ever… “I scream your name, but it’s too late…I’m on my way up the pearly stairway to heaven. I slowly open my eyes and with my last dying breath I say I love you.”

070313_1721_Thereispain1.jpg

I hope she hears my whisper “I love you with every fiber of by body, mind and soul my precious Angel Child”

Author:

I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

14 thoughts on “and with my last dying breath I say I love you….

  1. Tersia – Yes, Vic’s story needs to be told. I am so sorry that others have tried to silence you, as if your grief would disappear if you stopped talking about it. Stay true to your heart and what Vic wanted. Sending you strength.

    Like

  2. she indeed loved life and those in her life. her message, what she wants people to understand is vital! i am relieved to see you back and honoring her wishes. she feels your love, i know she feels your love

    Like

  3. Vic knows of your unending love and loyalty as her mother. You have honored her in so many ways already. I know I have written this to you before somewhere in time but I do think you two could be twins. Such beauty and sweet hearts. Her handwriting should be a universal font.

    The photo of the boys on the bed with their mom is so very sad….a glimpse into the saddest part of her story. The hope in our losses is this: Life continues….death is only a transition to where there is perfection and love at its finest with God. We should dwell on the reunion to come. Vic and Brandon are more alive now than ever.

    Like

  4. Bullying will never stop. Humans can be so cruel to one another. It’s a terrible thing we do to hurt someone. I think of the suffering our children endured while they were here. And I try to wrap my head around the concept of heaven and everlasting joy. And I write. You write Tersia. I’ve got this idea that she and my son are in a good place now. Let’s hope.

    Like

  5. Tersia,
    I’m so glad that you are coming back to what you know your heart needs to do. How strongly those words are “and with my last dying breath, I say I love you”. They echo into my heart and soul.

    Write on, Tersia-it matters~

    blessings from across the world~
    alison miller

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s