We both laughed and the moment was over…

Vic 25.6.2012

Last night was a better night.  The additional anti-nausea injections are working.   I hope the antibiotics are working.

Hospice measured Vic’s SP02 levels today and it is between 84 and 88%.  I don’t think that is a good sign.  Lani, second eldest stepdaughter, phoned me last night and told me that she had chronic ill patients whose SP02 levels were as low as 70%.  Lani is a physiotherapist.  I felt better after our chat.

Vic is extremely tired.  She went out for coffee with her best friend, who, very recently, was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Vic is a compassionate and caring person and wanted to support her friend emotionally!  When she got home she had a lie down – for the rest of the day.

Tonight I helped her bath and wash her hair.  Poor poppet, she is so exhausted after her bath that she had to lie down and is taking a nap again.  Her hair is still damp but we will dry it later.  I hope she has a better night but I am not very optimistic.

Whilst I was rinsing Vic’s hair she said “Mommy what do people do that don’t have a family like mine”

“Oh sweetie, it must be very hard for them…”

“Sometimes I feel guilty because I take up so much time, money and attention from you.  I have taken up your entire life…” Vic said

“But sweetie, we love you!  What do you want us to do less for you to feel better?  Tell me and we will do it!”

We both laughed and the moment was over…

A while back I made a decision.  We do not have our own Hospice in our suburb.  We fall under the auspices of the Houghton (Johannesburg) and are literally the orphans of the system.  I am going to start a Hospice in Alberton.

This Hospice will focus on palliative care and will bring purpose to Vic’s suffering.  It will be a monument of her suffering and her compassionate nature.


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I am a sixty plenty wife, mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

19 thoughts on “We both laughed and the moment was over…”

    1. Unfortunately there is no formal funding for Hospice in South Africa. We have registered a NGO and are now looking for premises. We cannot start fundraising until this is in place. But yes, the short and tall of it is that we will have to fund raise.


    1. Oh my friend I cannot wait for your visit! I need to ask Darren if he can do the graphic design and sign boarding for us. I know what it must look like. Maybe you can put in a good word for me this weekend?


  1. unfortunately it takes someone who has been through something so personal to understand where and what is needed. my hat is off to you! too many people say and see this kind of need but don’t think they are the one to make the difference. as gandhi said “be the change you want to see.” blessings to you and yours.


  2. Can I just say I love you?

    I also ran across this blog post Tersia and thought of course immediately of Vic. I would like to share the link.


    I have to thank you for bringing a subject most feel they cannot talk about out in the open in such a loving way ~

    I would wish too be able to move forward with your goal with a hospice there in your area know If you need a latter writing campaign, or anything i can do from here please never ever hesitate to ask me please.
    You are making a beautiful thing out of the tragedy of Vic;s life being cut far too short.


    1. BB thank you for the words, the link and offer to help! You are wonderful! I love you too my Cyber Friend for your compassion and goodness! I will definitely make use of your generous offer!!


  3. What a wonderful way to give meaning to what Vic and your family are going through. I wish you every success in getting this up and running. My Mom was cared for at St Lukes in Cape Town for her final days and I cannot say enough about the incredibly calm and caring environment they provide for the dying and their families. From the moment we moved my Mom out of the hospital and into hospice we saw her visibly relax. On her last morning she asked for her bed to be wheeled out of the french doors so that she could take in the lovely garden. By the afternoon she was in a coma and passed away peacefully later that night. Doctors and hospitals generally don’t know enough about pallitive care and don’t give dying patients enough attention. Hospice allows people to die with dignity.


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