Dying is a lonely journey. Not only for the sick person but also for the family. As hard as we may try to avoid death, the truth is that we do a lousy job of it. Science and medicine will certainly postpone it, even staying healthy might seem to delay it, but the harsh reality is that death does not wait for you, it does not ask you, and it does not listen to you. Death ignores your feelings and wants; you do not matter to death…Death is the only certainty in life! We need to remember that our existence here is fragile, and we never have as much time with people as we think we do. If there is someone or someones out there that you love, don’t neglect that and don’t put off engaging with them because waits for no-one… Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child.
Ah, I have been surrounded by angels this week! Yesterday my friend Trix, just popped around with a beautiful bunch of roses…yellow and orange. Vic would have loved the flowers and the gesture! Vic’s eldest sibling too dropped off a beautiful bunch of flowers.
Yesterday we burnt candles for Vic. We all cried. We all desperately missed Vic.
Trix is a “new” friend. She is part of the Stepping Stone Hospice steering committee. Trix is funny, fit, bright, dynamic and very intelligent! She is absolutely amazing, and no amount of effort or work for Stepping Stone Hospice is too much effort. Trix posts these amazing comments on Facebook throughout the day. Her posts are philosophical, funny and radiates her love of life and people.
Trix has become such an important part of my life in a short period of time. She has a way of saying “Do what you must do to cope with today…” She is not the huggy/kissy type friend… Under her chirpy exterior lies one of the most positive and honest people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.
Now my friendship with Trix is one of the few goods things that came out of Vic’s illness… If Vic had not dreamt of a Hospice and Trix had not lost a husband to cancer in a Hospice In-Patient unit we may never have met…
Another new friend is Wendie Deacon http://deaconfamilyblog.wordpress.com/an-angel-named-vic/ Wendie is a nice person who is truly gifted. Wendie has challenges of her own and the way she has handles these challenges are so brave! She messages and says such beautiful things of Vic… That on it’s only is enough to truly endear her to me. Wendy wrote a beautiful poem for Vic… Thank you dear Wendie for honouring Vic with your words!
If only Vic could read Wendie’s beautiful poem… Do you think angels can read? I wish Vic could read these words…
Day 22 has finally arrived. Day 21 dragged on and on… I waded through a haze of misery today. Jared had an horrible day. I could see he had cried.
Jon-Daniel has a friend sleeping over. He is a young boy of 14 who lost his dad to a drug overdose a year ago. I asked whether he had been for counselling. He said he had but that it had not really helped.
“I had to get over it by myself” this old soul said.
“The shrink kept telling me I must forgive my dad. I hated my father for using drugs. So I stopped going. He wasn’t listening to me so there was no point…”
I have to travel to an exhibition in the UAE from the 16th – 21st of February. Upon my return the boys and I will go and see the Hospice psychiatrist again. I think we would have worked through enough grief to be able to cope with this part of our journey.
Children are so fragile. On the surface they appear to be coping yet the pain lies shallow…
Last night Jon-Daniel cried. Today Jared battled to breathe.
Last night was a better night. The additional anti-nausea injections are working. I hope the antibiotics are working.
Hospice measured Vic’s SP02 levels today and it is between 84 and 88%. I don’t think that is a good sign. Lani, second eldest stepdaughter, phoned me last night and told me that she had chronic ill patients whose SP02 levels were as low as 70%. Lani is a physiotherapist. I felt better after our chat.
Vic is extremely tired. She went out for coffee with her best friend, who, very recently, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Vic is a compassionate and caring person and wanted to support her friend emotionally! When she got home she had a lie down – for the rest of the day.
Tonight I helped her bath and wash her hair. Poor poppet, she is so exhausted after her bath that she had to lie down and is taking a nap again. Her hair is still damp but we will dry it later. I hope she has a better night but I am not very optimistic.
Whilst I was rinsing Vic’s hair she said “Mommy what do people do that don’t have a family like mine”
“Oh sweetie, it must be very hard for them…”
“Sometimes I feel guilty because I take up so much time, money and attention from you. I have taken up your entire life…” Vic said
“But sweetie, we love you! What do you want us to do less for you to feel better? Tell me and we will do it!”
We both laughed and the moment was over…
A while back I made a decision. We do not have our own Hospice in our suburb. We fall under the auspices of the Houghton (Johannesburg) and are literally the orphans of the system. I am going to start a Hospice in Alberton.
This Hospice will focus on palliative care and will bring purpose to Vic’s suffering. It will be a monument of her suffering and her compassionate nature.