Dying is a lonely journey. Not only for the sick person but also for the family. As hard as we may try to avoid death, the truth is that we do a lousy job of it. Science and medicine will certainly postpone it, even staying healthy might seem to delay it, but the harsh reality is that death does not wait for you, it does not ask you, and it does not listen to you. Death ignores your feelings and wants; you do not matter to death…Death is the only certainty in life! We need to remember that our existence here is fragile, and we never have as much time with people as we think we do. If there is someone or someones out there that you love, don’t neglect that and don’t put off engaging with them because waits for no-one… Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child.
Re-posted from http://myownheart.me/2013/07/08/my-daughter/. This blog belongs to a dear friend of mine. Len Williams-Carver who lost her daughter tragically in 2011 – not through illness but Klysta was murdered! Len posted this, and now I am reposting these beautiful words. Thank you my dear friend!! You are in my heart!
My angel up in heaven, I wanted you to know,
I feel you watching over me, everywhere I go.
I wish you were with me, but that can never be,
Memories of you in my heart, that only I can see.
My angel up in heaven, I hope you understand,
That I would give anything, if I could hold your hand.
I’d hold you oh so tightly, and never let you go,
And all the love inside of me, to you I would show.
My angel up in heaven, for now we are apart,
You’ll always live inside of me, deep within my heart.
KLYSTA LaNELL 08-20-1969 to 02-19-2011
My beautiful daughter, my heart void.
Ah, I have been surrounded by angels this week! Yesterday my friend Trix, just popped around with a beautiful bunch of roses…yellow and orange. Vic would have loved the flowers and the gesture! Vic’s eldest sibling too dropped off a beautiful bunch of flowers.
Yesterday we burnt candles for Vic. We all cried. We all desperately missed Vic.
Trix is a “new” friend. She is part of the Stepping Stone Hospice steering committee. Trix is funny, fit, bright, dynamic and very intelligent! She is absolutely amazing, and no amount of effort or work for Stepping Stone Hospice is too much effort. Trix posts these amazing comments on Facebook throughout the day. Her posts are philosophical, funny and radiates her love of life and people.
Trix has become such an important part of my life in a short period of time. She has a way of saying “Do what you must do to cope with today…” She is not the huggy/kissy type friend… Under her chirpy exterior lies one of the most positive and honest people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.
Now my friendship with Trix is one of the few goods things that came out of Vic’s illness… If Vic had not dreamt of a Hospice and Trix had not lost a husband to cancer in a Hospice In-Patient unit we may never have met…
Another new friend is Wendie Deacon http://deaconfamilyblog.wordpress.com/an-angel-named-vic/ Wendie is a nice person who is truly gifted. Wendie has challenges of her own and the way she has handles these challenges are so brave! She messages and says such beautiful things of Vic… That on it’s only is enough to truly endear her to me. Wendy wrote a beautiful poem for Vic… Thank you dear Wendie for honouring Vic with your words!
If only Vic could read Wendie’s beautiful poem… Do you think angels can read? I wish Vic could read these words…
That Little Penny In The Car Park
Remember this every time you pass that little penny in the car park.
(I always thought that it was for good luck, but I love this version better)
I found a penny today
Laying on the ground.
But it’s not just a penny,
This little coin I’ve found.
Found pennies come from heaven,
that’s what my Grandpa told me.
He said Angels drop them down.
Oh, how I loved that story.
He said when an Angel misses you,
They drop a penny down;
Sometimes just to cheer you up,
To make a smile out of your frown.
So, don’t pass by that penny
When you’re feeling blue.
It may be a penny from heaven
That an Angel’s dropped to you.
Pennies From Heaven – copyright Charles L Mashburn
Earlier this week I received this little poem on my mobile phone from a friend. Strangely enough I had also read it on Bereavement for Parents’ site just hours before… I thought back to a horrible day in my life when my Dad and I saw a coin lying in the street. My Dad bent down and picked it up. “This is from the angels. Always keep it – it will bring you good luck”. I dutifully put the coin in my purse and thought “how will I ever know which one is my lucky coin”….
Over the years I always remembered my dad’s words when I saw a coin lying on the ground…
Two days ago we were sitting in a restaurant in Cape Town when I saw a coin lying between chairs. I immediately thought of the poem I had read just days before and remembered my Dad’s words.
I looked at the coin and thought to myself “What a coincidence. Same poem within the same week and then a stray coin…No! This is too easy…. I want a feather as a sign that Vic is with me.”
I did not bother to pick up the coin. I have thought about the coin a couple of times and regretted not picking it up!
Jon-Daniel and I went for a long walk on the beach today. We walked ankle-deep in the sea not talking at all. I was walking along all teary eyed. The thought crossed my mind that this was something Vic could never do – take long walks on the beach…. I was thinking how I wish she was here in Cape Town with us….
The waves rolled in caressing the sand and then slid back…The sand was so clean and perfectly “even” as the waves receded back into the sea. I looked at Jon-Daniel thinking how sad he was looking. I knew, he too, was thinking of Vic.
My eyes followed a wave rolling out when I saw this perfect white feather lying motionless in the sand where minutes earlier there was water….
I felt immense peace and joy. I knew that at that moment my precious child was walking next to me. I knew that she had seen my tears mingle with the salty sea water and that she wanted me to know that she was with me.
I heard the last words she ever spoke “Mommy I love you…”
Angels appear to people of all religions and sometimes to people who do not believe in anything. The Bible and other holy books are full of examples of angelic messages and appearances. The word angel comes from the Greek word “angelos” from the word “ev-angelos” which means the gospel or good message. Angels carry messages from God to humans.
In the Christian Bible, angels often spoke to people in a dream. One angel visited Joseph in a dream and told him of Mary’s baby conceived via the Holy Spirit and he should not put her aside as was the custom.
An angel warned Joseph to take a different route home after the birth of Jesus because the wicked king wanted to kill the infant. Jacob dreamed of a ladder of angels leading to heaven.
Many more examples showing divine messages from heaven exist in the Bible and the literature of many cultures and religions.
Do angels send you messages in your dreams?
I love you messages
Many people believe that angels bring “I love you” messages from heaven. Angels send calling cards and little gifts for those who are open and receptive to them. People often say they receive angelic gifts of comfort or warning against danger when they feel sick or discouraged.
So, how do you tell that there are one or more angels around you? Here are some signs that many people recognize.
Feathers show up in unusual places and when you least expect them. Angel feathers are white, fluffy, and seem to fall into your path for only you to find. Sometimes, they glow with colors and radiances you never see in birds.
Most people find money from time to time. Some say that angels purposely toss coins into your path. The denomination of the coin and the message on it all hold clues to its meaning. One person may find pennies while others find dimes everywhere. Money signifies support in finances, emotions, spirit, and physical being.
Rainbows and butterflies
Rainbow promises sometimes show up from nowhere. After the great flood, God set a rainbow in the sky as a sign of His promise not to destroy the earth by water ever again. Double rainbows, and rainbows captured in dew or mist are especially significant. People sometimes think of butterflies as tiny living parts of rainbows that bring their own promise. They sometimes fly to relatives of a deceased loved one.
Most people spend time gazing at cloud formations and seeing pictures there. Clouds forming unusual shapes such as hearts, feathers, or angelic forms, clouds that are colored or shaped like orbs show special significance and could be angelic messages.
Did you ever catch yourself singing or humming the same tune repeatedly? Music repeats itself or comes in themes over time. Song titles may be messages offering guidance from an angel. Most people know when that happens and can discern the meaning for themselves.
Although they will not admit it, most people have heard a voice calling their names. Sometimes in an attempt to get your attention, an angel needs to speak to you directly. Pay attention to that voice to see what message it may bring you.
Have you ever seen a beam of light that you cannot explain? When a bright or colored light floods a room, it could be brilliance from an angel nearby. Sometimes, you can see these lights even with your eyes shut.
A mother cradled her sick child and prayed for guidance. The little girl woke up unable to walk and her mother rocked her and crooned softly to her, and worried about the future. She heard a voice say, “Everything will be okay.” A soft glow filled the room for several minutes and the mother knew all would be well. The next day the child walked again. Whether the light came from God, or an angel, it definitely was heaven sent.
Some people say they feel the brush of angel wings on their face or arms. Others feel angelic hands on their shoulders or on the top of their heads. A room may fill up with delicious scents of chocolate, roses, bread baking, or another loved aroma.
Do angels give you messages in your dreams? Do they drop feathers and coins for you to find? Do they send light when things seem darkest? Do they send music or wonderful smells your way? If so, be still and listen for messages or encouragement. Perhaps heaven is reaching out to you through angels. What angel stories do you carry in your heart? http://voices.yahoo.com/signs-angels-around-you-6750250.html?cat=34
I have been following your journey now for some time and my heart goes out to you and your family. It is NOT EASY to care for somebody that is terminally ill. It makes it even more difficult if that person is your child. I would like to share something with you though. It is vitally important that you take care of yourself in this tiring time. Please accept all the help from family and friends that’s been offered to you. This will give you some breathing space. It will also allow Vic to know that it is okay if Mom is just having a little bit of “me” time. Her energy is very powerful and she proved it to everybody up to now that she wants to survive.
Allow all Angels and guides to assist you with the care that you and your family so much need right now. God allows you to call upon their assistance when you need them. When Jacob was struggling with an Angel he called the Angel Michael to assist him and Michael was there not only to help him, but also to guide him with whatever he was struggling with. There are many stories in the Bible and other scriptures about God’s Angels. What still amazes me is that God found it necessary to create Angels. HE knew that we and all other creatures would need assistance and comfort when we are lonely. It took me a long time to work this out. It was only after my mom passed away and I fell very ill that my awareness of these wonderful creations of God was awakened.
Dear Tersia, know they are there, they are with you. You just need to ask for their guidance and assistance. Please know that Angels come in all forms. It might be your neighbour, your friend, nursing staff or maybe a presence! Nurture yourself. Get all the friends, family and help that you can now and trust people. They will be guided and equiped with the knowledge to help you now. You need to be taken care of now and so does your family.
The angels did come to comfort my child in her most fear-filled day.
We have found many angels in human form. Friends, family, acquaintances, WordPress Friends, Facebook friends…..
Thank you Louise for opening my eyes to the angels. Thank you for the angels that comforted my child in her hour of need and thank you for the angels that came and took her by the hand and whisked her away to a pain-free, joy filled place.
I have received countless beautiful messages of encouragement, love, compassion and caring on my blog. Vic read my blog every day. The last couple of blogs I deleted because even I could read the despair in my words. Vic was in emotional anguish. She kept saying “Mommy, I don’t want to die”” or “Mommy, I am so scared”. She would wake up and cry with fear…
I have not replied to all the messages, but will systematically work my way through it. I did read the messages of encouragement and support to Vic. Right up until the end…. Vic loved the support we received.
It may come as a shock, but I am actually a very private person and allow very few people close to me. Through my blog people have come close to me, reached out and touched my hand and heart and I thank you for it! Vic often said she wanted to write and thank you all for your love and support. Sadly she never got to do it.
Over the past 8 months I have laughed and cried with you as you have laughed and cried with me. Some of you have written Vic beautiful poems and others have dedicated songs.
Thank you so much for your loving concern. For allowing us to enter your lives; for your encouragement and support. I shall continue to blog our survival journey.
Judy Unger http://myjourneysinsight.com/2013/01/28/never-gone-away/ has on a regular basis written me encouraging emails and shared her beautiful songs with us. I would like to share this special lady’s one email with you.
Jan 22, 2013
I am continuing to write to you. You have entered the awful hole. You are now a member of the bereaved mother’s club. No one wants to join this club.
I read your post. The numbness is very bizarre. What purpose is there left to living – where did she go? I remember it all.
I continue to compose and sing. I was stunned when I wrote and recorded my new song “Angel in the Sky” just two weeks ago. Never has such a beautiful song come out of the sky to bless me. It is many years along for me – so I can sing about my angel with sweetness and without pain. I dream of when that time will come for you. For now, close your eyes and think of Angelic Vicky holding you tight.”
This is Judy’s latest song that she dedicated to her son who died 18 years ago. It is crystal clear that 18 years down the line Judy still mourns her son… I know in another 18 years I will still be mourning my baby girl’s passing. Thank you dear Judy for sharing your beautiful song with us.
NEVER GONE AWAYCopyright 2011 by Judy UngerI know that soon you will leave mehow will I ever say goodbye?there’s so much you’ve left meI’ll try hard not to cryand when you’ve left you’ll still be with mein all the songs I’ll long to playevery time I see a smileyou’ll have never gone awayIt always seems to me, that whenever I was downyour hand was the one holding minebut your fingers I’ll let go of now; how I long to hold onyou’ll touch so many others when you’re goneI know that soon you will leave mehow will I ever say goodbye?there’s so much you’ve left meI’ll try hard not to crywhen you’ve left you’ll still be with mein all the songs I’ll long to playevery time I see a smileyou’ll have never gone awaySometimes I will stop and wonderyou’ll know what I am feelingI’ll hear your laughter in my mindI’ll remember all our special momentsThey’ll run by with a tearYou’ll leave, but in my heart, you’re still hereAnd I know that soon you will leave mehow will I ever say goodbye?there’s so much you’ve left meI’ll try hard not to crywhen you’ve left you’ll still be with mein all the songs I’ll long to playevery time I see a smileyou’ll have never gone awayyou’ll have never gone awayhttp://myjourneysinsight.com/2013/01/28/never-gone-away/–
Jan. 23, 2013
Tersia, what can I say? I read your post. It is unbearable. There are no words. I think every bereaved parent suffers the helplessness of being unable to save his or her baby. Vic is your baby. The horror of her ending will eventually fade, but your opera has begun.
The amputation of a soul – there are no words for it. You will emerge from the fog, you will get through this – and you have already been through so much already. You had goodbyes – something that many bereaved parents long for. But with the goodbyes came god-awful suffering and trauma. How can you let go of that?
I think of the lyrics from my “Angel” song – “My lovely light – just not in sight.” Vic will always light your way now. She is not in sight – but that doesn’t mean she isn’t with you.
I know Vic is with me. I still smell her, sense her presence and find notes of love everywhere. Vic will always be the light of my life. I love and miss you Angel Child!!!
My baby girl is in the final stages of dying. She has developed a bedsore on her heel and her hip appears to be cellulitising… Vic is jaundiced and her heart rate is up to 160 bpm.
I have been lying next to her for the better part of the day listening to her slightly laboured breathing. Vic was catheterised today and the appearance is the urine fills me with dread. It is brown red in colour.
It is amazing that all Vic’s wrinkles have miraculously disappeared. Her skin is unlined. In death she is heartbreakingly beautiful. Her face is serene.
For all intents and purposes Vic’s suffering is over. This part of her journey is peaceful and serene. I am burning candles. The house is quiet but for Vic’s gentle yet shallow breathing.
I decided today that it would be in the boys’ best interest to spend a day or two with a friend. Jared is with Ricardo, BFF, and Jon-Daniel is with Henk, cousin. I cannot bear the thought of them witnessing Vic death and then Vic being removed from the house. They were so relieved when I gave them the option.
There is a steady flow of visitors in and out. Mainly family. My sister from Pretoria and my brother from East-London have arrived.
I am numb from tiredness.
Esther brought Lasagne for dinner.
It is going to be a long night. I honestly believe Vic will not see the end of this week.