Yesterday it was my birthday.
On Sunday I surrounded myself with my Steel Magnolia friends and loved ones. Everyone tried so hard to make things better and easier for me. The little girls especially were so sweet. Jon-Daniel was very quiet and avoided me. Jared was gentle and loving.
I thought I hid my feelings well. I laughed loud and a lot. When everyone sang “happy birthday” I saw sadness, for me, in my one friend’s eyes. No matter how much I laughed and smiled she saw through my mask…
Some people know our souls. They see our hearts. They care enough to want to protect.
I took a sleeping tablet Sunday night. I normally wake up early enough to see the sun come up. I just lie and watch the light increase through the branches of the big oak tree. This is my “reflection time”. I was determined to sleep for as long as possible.
I still sleep on the sofa in my TV lounge. I have not been able to move back into my bedroom. I still lie on the sofa waiting for Vic to either call me or come shuffling down the passage. I seldom sleep before 2am. That was pain meds time…
Yesterday morning I woke up from a slight noise in the kitchen. I knew it was either Danie or the boys making tea. The next moment I heard people singing. It was my Steel Magnolia friend, Rina, the boys and Danie. She had colluded with the boys and Danie the previous day. She sneaked in with wonderful warm scones, cheese and cream. The boys made tea…
It was a very difficult day. I took no phonecalls…I only spoke with my siblings, the kids and one other friend. I attended the funeral of an old friend. I never cried a single tear.
Last night we went to dinner and movies. We watched a slapstick comedy. When we got home I had to clear out my car as it was booked for a service today. When I emptied the cubbyhole I discovered an old birthday card from Vic… The card was dated 9.12.2000
I am so blessed. It was a good birthday. I was surrounded by love and friendship. I received birthday wishes from heaven!
Thank you my precious Angel Child. I love you with all my heart. It is such a comfort knowing that you are with me. I am grateful that you knew how much I loved you.