Monday 7.1.2013 was a crazy day. Vic was not in a good space.
Angela, Vic’s BFF came to visit. She is not only beautiful but also a calm and serene person. She radiates goodness. Angela being here gives me some time because I really trust her. I am able to get some essential chores done knowing that she is keeping an eye on Vic.
“Gramps was here” Vic said.
“How is he?” I asked
“I don’t know. He just came to tell me how much he loves us all…” Vic replied
My Dad forgot how to breathe on the 15th of May 2011. He died in our home (in the very same room as Vic) surrounded by his beloved family. At times he was a stranger in the world. Some days he woke up in a room he could not remember from one nap to the next, lived with “strangers” and thought I was my Mom. Despite the advanced Alzheimer’s, he never forgot who Vic was and that she was ill. At times he forgot whether she was in hospital or out but he never forgot her or that she was ill.
“He has come to take you by your hand Sweetie…” I said
“I KNOW Mommy” she said impatiently.
Lee, Jared’s BFF mom popped around with a huge basket of exquisite flowers. Of course, Vic immediately got a bee in her bonnet and had to get out of bed. Always the social animal!
Esther arrived and Vic burst into tears when she saw her sister.
“I am so scared Sis” Vic cried in her sisters arms.
Esther has become Vic’s “coach”. She has the love for Vic to ask her what is holding her back; she tells Vic to run towards the light; to let go – the boys are safe are cared for. She holds Vic and dries her tears….
Danie took the boys for a haircut and new school uniforms.
In the afternoon Joanna, one the Jon-Daniel’s primary school friends’ Mom, popped in for a visit. It was touching when she spoke with Vic and apologized for coming to visit too late. Vic was sleeping and not aware of the visit. Joanna left with tears streaming down her cheeks. She left a little gift for Vic“I wrote your name in the sand But the waves blew it away Then I wrote it in the sky But the wind blew it away So I wrote it in my heart And that’s where it will stay.”
Siza arrived and told me that Sue would be in tomorrow morning to assess Vic. She said Vic’s colour is very poor and the circulation in her legs bad. Siza is of the opinion that the most humane thing to do for Vic would be to sedate her… Her body is building up so much adrenalin fighting death that it is preventing her from dying – despite the organ failure.
I am torn. My poor child’s anguish and pain sears through every nerve ending in my body. Not only mine but also the rest of the family’s…..I want the emotional side of her journey to end. But when I think that I will never hear her voice again, that I will never hear her cry and plead again… I want to die. Sedation can end her emotional anguish, but deprive us of last words.
When I walked into Vic’s room after Sr Siza left Vic said “I just saw Dries. He came to visit. I have thought of him the whole day….”
Dries is a dear family friend who died last year…
In the evening Judy (Dries’ widow) popped around for a visit. When I told her that Vic had seen Dries she burst into tears. She said, her sister Lida, a deeply religious woman, told her earlier in the day that she had dreamt of Dries and that Dries was going to come and “fetch” Vic…
I pointed out to Judy that Dries, who was a tour guide by profession, would take Vic on the scenic route…
Later in the evening Bella, one of the ministers in my Church, and James, the senior elder, came to visit. Bella, a dear friend over the years, spoke to the boys with so much compassion. He grew up in a home with a mother who was ill. He said that the congregation has never stopped praying for us as a family. He said the congregation carries us in their hearts. (One day I will still blog about Bella and his amazing ability to “pray Vic out of the claws of death”…)
We all stood holding hands around Vic’s bed whilst Bella said a beautiful prayer for Vic and the family. Someone stifled a little sob. There was absolute peace and a Godly presence in Vic’s room.
Rest in peace dear friend https://tersiaburger.com/2012/08/07/rest-in-peace-dear-friend-7-8-2012/
For some dying is hard work https://tersiaburger.com/2012/07/18/487/
13 thoughts on “Gramps was here…..”
My dear friend, words fail me, I am thinking of you and the entire family. May God hold each one of you. Lovee Gillian
i wrote a post a while back asking if it was normal to have these “visits” from the departed and got several replies talking about loved ones who had the same experience. i somehow find it comforting to see them and know that they are going to accompany me on my last journey. i want to thank you for sharing this incredible and heartbreaking walk with us. i only wish you all peace, soon.
Thank you – could you please send me the link?
Oh my what a beautiful story. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make important decisions together. <3
my thoughts are with you.
I am praying that Vic will let go. I understand how want her to be able to express herself up to the end. Thinking of you all at this very sad time.
At this moment, you are super human. You are discovering things you probably never knew you were capable of. You are living a lifetime in a few days, and even in a few hours. I wish it weren’t so awful. I know that later on you will analyze everything. Just remember how it felt to be super human. That is what you are as you sacrifice sleeping and living to make sense of this horror you are in. Although grief is lonely, try to allow others to hold you. Remember all the love, Tersia. I wish I knew what to say that could really help. There are no words.
Bless you for your kindness.
Visiting Vicky was very traumatic for me and yet somehow comforting …. despite her condition and sedated state she looked radiant and as beautiful as ever ……I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful her hair looked and how soft her skin felt ….she opened her eyes and apologised to me ….her words : “Jo I’m so sorry” I asked her why she was sorry as she had nothing to apologise for …. She said “for falling asleep while u visit me” I had to smile at her ….ever so graceful ….I may have been late to visit Vicky …but I got to see her and hear her voice even if it was to say my name … I sent a pray request out for vic and the response was amazing … Tersia I’m sure that when she let’s go …she will take the scenic route …coz she will be leaving a beautiful family behind but will most certainly be waiting one day at the gates of heaven for u ……God Bless u all …love always
Dear Joana, Vic has always been so fond of you and your family. She was so happy to see you and has shown all her subsequent visitors your gift! It meant so much to her. Yes, I agree. Vic will float down the scenic route forever pain free. Thank you for your love and support.
This blog is so stark and so real, it’s hard to handle. I can’t imagine what it must be to live it. I think all of us commenting here have come to deeply love Vic, and I know many of us are praying for her.
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