Mommy can you feel how sore it is?


Published with Vic’s permission and knowledge.

Hospice has just fitted a subcutaneous driver – again.   Vic’s pain has spiralled out of control over the past couple of days.

Vic was in absolute excruciating pain during the night.  She battled to breath.

“Help me Mommy!  I can’t stand the pain anymore…”

I lay next to her and put constant pressure on the area that hurt most.  It was just below her ribcage – liver.  “Oh Mommy, it is so sore.  Can you feel how sore it is?

As a little girl Vic used to believe that I could “feel” her pain…

“Feel how sore my toe is Mommy…”

As I lay there with my hand on her “sore” I wished with every fibre in my body that I could lay my hand on her sick body and soak up the pain and disease.  It cannot be so I look for a new spot on her bum to stick in a needle.

Vic seems calm now and the pain under control.  She is sleeping peacefully.  She has not vomited since this morning and managed to have a sandwich for lunch.

Please God let the subcutaneous driver work.  Please let the tissue hold up!   Please God!

18 thoughts on “Mommy can you feel how sore it is?

  1. Thinking of Vic *nd praying that she has a peaceful nights rest . I’m praying and asking the the .Angels help ease the pain not just tonight but every minute …every second of every day night. I’m burning a candle for you, Vic and Sons …its crazy to think what an inspiration you are to me …every night laying in my bed reading your blog..brings tears to my eyes and yet gives me Hope, for without hope we have nothing to live for …thank u Tersia for being the amazing Mother …Grand Mother that u are and for always being my inspiration …

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  2. I came across your blog and reading it has affecting me very much. I am going to write to your email address because perhaps I can share a CD of music that might be soothing for Vic. All I can say is that what you are going through is hell on earth. It is unimaginable for me. I am inspired by your blog because you express all of your feelings and the love that permeates is so deep it takes my breath away. Your journey of grief has already begun Tersia. I am so, so sorry. Vic loves you and her family so much. She bears the pain and is worried about you. Hang in there all of you – the light is ahead.

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  3. I’m sorry that the last couple of days have been filled with so much pain. I wish that there was something I could do to make you both feel better. It’s not fair that either of you have to suffer so much. Sometimes, even on my worst of days, I think that the pain and helplessness my mom feels for me is equal to my own. I know that when her pain becomes excruciating I too would gladly take it away from her and vice versa. Love is such a powerful thing.
    Maybe you can’t take her pain away, but she is so very lucky to have you. I will keep you both in my prayers, and thank you for reminding me to be thankful that my own pain level is at manageable level right now instead of being unhappy with the fact that it’s there.

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      1. DearTersia and Vic,
        I shared a link to this blog – it is unbelievable to me that with all the suffering, your love is transcendent and glowing from thousands of miles away. Your torture is horrendous and I am crying thinking of both of you during this time. I think more people should read what is hear; it gives appreciation for life that is free from pain – something many people take for granted. Once again, please, please allow me to send you something. It won’t take away your pain – but it would be an honor for me to know that it might bring something soothing into the darkness. Music heals so much of my pain and it is something I desperately want to share with you. I write about love, loss and grief – I know because I experienced the death of a child many years ago. Tersia, my email is: judy@judyunger.com. Just let me know where I can send a package to you. You are not at all obligated to listen or even have me send it. But somehow I feel you will appreciate what I have to share. Please, hang in there. I don’t know either one of you, but I do deeply believe that both of you are amazing.

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