“I shall continue the fight”

Vic when she was much healthier – 2011

Aarthi wrote Vic another beautiful poem.  Thank you Aarthi.  We needed your beautiful words to encourage and remind us today.  Vic is going through a particularly harrowing time.  She is suffering from severe nausea and the injections are no longer as efficient as before.  Poor little poppet!  She also broke another vertebra on Saturday when she put on her bra….

For the first time in Vic’s journey I am running scared of the amounts of pain medication her body needs.  This afternoon she was in excruciating pain – the pain was under the right-hand ribcage.  That is the liver.  Her eyes are slightly yellow and her skin a little sallow.

Over the weekend Vic walked into my TV lounge and I got such a fright when I saw her.  Her face was ghostly pale.  She actually looked like a geisha without the red lips and charcoal eyes.  Her eyes were dark from pain.

I had to phone Hospice this afternoon and ask them for more pain medication.  I am trying to work out what the effect of the increased medication will be to the toxicity levels in her body.  Hospice said we are at the 50/50 level.  The levels of medication can now be detrimental to her.  What do we do?

A calm courage waits in them
like a belief that breathes in her soul
those black pearls of mysterious 
glow like a beacon of hope
it is as if she is saying
i shall continue the fight
her will is deeper than she herself knows
that lustre speaks so much more
she is a gem as i can see
she is a warrior in her ways
that strength that originates in the depths of her
flows out and gives her eyes a brilliant grace…



10 thoughts on ““I shall continue the fight”

  1. I don’t know what to write. This blog brings me to tears. I cannot even grasp the physical pain and tremendous spirit. All I want to say is – “I’m so sorry. I am sorry that you are suffering and wish it weren’t so.” You are both an inspiration to me. A daughter who is trying to hold on to life and a mother who is bravely bearing all of her suffering.


  2. what hell, i am so sorry. the liver pain is the worst i have ever experienced in my life. it is the liver that chews up and spits all the lovely pain meds out before they have time to work. you are asking what to do and i fear there is no right answer. there is only for the beastly pain answer. it can be and is a formidable master. when i think i can take this no more i think of vic and her bravery. i think of your bravery and what the rest of your amazing family is going through.


  3. i think it is the toughest part of the illness. my sis was sick a month ago and it was very tough for me to see her in pain, I can understand. she has to put through it, she has to persist and that is perhaps the only answer i know of. medication takes time to act, the body needs time and will-power to heal and what can work best for her right now is her own strength and the medical aid put together in a powerful combination.

    its tough i know, its very hard to bear this part, but she has to fight through this point, she has to! take care of her, i am really worried and i pray for her each day. give her the best from me and a tight hug.


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