Vic has left home for the last time…


My beautiful Vic sleeping peacefully 10.1.2013.
My beautiful Vic sleeping peacefully 10.1.2013.

For a long time after Vic had breathed her last breath I lay next to her.  I touched her face and hugged her close to me.  Something I could not do in life as I may have fractured a bone or two.  Everybody left me alone with Vic.  I was so grateful for that precious time with my angel child.

I washed Vic and dressed her in her favourite pyjamas.  It was so difficult trying to dress her limp body.  Although I knew it did not matter anymore I was scared I would hurt her.  Years of conditioning I suppose.  I was shocked to see that a large part of her body had already discoloured.  Her right hand shoulder, her back and the top of her legs were black and blue.  When I washed her little body at 7am that morning, a mere 3.5 hours earlier, only her little toes had started discolouring… Her back was still so warm from the fever that had racked her body.  Her hands, feet and face were cold to the touch. 

I brushed her beautiful hair. 

Then I realised that the boys could not come home until Vic had been “removed”.  I phoned Siza to pronounce Vic and the undertakers and requested that they send their people to come and fetch my child.  I lay with her for a further 30 minutes.  I held her tight and cried for her.  I just wanted to die.

Siza, arrived…. She was so matter of fact about Vic’s passing.  She put cotton wool in my child’s mouth because Vic’s jaw had relaxed!  I wish I never saw that!

Just before 1pm the undertakers arrived.  I was torn.  I did not want her to go but I could see that her beautiful soul had left her body.  It was no longer my beautiful baby girl who lay in that bed.  In death Vic looked like a stranger… yet I felt that if Vic left that room she would forever be gone.  Strange…..

The undertakers walked into Vic’s room.  They were so smartly dressed in dark suits, white shirts and red ties. 

They hugged me and said “When you are ready… We can wait”.

I remember thinking “I look so ugly when I cry.  These strangers can see me cry!”.  I nodded and they wheeled in a gurney type “bed”.

They meticulously folded up the outer cover to reveal a plastic sheet.   They lowered the gurney to the same level as Vic’s bed and took her from my arms…

Someone said “Be careful.  She breaks bones easily…”

They lay Vic on this horrible plastic sheet and covered her in it.  I wanted to die.  I still want to die just thinking of it.  My beautiful baby girl, who only deserved Egyptian cotton, wrapped in hard plastic!!  They quickly replaced the cover and zipped it close.  I think my sobs were driving them mad.

Vic looked so tiny on that darn gurney!  Tiny and dead!!

Minutes after one my baby girl left home for the last time.  Never again would she grace us with her presence.  Never again would she shuffle down the passage, never again would we hear her laughter or her cries of pain.

Vic left home – forever.

Published by

tersiaburger

I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

153 thoughts on “Vic has left home for the last time…”

    1. you are an amazing person. I remember when i took care of my mom, I had to dress her and do all that stuff too because she always said”they are too fast, they never take their time with me” Just know how amazing you were to your daughter!!!

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      1. It is such a privilege to care for our loved ones. Know that your loving care meant so much to her. My Vic always said that she hated that people treated her body as if it was a commodity… Without much regard for her dignity of privacy. Thank you for visiting. Your blog is an amazing source of information!

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  1. My heart breaks for you. We parents should never have to bury our children, but our children should burying us.

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  2. I am moved to tears. I am sorry for your loss and I also realize nothing can really help. Remember, she has made the transition to a higher level of existence. I am sure the angels are gently assuring her that you and the rest of her family and friends are going to be all right.

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  3. You are a beautiful mother. My heart and thoughts go out to you. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met. I love how you love Vic. I love how you love your grandsons. Thank you for including us in your story, for sharing it with us.
    hugs,
    Diana

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  4. Another couple of people have said that there is something that feels unnatural about a parent burying a child. When parents die, even if it is too early in life, it feels inevitable; this was all so terrible. However, you are a very strong woman; Vic was lucky in her mother, at least. When acceptance does come you will have the comfort o fknowing that you could not have done more for her. The bodies of our loved ones are only houses, when you think about it; she has moved house.

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  5. Oh but sweet Tersia, she’ll be waiting for you to return to her in heaven, our real home. And she’ll be perfect. No more disease, no more tears, just joy. Isaiah 25:6-8 On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoplesa feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine,of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined. And he will swallow up on this mountainthe covering that is cast over all peoples,the veil that is spread over all nations. He will swallow up death forever;and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces,and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,for the Lord has spoken.

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  6. Tersia this post really moved me, thank you for sharing something that few people would be able to share, let alone even talk about. Vic’s death will leave a huge hole in your life and my prayer is that you will find comfort in happier memories, friends and family and in God’s peace which surpasseth all understanding.

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  7. Rest in Peace, Vic. God has called her home, and her suffering is over. She is watching over you, not wanting you to shed more tears, and watching her sons, hoping they want be in pain for long. God Bless all of you.

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  8. Vicky will remain a part of our lives for eternity ! The pain will never go away – it will hopefully become more bearable – but my Little One will remain a vital part of my life for as long as i am alive ! When fetching my children on Tuesday late afternoon – I cleaned up a few of the dishes from Jarred’s room – and knew exactly where to find the tupperware containers from Vicky’s cupboard – as she was so meticulous with her clean house ! Walking through her room to the main house – was extremely painful – it felt so empty – and yes it did at the same time feel rather comforting – so i sat on her empty bed for a few moments- and spoke to my friend in my heart – assuring her – that she will live on in our lives for all eternity !!!!!! I miss my little Vicky so much – yet i know she is in a better place ! The Chanel No 5 – which she loved wearing – is a constant reminder of her daily ! xxx

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  9. These are the parts of death that most people never think about. I think it’s a blessing to all of us for you to share. I hope our small words of sympathy offer at least a little something in return during this difficult time.

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  10. Tersia – I am so sorry for your loss. It’s always a shock, whether it’s sudden or expected. I’m sorry I’m only finding out about this now – I’m normally a much more faithful reader than this. You are in my heart and prayers. When I light candle for Henry tonight, I will also light one for Vic – it will be for our children whose lives were robbed by osteogenesis imperfecta.

    Rest in peace, Vic.
    All my love Tersia
    xoxoxoxoxo

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    1. Oh Mel I weep for you too. I will also light a candle for your angle child. I have followed this time of Henry’s expected birth on your blog and wished I could just reach out and hug you.

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  11. I believe that Vic is in a beautiful place now…she might not be physically around you but she is alive in your heart..I believe in the cycle of death and rebirth and I pray today that the next life that VIc gets is so so fulfilled…I pray that she enjoys her life to the fullest in her next life…I pray that every single good wish of hers gets fulfilled in the next life…Rest in peace darling Vic.

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  12. I just stopped by to say hello. You have been on my mind and to let you know you are loved and supported. Even though we hve never met, our souls know each other. Hugs, Barbara

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  13. Oh, Tersia. I haven’t been by in too long. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how difficult this journey has been for you. My heart is reaching out to you. I hope you feel it. <3

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  14. Thank you for the follow.
    I read this blog and am sitting in tears. I am sorry.
    I am sorry for your loss. No parent should go before a child of theirs.

    Call me a friend from now, I offer a shoulder and an ear if you ever need one.
    I don’t know what else to say, I only know you from this point, I don;t know what happened before.
    Your strength and courage to type this story is so brave,
    Because we just followed each other, I only know the end.

    I know there was good times. Again, from me and my family, who are reading also.
    We are all crying, we are sorry for your loss…

    I am in bits here for you, and RIP Vic.

    Shaun. x

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  15. I love you for your courage to write this and for the love you gave your daughter. She feels it, I’m sure. I want to cry for you. This post made my eyes tear and my throat clog up. I haven’t been around here in a while, so I apologize for reading this late and, if by some means, I’m refreshing wounds.

    If you ever want to talk to someone who knows at least some of what Vic went through, please feel free to talk to me, or just vent and joke and try to make the best of it: zappaula@gmail.com

    I hadn’t gotten to read much of your blog before because I was struggling so much last year; I just couldn’t handle reading it though I really wanted to. Up until a few months ago, I was a complete mess. I have finally been able to grasp some sort of stability in the last couple of months, so I feel I can look through your archives. And I’m thankful for them, for what you’ve shared.

    I wish I could’ve known Vic. I hope the best to her children, all her loved ones and yourself. Please take care of you. I can only imagine how tough it must be to watch a child go before you do. You are brave. My best friend/ex-boyfriend, who also had Type III OI, passed away March 22 of last year. Much of my blog mentions him. It’s about to be a year this week, so this really hit home for me more than you might think.

    Ok, I’m crying now so I better stop typing.

    All the best to you Tersha! Thanks for following my little blog and supporting me in the journey. Hope the grief eases with time, though I know from personal experience, the pain never dissipates completely.

    It will hurt a little less. Keep loving.
    xo

    p.s. I know of OI support groups. If you’d like info, let me know ;)

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  16. Heartbreaking. It’s not the order of things. We shouldn’t live longer than our children but some of us are given angels for a short time to treasure here on earth. My heart goes out to you xxx

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  17. You are a truly amazing woman with an incredible family. Your strength and your daughter’s is an enormous inspiration. Thank you so much for sharing this terribly intimate experience and enriching all our lives.

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  18. Dear Tersia

    One Vicky Bruce to another.

    I was surprised with this very cool award, so now I get to nominate some of the bloggers whose musing, writings and rantings inspire and delight me.

    So, this one is for you.

    The Wonderful Team Member Readership Award

    Bit of a mouthful.

    If you’d like to accept, you can…

    Get your award here!

    Or if the link doesn’t work…
    http://furrynuff.wordpress.com/2013/04/16/yay-i-got-an-award-and-now-i-get-to-give-one/

    Love Victoria

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  19. hello, it is just Rebel checking in to see how you are doing? I also wonder about the rest of your family? It is hard to pick up the pieces and continue on the path but you are an anazing woman and I am proud to call you friend. Even if we will never meet. I would like to send you white light, compassion and my an angel wrap her wings around you every nite and caress you to sleep. Hugs

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  20. The most difficult of challenges Tersia — I can’t imagine the anguish and pain. You are a heroine – a courageous woman – and a beautiful soul. Vic was soooo blessed to have you as her Mom.
    Sending Love and Prayers ~ Robyn

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    1. Thank you Robyn for your kind words. Vic is the true heroine. I was so blessed to be her mom! I LOVE your blog. Thank you for visiting!

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  21. As I just read this post I realized that you must be an amazing mother to see your daughter through life– and having two kids of her own– with such a condition. I’m so sorry that you lost her and thank God that this separation is just temporary as He has triumphed over death.

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    1. Thank you so much for visiting and your kind words. Vic was the heroine. She truly brought out the best in everyone! I miss her dreadfully and look forward to being reunited with her. Every morning I wake up I think “one day less until we meet again”. I think you blog is brave and fascinating. It must be very difficult to write!!

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  22. Dear Tersia,

    I have known many deaths, but never the death of my child. Shivers are going through my body as I write this. I think of my four sons, their families and my two granddaughters. What you have gone through is heartbreaking.

    I send to you my prayers, my condolences and my sincere thanks for sharing this intimate moment with you and Vic.

    Love,
    Dennis

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Dennis. It is heartache that no parent should ever suffer. Thank you for visiting. I wish you and your family good health, peace, love and laughter.

      You are a gifted poet. I particularly like Midnight Blues!

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  23. Dear Tersia,

    Your complete and total dedication to your daughter is more than commendable. Yes, I do believe, it is of a divine quality. Thank you for sharing an experience that I can barely imagine. I am hardly qualified to offer much in the way of advice, but you are still here; you are still with us; you have carried your cross best you could, and thus I pray the Lord sends the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, to aid you by removing the heaviness of doubt, sorrow, and pain, in order that you might go on caring for the living, as you have proved to do so well. God bless you and your work.

    Thank you visiting my site, and thank you also for leaving an emotionally-filled, heartbreaking comment under my poem, “When God Takes A Child”. If I have lightened your burden,
    if only for a little while, then I feel my time was well spent; my words hit their mark; my intentions bore fruit, and God’s reasons for giving me the gift of these words to share become understandable.

    I lost a little brother last September, and it pains me to see my Mom and Dad have to deal with this most insufferable of circumstances. There seems to be no end to it, which makes this all the more unbearable.

    Peace be with you always, good lady. Sincerely, Keith

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    1. Thank you for your visit and kind words. I don’t think a parents grief ever ends. Your parents are blessed to have you to love and support them. There are times in a grieving parents life that they cannot pray – your parents are blessed to have you carrying them in your prayers. Thank you Keith!

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  24. Wow, Tersia, All this detail. It’s just, really down to earth – the cotton wool, washing her limp body.

    I cannot imagine how it was to spend time tending to her but she was gone. How loving you are, wonderful you are.

    This brought it home yet again, AGAIN just how much you’ve been through and I cannot relate and cannot comfort. Please know I truly hope you are okay. My gosh, so amazing – that time after her last breath. Last breath… when will be our last breath.

    Blessings to Vic, & you.

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  25. You visited my blog post ‘When You Die…’ earlier today. Out of curiosity, I followed the link to your blog here. I was moved very much. Tears came to my eyes for you and yours.

    May you and Vic have peace. May you catch up on everything when you meet again.

    Sincerely…Jim

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  26. Reblogged this on Looking for reasoning to a complicated world and commented:
    The Award I did below, I got from my friend Tersia. A remarkable woman. The Award was for her Angel Child Vic who is looking down to her Mum from Heaven. I wanted to reblog this page 1 million times. So I am. I want everyone to know about Vic, and who she was. And also who Tersia is and how she is a remarkable woman. Tersia, I love you, I hope it is ok to share. It is a story that now has an Award, and Vic deserves to be remembered by more people. Shaun x Please give this a read. It brought me and my Partner to tears, but I now speak to Tersia as much as I can and show her the kind of love only Word Press can offer. xx

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  27. I can see why Shaun over at “Praying for One Day” (http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/vic-has-left-home-for-the-last-time/) loves you so much and shared this tender, touching story.

    I could only imagine the pain and grief you felt in the letting go of your precious Vic and I send you heartfelt love even now after some time has passed. I hope you can feel her presence and love close to you especially in times of comfort.

    God bless you Tersia and God bless Vic.

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      1. You’re truly welcome Tersia – it means a lot you could feel my heart’s love traveling over the network in cyberspace. There’s no distance in space and time from where that energy travels.

        I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply — I’m still catching up on emails from taken internet time off to spend with hubby for Father’s Day. God bless and hope you have a great weekend! :-)

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