I think God hates me?

http://risenetworks.org/2013/04/19/lovin 1

Over the years I have been deeply hurt by people of faith and religious institutions’ i.e. churches. I have spent many years of my life researching religion, seeking answers to my questions; to life’s twists and turns.

I believe in God. I believe in life hereafter. I believe that what we are living is hell and that heaven awaits us. I believe we are on earth to learn lessons, perfect our souls. I believe that we will return to earth until we have perfected our souls.

The “mind switch” was Passion of the Christ. I cried for three days. It was the most barbaric thing I had ever seen. I could not and cannot equate that to love. The other “mind switch” was the lovelessness of most “deeply” religious people. So I look at religion and this is the conclusion I have come to…

“Love” is The Big Commandment…. Matthew 22:36-40 NIV Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbour like yourself. All the Law and Prophets hand on these two Commandments@ Love God Thy Father and the second commandment that is equal to it “Love Thy neighbour”…

Love Thy Neighbour is quite a mouthful. Who is my neighbour – the person who lives next door to me in his multi million rand house or his domestic worker living in a room the size of a stamp on his premises? Maybe “my neighbour” could extend to the socio economic group that I equate to in my suburb or city? Hells bells, if I am generous the rich in my country may qualify…. But the people with different pigmentation and less money? No, no no!

Now let me spell it out. The way I see it

If God is a God of Love would He truly condemn people to eternal hell for not believing a particular version of religion? I know so many wonderful Muslim people who have “white souls”, who are kind, compassionate and generous. They would never deliberately harm a fellow human being. I know many beautiful Christians who are kind and compassionate and generous. I know that in a country like Saudi no money will exchange hands whilst it is Salah (prayer time). Restaurants and shops CLOSE for prayer 5 times a day and if you are not praying you will stand around in the passages of the shopping centre. You will not even be allowed to remain in the restaurant.

In my country and everywhere else in the world people of other religious groups will drink too much and talk about Muslims in a derogatory manner. They will call them heathens… They will lie and steal but take the religious high ground because they are “Christian”. And by the way, please do not inconvenience them and their social life by getting ill….If you are so inconsiderate – please die quickly so their lives can move along at it’s comfortable, fun filled pace.

Worldwide racism is alive and well. Where there is no racism it is tribalism, elitism that keeps hate flowing through the world.

For many years I did so-called “charity” and evangelism work in the poor rural areas in South Africa. Today I admit I am ashamed that I was so sanctimonious to think that I was needed to evangelize the poor. What do you say to a child who is freezing and hungry when they accept the Lord? “God is going to make your life better!”…That would imply that all of a sudden that child would have at least 3 meals a day, a bed and blanket, medical care and a good education…

Let me tell you, so-called evangelists hit and run. They convert and leave. There is no sustainability in what they offer. Most of their efforts are self-serving. Tomorrow that child is going to be cold and hungry and think “that woman of God said God would bless me…Why has He not done so? He must hate me…”

So, I ask the question…who is the “woman of God”? The self-appointed evangelist or the impoverished next door neighbour who shares her last crust of bread with the hungry child?

I don’t believe that there is a single religion that is “right.” There is good and bad in all religions. There is good and bad in every person!

The Catholic’s decided which books were to be in the Bible. The Qur’an is a modified version of the Old Testament. The Torah is another modified version of the Old Testament.

I know there will be a reaction to this post. I know many people will “unfollow” me after this post. That is fine. It is your right to decide what to read. It is my right to write what I believe and have experienced.

Vic often asked me “Mommy, why do you think God hates me?”

The Church deserted Vic. Christians deserted Vic. Family deserted Vic. Friends deserted Vic. Even the most religious of religious did not have enough compassion for my child to lift a phone and ask “How is your child doing?” or “I am sorry to hear about her passing”. Family, yes you read correctly, did not even sympathise. What a cold God they must serve? Yet these righteous self-serving stone-Christians point fingers at others for not being “obedient” to God’s Word. Surely not the Word that says “Love thy neighbour”………

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I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

41 thoughts on “I think God hates me?”

  1. Thank you for saying what needs to be said more often. I’m so sorry about your beautiful daughter.
    Love and hugs from another mother who lost her children.


  2. Your journey sou ds a whole lot like mine. I don’t like religious people at all. They look down on everyone and not be will not help people and yes, it seems like it’s all about the money. I have come to terms with God. Me and God have some really good talks, but I don’t go to church.


    1. I have a good relationship with God. My problem is with churches. I actually went to church this morning and sitting there I was filled with resentment for the hypocrisy of church leaders.


  3. I will not un-follow you. I honour your heart-felt, raw and honest words. I do believe in God. I do not believe He is stone-cold. I do not look at Christians to help me understand God. They are human, like me, and have flaws like me and totally screw up like me. What I really wish I could do, my dear Tersia, is give you a great big bear hug in person. I’m so sorry you have been hurt. I’m so sorry you lost your child.


  4. Oh, Tersia….I hear you!! And I agree with every word you wrote, from the “I believe we will return to earth until we have perfected our souls” to your “I don’t believe there is a single religion that is ‘right.'” Yes, God is Love, but sometimes it is really really hard to find God amidst “religious” people. I think they have good intentions, and try, but too often they just don’t get it….they can’t see what they are doing. That goes not only for religious and racial tolerance, to tolerance of gay/lesbian, socio/economic status, even tolerance for opposing political views! Here in America that last piece is getting out of hand!! Well….all of it is!! I would not go to see “Passion of Christ” because I saw enough on previews to know it was NOT for me, so I totally understand what you are saying there! Tersia, you did a great job of writing this!!! So sorry that Vic and your family experienced the let down from others. I think of you often, knowing how your heart has to be hurting. You are a beautiful lady!! — Pam Wadsworth


  5. I recogonize the struggle within for the peace and love you seek. I too have researched and studied, visited and attended many “houses of worship” I like you believe in the Lord and that he is a god of love, I cannot think that with the free will he gave us he would judge so harshly as to have only “one” true religion. we must obey the commandments and yes we must love our neighbor which for me is every human being, does not mean I have to like their ways but I love each and everyone.
    I will not unfollow you, you and I are on this journey of women/mother strength together and our hearts, pain and grief bind us across the miles. Hugs prayers and love Tersia (((xx)))


  6. The apostle James mentioned about faith without works is dead. Some Christians forget it along their paths. Don’t we need to remind them? :-) I know exactly how you feel. My mother and I are disappointed in my home church. But some are still in contact with us. Most are people problem


  7. I will not stop following your blog because we believe differently. I can’t make you believe what I believe. All I know is I was blind. Now I see. I walked alone for 42 years. I pray you have that moment I had when everything just made sense. Finally. Keep searching for the truth. Don’t give up on God because of what religious people have done in his name. In the end, it will only hurt you. I am always praying for you to have peace. Vickie is lucky to have you for a mommy. <3


    1. I love God. I believe in God. I trust in God. It is what people do in His name that makes me angry. Thank you for commenting and staying!! I truly “read” and see God in your actions. The work you do is amazing! Thank you dear friend.


  8. Tersia I agree with you in nearly everything that you say… the sanctimoniousness of so many Christians is nauseating, and has nothing to do with love..
    I find it incredible that people should think that a Divine Source would be concerned about which narrow minded group thinks he’s the best !!
    The only thing you say where I part company with you, is when you say this world is hell. I think we make it so, or we can choose to make it heaven…I once wrote a book called Heaven is a Place on earth, and I do think that can be possible. warm wishes….Valerie


    1. Valerie I shall read your book. I base my statement on the following…My child lived 38, and every day of her life was spent in pain and suffering. I literally spent years of my life next to my child’s hospital bed and her entire life next to her. Our lives revolved around how many times she vomited, how long after she ate she vomited and where she had made a pooh. Vic lived with open wounds with liters of fecal matter pouring out of it uncontrollably. How much happiness is there in the world? We are surrounded by war are sorrow. Very little of peoples lives are truly happy and carefree. I battle with the fact that I live on a continent where people die from hunger and disease. Thank you for your honesty.


      1. Tersia, don’t waste your time reading the book… it was the title that I felt I wanted to mention, as it is my feeling
        I totally get that your experience with your daughter was horrendous and of course it colours your feelings.
        I can’t share with you the pain that has always been part of my life, but I know that I have to transform it into something positive and therefore triumph over it..
        and I also share your anguish over the hunger and disease , not just in Africa, but everywhere. And I truly believe that somehow we have to make the most of the life we have each individually been given, and transform it.That by creating our own little pool of love and optimism we can make a difference to the big pool… not sure if these makes sense!
        Whatever – love and peace to you Tersia.


      2. Hello Tersia,
        The book is out of print, but I think you’d enjoy much more my latest book The Sound of water, if you really want to read something of mine… it’s about mindfulness, life,.. memories… much like my blog !!!
        It’s on all the kindle, Amazon Smashwords thingies that I don’t understand !!!


  9. This is a beautiful post. I spent my late teens and early 20’s researching for myself what FAITH means to me. Not religion. I am what i refer to as a recovering Catholic.Meaning I was born into and raised in the Church. Until I was old enough to have questions of my own. Why a loving God let children suffer? (just to start)
    I’ll never reconcile with man made religion.
    What some other mere mortal has to say is important maybe yes,, but it is not gospel.
    I am a faith based person, I have deep spiritual beliefs. My beliefs are nature inspired and guided by our universe.
    Great discussion post Tersia.~


      1. I love you Tersia and know that the lessons we learn from something more powerful than we are lessons that teach us to love each other, That being said I see structured religion as a hindrance to those lessons.
        Judgement becomes the verb for love instead of loving unconditionally, At least in my experience.
        God does not hate yo. sweetie, It is not possible.
        Hugs to you today my friend ~


  10. i am disgusted when i hear so christians say “the lord will provide” to those who have hungry children, or any situation where reality would say no there is not going to be some miracle, they are going to need to take some type of action on their own.

    it is sad but as we both know there are few who can stand the test of time when it comes to long term illness. for what ever reason as you say even family can be disappointing to us. if i were there i would be there for you now, but all i can do is tell you that not a day goes by without thinking of you and vic. you have my love and support


    1. Thank you dear friend! As you have my love and support! In a strange way I do have a sense of comfort when I think of you – which is every day!! Much love – Tersia


  11. Religions are words; soul and spirit are revealed in the way we are in the world. And YOU, my friend, are a light in this world. Much love to you, now and always.


  12. Hi Tersia – Everything Diana said, I second the motion. Stay strong and keep believing and loving and trusting God. He loves you! I have a relationship with God as well and I no longer go to church because of some of the reasons you expressed. However, I would love to find a church I can call home, just hasn’t happened yet. Remember we all reap what we sow!


      1. God is knowing, every time we learn, we usually have a trial of some kind beforehand, how often have we ignored the cries of others who were not our own, too often


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