Stuff

Today I started packing up Vic’s “things” …Tupperware, crockery, cutlery, whatnots… the stuff

I drank coffee from her favorite mug. I tried to crate the “stuff” into equal portions. I came across the boys’ plates, their little mugs, their christening gifts.  Vic did not have a lot of material things.  Eight dinner plates, eight side plates, and 8 dessert plates… unmatched glasses and hundreds of tokens of love.  She was so rich in love, memories, and stuff.  A suitcase full of notes from friends, literally hundreds of cards and thousands of photographs.

I sometimes think Vic thought she could take her stuff with her to heaven.

I pulled out a plastic container from the bottom of the pantry cupboard. I opened it. Someone had taken all the “stuff” off her bedside tables and the headboard the day she died and put it into a plastic crate.

“Someone” – Thank you!!! I cannot imagine that I would have had the strength to do it at the time.

The stuff in the plastic container that I found today brought me much comfort. Five years ago it may have unleashed more anger and bitterness in my heart.

Vic was at peace with her God. She sought guidance, strength, and comfort from Him. She did not ask for a cure anymore. She asked for strength…Not forgiveness but strength and guidance. Why not forgiveness – Vic had made peace with her God a long time before she died. She asked once and then it was in the past – forgiven.

She was childlike in her faith. She did not continuously ask for the same thing. She asked once and then believed that if God wanted her to have it, He would give it to her without her nagging. I remember once thinking that she is so accepting of her lousy life. She lived a life of “attitude of gratitude”.

What an example you were to the world and especially me. I strive for your serenity.  I am your biggest fan.

Love you Baby Girl