sticks and stones and hurtful words

I reblogged this.  So often we use words without stopping to think that years later the words will still ring through the ears of the recipient…

When I first got married, and my ex-husband asked me for a divorce, he cited a couple of reasons for the request.

1.  I was a great mother, career person, entertainer, friend etc but I was a lousy wife

2.  He thought I was ugly

Now I know there was a certain amount of truth in the statement.  I knew that I was not focused on his needs quite as much as his mistress was.  But, I also knew, in my heart that, although I am not an oil painting, I was reasonably attractive in my own way.  Some people have even said I am pretty.

The fact remains – when I look at myself in the mirror I see what he saw.  When Danie and I have a disagreement he agrees with his predecessor.  Other days he will tell me I am beautiful.  Then I agree with his predecessor…

It is true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It is also true that harsh words will never leave one’s head.  I still hear his words 34 years later!

Let us remember that words destruct and destroy.  Words can never be taken back.  Hurt lingers on….  Let’s be gentle!


Watch your tongue – Cherylfoston

This is so brilliant – often words are spoken without a second thought of how our words will affect the recipient…  Please read this and let’s all try to be kinder and more considerate. Reblogged from Watch Your Tongue


Trust-timeline-lies-copyOuch! That hurts! Are you aware that some people are very good at using a razor blade with a smile? The words that come out of their mouth is so smooth, so sweet and so soft spoken, that it may take you a moment to realize you’ve been cut! While you are standing there bleeding, or maybe hemorrhaging, they are putting the razor blade away while asking you “What’s the matter, sweetie?” Most times the person is speaking the truth, but speaking the truth is not what this is about! How the truth gets told is what this is about. Because a sweet, gentle, smiling razor blade is still a razor blade!

The majority of people are open to hearing the truth when it is said in a way they can hear it. Yet, no one wants to hear you when you make them out to be wrong, or when you attack their weaknesses. People don’t hear what you are saying if you are saying it to make yourself look better than they are. Don’t in anyway make the mistake of thinking that the people you speak to do not know what you really mean. They do! If there is an ounce of judgment, criticism, or degrading in what you say, they are not going to hear you. Matter-of-fact they are going to totally tune you out!

If you want to make sure that people hear you talk about difficult or uncomfortable situations, you must speak to them from your heart. Yes, you must be real and honest, but you must speak to them with compassion and concern. Maybe you feel the need to finally confront that friend you feel only comes around when they want something. Maybe you have a young adult child that has been walling out lately and you need to have a good heart to heart to get them back on track. Pretend you are their teacher, their healer or the person that will lead them to the next level of spiritual and emotional growth. I know it can be a little challenging sometimes, especially when you are talking with teens or young adults. Yet, you want to be sure they really hear what you are trying to convey to them and are not just listening.

In order to make that work, maybe you can test your approach out on yourself, by telling yourself some truth about yourself that is difficult for you to hear. Then once you have figured out how to speak more lovingly toward yourself, you will be able to throw out the razor blade and begin speaking in a more loving tone to others.