The end of Maxine….

This was so funny I just had to reblog this. I do plead guilty to sharing most of the behavioural traits listed below…..  Thank-you Shirley for reblogging this.  

Reblogged from

The end of Maxine….

Posted on 12, 10, 12


As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails
over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door 
without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread 
because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands 
with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
 I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s handbag 
for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks 
for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can’t have a drink in a bar
 because I fear I’ll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can’t eat at KFC 
because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants 
even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you 
I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , 
I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy 
fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap 
in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know 
I can’t boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema 
because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers 
because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you 
I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice 
I can’t ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can’t do any gardening 
because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s
ex mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s

Oh, and by the way…

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..


A change of Heart

Thirteen years ago, we celebrated Tienie, Vic’s father’s, birthday at his memorial service.  Since the 29th of October Vic has relived every second of her father’s final journey.  It has been indelibly burnt into her memory, her being, and her life.

Thirteen years ago Vic stood up in front of hundreds of Tienie’s friends, family, colleagues, lovers, ex-lovers, ex-wives and delivered a beautiful and moving eulogy!  She honored her father by talking about what he represented in everyone’s lives.  How giving he was…

Tienie gave his family and friends love, laughter, friendship and joy, and we knew he would want to give someone else the opportunity to have a better life.  Vic made the brave decision to honor her father’s unwritten wishes.  She gave permission for Tienie’s organs to be harvested and donated.

As we said our goodbyes we were able to celebrate his generosity.  He had given men and women a heart, lungs, kidneys, retina, bone, pancreas, and skin…  For one or other reason his liver was not used.  Up to today we joke and say that he used up his own liver…

Vic received letters from grateful families thanking her for the gift of life that they had received from her daddy.

I often wonder about the fortunate person who received Tienie’s heart.   I wonder whether elements of a person’s character – or even their soul – are transplanted along with a heart.   CLAIRE SYLVIA, a divorced mother of one, was 47 and dying from a disease called primary pulmonary hypertension when, in 1988, she had a pioneering heart-lung transplant in America.  She was given the organs of an 18-year-old boy who had been killed in a motorcycle accident near his home in Maine.

Claire, a former professional dancer, then made an astonishing discovery: she seemed to be acquiring the characteristics, and cravings (beer and KFC), of the donor.  Claire catalogued her journey by writing a book called A Change Of Heart.
Read more:—started-craving-beer-Kentucky-Fried-Chicken-My-daughter-said-I-walked-like-man.html#ixzz2BrWBPp7G 

The recipient of Tienie’s heart could take on a couple of beautiful characteristics; develop a love for beer, whiskey and women…  He/she would also prefer vegetables to meat, be honest to the core of his/her soul…. He/she would not cry… Party hard and work even harder.  He/she would have a wonderful, mischievous sense of humor  be very tidy and lose their ability to dance…

Today I miss my first love.  I miss the father of my child.  I am grateful that he does not have to go through the hell of Vic’s disease.  I thank God for the child he fathered.  I am grateful that he and Danie got on well.

By writing this post I do not want to detract from the wonderful marriage that I have.  I am so grateful for the second chance I had at love and happiness.  I thank God for the wonderful husband He gave me, the Dad that Vic was given.  I thank God for Danie.  He is an amazing Dad to Vic.  Tienie will always be her father but Danie is her Dad.  Danie is the greatest gift I received from God and I love my life with him.  I love Danie with every fiber of my body.  I will ALWAYS love Danie.

But today I miss my first love, my friend, the father of my child.

Happy birthday Tienie.