“More than you know”

I have received a couple of very touching emails from Judy Unger.  I am an avid follower of Judy’s blog http://myjourneysinsight.com  I have sensed from Judy’s blogs that she has suffered deeply.  I have however always avoided reading her posts on her son Jason’s death.  Somehow it is too close to home.
This week I received another caring email from Judy.  Tonight I read Judy’s post on her Jason-Mark’s journey.   http://myjourneysinsight.com/category/death-of-my-child-jasons-story/.
I wept for Judy.
With fresh, tearfilled eyes, I reread my email.  I listened to Judy’s beautiful song and went to lay with my child.  I held her gently and told her how much I love her.  She is having a bad day and is feeling very frail.
Once again I share this remarkable woman’s caring email with you.  Her words are flattering and the email personal.  Yet I am compelled to share this email…  I hope that you will listen to her beautiful song.  Thank you dear Judy for baring your soul and showing your compassion.  Thank you for reaching out to me!
I am always thinking of you at a time where you are putting one foot in front of the other. There is probably no word in the dictionary to express your exhaustion. Yet, you always find time to respond to every person’s comment with grace and kindness. 

I loved your last post about tears. How beautiful that you could appreciate tears of joy, and not only of suffering at a time like this. 

I have been deeply touched that you’ve shared my songs and words on your blog. It is unbelievable to me how in the short time I’ve know you, you’ve allowed me to help. I certainly hoped and wished I could. My own life has been enriched knowing that I was able to be there for you and Vic. The lovely comments by people who read your blog have also brought me to tears. 

Since you have been Vic’s caregiver, you already know her absence will leave you with a deep abyss. It is so hard to have that devotion stop suddenly, because you will be going from plodding in exhaustion into nothingness. It is shocking because for so long, keeping Vic going has been your major purpose in life. 

Now I want to share about another song that has helped me. It is my song named “More Than You Know.” 

There are many levels to this song similarly to “Set You Free.” The main theme is of letting go. My song was written about friendship, but I revised it after my son Jason died. The lines that I find most applicable to losing my child was: 

“I just can’t find the words to say how it felt when you went away”

With that line I am saying that nothing can possibly express the anguish of grief. 

“I thought that you were mine.”

I believed that my child belonged to me. He was my purpose and I took care of him until he died. I could not accept his death for a very long time. That was why letting go was so hard. 

Your own eloquent words acknowledge acceptance of Vic’s death. You are preparing yourself to let her go. 

But there is no way to do that adequately. 

I share with you my lyrics and song now. Since you have shared my messages, I want to provide a link here to my story about Jason. It helps to explain my songs and why I want to give you hope as you enter the darkness of grief. Your love for Vic will never end, nor her love for you. 

Please know that you (or anyone grieving) can write to me any time. I am sensitive to grief in all forms, but because I am also a bereaved parent, I am especially sad when a child dies. 

Link to Jason’s Story – myjourneysinsight.com

Here is my latest song to help you: MORE THAN YOU KNOW-Copyright 2010 by Judy Unger


You gave me your hand; you’d always understand
No one else could see all the change you’d seen in me
You gave me so much; within a single touch
I searched for a smile; you brought mine back for a while
I just can’t find the words to say
How it felt when you went away
All my life, I hoped you would stay
And when you left, I let you go
But I still love you, more than you know
 I still love you
You brought me sunshine; I thought that you were mine
How can I believe? When the warmth of you did leave
You gave me everything that made me want to sing
How could I have guessed that our time would be my best?
I just can’t find the words to say
How it felt when you went away
All my life, I hoped you would stay
And when you left, I let you go
But I still love you, more than you know
 I still love you
I echo you words.