When a parent dies, you lose your past; when a child dies, you lose your future.
There are more than 100 million single (only) children in China, Xinhua, the state-run news agency, reported in February. That translates into more than 200 million parents of single children.
Until 2012, there were “at least” one million families in China that had lost their only child, Xinhua wrote in a separate report carried by the Jinghua Times. About 76,000 families are added to the sad roster each year, it said.
There is a special term for the parents that has lost their only child….”shidu” family.
In the rest of the world the average woman gives birth to 2.75 children.
I gave birth to one. My only birth child has died. I am a “shidu”
Today I am (again) desperately missing my child. I feel as if I have lost my future. I only have my past. But I know that is not true. I have Vic’s two amazing son’s to care for; 4 precious stepchildren; 9 step grandchildren that I love like my own…
Many years ago when Danie proposed I asked God for a clear sign. I prayed so hard so direction… I explained to God that I was so scared of making a mistake that would affect so many people’s lives. I asked for a clear scripture!
I opened my Bible and the scripture that jumped up at me was Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
I immediately went back on my knees and prayed again. “God, thank you for the scripture you gave me but what about all the children?”
I opened my Bible and it fell open on page 793 of the Old Testament. Isaiah 54:1-17 “Sing, O barren one, who did not bear; break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate one will be more than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord. “Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your offspring will possess the nations and will people the desolate cities. “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. “
My answer was a prophesy… Not only is my life filled with these precious people but I now also have Izak, Reuben, Nonthanthle and Shekinah to love. I am blessed.
Does this however fill the void that Vic’s death has left?
I feel ungrateful for being in this well of despair whilst I am not alone. I am motherless not childless. The fact remains that I desperately miss my child. My life is empty. I have lost my future.
I am a Shidu
9 thoughts on “I am a Shidu… I am a Shidu…”
It is a very, very thin veil that separates us from them (our deceased loved ones). You will find your daughter’s presence all around you if you open your heart, mind, and senses to the possibility.
I know that Vic is with me. I feel her presence at times and I have made contact with her. She was such a huge part of my life that there is this unbelievably huge void. I miss her physical presence. Thank you for your words of advice. I loved your post http://nevergiveupmotto.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/is-it-possible-to-heal/ . It truly resonated with me.
I have often thought about the implication of only having one child and the fact that it is law in China. I love the Isaiah 54 verse and what it means.
This broke my heart. Love you.
Ditto dear friend!!
Oh boy did i feel this being motherless. i’m so sorry you’re hurting today. sending hugs and support xo
THank you dear friend
if you had 10 kids you would miss vic. knowing all the facts, such as you have other people who are dear to you, doesn’t change your loss. i am so sorry you are going through this and i know as you do that vic would hate that you are suffering.
wishing you peace of heart and sending warm hugs
Thank you my friend.
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