486 days…


486 days; 1 year, 4 months; 69 weeks….

Oh dear God, will this pain never stop? Will my heart ever heal? Will I ever be able to look at a photograph without tears welling up in my eyes? No matter where I am or who I am with – I miss my precious Angel Child.

I know your pain is over. Remember the night you crawled into bed with me and I told you that I looked forward to your pain being over? Did you know that night how many tears I would shed for you? Did you know that my life would change forever?

Yes, I know you did. Your words echo through my mind…”Mommy, I am so worried about you. How will you cope when I am gone?”

My stock standard reply was “I will cope baby. I will remember your pain and be glad that it is over”. How stupid of me.

As time goes by I forget how sick you were my precious little one.

Then I look through my photos. I see your pain. I see death in your beautiful eyes.

You knew how hard it would be. In your infinite wisdom you tried to prepare me. You tried to prepare the boys… Sweetie, nobody or nothing in the world could have prepared me for the pain, the loneliness, the void…

Sometimes I wonder how many days it will be until we meet again. I pray it is soon. This is just too hard.

11 thoughts on “486 days…

  1. When you wrote that you were wondering how many days it would be – my wish for you would be “How many days until you feel peace and joy again in life?” You will die someday and see Vicky again, Tersia. In her wisdom you know Vicky would answer by reminding you that it is not your time yet. Anticipating how many days until finding peace in life instead of death is my wish for you. And Tersia – it is possible. It took me a long time and I suffered so much that I even gave up hope of ever feeling better. I am here to remind you that there is HOPE! Please know how sad I am for your suffering and feel my hug.

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  2. Hugs Tersia! You will be with your child one day, I know it. Don’t rush it though, you are still needed here. I think Vicky would agree and want you to find joy here, in her boys, in your work because it seems to me that’s what she was always looking for. <3
    Diana xo

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  3. she was very wise, there is no way to prepare for this kind of lose though. you loved each other so much and are so lucky to have had the years together. there would never have been enough of those for either of you. sending love and warm hugs to you my friend.

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