Dying is a lonely journey. Not only for the sick person but also for the family. As hard as we may try to avoid death, the truth is that we do a lousy job of it. Science and medicine will certainly postpone it, even staying healthy might seem to delay it, but the harsh reality is that death does not wait for you, it does not ask you, and it does not listen to you. Death ignores your feelings and wants; you do not matter to death…Death is the only certainty in life! We need to remember that our existence here is fragile, and we never have as much time with people as we think we do. If there is someone or someones out there that you love, don’t neglect that and don’t put off engaging with them because waits for no-one… Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child.
Five incredibly long years ago I finally had to let you go. I fought so hard for you. Just another year…another month…another week…another day… And then it was over.
You stopped breathing.
It was simply over.
The reason for my existence was gone. There was nothing to do. I washed you and dressed you and waited for the undertakers to fetch you.
They came and went. My heart broke all over again watching you leave home the very last time.
I made your made bed and had your room cleaned. And then I waited for the boys to arrive…
Oh dear God, the pain in their eyes… I don’t ever want to see it again.
I arranged your funeral. I did your eulogy. I cried myself to sleep and cried myself awake. I packed up your cupboards. I carried on with Hospice. I learnt to breathe without you.
Today it is 5 years. Where has time gone? I thought my heart would be healed by now but the pain is as much as 5 years ago. It is not so harsh. Pain has become a familiar companion. It goes to bed with me and wakes up with me.
I am filled with self-doubt all the time. Am I making a mess of the boys lives? Am I making the right decisions?
I constantly battle my emotions. I wake up with my hair drenched in tears. I fall asleep praying for the boys and those of us left behind. I spend my days smiling.
Oh sweetheart I would give anything to change places with you. I wish you could be with your boys. They miss you so much. I can never be a mother to them.
So many of my cyber friends have lost their children…these women and men have supported and guided me on my journey with Vic and held my hand in the early days of my grieving and heartache… They KNOW my pain. I found this poem on a bereavement site and would like to share (and dedicate) it to all the angel moms and dads out there. Thank you for your support, advice, encouragement and love.
My other cyber friends have done their best to understand and love – thank you all. I appreciate your compassion and continued support. I pray that you will never experience this pain. I pray that you will never become Angel Parents…
We have shared our tears and our sorrow, We have given encouragement to each other, Given hope for a brighter tomorrow,
We share the title of grieving mother.
Some of us lost older daughters or sons, Who we watched grow over the years, Some have lost their babies before their lives begun, But no matter the age, we cry the same tears.
We understand each others pain, The bond we share is very strong, With each other there is no need to explain, The path we walk is hard and long.
Our children brought us together, They didn’t want us on this journey alone, They knew we needed each other, To survive the pain of them being gone.
So take my hand my friend, We may stumble and fall along the way, But we’ll get up and try again, Because together we can make it day by day.
We can give each other hope, We’ll create a place where we belong, Together we will find ways to cope, Because we are Angel Moms and together we are strong!