“I am sorry Mommy!”


Vicky constantly says “sorry Mommy.”   She says “sorry Mommy” when she vomits, when she is in pain, when she is ill…

Then there is a flood of “thank you’s”….. Vic says “thank you” all the time!  It drives me mad! I don’t want her to apologize for being ill and I don’t want her to continuously thank me.

Vic’s situation, our situation as a family, is unfair, arbitrary, frustrating and so sad.  Vic is blameless, helpless, a victim of poor sick genes and doctor error.

I know that Vic is sad about her situation.  I know that Vic is sad for what the family is going through.  She is sad because she cannot be the mother she wants to be.  She is sad that she has a lonely, sad life devoid of partner love, physical love and friendships not based on pity.  She sad because she does not have a social life and neither do we as a family.   Vic is sad that she is dying in the prime of her life.  Vic is sad that she has achieved so little in her life (by her standards only).

We no longer have lunches with friends, outings or holidays.  Life has ground to a slow, agonizing halt… Vic floats from one pain filled day in bed to the next.  When she has a good and busy day, like yesterday, she pays the price for weeks.  Vic has not been out of bed today.  She is deadly pale and drawn.

It is hard for her not having privacy.  Vic is embarrassed that I hold her hair or wipe her face when she is vomiting.  Yet she needs me with her….

We are however in this together as a family. It is a rough journey for everyone.

“I am so sorry Mommy…” …it echoes through my heart.

“I love you my angel” I whisper….

Published by

tersiaburger

I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

11 thoughts on ““I am sorry Mommy!””

  1. i was writing a comment and it just disappeared. so i will keep it brief. vic needs to thank you as you are the one who is there. it is embassing in the moment and yet there you are and she does feel gratitude that you are there for her.

    this is so sad for you all to be going through, fortunatley you all have a great love to pull you together. let her be grateful for that love.

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  2. My mother was sick for half my childhood and passed away when I was a teenager. I’ve been there. My deepest sympathy and prayers go out to your family.

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    1. Hi, thank you for visiting and commenting. I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what is worse – having a sick parent half one’s life or the parent dying? I think the boys suffer more from witnessing their Mom’s pain and suffering.

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  3. Not every family is like this. I love reading how strong and supportive you are together as a family – it’s a powerful and silent achievement that reflects what good and kind-hearted people you all are. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with the rest of us, xoxo

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  4. Just asking that question leads to an answer that it will end. Tersia, it is so slow and torturous. I watched your journey unfolding. I’m so sorry for this horrific pain. It is exquisitely terrible for you because of the trauma and decades of dealing with Vic’s precarious health. But I hope you can dream that there will be a day when remembering Vic will be peaceful and you will feel her arms wrapping around you. I never imagined that would happen for me, but it did. Never give up hope!

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