“Next year my mom and I are going to Italy”


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Sue saw Vic this morning.   Her liver is very distended and exerting pressure on the right lung.   I now have to use her little arms and legs as injection sites.  I HATE injecting her in the legs.  The doctor fears that she will develop abscesses on her bum.  The entire derriere area is full of lumps and bruises.  When I inject her the injection site becomes “lemon-peely”.  The immediate area swells and becomes hard.  Sometimes there is a fair amount of bleeding or serum loss.  Her tissue is POOR!!!

I discussed various central line options with Sue.  Vic refused point-blank to even consider it.  Vic has been mainlined so many times.  She always asked the anaesthetists to not tape her hair to the central line….  Vic went into septic shock from a CVV, had the needle inserted into an accessory vein and had to be returned to theatre for the removal of the needle and the cauterization of the puncture wound in the vein….  Due to her poor tissue and bleeding tendencies it took two hours!

So we discussed the way forward.

Sue gave us a script for Pethidine.  We will alternate the morphine and Pethidine six-hourly.  The poor pharmacist….  She went into shock when she heard that the morphine is NOT being replaced by the Pethidine… that it is in addition to the morphine.

Now it is only a matter of time.  Vic’s organs are slowly shutting down.  My child is gently being eased into death.

The entire day it echoed through my mind “we cannot stop this.  It is happening”

Vic is calm and serene.

“Next year my mom and I are going to Italy” she told Sue today.

“Then I can die…”

“We will find a way my love” Sue said…

“It is closer that she realises” Sue said to me at her car

Do I tell her?” I asked

“No, her body will…” Sue said

I cannot bear the thought of living without Vic.

 

Published by

tersiaburger

I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

27 thoughts on ““Next year my mom and I are going to Italy””

  1. This is the most beautiful photo of Vic. She looks gorgeous. This one is going to be framed. My dear dear friend. My heart is aching for you. We know it is going to happen, but don’t want to even think or go down that road. My prayers are with you. Lots love Gillian.

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  2. Beautiful picture of Vicky. You are still my angel Ters. Caring, loving, giving – just some of your many talents… Love you so much…

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  3. at this point you are going to have to give over the process. take your cues from vic and let her go with dignity. she is so lovely and needs you by her side and i know you will be there. my heart goes out to you, vic and the rest of her loved ones.

    wishing you all peace of heart.

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      1. I don’t know what to say because words cannot express the pain. You are fortunate to have so many people supporting you as you cross into the horror of something you cannot imagine. Just know that when that time comes, I’m someone out there in cyberspace that will be there for you. You may write me at any time, even though there are no words for the sobs. You need to set her free, and although her destination is unknown – both of you are going to be alright. Her essence will never leave you and cannot be replaced. You know that. Letting go is so hard. Hang on to the love – it will not die. You are going to be okay and keep writing to help yourself heal.

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  4. My Dearest tersia. My reality now includes love for you both which grows leap and bounds with every breath Vic continues to take.
    These is the time that will be soon sustain you through the next journey you will be taking, the talks you shared. Sue’s words.

    You continue to leave me in awe…

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  5. My God, such heavy drugs.

    You truly are going through a lot, & I truly wish you and your young one the best this Christmas. Are you really going to Italy? Wow.

    Sincere best of luck, wellness. N’n.

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