Posted in Death, Death of a child, Family, Family Life, Grief, Jared, Terminal Illness, Vicky Bruce

The stench of hatred


hate

On the 22nd of February I posted on a blotched back operation that Vic had and ultimately lead to her death.  https://tersiaburger.com/2013/02/22/4027-days/

A family member commented I hope one day you can forgive him, for he didn’t know what he was doing. I checked with Vicky, and she did.”

I know Vic had made peace with the surgeon.  She died with no feelings of hatred in her heart.  She bore no-one ill.  Vic was a gentle, loving people-pleaser.

I am not.  I have a dark side to me.  I do not tolerate fools or bullies easily.  I hate the surgeon and his compatriot in blotched surgery, Dr V, with every fiber of my being.  He KNEW what he was doing.  He admitted later that it was an experimental procedue…

I know exactly what the Bible says about forgiveness.  I know how bitterness and hate affects one’s life.  I know it robs one of your joys.       I have read that you cannot enter Heaven if you have not forgiven.  I have however also read, and choose to believe what is written in the Old Testament – an eye for an eye….

I received this lovely little anecdote today and thought, very sanctimoniously, that I would share it.  When I however sat down and started typing I realized that I would be a hypocrite if I pretended to just pass on the moral of the story.

I know that hate contaminates everything.

The definition of Hatred:-

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hatred (or hate) is a deep and emotional extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals, entities, objects, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger and a disposition towards hostility. Commonly held moral rules, such as the Golden Rule, oppose universal hatred towards another.

The Bible refers to hatred between 71 and 93 times in the Bible – depending on which version you read. 

Both the Old and the New Testaments deal with hatred. David, in the Psalms, thanks God for destroying those that hate him, and thanks Him for hating his enemies.[1] This is the era of wars and kingdoms; armies destroy enemies, hate is political and military. But it is also domestic: David’s sons hate each other, and Absalom will kill his half-brother after the latter rapes and spurns his sister. And after banishment, Abasalom will hate his father and try to destroy him. However, the Old Testament also contains condemnations of hatred. For example, ” thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart”.[2] In the New Testament, hatred focuses on the soul. Evil is internalised and the focus of hatred becomes that part of the heart, the sinning self. The New Testament also clearly condemns hatred. Jesus contended that “whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in himself.”[3] But all people are, according to the gospels, sinners, and only have to look inside of themselves in order to find sin. Loving good means hating sin and turning from vice. Love, as Aquinas[citation needed] teaches, must be divided into love of good things, the healthy movement of the soul true to itself, and love of inappropriate objects, the desire to have and use what may be bad for the soul.- Wikipedia

So herewith the anecdote…

A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play a game.

The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes.

Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates.

So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.

So when the day came, each child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended… The teacher asked: “How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?” The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: “This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???”

Moral of the story: Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take!

Newsflash:  I pray that I will find forgiveness in my heart for the good doctors but tonight my eldest grandson is lying in his room, reading a book of poetry Vic left him, crying for his mother.  Nothing that I do or say can make his pain less or bring his mommy back.

So that stench of hatred…I will live with it.  It fuels my hatred.

Author:

I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

22 thoughts on “The stench of hatred

  1. I hurt for you my friend and recogonize that hatred far to well. I had I thought forgiven my daughters murderer for all the reasons you gave about getting into heaven and perhaps I have but I still seek justice and that angers me and I begin to hate him all over again, so will I go to heaven to see my daughter there I don’t know, will forgiveness ever be complete? I don’t know that answer either I only know as a mother that losing a child at anothers hand be it professional or significant other doesn’t laessen the pain, suffering or grief. My daughters youngest lives with us and to see his suffering fuels my hatred as well. I wish you peace my friend and perhaps in time it will come I haven’t found it yet. Love and peace to you.

    Like

    1. I read your blog, and I read my own pain in your words. We cannot understand the reasons behind good people suffering and the bad ones just carrying on with their lives! There is no justice in this world. Love and peace to you too!!

      Like

      1. To feel the love, joy and peace of yesteryear shall be no more.
        Normal is no longer, it has not a place here anymore.
        Laughter is fleeting and hides our tears.
        Silence is avoided for the pain it brings.
        God bless you and keep you sane in this…the worst of times.
        Love you my friend.

        Like

  2. Nothing can assuage your loss, or the pain that Vic and her family felt from that mistake that caused so much suffering. But not sure that holding on the hate is helpful, and maybe there is a place between hate and foregiveness that you will find over time that makes things somewhat easier for you and the others. But I do not know how I would react in similar circumstances, as the loss of a child, whether accidental or through negligence, would be an unbearable pain.

    Like

    1. Andrew I hope that time will bring healing and forgiveness. When I recall how feverish Vic little body was, 2 hours after her death, and I reread her messages to me “Mommy vomiting”; “Mommy vomitting blood” – “Mommy please help me”….the anger threatens to overwhelm me. Thank you for caring.

      Like

  3. Dear Tersia, I wanted to stop by here to take a moment to thank you deeply for nominating me for the Liebster Award. It meant so much to me and I didn’t fully express that to you. I just wrote more about you on my blog. I think writing about your pain and hatred is terrific therapy. It allows for “up and out.” I see you flying just like an eagle. That day will come and I picture hatred being left behind when you soar, otherwise it will load you down. You are certainly entitled to your feelings and it is healthier to express them. Keep writing!

    Like

  4. Dear Tersa, I can only imagine the pain and anguish that you and your lovely boys are feeling.

    If we believe in the angels who were with Vic, we can also perhaps see that there is a bigger picture that we can’t see any more than we can see angels most of the time.
    In that bigger picture, we stop being victims of the awful events of life, and find that these were experiences and decisions we made before embarking on this life, in order to learn some truths that our soul demanded.
    So you chose, and Vic, chose, and your lovely boys are living through profound experiences which will shape their characters, and teach them compassion and understanding and so many other things which will make them grow into extra-ordinary and very special human beings.

    If we can accept that these experiences are part of the bigger picture, as they are for the people who you feel have wronged you, and who have to live with those consequences, it could help you to work through your feelings and maybe find peace of mind..
    It’s also my belief that in doing this, we also free our loved ones in the next world,
    Thinking of you….
    .

    Like

  5. I think that first we have to let ourselves feel the hate…to deny it also will eat one alive. I am so very sorry all this happened to you and your family….it is indeed a tragedy. I think of you often and send hope and love your way. This is a time of so many feelings for you…rushing in one after the other…it will be a wild ride but we are all here with you in this raft.

    Like

  6. of course you know what hatred does to you. do you have reason to feel this way? of course you do! being angry and looking for a target for that anger is also natural. don’t forget though that forgiving is not the same as saying what he did is ok. sometimes we fear forgiveness as it feels like we are betraying someone we love. i think vic knew that she didn’t have the energy to waste on hating this man. she chose to concentrate on her family and making the best of her situation.

    i hope you find peace of heart and have more opportunities to surround yourself with family, laughter and love.

    Like

  7. I am so sorry for your family’s loss. There is no advice that I can give that will heal the wounds that you have. I have had to deal with a situation that involved a family member and all I could do was pray to have the hate tempered because I would have to be around this person all the time. Eventually the hate weakened to a strong dislike. But I will never forget.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s