“The pain passes, but the beauty remains”.


                          "The pain passes, but the beauty remains".                                --Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919)
“The pain passes, but the beauty remains”.
Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919)

I have flu.  I get ill once in 5 years and I am a ninny.  I do not handle pain and discomfort well… I whinge, moan and groan until I am better…

This time I have embraced my flu.  I can stay in bed and there is no pressure for me to get up…. I can just lie in bed with my eyes closed and it is okay!  For the first time since my precious child died I don’t have to communicate, talk or pretend.  I can just be sick!!!!  I have spent four days in bed not having to talk, smile or pretend….

I am sick to the core of my soul – not only from the flu but from heartbreak.  I was able to feel the loneliness and emptiness that permeates my life since Vic died.  For four days I have not had to smile or live – I could lie in bed and hope to die.

There are days that I really do cope.  There are days that I am able to smile and laugh.  Most of the time I live a lie…

I have made peace with the fact that my precious child’s suffering is over.  I know that never again will she fracture vertebrae from vomiting, scream from pain, whimper because she does not have the strength to scream… But all I have done is learnt to accept that Vic was amputated from my life.  I still have to learn to live without the amputated part of my body; the pain of the missing part of me continues to taunt me…

I miss my child so much!  I want to love and hold her.  I wish I could have protected her from the ravages of Osteogenesis Imperfecta and doctor error!  No, I don’t have guilt…I did everything I possibly could for my baby girl. I just desperately miss her!  I miss her company.

I am hoping that the pain will pass…I do remember the beauty of my precious Vic all the time.  The wonderful mother and daughter that she was; kind and gentle; incapable of malice…Her beauty will remain with us for ever.

Tomorrow I will get out of bed and carry on living.

In Memory of Vicky – dmchale


I am finding it difficult to see what I am typing.  My dear friend Dennis McHale posted this beautiful poem as ‘n tribute to Vic.  I am touched that this talented man would take the time to do this.  Dennis has been such a great friend.  http://dlmchale.com/2013/05/02/in-memory-of-vicky/

Today has been such a mixed day.  I have been filled with the deepest sadness and sorrow and yet I have felt at peace that Vic’s suffering is over.  I miss her terribly.

I am feeling flu-ish and fell asleep on the sofa.  Jon-Daniel covered me with a blanket, and I woke when he gently kissed me on the forehead.  The way his mommy used too…

I want my child back!  It is too hard trying to live without her.

Dennis thank-you for your beautiful words.  Thank you for your love and support over the past year.  I am too teary to write so I shall post this beautiful poem for the world to read and enjoy.

I love you my Angel Child.  You have touched people all over the world.

In Memory of Vicky

by dmchale

Vicky

 

This poem is dedicated to my dear friend “tersiaburger”
In memory of her beloved daughter, Vicky.

——————————————————————-

You and I
are touched by one star.

Wherever you are
we stand together in one light
which no depth or height or distance
can ever dim.

Wherever you are
your light shines;
past time and space
past flesh to thought,
I feel your power.

Wherever you go
the day will dawn
and the star will appear;
for you are a child of this light
and it fosters your heavenly dreams.

In this light, I have found ways
to heal, to bind up,
to tear down the feeble structures
of fear of your absence has
carelessly constructed within me.

You and I
are touched by one star.

In its glowing embrace
we find our true selves;
we find our peace.

Today I may stand alone,

missing you with all my heart
be I stand strong.
Through the corridors of our courage
you have helped me to
discover those eternal lines
of love within myself;
my birthright discovered because

Vicky and I are
touched by one star.