I am the last mother…


I come from a long line of exceptional mothers.

My Mom died 15 years and 11 months ago.  She was tiny and petite.  I remember my school friends telling me that my Mom reminded them of a fairy princess.  My Mom dressed beautifully, had perfectly manicured nails and hair…. She taught us the finer things in life.

My parents
My parents

My Mom always worked…she was bright and diligent in her profession as a bookkeeper.  She was proud to be a career girl.  Mom knitted beautifully and made glorious tapestries!

The surprising thing is that we did not ever feel deprived because Mom worked.  I was proud of my mom.  As a family, we went on wonderful holidays every single year of our childhoods.  We were always the well-dressed kids on the block…We got new bicycles, and we had a beautiful home.

As a child, I thought we were rich.  Of course, I knew that many of my parent’s friends lived in seriously nice homes, but somehow I never thought those people were wealthier than we were.  Today I realize that I grew up in a middle-class home.  As a child, I felt protected and RICH!  How amazing is that?

My mother was a remarkable lady.  She brought us up to be compassionate, honest people; to never let the sun set on an argument; to love unconditionally, to protect our own… We learnt from her strength, her respect for others, her courage, faithfulness and her love for God.  Mom was around for the happy and sad times.

My mom as a young woman
My mom as a young woman

“As mothers and daughters, we are connected with one another. My mother is the bones of my spine, keeping me straight and true. She is my blood, making sure it runs rich and strong. She is the beating of my heart. I cannot now imagine a life without her.”
― Kristin HannahSummer Island  http://denacronholm.com/

My Mom died after she developed septicaemia post-operatively.  It was two agonizing weeks!  We sat next to her bed willing her to fight, get well…. To die…

When my Mom died I thought my life was over.  The grief was overwhelming.  It was my first “real” death.  My gran had passed many years ago, but that was my mom’s grief… I was young, ambitious and climbing the corporate ladder.  My life went on.  I remember my Mom crying at silly times because she was missing her mom.  I remember thinking “surely it can’t be that bad?  Old people die…”

After my mom died I read these words, A daughter without her mother is a woman broken. It is a loss that turns to arthritis and settles deep into her bones. ” ― Kristin HannahSummer Island.  My mom grieved for her mom until the day she died.

I must add that my father was an amazing gentleman.  He supported my mom on every level.  He treated her like a queen and tolerated no less from us children.  I adored my dad!  But today’s post is about my mom and motherhood.

I only understood my mom’s love for us after I gave birth to Vic.  It was an all-consuming love.  I held my tiny baby girl in my arms and knew that she needed me for every one of her needs; she could not survive without me…  My mom and I were so close after Vic’s birth.  We shared a selfless love that only mothers can understand.  As mothers, our children come first; nothing is more important than our child’s comfort, happiness and safety.

Mom, my siblings and I
Mom, my siblings and I

“Womanhood is a wonderful thing. In womankind we find the mothers of the race.  There is no man so great, nor none sunk so low, but once he lay a helpless, innocent babe in a woman’s arms and was dependent on her love and care for his existence. It is woman who rocks the cradle of the world and holds the first affections of mankind. She possesses a power beyond that of a king on his throne.
…Womanhood stands for all that is pure and clean and noble. She who does not make the world better for having lived in it has failed to be all that a woman should be.”
― Mabel HaleBeautiful Girlhood: A Timeless Guide for Christian Adolescence

I know there are mothers out there that really suck…  I know because I have been told by friends that they were never protected or defended by their moms.  I am so sad for people who do not have a good relationship with their mothers.  I was blessed with an amazing mother and that enabled me to be a good mother to my child.  My child was an amazing mother to her sons.  She loved her boys with every fibre in her body.  She suffered excruciating pain and indignity to stay alive… Vic could have given up much earlier in her life.  She fought to live right until the end…why???  It is easy – to bring up her beloved boys herself!

Vic reading to her boys
Vic reading to her boys

I am so proud of the mother Vic was.  She packed a lifetime of parenting into the little time that she had with her boys.  Jon-Daniel’s (14 years) BBM message this morning read “I really do miss you Mommy.  I miss the laughs we had and the time we spent together, and I miss talking to you.  Love you Mommy.”

A moment in the sun in the Hospital courtyard
A moment in the sun in the Hospital courtyard

The boys are level-headed, clean-living boys.  They have taken their mother’s words to heart “I am your mother not your excuse”.  Academically they are doing well.  Emotionally they are coping.  They are beautiful boys and truly do Vic’s memory honour.

I am the last mother alive…there will be no next generation mother to carry forward this miracle of motherhood.  The boys may become fathers, but I am the last of a long line of great mothers.

I will think of it on Sunday when millions celebrate Mother’s Day all over the world.

 

 

 

 

Stepping Stone Hospice


stepping_stones_of_memory_by_nwwes-d3krg59On the 1st of January 2013 we started Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services in my suburb.  We operated from my home with one highly skilled Palliative Care Nurse, a Palliative Care Doctor,  a network of caregivers, a four women steering committee,  one car and a lot of enthusiasm and energy.

Vic was our first death.  Stepping Stone was borne out of her pain and her desire to “pass it (Hospice Care) forward”.  Many years ago, I promised her that I would start a Hospice in her honour…. It would be her legacy.  When Siza looked after my Dad in his final days we “connected”.  She is a beautiful, compassionate, efficient person.  She has a gentle yet confidence inspiring disposition, and she delivered on her promise to Vic on day one.  When she came to set up the subcutaneous driver the first time she promised Vic that she would take care of her pain needs.  This she did to the best of her ability.

I blogged on this new lease of life Hospice gave Vic.  We have at least two and a half wonderful months where Vic was able to “live”… go out for milkshakes with her boys.

We have been so blessed.  Six weeks ago we were able to move into an office on the premises of an amazing charity organization called Amcare.  We now have a donated desk, laptop and printer.  We have quite a lot of donated equipment such as wheelchairs, walkers etc.  We only have one dilapidated chair but our work is in people’s homes not in offices!

People have generously donated second-hand clothes which more than provides for the pain medication that is needed to treat our indigent patients.  Through generous donations by a couple of people we have managed to pay Siza’s salary, fuel and cell phone costs.  We have been able to buy a software program that will allow us to invoice the medical aids, of patients, that have terminal care cover.

Today Trix received a phone call from a lady, our of our second-hand clothing benefactors, who asked whether we could meet with her brother….he wants to donate a building to Stepping Stone Hospice!!

Our God is a faithful God.  We have not advertised nor marketed aggressively at all.

I am speechless with the wonder of people’s generosity and love!

Please pray that this will indeed happen!

Vic, your legacy will live on.  Thousands of people will be able to live and die with dignity because you had a dream.  I love you Angel Child.  I know you are our guardian angel!!

HOSPICE BLOGS:

https://tersiaburger.com/2013/01/03/tomorrow-may-be-better-than-yesterday/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/12/18/the-right-to-live-with-dignity/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/11/07/life-is-good-life-is-great/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/10/15/remission-15-10-2012/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/10/23/and-hospice-says-go/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/09/24/mommy-i-thought-i-had-more-time/

Happy birthday Mommy! 3.8.2012


Until death do us part….

My tiny, petite little mom was born on the 3rd of August. She died on the 3rd of June 1997 from septic shock. My earliest memories of my mother are that she was a career girl. My Mom worked before it was fashionable for women to work. She loved having a career. I remember how proud of her I was as a little girl. My Mom was the “Bookkeeper” at a large German company. I used to love walking to her office after school.

My Mom had the tiniest little feet. She wore a size 3 shoe. But boy, could she put that tiny little foot down!

My Dad was fiercely protective of his wife. They were absolutely united against us kids. When Jared was a couple of weeks old we went to Bloemfontein to show him to my folks. My Mom played in a Bowls competition that Saturday afternoon. When Mom got home she was on such a high. Her team had won and she had a brilliant game. Mom sat on Dad’s lap; their faces were close together when she told him about the game. At one stage she threw her head back and they laughed….. Deeply in love, committed to one another, united in their love.

Mom died 3 months later….. Dad was absolutely devastated!

Today it is my Mom’s birthday. I wish that I could sit and have a cup of tea with her and just chat. I wish I could apologize for thinking it was absolute rubbish that she could not pluck her own eyebrows because she could not see that close….. That she had started losing her hearing in her late 50’s…

Muslims have a saying “Paradise lies at your mother’s feet”. At the feet of my mother I learnt all the values that I hold dear in my life. I wish I could thank her for the example that she set for us children. I wish I could thank her for teaching us the value of family, loyalty and unconditional love. I wish I could thank her for being this absolutely amazing grandmother to Vic. I wish I could thank her for supporting me through all my mistakes, troubled times, heartaches and joys.

I know that Mom held onto life until we as a family, one last time, confirmed her love of us to her….. We were standing around her deathbed and her time was so close! Yet she would not let go. Johan, my baby brother, said to her”Mamma, it is okay to go. You know we all love you. We know you love Daddy, Tes, Lollo and me….” Within seconds her battle against septicemia ended….

My Mom was such a brave warrior. She suffered ill health the last 20 years of her life. Mom had this amazing ability to bounce back after surgery. She too suffered chronic back pain. She adored Vic. Vic spent so much time with my parents. She was the beginning and the end of my mom’s life. I truly believe that Vic got her fighting spirit from my Mom. I often look at Vic and see my Mom. Some many of the little things that my Mom did Vic does….. Where blood does not run it gushes!

My Mom was very close to her Mother. We were very close to my gran. Mom was absolutely heartbroken when my Gran died. I think she never truly came to terms with her mother’s death. It took me 5 years before I could speak of my mom without crying. We have a family legacy of close mother and daughter relationships…

A Mother’s Love – Author unknown

A Mother’s love is something
that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . . 
A many splendored miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God’s tender guiding hand.

. Happy birthday my dearest Mommy. I love and miss you! I know when Vic’s time comes; you will be one of her angels guiding her Home!