Chaka’s Rock and bittersweet memories….


Chaka’s Rock is a quaint coastal town on the North Coast of Kwa Zulu Natal.

We have come to Chaka’s for the past 22 years.  Vic loved Chaka’s with a passion and always said that she started missing Chaka’s from the second we packed up until we set foot here the following year.

Vic and her boys 2005

Through every possible circumstance Vic made her way to Chaka’s – with the exception of 2012.  Last year she said “Mommy, I am not going to make it to Chaka’s this year…”

2007
2007

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In 2007 Vic had 18 abdominal surgeries.  She developed septicaemia and contracted every superbug in the book.  She was on life support on more than one occasion.  Her kidneys and lungs failed.  Vic developed an intestinal fistula.  It was a high output fistula and she lost up to 7 litres of fecal matter through the fistula daily.  The poor poppet walked around with a machine that acted as a “catchment” for the fecal matter.  Vic was on TPN (Total Parental Nutrition) and not allowed to eat anything.  Her stomach had a gaping wound with fecal matter pouring out of a hole in the intestine.

Vic spent the majority of the year in hospital and reached a stage where she appeared to be like a “lamb being led to slaughter”.  It was such a concern to us that she appeared to have lost her will to live.

Vic at Chaka's Rock - getting ready to have TPN line changed.
Vic at Chaka’s Rock – getting ready to have TPN line changed.
Chaka 2007
Vic in the lounge of the chalet.

It was such a tough decision to make whether we should discharge Vic from hospital to make the trip or not.  The doctors had different views on whether we should go or not.  Two of them felt it would be emotionally uplifting for her to go and a third thought we were “absolutely nuts!”  I am so grateful that we decided to go ahead with our annual pilgrimage, as Vic was able to spend such precious time with us.  Even the bad weather worked in our favour and we spend wonderful days playing Bingo and Trivial Pursuit.

It was extremely difficult to manage Vic’s health in accommodation other than a hospital.  Changing the TPN was a sterile procedure.

On Friday morning, the 29th of June 2007, Vic collapsed was admitted to the ICU at the Albert Luthuli Hospital in Chaka’s Rock.  Vic was transferred back to the Donald Gordon Hospital by ambulance on the Saturday afternoon. 

In a “Get better soon” card that her boys wrote her after our little holiday they thanked her for the most wonderful holiday ever!  Certainly, we had had “better” holidays in our lives but the time that we spent together was so precious.

Vic was only released from the Intensive Care Unit of the Donald Gordon Hospital on the 23rd of July 2007.

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In 2010 I only spent a weekend in Chaka’s with Vic and the boys as I had to fly to the Middle East on business.  .  Lee drove the boys back and Vic flew home.  This is an excerpt out of an email Vic sent me…

“Hi Mommy, boys are great… We had such a great evening last and day today… Jared had Tyron over to visit. We all miss Mommy already!!!! We really hope it goes well there!!! We are all holding thumbs and saying big prayers… Battling with the authorisation for the pain Infusion still. I think I broke another vertebrae on the flight back from Chaka’s. We had a bumpy landing and I am battling to breathe from the pain… I think it’s two above the last fracture.  Can’t believe how much I miss Mommy already.                                    We are all trying to think up a name for Gramps’ new puppy… J-D is still sulking, because I won’t carry her around like Gramp’s does. Can you believe it? Jared said that when we were all in Chaka’s, she didn’t need legs as Gramps’ just carries her everywhere. And I don’t know what she was eating at Moms’ but I know it wasn’t her food, she refuses to eat it, she was so spoilt Jared reckons she lived on sweets and Gramps’ food…                          I wish we were all still in Chaka’s, it was really great to spend the time with Mommy…

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Vic in 2012…well, that is a different post….

“This is to have succeeded”


Vic often said “I must be such a disappointment to you.  I have done nothing with my life!”

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This morning I read these beautiful words and so wished I could have shared it with Vic.

“This is to have succeeded” posted on June 4, 2013 by Dr Bill http://drbillwooten.com/2013/06/04/this-is-to-have-succeeded

“To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.” ~ Bessie Anderson Stanley

To laugh often and love much – That Vic did.  She always had a smile on her precious face.  Even when she was in dreadful pain she would try to smile.  When she was in a lot of pain her laugh was shrill.  Pain seldom stopped her from laughing… In 2007 I said to Vic that my life was sad.

“That is terrible Mommy.  Why?”

I felt like hitting my head against a wall!  What did the child think?  In 2007 Vic must have had 18 operations; developed every hospital superbug in the book; developed septicaemia, had a high output fistula; developed Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome; spend months in ICU and survived having the ventilator turned off… Vic was op TPN (Total Parental Nutrition) for months…she had a massive open wound that we could not keep covered with a colostomy bag.  It was too big and positioned very low down.

“I worry about you every second of the day baby.  I worry whether you have vomited and how much you vomited; I worry whether you have been able to eat anything…  I worry about your wound.  I worry about your pain control….”

“Mommy, that is so sad.  At least once a week the boys and I laugh so much that my tummy hurts from it…”

Vic in 2007
Vic in 2007

Vic loved unconditionally and with every fibre of her body.  She gave everything!  She was a wonderful daughter, mother, friend…She loved her family, her siblings, her friends and her boys.  She LIVED love.

Her last words ever were “I love you Mommy”

… to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children;  Worldwide, intelligent people, respect and admire Vic for her courage, tenacity…  We called Vic the “baby whisperer”.  Children loved her.  She loved children.  Her only ambition as a toddler and teenager was to be a Mommy.  She loved her sons beyond comprehension…

The Baby Whisperer
The Baby Whisperer

…… to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; Vic suffered a lot of betrayal in her little life.  People got tired of waiting for her to die.  “Friends” spoke about her “addiction” to pain medication behind her back… They used her illness as a weapon against her when she was at her most vulnerable.  False friends (and loved ones) spoke their “minds” and condemned and judged Vic for choices she made… Because she was ill people thought they could say what they wanted, when they wanted.

….. to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;  My precious child was so naïve.  She refused to see the bad in people!  The only time she got irritated and miserable was in hospital.  She always found the good in people.  She did not speak badly of people.  When I was angry with someone she would placate me…point out their good points… She knew that if she voiced her own anger it would have driven me over the edge.  Vic taught me unconditional love, forgiveness and tolerance.  Vic brought out the best in me and the most other people.

…..to give of one’s self; Vic was a people pleaser.  She would turn down MY bed!!!!  She made sacrifices for each and every person in her life.  Even in death she worried about other dying people who were less privileged than she was.  I promised her 2 am one morning that I would start Stepping Stone Hospice!  She kept talking to me about Stepping Stone until she lapsed into a coma.

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…..to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; Vic left the world a better place.  Her sons are monuments of the person she was; her dream of a Hospice has been realized.

The boys taking Vic for a walk at the Donald Gordo

……to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;  With the 2010 Soccer World Cup Vic went crazy with enthusiasm; she bought every gimmick that hit the shops; she went of the “soccer train” in her wheelchair, she watched every single soccer game.

Vic loving World Cup 2010
Vic loving World Cup 2010

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……to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived     Vic’s legacy will live on through her sons and Stepping Stone Hospice.  Long after I have died, people will continue to benefit from Vic’s dreams and goodness.

—this is to have succeeded.”  My angel child – you succeeded!  You succeeded in life and with living.  You made the world a beautiful place filled with goodness and hope.  I am so proud of you.  You lived life to the full.  You made a difference!  You lived a greater and more successful life than most people.  You have put the world to shame.  You are my hero!

Vic and her monuments
Vic and her monuments

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/10/16/and-the-winner-is/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/06/09/9-6-2012/