Tag: terminally ill. sick

A vicious cycle of nerves


I thought Sunday to Wednesday was a nightmare but boy oh boy come Wednesday morning and my child became a terror!  The “my son really needs me” adrenaline kicked in and Vic was uncontrollable!

She was out of bed, marching into Jared’s ward as if she was the healthiest person in the world!  I was at a total loss.  My dearest friend Gillian wrote me a message: “What a wonderful mom.  Her child comes before her illness. WillVic Accompanying Jared to theater. not let go until her kids are okay. You can be very proud of your daughter”… My reply was: “Yeah – too cross with her to give her any credit at this stage”

Vic cannot pace herself.  Like on Sunday, she will be like a jack-in-the-box and when the moment is over, crash!  In this super human effort to be there for Jared she causes so much stress to everyone around her.  Jared stresses because she fusses around him, I stress because she is overdoing things again and I know there is a severe penalty to be paid for that, Jon-Daniel stresses for both them!  Danie stresses for me… I get irritated with Danie for trying to protect me…. It is a vicious cycle of nerves!

Jared’s operation went very well.  The poor baby was in so much pain but stoically brave!  Not a whimper!!  I am so proud of this beautiful boy.  I was a little concerned for his emotional well being after Sunday.  He cried with fear and frustration for his mother.

Vic was up and down the passages last night checking on her son!  This morning Jared said “Oumie I am so tired.  Mom kept coming in and touching me…”  Vic means so well!  She wants to be there for her children but often does not understand that she is the sick one.  Her actions stress us out.  On the other hand, I must admit, that I was more at ease knowing that Vic was in the same hospital as Jared and able to check on him…

It is such a heart wrenching situation.  Vic wants to be a mother and I want her to be a child!!  When she is okay she can be whatever she wants’ to be.  When she is ill I want her to become my baby again…  Vic is an amazing mother.  She loves her boys with every fiber of her body.  She has fought to stay alive for the boys.  Who am I or anyone to deprive her of this wonderful privilege?  At the end of the day it is her reward for surviving the odds…

On Monday the physician cancelled the bloods he had ordered and agreed that palliative care was the only route to go… I don’t think he thought she would leave the hospital alive… On Wednesday Vic was looking out for her son…What a brave woman my child is.

Vic was discharged from hospital this morning.  It is Thursday.

Vicky is super-human!

“Life aka Vicky” versus “Death” 6.6.2012


“Mommy, I am sick” Every time Vic opens her eyes she utters these words.

Vic is running a slight temperature, her heart rate is up, she is nauseous and her tummy is cramping.  She is deadly pale and looking so old and forlorn. 

We all know people who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and have lived far past their doctor’s expectations. In our own family Leon, our son-in-law was diagnosed with grade 4 colon cancer.  Today, mercifully and against all expectations, Leon is in remission and living a full and healthy life.

Why is it that some people die quickly, while others are able to linger or even recover?  If it were a simple matter of “willing it” most people would never die.   Yet, so many times I have seen/felt that definitive moment when I KNEW Vic would live.  Maybe it was a twitch or something – I cannot define “it”.  Each and every time when the doctors had given up, the death councillors had been called in; there was that definitive moment when Vic walked away from death.  It was almost as if Vic shook her shoulders and made a U-Turn… I could see it!!!

Vic has defied the laws of “dying” many times.  Liam, one of the ICU doctors at the Donald Gordon says he wants to write a book on Vic’s fight and victory against death

Faith and prayer may provide comfort and strength, but certainly offers no guarantees of recovery.  Many faithful have lost their lives to illness long before they were ready to say goodbye. Wealth, intelligence, good looks, and a charming personality may be great gifts to have, but disease plays no favourites and claims people from all walks of life. The bottom line is that some who are diagnosed as terminal will die, but not everyone will. Some will beat the odds.  So far Vic has.

Will she win what we believe to be the final round?  Life aka Vicky vs. Death… Ten long, long years she has fought with every fibre in her little body.  I sense that she is tired.  Ready to concede defeat…  She says she isn’t scared.  I am!  I am scared of facing life without my baby.  This is the first exam EVER that Vic has not been studying with the boys.  She has always willed them to study.  When she was in hospital she would encourage and push from her hospital bed.  Now she is not even aware of whether they are home or not…