“We never cry in front of the children …..”


Jared and Vic after the “news” today

Babies are emotional beings right from birth. As parents we know that babies respond to emotional expressions such as smiling within the first few weeks of life. Within three months babies can react to and express joy, interest, anger, sadness and disgust.

Babies and young children express their emotions without reservation.  In time, they however learn to control and even conceal some of their feelings, especially when they are sad, frightened, or angry.

As adults we lose our ability to communicate spontaneously.  We become guarded.  Many of us may still be comfortable expressing positive emotions, such as joy, pride and happiness, but will refrain from sharing feelings that we fear may make others uncomfortable.

The grieving process that walks hand in hand with terminal illness however catapults the bravest of us into a whirlpool of emotions ranging from fear, sadness and anger to irrational hope.

We are what we are.  If you are naturally an introvert it will be very difficult to reach out to others when we or a loved one battles a serious or terminal illness. This makes the grieving process difficult for us.  People who are comfortable in expressing their emotions are usually more able to reach out to others for the support and reassurance that they need.

When I am scared or angry I withdraw within my safe place where no one is welcome or allowed. In fear I will push people away from me.  Anger is different – I will lash out and go for the jugular.  Fear for my family will bring out the most primal instincts in me.  I will do anything to protect them.

To maintain control I hold tightly onto my emotions– I know that if I allow myself to falter even a little, I may collapse into a whimpering heap of tears.  It has taken superhuman efforts to allow Vic to see some of my pain.  Well, I fool myself that she only sees some of it.  Vic knows so well how my life will screech to an end the day her life ends… We have spoken about absolutely anything and everything.  She knows my heart.

Tomorrow morning Jared will have a lymphoma biopsy.

Today, when I saw the tears of fear form in Vic’s eyes, I said “Stop!  We never cry in front of the children”

Tomorrow I will smile, support and encourage.

Tonight I will weep for my beautiful grandson, his mother and his little brother……..I will weep for his grandfather and everyone who loves and admires him.

When I wipe my last tears I will retreat to my safe place…..  Tomorrow I will smile, support and encourage.

Published by

tersiaburger

I am a sixty something wife,mother, sister, grandmother and friend. I started blogging as a coping mechanism during my beautiful daughter's final journey. Vic was desperately ill for 10 years after a botched back operation. Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child. https://tersiaburger.wordpress.com

13 thoughts on ““We never cry in front of the children …..””

    1. Thank you for visiting and prayers. It makes life easier knowing that there are people out there praying for us. You are special to reach out to others whilst you yourself is in so much pain!! Cyber hugs to you!

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  1. There isn’t anything I can do, Tersia, but nominate you fo the Silver Quill award. It’s nothing at all in t he way of support, but I do want to do it anyway (details on my blog if you care tp take it up).

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  2. So sorry to read this blog. I pray all is clear. I am lost for words. When you feel up to communicating, I am here for you. I was not aware of the problems. Except for Kidney stones. My thoughts are with each one of you. Love Gill

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  3. I havenˇ¦t checked in here for a while because I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are great quality so I guess Iˇ¦ll add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend :)

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  4. Reading your posts about your daughter and your grandsons, hurts. I really support you in my prayers. Can I just say one thing that occurs to me. How blessed you all are by the love and caring that seems to be part of your family life. As someone who grew up with no mother and no love, I can tell you how utterly precious all these gifts of love are. The road seems so hard, but your precious grandsons will always know that they’ve been loved, as does your daughter.. That inner certainty will always sustain them in the future. Bless you all

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    1. At my mother’s funeral I said that we grew up in a home where we lived 1 Cor 13. I grew up in a wonderful loving family. I think my post on my beloved mom’s birthday best describes our background. We were so blessed to have been born into a loving family. I am so proud of our heritage. I am so sad that you did not have the privilege of growing up with a Mother and love. Every child has the right to a loving childhood.

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