I started wrapping Christmas gifts today. It is such a fun part of Christmas. Vic came and sat with me. Her face incredibly sad… “What’s wrong Baby?”
“My heart is hurting Mommy.”
“Vic there is nothing wrong with your heart? Do you have pain? What’s wrong?” I panicked.
Vic laughed …”No Mommy, my heart is sad. I think it is my last Christmas…”
“Baby, the doctors said you would not live to be 12 and you are still alive. You will beat this again….”
My little angel girl looked at me with so much sadness in her eyes…It broke my heart. In my heart I know she is right.
“Mom I am so lonely…”
“I know Baby.”
“Everybody has somebody – I miss having a partner, a soul mate…”
“I know Angel. I was on my own for a long time – remember?”
“Yes but now you have Dad. I will never have someone in my life again….” Vic said
I have no words for my child. Only tears and prayers….
It has been a crazy week. Between Vic, final 2012 business meetings, a brochure photo shoot, visiting grandchildren, Jared’s birthday party and Hospice meetings I have run around in circles. I have not had time to blog or read all the blogs I am following.
Vic has had a reasonable week. I can see her getting weaker every day. At night I give Vic a Pethidine, Zantac and Buscopan injection. The Pethidine makes her sleepy. During the day she is able to tell me she needs an anti-nausea injection. At night the drug-induced sleep does not allow her the luxury of early warning. Vic projectile vomits every day of her life!
Vic has also had a couple of uncontrolled sneezing attacks and lots of hiccups. I fear she will fracture ribs and vertebrae if we are not able to control this quickly. I have started giving her antihistamine tablets. Hospice tells me it is a symptom of the kidney and liver failure and will get much worse.
Her arm is still very inflamed and painful. We are now on the 3rd round of antibiotics. The tissue in her derriere is very poor. It is lumpy and bruised. It is becoming more and more difficult finding good tissue where I can inject her.
Emotionally it is really a difficult time. Vic is spending as much time with the boys as possible. She is doing a lot of what appears to be “lasts”….
It is 11 days to Christmas, and we are looking forward to a quiet Christmas Eve with the family. Our gifts are not as extravagant as other years. Our priorities are simply different this year. This year Christmas will be a time of love and togetherness.
It is 10 days to Christmas Eve…