Sue came in this morning and managed to find a vein. The vein held for the Perfalgan and she also managed to get a bag of saline into Vic. This will hopefully rehydrate her. It has been a rough 24 hours with so much vomiting. The poor child…
We hooked the saline onto a hanger and it now hangs from her ceiling. Leon, SiL, put a hook into her ceiling and we have suspended the drip from it. I have to keep the drip flowing until 12pm tonight when I can run another lot of Perfalgan. Tomorrow Sue will try to find another vein.
I suggested that Vic is mainlined or a stent is fitted. Sue agreed that it would certainly make life a lot easier. It would be easier to administer all Vic’s IV medication. Vic said “Sorry Mommy, no hospitals…”
Her heart rate, even whilst she is sleeping, is constantly above 110.
The IV medication immediately helped. Vic’s breathing is better. Vic has not vomited since 11 am this morning! She even managed to have a bit to eat tonight.
When Sue left today she asked me what is holding Vic back. Medically and clinically speaking there is no explanation why Vic is still alive…. She said that she has never seen anybody fight death the way Vic does… She asked me whether we have given Vic permission to die…
Sue says that Vic still says we are going to Italy next year…. Her kidneys and liver have failed. That is what the blood tests show.
What is holding Vic back? Sue says death happens when one relaxes completely and deeply! Vic’s adrenaline levels are preventing her from relaxing and dying.
All I want is for my little girl to find peace and her suffering to end.
Esther and Leon brought dinner tonight and just visited. Vic even got out of bed for a while and had a laugh. It was great being surrounded by the love of the family.
I wish I knew what to do to make Vic accept the inevitable. I wish with every fibre of my body Vic will find peace. That she will find the strength to let go…
Vic has been ill for such a long time. Maybe she just thinks this is how life is. Maybe she cannot remember what it is like to feel good, go out, be carefree, move without pain. To play with her kids, go out for drinks or a movie with a friend.
Here On Earth …, There In Heaven…
Here on earth imperfection, there in heaven perfection
Here on earth discontent, there in heaven content
Here on earth disgrace, there in heaven grace
Here on earth disease, there in heaven ease
Here on earth hatred, there in heaven love
Here on earth war, there in heaven peace
Here on earth decay, there in heaven freshness
Here on earth selfish, there in heaven selfless
Here on earth oppression, there in heaven liberty
Here on earth agonize, there in heaven relax
It’s either on earth, or in heaven
The decision, all yours
Baby Girl it is time for Heaven… You have to let go!