Vic has had an absolutely amazing week. Her pain has been beautifully controlled. We have had severe bouts of vomiting and cramping but compared to a month ago – it was a walk in the park!
The Jurnista is definitely working! I have an appointment with Prof Froehlich on Tuesday, the 14th of August, and she will then give me feedback on Hospice. I was completely prepared to tell her I don’t need Hospice on any level anymore. Vic’s pain is so well under control that I can handle her care with no assistance or problems at all.
My baby sister (she is only 55 years old) Lorraine, spent some time with us over the long weekend in-between umpiring at the South African National Netball Tournament. She was amazed at how well Vic looked. (Remember she last saw Vic when she fell at the end of June). Vic has been amazing. This week she has been far more mobile. She started thinking (arguing) about driving again….. The first time in months!
This morning Vic went to breakfast with her friend Angela. She was so excited.
Two hours later Vic literally shuffled into the house. “Mommy I broke my back!”
My heart stopped.
On a certain level I am angry. I am angry that Vic wasn’t more careful. I am angry that I slipped into a false sense of security! I am angry that the Jurnista is masking the pain so well that Vic is pushing her body’s boundaries.
Conclusion: Vic is still a very sick little girl. The fact that her pain is better controlled does not mean that she is well. If any of us had spent the amount of time vomiting and cramping that she has this week we would be in bed hooked up to an IV and praying for death. This week Vic’s amazing resilience again amazed me. She is strong beyond comprehension!
My heart bleeds for her that her fragile body has once again failed her incredible will to live. It is clear that she is merely holding onto life, as she knows it, with her fingertips……
I will go to the meeting with Prof Froehlich and continue my fight for Hospice to become involved. Vic will never function on any level again. She is confined to bed relying on medication to keep her sane. Maybe she will have a good couple of days here or there but her sentence has not been commuted.
When Brendan (Vic’s gastroenterologist) took me into the passage, outside Vic’s hospital room, and said “No more. This is the end of the road” my heart stopped. How can there be no hope? Brendan has been so brave until that moment. It was not easy for him to sentence Vic to the “No Hope” section of her journey.
Where does hope live when we hear the words announced to us, “There is no hope”? We cannot return to life as it was.
Immanuel Kant, who lived and wrote in the 1700s, thought a lot about the kind of subjects we might label as “the eternal verities”: hope, ethics, God, morality, the meaning of life. Kant came up with three questions that he thought expressed the central human concerns. Here are his famous questions:
What can I know?
What can I do?
What can I hope?
What can I know?
“A large part of Kant’s work addresses the question “What can we know?” The answer, if it can be stated simply, is that our knowledge is constrained to mathematics and the science of the natural, empirical world. It is impossible, Kant argues, to extend knowledge to the super sensible realm of speculative metaphysics. The reason that knowledge has these constraints, Kant argues, is that the mind plays an active role in constituting the features of experience and limiting the mind’s access only to the empirical realm of space and time.” http://www.iep.utm.edu/kantmeta/
I know I can only address this on an emotional level.
I know that life is unfair and difficult! I know we are scared – not only of Vic’s painful journey but of what lies beyond her release from pain. I know I hate seeing my child suffer and losing her dignity.
I know I love my child more than life. I know she wants to live. I know she wants to love, be loved….. I know she wants the frustration of facing peak hour traffic on her way to work or back. I know Vic wants a job. I know Vic wants financial independence, a trip to Italy. I know Vic wants to attend her sons 21st Birthday parties, see them graduate, and meet the person they decide to spend their lives with. Hold her grandchild..…grow old gracefully. I know Vic wants to walk on the beach, see the sun set over the sea…..
I know that Vic is tired of the pain. I know she wants to die. I know she wants to live.
I know dying is a lonely journey. I know it is impossibly difficult to watch Vic grow weaker every day. I know I am tired of being sad. I know I want the boys to be happy…..
What should I do?
I know I should honor Vic’s wishes. I know that I should try and stay positive for the boys sake. I should fight harder for Hospice intervention. I should remain cheerful and snap out of my depression. I should concentrate on the positive moments in our lives. I should endeavor to find a way of giving Vic peace – enough peace to let go.
What can I hope?
I wish her pain control will continue to work as well as it is now… I hope that her suffering will come to an end. I hope that the boys will heal in time. I hope that we will laugh again. I hope that Vic will find peace.
I hope that my beautiful little girl will fall asleep and not wake up. I hope that God will be with her when the time comes
What are the different types of pain medication options?
Different strokes for different folk… What pain medication works for one type of pain does not work for a different type of pain. Simple example: – Morphine does not relieve toothache or headaches….. It relieves bone pain.
Medicines can often help control chronic pain. Many different drugs, both prescription and non-prescription, are used to treat chronic pain. All these medicines can cause side effects and should be taken exactly as they are prescribed. In some cases, it may take several weeks before medicines work to reduce pain. To avoid dangerous drug interactions, tell your doctor all the medicines you are taking (including herbal and other complementary medicines).
Medication Choices
You will likely be given medicines that cause the fewest side effects first (such as acetaminophen) to treat chronic pain. The dose will be increased or the medicines will be changed as needed. Medicines used to treat chronic pain include the following:
Recommended Related to Pain Management
Other therapies that may be used to treat chronic pain include:
Vic’s pain medication as at 4.8.2012 (Transcribed from medication received from Pain Clinic
| TABLET | NO OF TABLETS | PER DAY |
| TRAMADOL 50MG | 4 | 3 TIMES PER DAY |
| AUSTRELL PARACETAMOL 500MG | 2 | 3 TIMES PER DAY |
| STILPAYNE | 2 | 3 TIMES PER DAY |
| CYMBALTA 60 | 2 | 1 TIMES PER DAY |
| NEURONTIN 100MG | 6 | 3 TIMES PER DAY |
| SRM RHOTARD 400MG (MORPHINE) | 2 TIMES PER DAY | |
| ELTROXIN .1MG | 1 | IN MORNING |
| BACTRIM | 1 | 3 X PER DAY |
| LOSEC 20MG | 1 | IN MORNING |
| STEMITIL 5MG | 1 | 2 TIMES PER DAY |
| MORPHINE SYRUP | 25MG/5ML | AS NEEDED |
| JURNISTA 4MG | 1 | 1 TIMES PER DAY |
| PANAFORTE | 1 | 2 TIMES PER DAY |
| DEGRONOL | 2 | 2 TIMES PER DAY |
This is scary. The amount of opioids Vic takes would certainly kill most people. Is Vic an addict? Certainly not!!
Opioids work by mimicking the body’s natural painkillers known as endorphins. They control pain by blocking pain messages to the brain. Because morphine is an opioid, some people worry about becoming addicted. When you take an opioid to control pain, it is unlikely that you will become addicted. The body uses the drug to control pain, not to give you a ‘high’ http://cancerhelp.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/treatment/cancer-drugs/morphine
I read a heart rendering account of chronic pain and the fear of being treated as an addict written by Tracy Rydzy, a Licensed Social Worker. http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com/being-treated-like-an-addict/ Tracy writes a heart rendering blog on chronic pain and prejudge that she faces every day. Tracy writes: “I may be on medication, but I am intelligent and I know what is going on. Please understand that I didn’t choose this for myself. I don’t want these damn pills, but I have no other choice right now as I have exhausted my other options for pain relief. Don’t hold my condition against me. I understand the pen is mightier than the sword, so I can’t even ask to change dosages, I can’t request anything different, I certainly can’t be rude in any way (regardless of how you treat me) and I can’t question you because you hold my ability to move and get out of bed in your little prescription pad.”
We are so fortunate that we have access to The Pain Clinic run by very sympathetic professionals. We do not have a problem getting a prescription for the medication. Our problem lies in the fact that from time to time the pharmacy of the Helen Joseph Clinic runs out of Morphine both in tablet or syrup form. Sometimes we are able to get a private script from the Pain Clinic and other times I have to go back the next day, sit in a queue again, get the script and then get it filled privately. Try and get 4.2 litres of morphine syrup from a pharmacy…. Sometimes I am busy and then find it easier to pay a doctor for an appointment to get a script. We may get a script for 1 litre….
Fortunately Vic’s eldest sister is a pharmacist and we are known to the staff at that particular pharmacy. The times we have tried to use other pharmacies (because they do not have morphine in stock) we are treated with suspicion.
“Many people confuse physical dependence, which is the occurrence of withdrawal when the drug is stopped, with addiction. Withdrawal is a physical phenomenon that means that the body has adapted to the drug in such a way that a “rebound” occurs when the drug is suddenly stopped. The kind of symptoms that occur include rapid pulse, sweating, nausea and vomiting, diarrhoea, runny nose, “gooseflesh,” and anxiety. All people who take opioids for a period of time can potentially have this withdrawal syndrome if the drug is stopped or the dose is suddenly lowered. This is not a problem as long as it is prevented by avoiding sudden reductions in the dose.
Physical dependence is entirely different from addiction. Addiction is defined by a loss of control over the drug, compulsive use of the drug, and continued use of the drug even if it is harming the person or others. People who become addicted often deny that they have a problem, even as they desperately try to maintain the supply of the drug.
Addiction is a “bio psychosocial” disease. This means that most people who become addicted to drugs are probably predisposed (it is in the genes) but only develop the problem if they have access to the drug and take it at a time and in a way that leaves them vulnerable. A very large experience in the treatment of patients with chronic pain indicates that the risk of addiction among people with no prior history of substance abuse who are given an opioid for pain is very low. The history of substance abuse doesn’t mean that a patient should never get an opioid for pain, but does suggest that the doctor must be very cautious when prescribing and monitoring this therapy.
People with chronic pain should understand the difference between physical dependence and addiction. Unreasonable fears about addiction should not be the reason that doctors refuse this therapy or patients refuse to take it.
Tolerance to opioid drugs occurs but is seldom a clinical problem. Tolerance means that taking the drug changes the body in such a way that the drug loses its effect over time. If the effect that is lost is a side effect, like sleepiness, tolerance is a good thing. If the effect is pain relief, tolerance is a problem. Fortunately, a very large experience indicates that most patients can reach a favorable balance between pain relief and side effects then stabilize at this dose for a long period of time. If doses need to be increased because pain returns, it is more commonly due to worsening of the painful disease than it is to tolerance. “
Vic is “embarrassed” the amount of medication she needs to take to control her pain. She is oversensitive to the point of being paranoid about being called an addict.
Is my child an addict? Hell no!! Does it worry me that she needs increasing amounts of medication to handle the pain associated with the deterioration of her little body? Hell no!! Whatever it takes for one pain-free moment in her little life! Tracy to you and all the other chronic pain sufferers out there – I wish you all a sympathetic doctor, nurse and pharmacist!
My tiny, petite little mom was born on the 3rd of August. She died on the 3rd of June 1997 from septic shock. My earliest memories of my mother are that she was a career girl. My Mom worked before it was fashionable for women to work. She loved having a career. I remember how proud of her I was as a little girl. My Mom was the “Bookkeeper” at a large German company. I used to love walking to her office after school.
My Mom had the tiniest little feet. She wore a size 3 shoe. But boy, could she put that tiny little foot down!
My Dad was fiercely protective of his wife. They were absolutely united against us kids. When Jared was a couple of weeks old we went to Bloemfontein to show him to my folks. My Mom played in a Bowls competition that Saturday afternoon. When Mom got home she was on such a high. Her team had won and she had a brilliant game. Mom sat on Dad’s lap; their faces were close together when she told him about the game. At one stage she threw her head back and they laughed….. Deeply in love, committed to one another, united in their love.
Mom died 3 months later….. Dad was absolutely devastated!
Today it is my Mom’s birthday. I wish that I could sit and have a cup of tea with her and just chat. I wish I could apologize for thinking it was absolute rubbish that she could not pluck her own eyebrows because she could not see that close….. That she had started losing her hearing in her late 50’s…
Muslims have a saying “Paradise lies at your mother’s feet”. At the feet of my mother I learnt all the values that I hold dear in my life. I wish I could thank her for the example that she set for us children. I wish I could thank her for teaching us the value of family, loyalty and unconditional love. I wish I could thank her for being this absolutely amazing grandmother to Vic. I wish I could thank her for supporting me through all my mistakes, troubled times, heartaches and joys.
I know that Mom held onto life until we as a family, one last time, confirmed her love of us to her….. We were standing around her deathbed and her time was so close! Yet she would not let go. Johan, my baby brother, said to her”Mamma, it is okay to go. You know we all love you. We know you love Daddy, Tes, Lollo and me….” Within seconds her battle against septicemia ended….
My Mom was such a brave warrior. She suffered ill health the last 20 years of her life. Mom had this amazing ability to bounce back after surgery. She too suffered chronic back pain. She adored Vic. Vic spent so much time with my parents. She was the beginning and the end of my mom’s life. I truly believe that Vic got her fighting spirit from my Mom. I often look at Vic and see my Mom. Some many of the little things that my Mom did Vic does….. Where blood does not run it gushes!
My Mom was very close to her Mother. We were very close to my gran. Mom was absolutely heartbroken when my Gran died. I think she never truly came to terms with her mother’s death. It took me 5 years before I could speak of my mom without crying. We have a family legacy of close mother and daughter relationships…
A Mother’s Love – Author unknown
A Mother’s love is something
that no one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendored miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God’s tender guiding hand.
. Happy birthday my dearest Mommy. I love and miss you! I know when Vic’s time comes; you will be one of her angels guiding her Home!
This weekend I saw raw resentment towards me in my little girl’s eyes.
We checked into Hospital on Saturday morning at 08:00. Vic was seriously peeved that she did not get a private room as per the doctor’s instruction. Just to aggravate the situation the lady in the opposite bed was truly strange… She was loud and used bad language. She kept arguing with her husband, she would tell him to make a sexual departure, he would storm out of the room and she would shout obscenities at him.
Then she started telling us about this wonderful neurosurgeon that she works for. She and Vic ended up comparing back-op war wounds … Of course Vic won the contest hands down! Vic then said that she had decided no more surgeries…wow! Did this set the neighbour off! She took the moral high-ground and started telling us that we must have faith and God will heal Vic. Vic was in hospital because we keep asking God to heal her. We should only ask once and then have faith…
She laid hands on Vic when I went downstairs for a cup of tea. I would never have allowed it!!
Please don’t misunderstand me – I have nothing against religion. Religion is important. I do have a problem with a person who curses and swears and behaves in the most appalling manner and then think they can cure my child. Jared said to me today “Oumie, I don’t want to be a Christian like that …”
I do not stand in judgement of anyone. It is not for me to judge. I do have a problem with the ultra-religious people who judge others…surely that is the biggest sin? As my friend Marlene used to say “Who died that you think you became God?” If you are a Christian then surely you must believe that the blood of Jesus was spilt for ALL sinners and not only a select, elite group of Christians. If you disapprove of someone’s lifestyle or actions, condemn the sin and not the person…
People who claim to be “deeply religious” have turned their backs on their loved ones because of a lifestyle choice they made. They will not allow their own sons and daughters into their homes because they disapprove of the lifestyle choice. Yes, our loved ones make decisions that we do not condone or support but does that give us the right to turn our backs on them because of that? Surely love is unconditional? Through thick and thin?
I digress… Immediately after laying hands on Vic the lady swore at her son and made a racist remark… I suppose the Jesus she proclaims only died for white South Africans…
Jared sat at hospital with us all day Saturday. He is old enough to want to do it! That young man adores his Mommy. Jon-Daniel copes in a different way. He went to a private coaching cricket lesson at the Club in the morning and then went to Nathan, his best friend. Jon-Daniel makes Vic laugh. Jared makes Vic coffee.
Two different boys with two different ways of coping and two different ways of expressing their love. Yet united in their love and despair for their mother.
Vic ended up going into theatre just before 19:00 Saturday night…she was starving!! Poor little poppet! I was really annoyed that we had to wait from 10:00 to 19:00 to see the inside of the theatre. HOWEVER, this is where there is a twist in the tale…a second surgeon appeared in the waiting area and looked at the x-rays. He was most impressed by the complexity of the fracture…He is a humerus specialist who has in-depth knowledge and experience with Osteogenesis Imperfecta! I must add that he too had never had an OI patient as old as Vic. So Vic had two specialists operating on her little arm.
By 21:15 the anaesthetist came through to tell me the operation went well and that he was sending Vic to ICU – mainly because they are petrified of the high dosages of opiates that Vic is on and how it may counteract with the medication that Vic’s on.
History was made Saturday. A doctor wrote on Vic’s file “Mother of patient to stay with her”! In the past doctors would make U-turns in the passages to avoid me and here is this wonderful man telling the ICU staff “This mother must stay”. What a bright and intelligent young man he is even if he charged double medical aid rates.
Vic was however extremely angry with me because she was sent to ICU. Vic is petrified of ICU and does not appreciate that her pain control is so much better in there than in a ward. She cannot be given the amount of opiates that she needs, for pain control, out of ICU.
I am delighted as I told the anaesthetist that the Jurnista is new and although I did not give her one Friday night as I was scared that it may adversely affect the anaesthetic and post-op pain control. (Thank you Google for the fact sheet). When he said that it is better for her to go to ICU all Vic kept saying was “No Mommy, No Mommy!” She cried. I saw the resentment in her dark, sad eyes when she looked at me.
For once I did not care. I love my child and I will do anything and everything to spare her pain.
I have to find out which anaesthetic they used. The last two procedures at the Union resulted in terrible aggression in Vic. Vicky is normally a meek and mild little soul but boy, did she rip into me and her ICU sister. She told me exactly what she did and did not think of me. It was a horrific experience. I hope and pray that it was the anaesthetic and not actual resentment towards me that triggered her hate speech.
Vic ended up spending 2.5 days in ICU. I never left her side but to go shower at home and take Jared to the urologist this morning. The ICU at a standard hospital is actually not equipped to handle someone as ill as Vic and in such a pain control programme. I also think they were too scared to be left alone with her after the tongue-lashing she gave them whilst I was showering on Sunday morning.
Well this is now behind us. We will hope and pray that the sepsis in Vic’s abdomen and spine will not attack the pins in her arm. That Vicky will get better and enjoy some Jurnista quality of life!
I want to blog on ICU’s and what we subject our loved ones to next. I am just too tired and emotionally drained to even attempt it today.
I know that I would do all things for you.
My spirit would always take care of you.
And when I die and leave this world behind.
You can be rest assured that my love will stay behind.
Even though sometimes we’re far apart.
You have always remained right here in my heart.
I will forever whisper in the wind
Unconditional love that’ll forever stay within.
If only I could go wherever you go
So I could do things I need to do for you.
Since I can’t, the best sacrifice I can give
is keep you in my heart and allow you to leave.
I’m lifting up the burden in your heart
‘Cause I know that you don’t know where to start.
I’m transferring all the pain inside of you
Into my care, into my heart, and now it’s through.
I love you so much and I know that I can bear
This greatest pain to let you go, I swear.
Know in your heart that my love will forever stay
Even though I would seem so far-away.
I’ll be your strength that’s why I’m relieving you
Of all the pain and tears inside of you.
No need to worry for all your pain will be gone.
It will be with me now, and I shall carry on.
You may think I’m letting you go without a fight.
If you only knew how I fought for you each night.
Just remember that there are signs everywhere.
So look around and acknowledge that they are there.
God said to me that love will always prevail.
And each day there is a tale for you to tell.
If you could already see the signs before your eyes.
Embrace it now. Let it stay. It is your guide.
God said the signs may be a word or two
When you least expect it, it is said to you.
It may also be the people that you have met.
Places, names, or things that you kept.
God told me to tell all these things to you
So happiness would set in and peacefulness, too.
I’m always here, and I’ll always love you.
I never wanted you to be in pain. It’s OK for you to go.
“Just because her eyes don’t tear doesn’t mean her heart doesn’t cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong.”
My beautiful little Vic is not in a good place emotionally. She feels that she has lost almost everything that is precious to her. She has no future that is not encased in pain, loneliness and further loss. Vic does not have a job to look forward to or even a shopping excursion. There is no hope or prospect of a holiday…not even a visit to a spa, a manicure or a pedicure….
A good day is a day without vomiting too much, some time with the boys, maybe a visit from a sister or friend…
Imagine if that was all there was to your life? Imagine a life like Vic’s…
What goes through her mind? Vic does not wallow in misery all the time. She sleeps…Maybe it is not her body shutting down, maybe it is her mind shutting out her situation.
I sit here tonight and I am planning tomorrow. I have to arrange for our oak tree to be pruned and treated, I have to approve a sighting system for the Middle East, inspect some armored vehicles, organize flights for some staff to Saudi, pick the boys up after school, arrange Jared’s extra maths, sign up at a gym… dentist appointment at 09:30 and take care of my beautiful, sick little girl.
Tomorrow morning Vic will have breakfast and then 39 tablets. The boys will kiss her goodbye and Vic will sleep again. Vic will wake up at 11:00, have coffee and tablets. We will try and get her bathed before the boys get home. Primrose will change her linen and clean her room whilst I am bathing and dressing her. Vic will have lunch and fall asleep again…exhausted from the effort of bathing. The boys may or may not find her awake when they come home. Vic will wake up at 15:00 and chat with the boys for a couple of minutes. She will have coffee and tablets. She will sleep until dinner time… Take 39 tablets….. This is her life! The only deviation is the vomit breaks…sometimes it is a couple of bouts a day and sometimes it is at night. Sometimes it is during the day and the night…Extra baths to clean up and extra linen changes…
Her TV remains on 24/7 but I don’t know whether she has watched a complete program in months.
Vic no longer reads, hopes or lives. Vic no longer joins us in the TV lounge or for dinner. She is too ill to get out of bed.
ger Vic very seldom cries anymore. She is stoic in her lonely journey.
As parents, we try not to wallow in the bad prognosis, but we need to be honest with what the prognosis means and the inevitable outcome. We have to accept reality. We have to guide our family through this. Help the boys to get through this as unscathed as humanly possible! We also have to provide an environment that will be peaceful for Vic and allow her space to come to terms with her life.
The most difficult thing for the family is however to tackle the problems of a very ill child rather than each other.
We love one another and support one another. We will survive this ordeal as a family. We are not perfect but who is? We err in love. But we love deeply and always and forever!
I found the blog of a 19 year old girl – Katie Michele who suffers from Marfan Syndrome. Marfan is a connective tissue disorder. This is a very special young lady who deals with Chronic Pain and the fear of aneurysms every day of her life…I have copied part of one of her blogs addressed “Dear Marfan” because I think this is what Vic could have written when she was younger… Please read her letter to Marfan… it will give you some insight into the heart of an ill teenager.
“I wish I didn’t have to wonder if you’d cause any future child of mine suffering, or if I’d lose my own life in the attempt to have one.
“I wish you hadn’t taken my sports and many of my friends, and replaced them with medications and doctor appointments. You’re constantly reminding me that no part of my body is safe from your consequences and that it’s only a matter of time before something else goes wrong. You hurt me, day in and day out, standing or sitting, year after year, from head to toe. Because of you I talk more often to doctors than I do to people my own age.” http://connectivetissuedisorders.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/dear-marfan/
I wish I did not have to wonder what my child’s life would have been like if she had not been born with OI. Dr Frank S, I wish I did not have to wonder what life would have been if you had not chosen to ignore your colleagues warning on how poor Vic’s tissue is. Dr V, I wish I did not have to wonder what my child’s life would have been if you had not perforated her small bowel, not once but twice! And the biggest wonder of all, I wonder what my child’s life would have been like if I had insisted that Dr S spoke to Dr Coleman.
I wish that Vic could have enjoyed her son’s toddler years; that she could have played ball with them, gone on holiday with them. I wish the boys could have known Vic happy and carefree. I wish the boys could remember a day when their Mom was not doubled over in pain, vomiting and sad. I wish they could remember their Mom going to work…looking forward to a normal tomorrow. I wish they could sit and enjoy her playing the piano. I wish that I could wish for Vic to see her son’s finish school, graduate at University, fall in love, get engaged and get married. I cannot. My biggest wish is that my poor child’s suffering will end. That she will truly make peace with giving up… That Vic will stop breathing and that she will float pain free and joyously to join her father and grandparents in Heaven.
Life has many questions. Far more questions than answers. I wonder about the fairness of life. I wonder why Vic has to go through so much pain and agony. I wonder why her boys have to watch her slow decline and painful journey.
I wonder why the bad people, the rapist and murders, thieves and criminals get to live good lives. Why do they have good health?
What has Vic ever done to harm anybody? She was sentenced to a life of pain and misery from conception. PLEASE! I don’t want to hear about the “sins of the fathers” sermon.
A convicted murderer has many appeals before the sentence is executed. A last appeal to the governor or the Supreme Court or who ever for clemency. A terminally ill person does not have that luxury. Their final appeal is to Hospice. Now, what is left for the terminally ill person to do if their last appeal is denied?
They are not kicking and screaming, fighting the sentence anymore. Hospice is their own hope of dying with some dignity and quality of “life” But, like the Supreme Court in the USA and Governor, appeals are rejected quite often. As in Vic’s case.
I will do everything in my power to ensure that Vic is allowed to spend, what is left of her life, as pain free as possible. I will do everything possible to allow her to die with dignity.
I am babbling. And today Vic is having a good day… But tonight lies ahead with it’s pain and terror…
Vic's Final Journey 