It is Friday again


Today it is the 14th sad Friday since Vic died.  Will I ever experience a Friday without sadness again?

It is 99 days today… Tomorrow it will be 100 long, tear filled days…

Sweetie, I love you as much as I did the day you stopped breathing.  I miss you more than I could ever have imagined.   I miss your gentleness, your unconditional love, your caring, your friendship and your voice.



Drowning in grief

Photo Credit:
Photo Credit:

Today it is exactly six weeks since my precious child died.  It has been such a rollercoaster ride.

I have gone from feeling numb and “accepting” to the deepest pit of despair and sorrow.  I have gone back to working and trying to live a “normal” life again.  I have laughed and cried.  I have learnt to keep my sorrow to myself.

I have however had days this week where the sadness overwhelmed me.  I have felt that I am drowning in it.  The house is empty.  I miss Vic’s smile.  I miss her hugs. I miss our chats and text messages.  I miss her smell and touch.  I miss my daughter and friend.

It is a mere 6 weeks, and I don’t know whether I will ever heal.  I know it is early days, but I also know my heart.

Judy Unger sent me these words and today I am posting it because it articulates  EXACTLY how I felt this past week.  Thank you Judy!  It is as if the realization of Vic’s death only hit home this week….


Copyright 2011 by Judy Unger
When you died my tears filled an ocean
I was violently submerged, gasping and barely able to stand the shock
Swirling in a raging current, a current of time
I was paralyzed and choking, wanting to drown, but unable to sink
The current dragged me along. It seemed endless . . .
Soon all my energy was gone. Anger at my fate depleted me further
I was going to somewhere unknown. The journey was filled with horror
I tried not to look while fighting to escape from the endless drift
Exhaustion led to floating. The current kept moving
Fighting it was useless; there was no going back to where I began…


At the end of the year…


Reposted from Dr Bill Wooten –

“The particular mind of the ocean
Filling the coastline’s longing
With such brief harvest
Of elegant, vanishing waves
Is like the mind of time
Opening us shapes of days.

As this year draws to its end,
We give thanks for the gifts it brought
And how they became inlaid within
Where neither time nor tide can touch them.

The days when the veil lifted
And the soul could see delight;
When a quiver caressed the heart
In the sheer exuberance of being here.

Surprises that came awake
In forgotten corners of old fields
Where expectation seemed to have quenched.

The slow, brooding times
When all was awkward
And the wave in the mind
Pierced every sore with salt.

The darkened days that stopped
The confidence of the dawn.

Days when beloved faces shone brighter
With light from beyond themselves;
And from the granite of some secret sorrow
A stream of buried tears loosened.

We bless this year for all we learned,
For all we loved and lost
And for the quiet way it brought us
Nearer to our invisible destination.”

~ John O’Donohue