A mother’s love….. Day 5 of 48


A mother’s love is like God’s love;                                                                                                    He loves us not because we are loveable,                                                                                      but because it is in His nature to love,                                                                                          and because we are his children.  
Earl Riney
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You taught me love.  You taught me honesty.  You taught me to love unconditionally.  You taught me how to forgive and how to be strong.  You are the strongest person I have ever known.  You gave me strength when I was weak.  When times were sad and tough you reminded me to be grateful for the small things in life.  You taught me how to be myself.  Most of all you taught me about life and how to live. 

 

Motherhood – Day 2 of 48


“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” Robert Browning

at birth

Jared and his Mommy
Jared and his Mommy  

Vic was born to be a mommy. As a toddler she would “discuss” her babies names with me….

“What are you going to be when you grow up Sweetie?”  I would ask

“A mommy” she would reply

There were no if’s or but’s about it as far as she was concerned.  She started “designing” her wedding dress and planning her family at the age of three.  Vic had no ambitions of ever becoming a doctor, lawyer or politician…She only ever wanted to be a Mommy.  Vic had no half-measures in life.  Whatever she did she did with passion…

She loved and lived passionately.

She revelled in the joy of motherhood.  Vic was a passionate mother.  Over protective, caring, loving…

Jon-Daniel and his Mommy
Jon-Daniel and his Mommy

Motherhood took a terrible toll on her body.  Not once did she regret her decision to have the boys – despite the price she paid.

“Amare et fovere” to love and cherish…


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I have never consciously given thought to the difference between the words “love” and “cherish.”

Today I did.

The definition of love is as follows:

            Love/ləv/
Noun
An intense feeling of deep affection: “their love for their country”.
Verb
Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): “do you love me?”.
Synonyms
noun. affection – fondness – darling – passion
verb. like – be fond of – fancy – adore

The definition of cher•ish is as follows:
/ˈCHeriSH/
Verb
Protect and care for (someone) lovingly: “he cherished me in his heart”.
Hold (something) dear.

Synonyms
nurse – nourish – foster

The Latin phrase for Cherish is Alo (alui Altum), Alo (alui Altum) is defined as: nourish, cherish, support, sustain, maintain, keep.

To cherish someone means to treat them with affection and tenderness, to hold them dear – close to our hearts. To me “cherish” implies gentleness, tenderness, respect and friendship; purity of emotion….

We feel cherished when we feel precious….Feelings of being cherished takes me back to my childhood. When my parents loved me unconditionally and I was ensconced in this amazing feeling of being treasured, protected, cared for….safe. 

We all crave to be cherished by our friends, family and loved ones. When we are cherished we have a warm, “safe” feeling within the relationship.

It explained to me why I felt safe in some friendships… There are relationships where I feel loved and then there are relationships where I feel cherished. I am tough. A friend once said I was as strong as the rock of Gibraltar. Little did he know how vulnerable I was at that stage of my life….
I suppose we feel loved by the ones who do not necessarily look out for us and protect us and cherished by those who go the extra mile and have our backs.

Love is easy. We love family because we are bound by blood, DNA of the heart, memories, intellectual and physical attraction. We love our car, our homes, our pets… We cherish our children, some friends, our memories…

Yet there are many people who will not allow others to cherish them —for example, someone who exhausts herself helping others, but when she needs help herself quickly says, “No thank you, I’m fine.”

The irony is that often these people experience a kind of elemental disbelief when they feel uncherished and think someone has let them down. “Oh no! It can’t be! Why am I not loved?” A sense of loss, a basic anxiety, grips them. 

I know that I will move the world for my loved ones. Yet I find it hard to allow people close enough to me, to “cherish” me…I am a do-er. I get embarrassed when people “do” things for me…

I recall once Lani wanted to give me a hand massage…I was too embarrassed to allow it…. I stayed busy to avoid the intimacy of being cherished by someone I love dearly…

There is a difference between cherish and love.  I find it hard to allow people to cherish me because that means I have to trust them with my heart and soul.  Love is less intimidating…

I am grateful that I am able to love and cherish.  I am grateful that people have patiently hacked away at my defences and love and cherish me…

Today I miss my precious child whom I love and cherish and who loved and cherished me….

“Never Alone”


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We played “Never Alone” as we carried Vic out of the church to the hearse…”Never Alone” because our love will always enfold you.  We love you so much!!IMG_8396 062

Lady Antebellum – Never Alone Lyrics

“Never Alone”     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw

May the angels protect you 

Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
May you always have plenty
The glass never empty
Know in your belly
You’re never alone

May your tears come from laughing
You find friends worth having
With every year passing
They mean more than gold
May you win but stay humble,
Smile more than grumble
And know when you stumble
You’re never alone

Chorus: Never alone
Never alone
I’ll be in every beat of your heart
When you face the unknown
Wherever you fly
This isn’t goodbye
My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you’re never alone

well
I have to be honest
As much as I want it
I’m not gonna promise that the cold winds won’t blow
So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You’re never alone

Chorus

May the angels protect you
Trouble neglect you
And heaven accept you when its time to go home
And when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you
You’re never alone

Chorus

My love will follow you stay with you
Baby you’re never alone

IMG_8291

24.12.2012
24.12.2012

It is Friday again


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Today it is the 14th sad Friday since Vic died.  Will I ever experience a Friday without sadness again?

It is 99 days today… Tomorrow it will be 100 long, tear filled days…

Sweetie, I love you as much as I did the day you stopped breathing.  I miss you more than I could ever have imagined.   I miss your gentleness, your unconditional love, your caring, your friendship and your voice.

 

 

Angel of Light


IMG_8597Today was a particularly bad day.  For the first time since Vic’s memorial service I attended a Church Service.  I dreaded the arms of comfort and gentle words of sympathy that was inevitable.  Danie went with me.  As we walked into the doors the arms were there…hugging and patting!  Our entry caused a little stir among the congregation..

Danie took my hand and led me to our old place in the pews.  People actually got up from where they were sitting to come and say “Hello” and “I am praying for you”…. Tears just ran down my cheeks and I COULD NOT stop crying!  All I could see in my mind’s eye was my beautiful, precious child’s coffin in the front on the church – surrounded by white candles and St Josephs lilies.

The worship team started singing, and I could not even see the words on the screen through my tears.

As the service went I calmed down.  I kept telling myself to “get a grip” which I eventually did.

After the service I cried in the embrace of my minister, church friends and acquaintances.

This evening I opened my emails and found a beautiful email from Jane@  http://johannisthinking.com/.  I wanted to post some of it with the beautiful picture and went into her blog to copy her blog address when I found this amazing poem that I am going to share with you.

 Jane’s writes in her Email:-

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You are NOT alone—-there is LIGHT all around YOU!   When I found this…I thought….Yes, this is Tersia!   …and your daughter is surrounding YOU with love and light!  BELIEVE it!You deserve to live in the LIGHT…..and it is NOT wrong to be happy….Vic is at peace and living in the LIGHT……and one day you will find her again…….until then…be gentle to YOU…..what would you tell her to do IF the situation was reversed?  What if you were the ONE who had to leave this Mother Earth ?   What would you say to your daughter?   You say you “two are ONE”—-and I do believe it is true———   so speak to your inner child as you would speak to her!  WE ALL NEED YOUR VOICE!

I cried again.  I am so grateful that the goodness and the light that surrounded Vic and radiated from her, is seen by the world.  Thank you dear Jane for telling me.  Thank you for your words, your poetry and above all the Angel of Light.   Thank you for caring!!

http://johannisthinking.com/2013/04/21/water-crystal-healers/
Dedicated to Tersia Burger
***
between the deep sighs
tears fall one by one
ridding the pitchblende
ever so slowly they form
quietly…silently
descend
water tears
cascading
will they ever end
water crystal healers
nature taking care of you
helping you transcend
freeing you
until…you find yourself
home again…

ice-kaleidoscope

ice-kaleidoscope (Photo credit: JeremyO\K)

 

So, today was emotional but healing! I was surrounded by love and compassion.  For the first time in a long time I did not feel isolated in my grief. 

So to every one who comments and emails; I thank you for your love and support in my journey of mourning my child.  For many years I have had a fear of allowing people close to me – I truly fear that they will betray my trust and friendship.  I KNOW I must allow people close

to me.  Blogging is allowing me see that there is kindness, goodness and unconditional caring out there….

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

 

The mention of my child’s name


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The mention of my child’s name

by Kim Knapp

The mention of my child’s name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music of her name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
~~~~author unknown

http://www.thefuneralsite.com/ResourceCenters/Poetry_and_Quotes/Children.html