Mother Daughter Poem

My words of love to my precious Vic

Precious Gift (Amended to suit) © Sherri Lawrence

When times seemed too hard to bear and I felt like giving up
I visioned your beautiful face, the twinkle of your eyes and things of such
The bond we created from my womb to the day you were born
Is a mother and daughter bond that can never be torn
With the strength and guidance of God and the blessings he pours down from above
I wanted to be the best mom I could to you and embrace you with all my love
You were as precious as a flower and as gorgeous as a rose
You were specially made to the very tip of your nose
You were as sweet as honey; such an innocent young child
You were brighter than any star in the sky every time you smiled
I wanted you to be proud of who you are and strive to be the best
Put forth your efforts to achieve your goals and let God do the rest
I will always be your mother first, but I was also your friend
You are the most precious gift, that I’ve ever been given

With All My Love,

Mommy

Mommy

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/precious-gift-2#ixzz2xg47iqJ2
Family Friend Poems

How to die

People live as they die.

If they constantly worried about their health and each and every little pain and symptom in life, they will worry until the end. If people were unconcerned about their health in life they will be slack in seeking help and treatment. If they were bad-tempered and impatient in life, they will die impatient and bad-tempered. Gentle people die gentle deaths. (I am excluding violent deaths from the statement above.)

In Hospice I am amazed to see with how much stoic dignity some people die. Many of my acquaintances have died in the past 14 months under our care. People that I knew were dignified, in life, died peaceful dignified deaths. Up to the end they will say “please” and “thank-you.” I have witnessed, and experienced people hold onto life with every fibre in their bodies (as did Vic). I have also seen people “decide” to die. We see it in their eyes. Death is a decision.

Dying is not a two-minute thing… some people die slowly over many days. In these slow, lingering days it is our job to keep the dying pain and symptom free. Comfortable surrounded by their loved ones.

In a perfect world people die at Hospices surrounded by their loved ones – in theory that works, only in theory.

Many people are dropped off at the In-Patient-Unit and as soon as it is “decent” the family will leave to rest… Some don’t return. Some do after many phone calls updating them of the gravity of their loved ones condition. Some will pop in for the final moments. Some don’t. Some stay. They enfold their loved one with compassion and love, complementing us in our job. Some people die with their loved ones united in prayer; others die with the family singing gentle songs. Some die telling their loved ones to f… off…..

I have come to the conclusion that people without a spiritual and/or religious base die bad deaths. They swear at their families and the world until their final day… They worry about their new cars; a business deal – some have alcohol sneaked into the IPU. They deliberately remove their diapers and urinate on the sheets; one even defecated on his sheets defiantly grinning at the staff. A final “f— you” act. No, he was fully conscious of his actions and the effect that it has on those caring for him. He was dying from cancer not Alzheimer’s.

Seeing someone die is quite amazing. It is a beautiful experience witnessing the soul leave the body. There can be no doubt that there is life hereafter.

A young woman died in the IPU. She lingered for 8 days. Finally only her mom was left next to her bed gently whispering words of love and encouragement. After she died we prepared her cancer ravished little body for collection by the undertakers. When they arrived I escorted them to her room. She lay there with an angelic smile on her face. I called her mom and said “you have to see this…” When her mom had left her side it was just a tiny little bag of bones that lay there. When her mom next saw her she had this peaceful, angelic smile on her face. Truly a message for heaven for her grief-stricken mother.

I hope that I will be stoic and brave in death. That fear of the “Great Beyond” will not overwhelm me. I hope that I will be dignified and brave in death. I am such a ninny in life.

now and forever

Vic's Final Journey

Today at times I felt as if I was suffocating. It felt as if the grief had grabbed me by the throat and was strangling life out of me. My heart physically ached.

In the infamous words of Queen Elizabeth 11 “Grief is the price we pay for love.”

Vic was an only child. I spent the first 16 years of her life dedicated to Vic and only Vic. Vic’s dad and I separated early in our marriage. Even in the years that we were married he studied part-time and only got home from University after 10 at night. Weekends – well that was busy…

When Vic was 16 I married Danie. He became her dad and she embraced the fact that she now had siblings. Danie loved Vic with the same pure unconditional love that she had for her boys. Vic admired, respected and loved Danie for the wonderful…

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I Remember Vic

In the rising of the sun and in its going down, I remember her.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, I remember her.
In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, I remember her.
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, I remember her.
In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, I remember her.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, I remember her.
When I am weary and in need of strength, I remember her.
When I am lost and sick at heart, I remember her.
When I have joys I yearn to share, I remember her.
So long as I live, Vic too shall live,
For Vic is a part of me, As I remember her.

I amended the words of this poem written by Rabbis Sylvan Kamens and Jack Riemer from Gates of Prayer, R.B. Gittelsohn

Crying in the Bank

Watching my child slowly die, doing her eulogy and living 424 days without her are the most difficult things I have had to do. Today I discovered another impossibly difficult thing to do… My child’s estate.

This morning I had to walk into the bank and ask for the last three months of my child’s bank statements. When the lady asked whether she could help I replied that I needed duplicate bank statements. She kindly directed me to a booth and asked for my ID document. I explained that I was looking for the duplicate bank statements of my dead child… and burst into tears.

My hands were shaking as I tried to find Vic’s death certificate and her identity document. The tears prevented me for seeing what I was looking for.

The bank clerk handed me a tissue and said “I am sorry for your loss”.

A second bank official walked in and immediately asked what’s wrong. I could not speak and the first lady explained what I was looking for. She put out her arms and hugged me.

“I lost my son three years ago…” she said. “I know how you feel…”

Some days are more difficult than other. Some days I am able to live my new life. Most days I am able to live my new life. My life without my precious, beautiful baby girl. But there are days that the grief just overwhelms me and I am a wreck. Today is a one of those earth and heart shattering sad days.

I closed Vic’s bank account today.

Stepping Stone’s first death

Stepping Stone’s first death.

Stepping Stone’s first death

Vic was the first Stepping Stone Hospice death.

I was clearing up some filing at the office when I came across Vic’s case notes. Tears ran down my cheeks when I read the observation of the Hospice nurse…

21.11.2012:- Pt gradually getting weak but stable. Pain controlled and up and about

20.12.2012:- Very weak but stable. Pain controlled

3.1.2013 Pt experiencing obstruction. Started on SD (Syringe Driver). Buscopan, Zantac, morphine over 24 hours. Prognosis short

8.1.2013 Pt seen by Dr Sue, very weak. Actively dying. Not eating or drinking. Vomiting much better. Pt still responsive even in deep sleep. Continue SD

11.1.2013 Pt terminally weak but stable on SD. Actively dying. Family up to speed with progress

18.1.2013 Pt R.I.P this am. Peaceful and comfortable at home

Vic’s suffering had been reduced to a couple of lines. A couple of words. No mention of her vomiting blood or did I forget to mention it to the nurse? No mention of her being unable to breathe because of the pain. “Pain controlled”…

The pain of Vic’s death is as fresh as it was a year, a month and 11 days ago.

We have now lived many Hospice deaths. Some have been friends, some strangers that became friends and some strangers that remained strangers. I feel the pain of the mothers whose daughters died in the In-Patient-Unit. I held them and comforted them, but I could not take their pain away. I tried to prepare them for the emptiness that would follow the funeral…the guilt, the anger, the loneliness.

I know that our Nursing Sisters are compassionate and caring. I know that I would want to die in the Unit. I know the staff will light candles to shield me from the harsh fluorescent light…. I hope that Lorraine Msini will softly sing Amazing Grace as I end my journey on earth. I have truly learnt that death is not the enemy. Living is.

I no longer cry for those who are dying. I cry for the ones who are left behind. I cry for the emptiness I have seen in mothers eyes… the raw, undiluted pain… I know that when I see them in a few months’ time they would have learnt to mask that raw, undiluted pain and emptiness in their eyes.

Silent Grief – Child Loss Support

I am reblogging these beautiful words. Beautiful? Yes, this was articulated beautifully. Grief is raw. Grief is hard. Clara turns grief words into poetry. But there is nothing poetic or beautiful about grief. Grief is horrible.

I await the new rays of sunrise… I hope that today I will feel comfort.

Jan28

Silent Grief – Child Loss Support

There is something so hopeful about a sunrise. When we are in deep, inconsolable grief from child loss, often we can’t sleep. We worry, cry, feel isolated and so alone, and grow more anxious by the minute. Sometimes it helps to watch the dawn of a new day arrive — maybe, just maybe, this will be the day our heart feels some much needed comfort. Sunrises, rainbows, butterflies, puffy white clouds, clear blue skies, blooming flowers…….signs from heaven, some would say! And, that’s what every parent and family of child loss needs — some sort of comforting sign from heaven letting us know our child is safe! God bless every family grieving the loss of their precious child today with some much-needed comfort and hope!

https://www.facebook.com/SilentGriefSupport

Grieving Mother Held Against Her Will in Psychiatric Ward

This is a brilliant post. If you are grieving or have a loved one who is grieving – please read this.

Grief: One Woman's Perspective

I read an article this morning about a judge who ordered release of a grieving mother, Christina Schumacher, who was held against her will for more than five weeks in a psychiatric ward. When she separated from her husband last year, Ms. Schumacher made a comment to her sister “that she would kill herself if anything happened to her two children.”* The day after her husband killed their son and then hanged himself, the grieving mother’s doctor decided that she “needed to admit herself or be taken into custody.”*

Other people, however, thought differently. Vermont Superior Court Judge Kevin Griffin ruled that, “The court did not find, by clear and convincing evidence, that Respondent was a person in need of treatment at the time of admission or application, nor a patient in need of further treatment at the time of the hearing.”* Ms. Schumacher, said, “I am not ill; I…

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In Memory of Vicky Bruce for my friend Tersia

“Hi my name is Shaun from Scotland.”

Shaun is an amazing man who lives in Scotland with his beautiful partner Dawn, two sons and two daughters. Shaun suffers from Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia robbed him from coaching soccer and his active life. Shaun has suffered many losses but has grown in his pain to be an amazing blogger and friend. In his own words ,”The pain took things and kept doing so. I decided to make the pain my friend and live and laugh.”

Shaun started following my blog on the 19th of January 2013. How do I remember? Shaun responded to my post https://tersiaburger.com/2013/01/25/vic-has-left-home-for-the-last-time/

I remember his words. He said that he and his partner, Dawn, sat and hugged for an hour crying for Vic…. Shaun reached out to me in the midst of my worse pain and never abandoned me. Many people have grown tired of my tears and sorrow and moved on to other blogs. Shawn has stayed. He comments, consoles and encourages.

Shawn, Dawn and Dean (their son, made this beautiful picture and link in memory of Vic.

When I read his post tears just ran down my cheeks. Tears missing my child that had such a profound effect on people all over the world mixed with tears of gratitude for friends who are not afraid to use my child’s name… Thank you Shaun, Dawn and Dean for taking time out of your lives to remember and honour my precious child.

I cherish our friendship!

My First Message from Heaven

I have no doubt that my child is in Heaven. Vic lived hell everyday of her life. Maybe her journey on earth was a purifying process….I don’t know. What I do know is that Vic’s life was a lesson to most people.

Nobody can suffer a lifetime of devastating pain, indignity, loss and then still go to hell…This was her hell. It was a hell that she suffered and lived with dignity. She never stopped smiling. Often through her tears…but she smiled. Vic lived every second that she breathed.

I do believe that Vic is running free in Heaven. Running for the first time in her life… free of pain and suffering!

A year ago, today, we had Vic’s memorial service. It was incredibly sad and beautiful…it was also the day I received my first message from Heaven.

I RECEIVED MY SIGN!

Tuesday morning arrived. It had been a very long weekend. I battled with the eulogy and my broken heart. Everybody kept looking at me to make sure I was okay… Patting my hand and saying: “It is going to be okay!”

It is never going to be okay. Nothing can erase my child’s suffering and death from my mind. In time I suppose I will learn to live with the pain and longing, but it is NOT GOING TO BE FLIPPEN OKAY!!!!! EVER!!!

I have slept in Vic’s bed since her death to “demystify” her room. I also feel close to her. I can smell her in her pillow; I spray her perfume before I go to sleep.

After Vic passed and before the undertakers arrived I lay next to her lifeless little body. I spoke to her non-stop.

“Sweetie, If your soul is hovering in this room I want a clear sign from you that you are still with me…”

I woke early and prepared for the lousiest day of my life. I started chewing “Rescue” tablets. It was the only way I was going to get through the memorial service without making an absolute fool of myself. The boys looked so handsome! Their mom would have been very proud of her boys!

At the church the hearse was parked at the front door. Vic was already inside the church. A huge photo was on an easel, and at least a hundred candles were burning around the casket. The flowers were beautiful. Vic would have approved.

I sat in the pew with tears running down my face. I could not believe that my baby girl was lying in that casket! That I would never see her, never hold her again, never hear her voice again. Sitting in church I could not remember her pain and suffering only my own.

The service was beautiful! The minister spoke from his heart and shared his memories of a brave young woman with almost 200 people. He said that not many people are ever prepared for death, but Vic was to such an extent that she had planned her entire memorial service. He wiped a tear from his eyes where he spoke of Vic’s journey.

As instructed by Vic we sang “Amazing Grace” and “How great Art Thou”. I managed to sing – not a pretty sound though! My voice was all over! Vic would have giggled and told me that I sound like my mom!

I did the eulogy with the two boys standing on either side of me. At times my voice wavered and at times even I could hear how strong I sounded.

And then it was time to carry the coffin to the hearse for the FINAL part of Vic’s journey. I could hear the boys quietly sobbing as we carried Vic on her final journey. I felt my face contort with grief and tears.

The coffin was so light! I remember thinking “I wonder if Vic is really in the coffin….”

We lay single roses on the coffin. The two boys’ red roses and the rest of us pink…. Kari and Simone (Vic’s nieces) came up and stroked the coffin. They sobbed uncontrollably. I could hear people crying.

The minister said a final prayer, and it was time for Vic to leave.

The undertaker solemnly hugged me and closed the rear door of the hearse. It opened…. He pushed the coffin into position and relocked the locking mechanism. He closed the door again. Once again the door closed and opened!

“Vic is here and she is telling us she is going no where!” I said

People laughed nervously….

The undertaker unlocked the lock and pushed the coffin into position again. The undertaker locked the locking mechanism for the 3rd time. He closed the door. This time it remained closed. Vic had gotten her message through to me…I received my sign.

My precious child is still with me.

CHILD BORROWED

The circumstances of our children’s deaths could not have been different. Both our daughters died cruel deaths. Vic died due to arrogant doctor error and Len’s Klysta died at the hands of her husband. Our pain is the same. We have developed a wonderful cyber friendship and Len has been an amazing friend.

In Len’s own words: “Hello, welcome to my blog! I started a mother’s sorrow after filling a page on my original blog (myownheart.me) about my beautiful daughter Klysta. Within this blog are my heart, soul , tears and anguish of losing my daughter when she was 41. After being beat to near death , lingering in pain for three days, her “man” poisoned her. Her story is here in all these writings somewhere I am sorry that you must dig through all the other heart pourings but maybe something will resonate with your heart. Thank you for visiting. God Bless”

Jan22

Klysta Vic

God loaned me a child
He sent her from heaven above
I knew in my heart
I would have my lifetime to love.
But one day God said to me.
My Child, my purpose, my plan
Your work here is through.
He held out His hand
To this child I believed to be mine
this child He let me borrow
And He took her home to my sorrow.
Now my heart is wrenched
my clothes are rent, my tears
they fall softly for loss of you
God holds you gently and has taken
your pain and sorrows of this earth away
while sadly here I must stay
I will always remember the love that we knew
And someday my journey too will be through
Until then my dear one I will pray
and be thankful each step of the way
for the love we shared each and every day.

CHILD BORROWED

Len, thank you for your continued love and support. Your gentle words of understanding and advice have soothed my soul many a day. Thinking of you dear Cyber Friend with love and tears.

Awards evening

Tonight Jon-Daniel will be honoured for his brilliant school marks. I suspect that he will be awarded honours for the second time in his highschool career. Vic so desperately wanted to be there last year. It was not to be.

This year, I know, she will be there cheering for her precious son.

Congratulations my Genius! Oumie is so proud of you!!!!

Jon-Daniel's prizegiving - 2012 — Jon-Daniel’s prizegiving – 2010.

Alberton-20121204-01415 — Jon-daniel helping prepare his Mommy’s injection

Alberton-20130116-01485 — Jon-Daniel “showing” his mommy his honours tie – 16.1.2013

Rest in Peace Angel Child

Yesterday the sun set on our tears and longing. This morning I lay awake watching the sun send it first rays through the silhouette of the oak tree in our garden.

“Rays of hope” I thought.

I lay there, my eyes still heavy with tears and sleep thinking how grateful I am that my child’s suffering is over…

Yesterday was a day filled with selfish sadness. All I could think of was how much I miss Vic; how empty my life is; how much pain we are in… For one day I “forgot” her terrible suffering. Her tears of pain and frustration. This morning I thought back to Vic vomiting pure, bright red blood, crying “Mommy I broke another vertebrae”.

This morning I remembered that Vic had absolutely no quality of life. I remembered my fear that her suffering would never end… I remembered my prayers, pleading with God to end Vic’s suffering.

So, today I will allow peace back into my heart. I will do my best to be a good back-up mommy to the boys. I will try to live with my pain. And when sadness threatens to overwhelm me I will force my mind back to Vic’s words “I can’t do this anymore”. I will remember the indignity that she lived; her tears…

I will remember my baby girl’s laugh; her beautiful eyes; the rich texture of her hair. I will honour her pure heart, compassion and goodness.

I will celebrate the fact that Vic is now free of pain, indignity and loneliness. I will visualize Vic running free in Heaven.

Rest in Peace my Angel Child. You are ALWAYS in my heart.

One year today

My precious child

Somehow 31,536,000 seconds or even 525,600 minutes makes far more sense than 8760 hours; 365 days; 52 weeks and one day or 1 year…

If feels as if a lifetime of sorrow has passed since you stopped breathing. If feels as if it has been a lifetime since I held you in my arms. It feels as if I have cried an ocean of tears.

In the past year I have aged. I have gained weight. I have existed. A year ago my life ended. The boys and I still burn candles for you.

I am still filled with rage. I know you were born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta but doctor arrogance caused you so much pain, suffering and indignity. I know that you would more than likely have died before me but perhaps with less suffering?

I will always miss you. I will always remember your smile, your laugh, your bravery. I will never forget how you fought to live.

Today I want to thank you for my beautiful grandsons. Thank you for remaining my little girl through-out your life. Thank you for fighting for so long. You were such a warrior!

I thank God that you came home to die. I thank God that I had the privilege of caring for you. I thank God that He entrusted me with something as pure and precious as you.

I am grateful that you are no longer fracturing vertebrae from vomiting. As much as I miss your laugh I do not miss your pain filled tears. I am grateful precious baby that your suffering is over.

I miss your company. I miss our late night chats, drinking untold cups of tea/coffee. I miss your text messages, your telephone calls, your shuffling footsteps down the passage… the smell of smoke alerting me that you are awake and sitting on your step…

I miss the boys laughter. I miss the joy that you brought into our lives.

We will continue to honour your memory – every day of our lives. Your legacy will live on in each and every person that is allowed to live until they die with dignity.

I love you Angel Child with every fiber in my body.

Your Silent Dreams by April D. Parker
I held you as you were sleeping…
All the while I sat weeping….
Gazing at your beautiful features…
For you were one of God’s Creatures…

I loved you from the minute you existed to be…
Living inside me, Dreaming silently…
You were always a part of my life…
Even before you saw day-light…

Looking down at you, I kissed your warm little hand…
Knowing you had passed on to the Promised Land…
You, my sweet baby, are forever my Child…
The fact you were in my life makes it worth while…

Undeniably I have hope…
The thought of seeing you again allows my spirit to lift…
I thank God to have had what time I had with you…
Love and cherish you I shall always do…