Want to Understand Mortality? Look to the Chimps

I read this earlier today and was deeply touched. I decided that I simply had to share this with you.

Want to Understand Mortality? Look to the Chimps

By MAGGIE KOERTH-BAKER

Pansy was probably in her 50s when she died, which is pretty good for a chimpanzee. She passed in a way most of us would envy — peacefully, with her adult daughter, Rosie, and her best friend, Blossom, by her side. Thirty years earlier, Pansy and Blossom arrived together at the Blair Drummond Safari and Adventure Park near Stirling, Scotland. They raised their children together. Now, as Pansy struggled to breathe, Blossom held her hand and stroked it.

Illustration by Denise Nestor

When the scientists at the park realized Pansy’s death was imminent, they turned on video cameras, capturing intimate moments during her last hours as Blossom, Rosie and Blossom’s son, Chippy, groomed her and comforted her as she got weaker. After she passed, the chimps examined the body, inspecting Pansy’s mouth, pulling her arm and leaning their faces close to hers. Blossom sat by Pansy’s body through the night. And when she finally moved away to sleep in a different part of the enclosure, she did so fitfully, waking and repositioning herself dozens more times than was normal. For five days after Pansy’s death, none of the other chimps would sleep on the platform where she died.

This account was published in 2010 in the journal Current Biology, but it’s not the only time scientists have watched chimpanzees, bonobos and other primates deal with death in ways that look strikingly like our own informal rituals of mourning: watching over the dying, cleaning and protecting bodies and displaying outward signs of anxiety. Chimps have been seen to make loud distress calls when a comrade dies. They investigate bodies as if looking for signs of life. There are many cases of mothers refusing to abandon dead infants, carrying and grooming them for days or even weeks. Still, it’s rare to capture primate deaths, especially those of chimpanzees and bonobos, in detail. It happens just often enough that many scientists are starting to think there’s something interesting, maybe protohuman, going on.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/30/magazine/want-to-understand-mortality-look-to-the-chimps.html?pagewanted=1&ref=magazine&_r=1&

Vic’s song of life

For my precious Vic, her song of life has ended,
But the music of her soul is forever.
During my lonely hours,
I wait to hear the music from above,
So I can know that my angel child is well.

My Angel up in Heaven ~ Written by Dave Hedges

Re-posted from http://myownheart.me/2013/07/08/my-daughter/. This blog belongs to a dear friend of mine. Len Williams-Carver who lost her daughter tragically in 2011 – not through illness but Klysta was murdered! Len posted this, and now I am reposting these beautiful words. Thank you my dear friend!! You are in my heart!

My angel up in heaven, I wanted you to know,
I feel you watching over me, everywhere I go.
I wish you were with me, but that can never be,
Memories of you in my heart, that only I can see.
My angel up in heaven, I hope you understand,
That I would give anything, if I could hold your hand.
I’d hold you oh so tightly, and never let you go,
And all the love inside of me, to you I would show.
My angel up in heaven, for now we are apart,
You’ll always live inside of me, deep within my heart.

KLYSTA LaNELL 08-20-1969 to 02-19-2011
My beautiful daughter, my heart void.

VICKY BRUCE 31-08-1974 TO 18-01-2013

My beautiful daughter, my Angel Child.

Different types of depression

Clinical depression goes by many names — depression, “the blues,” biological depression, major depression. But it all refers to the same thing: feeling sad and depressed for weeks or months on end (not just a passing blue mood).

Depression (mood) as defined by Wikipedia

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Dejection” and “despair” redirect here. For the poem, see Dejection: An Ode. For other uses of despair, see despair (disambiguation).

Melencolia I (ca. 1514), by Albrecht Dürer

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being.^[1] Depressed people may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt, or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions, and may contemplate or attempt suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains, or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may also be present.^[2]

Depressed mood is not necessarily a psychiatric disorder. It may be a normal reaction to certain life events, a symptom of some medical conditions, or a side effect of some drugs or medical treatments. Depressed mood is also a primary or associated feature of certain psychiatric syndromes such as clinical depression.

Are you depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
Reckless behaviour. You engage in escapist behaviour such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.
Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
Negative thoughts. You can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
Suicidal thoughts. You have thoughts that life is not worth living (seek help immediately if this is the case)

There are many on-line depression tests. These tests should not replace or substitute a visit to a physician. It is only an indicator. http://www.depressedtest.com A physician will have to rule out other serious medical conditions that may cause similar symptoms.

The main types of depression include:

Major depression — to be diagnosed with major depression, you must have five or more of the symptoms listed above for at least 2 weeks. Major depression tends to continue for at least 6 months if not treated. (You are said to have minor depression if you have less than five depression symptoms for at least 2 weeks. Minor depression is similar to major depression except it only has two to four symptoms.)
Atypical depression — occurs in about a third of patients with depression. Symptoms include overeating and oversleeping. You may feel like you are weighed down and get very upset by rejection.
Dysthymia — a milder form of depression that can last for years, if not treated.
Postpartum depression — many women feel somewhat down after having a baby, but true postpartum depression is more severe and includes the symptoms of major depression.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) — symptoms of depression occur 1 week before your menstrual period and disappear after you menstruate.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) — occurs most often during the fall-winter season and disappears during the spring-summer season. It is most likely due to a lack of sunlight.
Manic Depression may also alternate with mania (known as manic depression or bipolar disorder).

Factors that can may cause depression include:

Alcohol or drug abuse
Medical conditions and treatments, such as:
- Certain types of cancer (pancreas, prostate, breast)
- Long-term pain
- Sleeping problems
- Steroid medications – Corticosteroid medications such as prednisone, which people take for diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis or asthma
- Underactive thyroid (hypothyroidism)
- Illegal steroids
- Amphetamines
- Over the counter appetite suppressants
Stressful life events, such as:
- Abuse or neglect
- Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend
- Certain types of cancer
- Death of a relative or friend
- Divorce, including a parent’s divorce
- Failing a class
- Illness in the family
- Job loss
- Long-term pain
- Social isolation (common cause of depression in the elderly)
Many central nervous system illnesses and injuries can also lead to depression.
- head trauma
- multiple sclerosis
- stroke
- syphilis

Sources:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/07/opinion/sunday/wars-on-drugs.html?_r=0

http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/symptoms/depression/overview.html

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types

Saturday poem: Loss

Thank you Kate Swaffer! Kate blogs about the critical issues that impact on a person living with a diagnosis of dementia and their loved ones. Kate is inspirational, motivated and positive.

Loss

Tragedy so great

Illuminating you with sadness

Seems impossible to recover

Lack of lustre lasting forever

Acceptance and healing

A lifetime away

To hear a song or smell a scent

That throws you right back

Into the pit of grief

One step forward

Many steps backwards

From the intensity of sorrow

Meaninglessness, emptiness

Impaired judgments

Damaged relationships

Memories stained with pain

Walls crumbling inside your heart

The journey of loss is long

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She Died on a Monday

This post was written by a mother whose daughter died from doctor error – just like Vic. This mother’s daughter suffered for 8 years before she died… Vic suffered for 4027 days after her blotched surgery. https://tersiaburger.com/2013/02/22/4027-days/

Where's my kid?

In the seven years leading up to my daughter’s death, she suffered through hundreds of hospitalizations. I use the word “suffered” and I mean it. When I’d get the call from her husband in her distant city telling me she was once-again hospitalized, I’d do a quick survey of where we were in the week. Tuesday to Thursday = probably okay. Friday to Monday = disaster.

And now we have a new television show, entertainment, if you will, from the TNT network entitled “Monday Mornings” and penned by CNN’s top medical guy, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, which explores something all-too-many of us are all-too-familiar with: Medical mistakes.

My concern over the “entertainment value” of such a television show bumps up against relief. Real people with real lives and real families that love them die in real life versus now people will know some of the truth. The problem is that real…

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Here on Earth …, There in Heaven…

Here on earth imperfection, there in heaven perfection
Here on earth discontent, there in heaven content
Here on earth disgrace, there in heaven grace
Here on earth disease, there in heaven ease
Here on earth hatred, there in heaven love
Here on earth war, there in heaven peace
Here on earth decay, there in heaven freshness
Here on earth selfish, there in heaven selfless
Here on earth oppression, there in heaven liberty
Here on earth agonize, there in heaven relax
It’s either on earth, or in heaven
The decision, all yours

Obed Akuma

There is pain after death

On the 10^th of October 2012 I posted this:

Two days ago I reblogged a post “Is there pain after death” written by a Dr James Salwitz. This post elicited some comments – mainly from Vic. Vic has started reading the odd post of my blog. In a way I am truly okay with it but on the other hand I find it difficult to blog my fears and emotions knowing that Vic may read the post. I find that I have become guarded in what I am writing. I am thinking that I should blog about stuff that may allay Vic’s fears….

Yesterday Vic asked “Mommy, I know what we believe in but what if there is more pain after I died?”

“You read my blog?” I asked.

“Yes” Vic replied.

“Sweetie, I believe that when the time comes our loved ones will be our guardian angels and hold our hands whilst we cross over….”

“I know that Mommy but what if I am still in pain… What if the pain does not stop?”

“Sweetie, the pain that continues after death is the emotional pain that belong to the loved ones that are left behind. That is what the post is about…..”

Tears welled up in Vic’s eyes and she said “I know that Mommy but what if I am still in pain… What if the pain does not stop? What if your pain does not stop?”

Andrew, http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com/, commented as follows… “Even before one leaves, I always thought it more difficult on my family to watch me go through what was pretty aggressive treatment than on me.”

sbcallahan, http://thedrsays.org commented…”this is one of the difficult things about being the one who leaves. to know that your loved ones are going to suffer more than they already have is heartbreaking.”

“how to die? I have watched many die over the years and the range is as you would imagine. there were those that just could not let go and suffered every indignity to their body and soul. of course others went quietly with love around them. I have not decided if I want to be alone or with loved ones by my side. is there a way to make it easier for them? would they rather receive a phone call with the news or be at bedside? either way it will hurt them, not me of course as I am the one leaving. I would be lying if I said I don’t think of how I will miss so much. the thing is I have had so much, so much more than others and it seems selfish to complain. what they will go through is tremendous compared to what I will go through. I will sleep eternally and they will live. the best I can hope for them is peace of mind and future happiness. I want them to think of me and smile as I do now thinking of them.” http://thedrsays.org/2011/03/

I am beginning to think it is easier to be the person leaving than the one being left. I have always known that about relationships and breaking up but now realize that it is the same when someone you love is dying. My husband became suddenly angry and I knew there was something wrong. it is so unlike him to get angry over nothing that I was completely off guard. we had been watching the movie “steel magnolia’s” and he asked me what Julia Roberts was dying from and I told him kidney failure. later when he was able to talk, he shared that it had reminded him of my own kidney failure and near death. we live in limbo waiting each week for blood tests to know if I am back in failure or good for a few more days. I don’t really think about it and when he shared his fear my heart ached. The sad thing is I have no fear and realize more and more how hard this is for him. I know that he will be fine in the end but it is hard for him to imagine he will be fine without me. It is so much harder to be the one being left behind. http://thedrsays.org/2011/03/25/the-one/

Vic so often tells me how worried she is about the family. She worries about how the boys, her dad and I will cope. Whether we will cope…. whether we will be able to get over her eventual passing…. Andrew and sbcallahan write about their fears… for their loved ones. It is a fear that all terminally ill people appear to have.

My Mom died a bad death! Two weeks after major surgery she died an agonising death from septicaemia. We could see the gangrene spread…. She was burning up with fever and no amount of pain medication could dull or relieve the pain. God alone knows what went through her mind because she was ventilated. When my Mom finally died we were so relieved. We were relieved that her suffering was over. We were traumatized by the dying process not her death.

As a family we have lived with Vic’s pain and her excruciatingly slow journey towards death for the past eleven years. For eleven years we have heard her scream with pain, moan with discomfort, we hold her hair back when she is doubled up over a toilet bowel, vomiting until she fractures a vertebrae. We have nursed open wounds, changed colostomy bags…. We have watched our daughter and mother suffer the most horrendous symptoms.

So baby, if you read this post, know that we will miss you. We don’t want you to leave us behind but we want your suffering to end. We will continue to love you until we are reunited one day. You have to trust us that you will always be “my baby” and the boys’ mummy. But know that we will be grateful when your little body is freed from its pain and suffering. You will be at peace… You will not suffer more pain after death. We will mourn you but we will also be at peace… We will think of you and smile…

It is okay to let go my angel child.

Preparing for Vic’s death was not easy. It was however a breeze compared to the actual pain after Vic died.

In a way I supposed I almost romanticized Vic’s passing. I knew that I would miss her. What I did not know is how much….I did not know that my mind would block out the suffering beforehand.

I thought I would always remember her cries, her tears, and her pain. I did not realize that I would forget her cries, pain, tears…. I remember her shuffling little footsteps down the passage, her soft kisses on my cheek, her gentle nature, her laughter…

I thought I would be relieved that her suffering was over – Nothing and nobody could have prepared me for the huge void in my life.

Today I know that there is excruciating agony after death. For the living…

I wrote “We will think of you and smile…”

Vic, today I know we think of you and cry… selfishly I don’t have peace.

Chaka’s is not the same without you. Nothing will ever be the same without you my Angel.

I miss you so much!!!

I am waiting for a sign

I came to Chaka’s Rock with the intention of scattering some of Vic’s ashes here. The rest we would bury in her Angel Garden at home.

When we arrived we went shopping and came back with beautiful flowers. Vic’s photo and ashes are in the dining room that has a beautiful view of the ocean. Her flowers next to her…

Somehow I have just not been able to make my way down to the beach with Vic’s ashes. I know that I will receive a sign from her that this is what she wants… When a white feather finds me I will know it is the right time and place.

Vic and I often spoke about what to do with her ashes.

“Mommy, you can decide what to do with my ashes…”

“What would you want me to do with your ashes Angel?” I would ask

“You can decide Mommy. You can put me in the Wall of Remembrance with my Father if you want?” Vic would reply

“Maybe we will just make a memorial garden for you and keep you with us…” I would say

“Oh, that would be good Mommy!” Vic would say “That is what I would do for you…”

I am waiting to see if a white feather finds me…

New memories…

Funny/scary faces... — Funny/scary faces…

Chaka’s Rock 2013

A Mother’s Love for her Sons

A year ago I posted this. As I said in my previous post – Chaka’s 2012 is a separate story. I am reposting the separate story…

I have been researching the effect of a mother’s illness on her children. The boys are two beautiful, well-adjusted, honest and compassionate young men. Vic’s illness has certainly deprived them of a childhood in the true sense of the word and prematurely matured them into compassionate, caring, young men far too early in life. At the tender age of thirteen Jared was cooking for the family… This must certainly have an effect on how the boys perceive relationships with people.

Now according to my research the boys have become what is called ‘parentified’ children. These children solve the problem of sick and inadequate parenting by taking care of their

parents. They in effect become parents to their parents, giving to the sick parent what they need from the parent. Now the roles are reversed. This seemingly creative solution is unfortunately too self-sacrificing to be healthy in the long run.

“‘Parentified’ sons who take care of their sick mothers in order to cope with their inability to parent, struggle to suppress obvious needs for love and feelings of loss. They learn to work hard taking care of the needs of others and living off of the scraps that come in the form of reinforcements for their competence and reliability. Their needs for love are overlooked and overshadowed by everyone else’s needs.” The boys, especially Jared, falls into this category 100%. When his little girlfriend was hit in the eye by a hockey ball, he immediately went into caregiving mode, At the time I thought it to be extremely unhealthy that he already has this caregiving character trait. He used to always make the tea and offer to do so much around the house and for his Mom.

I have put a stop to this. I pray it is not too late for the boys to adjust to a “normal” household…

It is however important for them to realize that death is a part of the circle of life and that it is not something dark and something to be feared but rather, if happening in a timely fashion, something that one can embrace. The boys appreciate and respect Vic as their mother. Vic has raised her sons to be respectful.

“The power of a mother’s strength comes from her heart, from her unabashed, unconditional, and unwavering love for her child. There is, as J.K. Rowling wrote in her Harry Potter books, a magic in that love. No matter what happens, a mother is always there for her child. A mother’s love is never to be questioned, and – though she may not know it at first – neither is her strength.”

Vic literally rose from her deathbed to be there for Jared with his operation on Wednesday. When my Mom died I related her final moments to someone jumping from a diving board into a deep pool, reaching the bottom and kicking to rise to the surface of the water for one more breath… only to sink again. This is what Vic does.

Before Jared was wheeled into theatre he whispered into his mom’s ear. She took his hand and said “I promise”.

Vic, drip in hand, walking with Jared to theater!

The surgeon said the operation would last two hours. Vic dutifully went back to bed and rested. One hour and forty-five minutes later she was, IV drip in hand, standing outside the theatre door, waiting for her son. I begged her to at least sit on the chair, but she refused. “Mommy, I promised Jared my face would be the first thing he sees when he comes out of theatre!”

It took a superhuman effort, but Vic’s love for her son drove her to keep her word. It is true that no mother wants her child to suffer in any way, but life is unfair like that. So, we as mother’s do what we can to provide support, comfort, and protection. And we grow strong enough to bear their hurt as well as our own. As Vic did. As I do. Motherhood cuts deeply, brings you to your knees most days; but it also brings a strength that may surprise you.

The vicious cycle of anger truly rose to the occasions on Wednesday. I got angry with Vic because she was not putting her health first! I KNOW I would have done the same but it was terrible seeing my child do herself harm to be a Mother. I want to wrap her in cotton so she would be spared that extra day…

Yesterday Vic said she doubted whether she would see the end of the year. She is however adamant to be at Jared’s confirmation…one more goal…

Go Girl!!!

Well, Vic is home. I am so grateful. She is conceding that she is too sore and ill to go to hospital…Saturday Jared comes home!!

I Grieve – Peter Gabriel

it was only one hour ago

it was all so different then

there’s nothing yet has really sunk in

looks like it always did

this flesh and bone

it’s just the way that you would tied in

now there’s no-one home

i grieve for you

you leave me

‘so hard to move on

still loving what’s gone

they say life carries on

carries on and on and on and on

the news that truly shocks is the empty empty page

while the final rattle rocks its empty empty cage

and i can’t handle this

i grieve for you

you leave me

let it out and move on

missing what’s gone

they say life carries on

they say life carries on and on and on

life carries on

in the people i meet

in everyone that’s out on the street

in all the dogs and cats

in the flies and rats

in the rot and the rust

in the ashes and the dust

life carries on and on and on and on

life carries on and on and on

it’s just the car that we ride in

a home we reside in

the face that we hide in

the way we are tied in

and life carries on and on and on and on

life carries on and on and on

did I dream this belief?

or did i believe this dream?

now i can find relief

i grieve

–Peter Gabriel

Mandela and the wrath of his forefathers….

An evening visit to the designated gravesite of Nelson Mandela, prayers for forgiveness to the ancestral forefathers and the tribal elders travelling to Pretoria to be with South Africa’s greatest hero is just some of the drama surrounding Nelson Mandela’s imminent passing.

The gravesite is situated about 500 metres from Mandela’s Qunu residence and is reserved for the Mandela family.

It has been reported that elders in the Mandela family visited the family gravesite in Qunu, on Tuesday evening, to plead for forgiveness from their ancestors for exhuming the bodies of family members in 2011 by Mandla – the favourite grandson. It is tribal custom that gravesites are either visited early in the morning or late in the afternoon.

The elders are furious with former president Nelson Mandela’s grandson Mandla for digging up the remains of his father Makgatho and his father’s two siblings, Makaziwe and Thembekile, and moving them to Mandela’s birthplace Mvezo. The elders have advised the family that “the Mandelas are being punished through making their beloved son (Nelson Mandela) suffer in hospital where he remains in great pain and anguish”. The elders visited the gravesite to plead for their ancestral forefather’s forgiveness and to seek advice as what to do during this difficult time.

The elders in the Mandela family have attributed Mandela’s ill health and constant hospitalization for a lung infection to the “wrath of the ancestors”.

The “wrath” was caused by the fact that Mandla Mandela, the Mvezo chief, removed the remains without consulting anyone.

Elders with knowledge of AbaThembu traditions and customs told the family that this had angered the forefathers which resulted in a curse being put on the Mandela family, by the ancestors.

City Press reported that after the meeting it was decided that elders – men only – should visit the gravesite to appeal to the ancestors to spare Mandela from suffering. Mandla did not go to the family gravesite where the elders had gone to plead with the ancestors.

It was decided at the gravesite that a delegation would visit Mandela in hospital.

“I will be going to see Tata (Father) in hospital. He cannot be alone at this hour of need. He needs AbaThembu and his family next to him,” Mtirara, an elder, said.

South Africa has such a diverse society. One of the greatest problems that face the nation in their religious walk, whatever that may be, is that the tribes revert to their dead for advice in the time of a crisis. On Sundays people will attend church and praise and worship God for hours. Six days a week, they will consult the forefathers or their spokesmen, if they have a crisis…

Superstition and witchcraft is rife in South Africa. Witchdoctors or Traditional Healers is acknowledged as a profession ….some medical aids even pay for their services. Companies have to accept a “sick note” from a Traditional Healer, who has no formal medical training.

Outside the Heart Hospital in Pretoria thousands of people have gathered singing hymns and burning candles in prayer for our beloved Madiba. Elsewhere the bones are being cast and rituals to appease the forefathers are being performed.

In the words of Mandla Mandela “At the end of the day, my grandfather’s fate, like that of everyone else, lies with God and our ancestors”

The prayer/request is the same. “Please end Madiba’s suffering. Allow him to die the way he lived…..with dignity.”

http://www.iol.co.za/sundayindependent/undermining-the-mandela-legacy

http://www.citypress.co.za/news/exclusive-mandela-elders-visit-qunu-grave/

Bickering, Fighting and Death….

Why is it that at the time of death arguments and strife will prevail?

Whilst one of the world’s greatest statesmen, Nelson Mandela, is fighting for his life – his family is bickering… They are bickering about the burial site of the Rainbow Nation’s Icon, their father and grandfather.

The family are torn between Nelson Mandela’s favorite grandson Mandla, who wants him buried at his Mvezo birthplace, and the rest of the family, who feel that his wish to be buried next to his children should be respected.

The chieftain had moved the remains of his father Makgatho, who died of an Aids-related illness in 2005; his aunt Makaziwe, who died in 1948 at only nine months; and uncle Thembekile, who was killed in a car accident in 1969, to Mvezo. This is making it impossible for Madiba to be buried next to his children because they are buried in Mvezo. Mandela is going to be buried in Qunu. . Mvezo is the birthplace and the traditional home of the Mandelas, and thereby lies its historic and heritage significance. Qunu is the rural home of Nelson Mandela.

So whilst this brave warrior is edging closer to death his family have to make decisions that may rip the family apart.

Mandela often quoted Henley’s poem, Invictus (Unconquered)

“Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the Shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.”

“The passage towards death is a difficult journey,” an ANC activist told Channel 4 News. “This country needs to celebrate his life, rather than let his death become a source of conflict. There is thing that we all unite on: all of us love Mandela. This nation will sink into deep mourning when he finally leaves us, no matter how prepared we think we might have been.”

Will the Mandela family unite in this time of sorrow or will they bring dishonour to this icon’s name?

In the meantime, South Africans are united in prayer. United in our desire for this amazing man to be allowed to die with dignity. That his family will behave with dignity and decorum…. Make Nelson Mandela proud….

Vic, embedded in my heart and a building’s cement

Today the concrete foundation was laid of our Stepping Stone Hospice’s building.

It was a “moment” when I saw the concrete being poured. The builder, bless his soul, ordered extra cement and we now have a veranda area as well as a concrete path where our patients will leave our building for the last time… We also received a donation of a oxygenator.

I asked the builder if I could put a photo of Vic’s into the foundation of the building. He thought it was a wonderful idea. I phoned the boys, and they brought me their favorite photos of Vic and I. We placed it in plastic sleeves and embedded it in the foundation. It was covered with concrete.

Vic has been immortalised in the foundation of Stepping Stone Hospice.

Perhaps because Vic was cremated, it was an emotional moment for all of us seeing her being “buried” in cement. I know it was purely symbolic, but it was sad.

The boys and I huddled together and wept.

Category: Death

Want to Understand Mortality? Look to the Chimps

Vic’s song of life

My Angel up in Heaven ~ Written by Dave Hedges

Different types of depression

Saturday poem: Loss

Loss

She Died on a Monday

Here on Earth …, There in Heaven…

There is pain after death

I am waiting for a sign

New memories…

A Mother’s Love for her Sons

Share this:

I Grieve – Peter Gabriel

Mandela and the wrath of his forefathers….

Bickering, Fighting and Death….

Vic, embedded in my heart and a building’s cement