Groundbreaking week…

Clearing the site starts... — Clearing the site starts…

It was a ground breaking week for Stepping Stone Hospice .

Excitement ran high when construction started! A group of giggling middle-aged women invaded the site for a photo shoot with our local newspaper. The atmosphere on site was one filled with humble gratitude, excitement, loving anticipation….

I know that Vic was looking down from Heaven, smiling…

Steering Committee and Construction Team on site

We appointed a PR person, received a flooring donation, our sign boards arrived, we received a donation of hospital beds and equipment! The greatest donation of this week had to however be when a young mother, suffering from Motor Neutron Disease donated a motorised wheelchair… It never even hit the office. It went from her home to the home of a patient who is in the advanced stages of MND. A new lease on life was given…

What a beautiful world we live in.

What do Alzheimer Patients Die from?

After my post https://tersiaburger.com/2013/06/16/what-is-the-difference-between-alzheimers-and-dementia/
I received a couple of emails and comments that I kept private and did not approve for publication. I decided to do this post at the time. Alzheimers is a terminal disease. Alzheimers has no survivors. The harsh truth is that there is no cure. There is no treatment.

Alzheimer’s disease is not just memory loss – Alzheimer’s kills.

• In 2010, 83,494 Americans died of Alzheimer’s disease – the 6th leading cause of death in the United States overall and the 5th leading cause of death for those aged 65 and older.

• Among 70-year-olds with Alzheimer’s, 61 percent are expected to die within a decade. Among 70-year-olds without Alzheimer’s, only 30 percent will die within a decade.

• Deaths from Alzheimer’s increased 68 percent between 2000 and 2010, while deaths from other major diseases, including the number one cause of death (heart disease), decreased.

Change in Number of Deaths
between 2000 and 2010

• Alzheimer’s is the only cause of death among the top 10 in America without a way to prevent it, cure it or even slow its progression.

• Dementia is the second largest contributor to death among older Americans, second only to heart failure.

Alzheimer’s disease is the 6th

Today, there are no survivors of Alzheimer’s. If you do not die from it, you die with it.

• One in every three seniors dies with Alzheimer’s or another dementia.

• In 2013, an estimated 450,000 people in the United States will die with Alzheimer’s, meaning they will die after developing the disease.

• Today, over 5 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease, including an estimated 200,000 under the age of 65. By 2050, up to 16 million will have the disease.

• Of Americans aged 65 and over, 1 in 9 has Alzheimer’s, and 1 in 3 people aged 85 and older has the disease.

• Another American develops Alzheimer’s disease every 68 seconds. In 2050, an American will develop the disease every 33 seconds.

Alzheimer’s takes a devastating toll not just on those with the disease – but also on their caregivers. http://www.alz.org/documents_custom/2013_facts_figures_fact_sheet.pdf

Statistics can be extremely misleading. Alzheimer’s disease cannot be definitely diagnosed until after death, when the brain can be closely examined for certain microscopic changes caused by the disease. However, through thorough testing and a “process of elimination,” doctors today can diagnose what they refer to as probable Alzheimer’s disease with almost 90% accuracy.

My father’s death certificate stated “Natural Causes“… In South Africa and most countries, the law requires that a death investigation, or autopsy, be performed when someone dies under mysterious circumstances. Autopsies are usually done if the death was caused by injury, poisoning, infectious complications, foul play (homicide), or when someone dies without an attending physician. If any one of these criteria is present, the local coroner or medical examiner will perform an autopsy to determine the cause of death.

So what do Alzheimers Patients die from?

Stroke is a major cause of death in Alzheimer’s patients

Falling. Slower reaction time, difficulty recognizing changes in the height or depth of a step, can lead to tripping and falling. Changes in balance and coordination combined with poor memory can make it difficult for a person with Alzheimer’s to get from one place to another and avoid hazardous objects at the same time. He may miss a step while looking for a door or trying to listen to someone’s conversation.

Pulmonary aspiration. Aspiration is the entry of secretions or foreign material into the trachea and lungs. Alzheimer’s patients forget how to eat and/or swallow and might start choking on their food. The food basically goes down the wrong pipe. A tell-tale sign is when they start coughing whilst eating. This can lead to infection and pneumonia.

Pneumonia is a major cause of death in Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. Decreased mobility and pulmonary aspiration are major causes of pneumonia…

Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). An unidentified UTI can lead to sepsis which can in turn result in organ failure…

Dad in the ambulance en-route to hospital 1

On the 9^th of May 2011 my dad had a bad fall. He was taken to hospital by ambulance and admitted to ICU as he required 24/7 care. On the 10^th I met with the medical team. My Dad appeared to be in a coma. The Physician said that Dad had pneumonia. The Neurologist confirmed that Dad was in the Severe advanced stage of Alzheimers. The Specialist Surgeon wanted to operate on my Dad’s aneurysm….

I made the heart wrenching decision that there would be no aggressive treatment of the pneumonia. There would be no operation. The Physician agreed with my decision.

On the 14^th of May I took my Dad home. Hospice evaluated Dad and accepted him as a case. Hospice started administering Morphine, Dormicum and Serenace subcutaneously and my beautiful dad was comfortable. My Dad battled to swallow and I was pretty distressed about his liquid and food intake. Dad’s core body temp had dropped to 34.5 degrees C. Hospice said that Dad’s body had started shutting down and not to worry about his food or liquid intake. On the 17^th my beautiful father cried during a lucid moment because he could not articulate his thoughts and he was mumbling …

Twenty three days after his first fall my Dad lost his battle against Alzheimers when he forgot how to breathe.

Did he die from Alzheimers or pneumonia? Maybe it was the fall or even the aneurysm? His death certificate read “Natural Causes” – my Dad is not an Alzheimer statistic…

A gentle death…

A gentle death, when comfort, caring, and presence are priorities, is invariable a death at home or in the peaceful surroundings of a Hospice In-Patient Unit. The opportunity to have your loved one drift away peacefully, in the comfort of their own home, in their favourite bed or in your arms, with their loved ones there at their side, is truly a gift of immeasurable worth.

Too often doctors keep treating the actively dying person aggressively. The ill person accepts the aggressive treatments doctors keep piling on them even though there is no benefit to be derived from it. At this stage of the terminally ill patient their medical care controls their lives. Pain, NG tubes, stomach tubing, IV tubing, catheters…. They remain hooked up to all sorts of beeping, pumping devices until the bitter end. We are conditioned to accept aggressive life-prolonging treatment that often destroys our family’s financial stability and quality of life.

This is what the medical profession is trained to do. To heal…

It is so hard to die with all the medical technology and treatments available. People no longer die of heart attacks. People go onto preventative cholesterol and blood pressure treatments. They become old enough to develop Alzheimers…

What changes have occurred which mean we are now living longer than previous generations?

During the twentieth century, life expectancy rose dramatically amongst the world’s wealthiest populations from around 50 to over 75 years. This increase can be attributed to a number of factors including improvements in public health, nutrition and medicine. Vaccinations and antibiotics greatly reduced deaths in childhood, health and safety in manual workplaces improved and fewer people smoked. As a result of this – coupled with a decline in the fertility rate – many major industrial countries are facing an ageing population.

According to UN statistics for the period 2005 – 2010, Japan has the world’s highest life of expectancy of 82.6 years followed by Hong Kong 82.2 years and Iceland 81.8 year). The world average is 67.2 years and the UK average is 79.4 years. The average South African is expected to live to at least 60 years, an increased figure when compared with the 2005 figure of 53 years. .

During the Roman Empire, Romans had an approximate life expectancy of 22 to 25 years. In 1900, the world life expectancy was approximately 30 years, and in 1985 it was about 62 years, just five years short of today’s life expectancy.

Why are we living longer? Well in South Africa or even Africa it is because of revised HIV Anti Retro Vital policies. HIV has become a chronic illness. It is no longer a life-threatening illness. As long as you take your ARV’s you will be fine!

Improved food packaging and an increased awareness of the nutritional value of food have led to healthier lifestyles. Increased fitness levels and the reduction of smoking have also paid a major contribution in increasing life expectancy world-wide.

Adverts on buses and tubes inform us of the importance of washing our hands and covering our mouths when we cough or sneeze in order to reduce the spread of illnesses and diseases. Health and safety legislation provides strict regulations for hygiene in restaurants, hospitals and factories.

This is great but we have an increasing older population suffering from diseases like Alzheimers and Parkinson’s. I don’t believe that it is the environment or lifestyle that has led to this. Years ago people simply died younger… Our grandparents were OLD at the age of 60. Now 70 year olds have knee replacements and still play sport.

Vic was diagnosed at the age of 18 months with Osteogenesis Imperfecta. At the time it was a death sentence. I remember the professor telling us that she would not live to the age of 12.

We celebrated her 12^th birthday, her 16^th, 18^th, 21 and 30^th birthdays…We celebrated her 38^th birthday. Every birthday from her 27^th birthday became more difficult. The doctors and I fought to keep her alive.

Keeping her alive came at a price. Eight one (81) abdominal surgeries, literally years in hospitals, pipes and tubes in every orifice of my child’s little body, prodding and prying by strangers hands. She was stripped of her dignity. At times litres of faecal matter poured out of her intestines into bags and bottles….She had to drink revolting liquids, tablets crushed and vomit until she fractured vertebrae.

Why did we not allow her to die with dignity? Why did we fight for her life? Why did we sentence this poor child a violent life filled with suffering and pain? Because I was selfish. I drilled fighting and survival into her little brain from the age of 18 months. Vic did not know how to not fight.

The greatest gift I ever gave Vic was to respect her wishes and allow her to die. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do… Retreat and not fight!

St. Francis of Assisi portrays death as “kind and gentle” in the hymn “All Creatures of our God and King”. This is certainly a minority view in our culture and faith. It speaks of a familiarity with death that seems to have been more prevalent in previous generations than it is today. Society sanitizes death. In a culture devoted to the avoidance of suffering, a culture that lives as if this life were all there is, it’s not surprising that we relegate death to the morticians. Morticians do the final honour. They wash and prepare our dead for the last time…

We avoid the sick and funerals. We relegate our dying to a noisy hospital room with beeping machines and staff on a schedule. No gentle music and candles – just harsh hospital lights and a lot of noise 24 hours a day. Hospitals are not trained in palliative care – only curing.

When someone is dying, everyone has to wait. It takes time. All of us have a different timetable. Some wait mere hours. Some drag on for days, others, weeks. It is a lesson in patience. And it is a time when “being” edges ahead of “doing”, and just being present your loved one’s bedside is seen as the ultimate act of service.

We must allow our dying and infirm to die a gentle death. We must HEAR what they are asking! Are they ASKING for more invasive treatment or the right to die a gentle death?

Five months and 7 and a half hours ago I allowed my most precious child to die a gentle death. If I had not ignored her wishes her suffering would have ended many years ago. I have to live with this.

Vic’s letter from Heaven

Today it is 5 months since Vic died. I am trying to get Vic’s estate done (not doing well at all!!) and came across a file with a letter addressed to me.

It flashed through my mind…”A letter from heaven!”

It is not a recent letter. It is a letter that Vic wrote years ago. How do I know? It was with her old Last Will and Testament.

I am grateful for the letter. I am heartbroken that I am reading it.

I love you always and forever my Angel Child.

Hospice – friend or foe?

Hospice – friend or foe?

A blogger friend, Terry, is preparing for her beloved brother Al, to move home from an Assisted Living Facility. Al suffers from Parkinson’s disease and his general health condition is extremely precarious. Terry blogged: “I finally heard nothing from the phone. I had done everything I could find to do trying not to have to make the dreaded call to Hospice. I decided not to use the Hospice here in our county. I was very disappointed in them with the lack of care they gave to my father.” http://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/al-and-hospice-meet/

Vic wrote this on her Face Book page on the 15^th of May 2011… “Today Hospice came to access my Grandfather… They dripped him & made him comfortable. He has lost his swallowing reflex, sleeps most of the day, is completely bedridden & can barely talk… The suddenness of his deterioration is very difficult to comprehend. Could you all say a big prayer for my Gramps and especially my Mom, who lost her best friend of 25 yrs., age 51 to a heart attack last Tuesday. My Mother is one of the strongest, bravest people I know… How do we say goodbye, how do I take my Boys to say their Goodbyes tomorrow, how do we accept that this incredible man has such little time left regardless of the fact that we all know that its best for him. How can I be strong for my babies when my heart breaks all over again, every day when I see him…? Especially my Eunice Friends will all remember how desperately my Gramps and Gran loved and spoilt me and how VERY MUCH they meant to me… I don’t want to live without him even though I realise that that is extremely selfish, but I love my Grandfather so desperately, it’s not fair… All I ask for is compassion… Compassion for Gramps and my Mother… Thank you to everyone for all your love & support through everything… Love Vic…”

I am a great believer in the services that Hospices offer – worldwide. Hospice cared for my Dad in the last week of his life and for Vic the last 5.5 months of her life. My experience was positive.

The hospice movement was started in the 1950’s in London by Dame Cicely Saunders, and the first hospice facility opened in London in 1967. Seven years later the United States opened their first hospice facility in 1974. In America the hospice movement has blossomed and hospice now serves 44.6% of patient deaths. Unfortunately, the median length of service for hospice patients is only 19.1 days, which means many patients did not receive the benefit of hospice care until the end of a difficult illness. In my country only 5% of the dying actually have access to Hospice services.

The original idea of hospice is that once curative treatments are no longer effective, a patient enrols in hospice to receive comfort care. In our culture of “fighting” death illness that should be addressed through ongoing decisions about the risk and benefit of interventions gets turned into a battle that should be won or lost. No one wants to be a loser, so the patient is reluctant to quit curative care until there is absolutely no hope. Many physicians are geared the same way, and their desire to give hope and “beat” disease results in a reluctance to call in hospice even when they know the situation is bleak.

Hospice care is for a terminally ill person who’s expected to have six months or less to live. This doesn’t mean that hospice care will be provided only for six months, however. Hospice care can be provided as long as the person’s doctor and hospice care team certify that the condition remains life-limiting.

The benefits of hospice and palliative care

Research published in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management found that terminally-ill patients who received hospice care lived on average 29 days longer than those who did not opt for hospice near the end of life.

Source: National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization

Hospice care providers offer specialized knowledge and support at the end of life just as obstetricians and midwives lend support and expertise at the start of life. Hospice can reduce anxiety in both the terminally ill patient and his or her family by helping them make the most of the time remaining and achieve some level of acceptance.

When terminally ill patients, who are often already in a weakened physical and mental state, make the decision to receive hospice and palliative care instead of continued curative treatment, they avoid the dangers of over-treatment. In-home care from a hospice team often means the patient receives greater monitoring than he or she would in a hospital. In addition to focusing on the physical health and comfort of a patient, hospice care also focuses on the emotional needs and spiritual well-being of the terminally ill and their loved ones.

The above is all well documented facts. Yet, when a family is faced with that terrible decision to call in Hospice, it is a deeply emotional decision. The phone call is a terrifying telephone call. This is evident from Vic and Terry’s posts…..

It made me realise what a massive challenge lies ahead of us in Stepping Stone Hospice. We need to educate the community. We need to dispel the fear of and for Hospice.

What is the difference between Alzheimers and Dementia?

What is the difference between Alzheimers and Dementia?In a nutshell, dementia is a symptom, and AD is the cause of the symptom. When someone is told they have dementia, it means that they have significant memory problems as well as other cognitive difficulties, and that these problems are severe enough to get in the way of daily living…..

Too often, patients and their family members are told by their doctors that the patient has been diagnosed with “a little bit of dementia.” They leave the doctor’s visit with a feeling of relief that at least they don’t have Alzheimer’s disease (AD).

There is great confusion about the difference between “dementia” and “Alzheimer’s disease.” The confusion is felt on the part of patients, family members, the media, and even healthcare providers. This article provides information to reduce the confusion by defining and describing these two common and often poorly understood terms.

What is the difference between Alzheimer’s disease and dementia?

“Dementia” is a term that has replaced a more out-of-date word, “senility,” to refer to cognitive changes with advanced age.

Dementia includes a group of symptoms, the most prominent of which is memory difficulty with additional problems in at least one other area of cognitive functioning, including language, attention, problem solving, spatial skills, judgment, planning, or organization. These cognitive problems are a noticeable change compared to the person’s cognitive functioning earlier in life and are severe enough to get in the way of normal daily living, such as social and occupational activities.

A good analogy to the term dementia is “fever.” Fever refers to an elevated temperature, indicating that a person is sick. But it does not give any information about what is causing the sickness. In the same way, dementia means that there is something wrong with a person’s brain, but it does not provide any information about what is causing the memory or cognitive difficulties. Dementia is not a disease; it is the clinical presentation or symptoms of a disease.

There are many possible causes of dementia. Some causes are reversible, such ascertain thyroid conditions or vitamin deficiencies. If these underlying problems are identified and treated, then the dementia reverses and the person can return to normal functioning.

However, most causes of dementia are not reversible. Rather, they are degenerative diseases of the brain that get worse over time. The most common cause of dementia is AD, accounting for as many as 70-80% of all cases of dementia.

Approximately 5.3 million Americans currently live with AD. As people get older, the prevalence of AD increases, with approximately 50% of people age 85 and older having the disease.

It is important to note, however, that although AD is extremely common in later years of life, it is not part of normal aging. For that matter, dementia is not part of normal aging. If someone has dementia (due to whatever underlying cause), it represents an important problem in need of appropriate diagnosis and treatment by a well-trained healthcare provider who specializes in degenerative diseases.

In a nutshell, dementia is a symptom, and AD is the cause of the symptom.

When someone is told they have dementia, it means that they have significant memory problems as well as other cognitive difficulties, and that these problems are severe enough to get in the way of daily living.

Most of the time, dementia is caused by the specific brain disease, AD. However, some uncommon degenerative causes of dementia include vascular dementia (also referred to as multi-infarct dementia), frontotemporal dementia, Lewy Body disease, and chronic traumatic encephalopathy.

Contrary to what some people may think, dementia is not a less severe problem, with AD being a more severe problem. There is not a continuum with dementia on one side and AD at the extreme. Rather, there can be early or mild stages of AD, which then progress to moderate and severe stages of the disease.

One reason for the confusion about dementia and AD is that it is not possible to diagnose AD with 100% accuracy while someone is alive. Rather, AD can only truly be diagnosed after death, upon autopsy when the brain tissue is carefully examined by a specialized doctor referred to as a neuropathologist.

During life, a patient can be diagnosed with “probable AD.” This term is used by doctors and researchers to indicate that, based on the person’s symptoms, the course of the symptoms, and the results of various tests, it is very likely that the person will show pathological features of AD when the brain tissue is examined following death.

In specialty memory clinics and research programs, such as the BU ADC, the accuracy of a probable AD diagnosis can be excellent. And with the results of exciting new research, such as that being conducted at the BU ADC, the accuracy of AD diagnosis during life is getting better and better.

This contribution was made by Dr. Robert Stern, Director of the BU ADC Clinical Core.

Source BU ADC Bulletin

http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2010/06/whats-difference-between-alzheimers-and.html

Happy Father’s Day…

When I started thinking about Father’s Day this year I just became so depressed. I felt that I don’t have any reason to celebrate Father’s Day tomorrow. Today, I was going through Vic’s photos when I realized that it is not true!

My Dad died on the 21st of May 2011 and Vic’s father died on the 5th of November 1999.

I was single for most of Vic’s young life. For most of her little life my Dad was her Dad. Her Gramps taught her how to play cards and have a night cap….When Gramps had a nightcap he had to mix her a “drink” that had the exact same colouring as his… They adored one another.

Just about the only thing my dad never forgot was that Vic was ill. He could not remember my name, but he remembered Vic was ill. He forgot whether she was in hospital or not but knew she was ill… My Dad was the greatest father in the world. He not only loved his family but cherished us all.

I grew up in a home with a sickly mother. A childhood back injury lead to many years of suffering and a vicious cycle of back surgery, stomach surgery, back surgery, stomach surgery…. My parents taught us that “love” was a verb – love is an action. We lived 1 Corinthians 13 in our home. We were taught to love, honour and respect. My father was the perfect example of what a husband and father should be.

In my single years I received a couple of proposals. My mom pressured me – she really wanted me to remarry… I always said I will remarry when I meet a man like my Dad. And then I did…

From the day we were married Vic called Danie “Daddy”. Danie’s four children were her siblings.

Danie was absolutely amazing with Vic and her illness. When my dad moved in with us, Danie just accepted it as part of our journey. He was incredibly patient with my Dad who suffered from Alzheimer’s. His selfless, caring nature has allowed me to care for my dad and my child; to pursue my career and start-up Stepping Stone Hospice.

Danie was a wonderful dad to Vic. She distinguished between Danie and Tienie (her biological father) by referring to Danie as “Daddy” and Tienie as her father. She absolutely adored Danie. Danie loved Vic as if she was his own.

In the final days of Vic’s life she pleaded with him to not leave her.

"Don't leave me Daddy" — “Don’t leave me Daddy”

A couple of days before her death Vic saw her father… Jared was standing at the bottom of her bed and she said “Look Jared, Oupa Tienie is standing behind you…” Her dad held her hand as she stopped breathing. Her father took her hand as she stopped breathing…

When I packed up Vic’s cupboards I found the cardigan she had bought Danie for Father’s Day this year… This year she will celebrate Father’s Day with her father and Danie will wear his cardigan.

Father’s Day and Mother’s Day were special days for Vic. She loved spoiling and being spoilt!

Vic was desperately ill last year on Father’s Day. I cooked a large family lunch and all the Gauteng kids and grandkids came for lunch. Vic tried to have lunch with us but within minutes she was nauseous. I remember her eyes filling up with tears when she excused herself from the table. “I am sorry Daddy” she said.

Later that afternoon Danie’s eldest daughter lay next to her in bed. They wept together. Danie sat with them filled with grief for the pain Vic was going through.

Danie is an amazing grandfather. He loves Vic’s boys as much as he loves his “biological” grandchildren. He enjoys spending time with them. He is teaching them the value of family, goodness and love!

This beautiful man is more than I deserve. I love him with every fiber of my body. I am grateful to him for the gift of his children and grandchildren every day of my life. I am grateful that he taught me the biggest commandment of all – love!

So tonight I salute two wonderful men. Happy Father’s Day Daddy. Danie, you are my best friend. I love you with every fibre in my body. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful daddy to Vic and grandfather to the boys.

Vic's beloved Daddy and Gramps — Vic’s beloved Daddy and Gramps

Vic, I hope you have fun in Heaven tomorrow with Gramps and your father. I know you will be surrounded and ensconced in love. We will miss you on Father’s Day and every other day in our lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9ZMDPf9hZw&feature=colike

When tomorrow comes

I wish that…

Someone wrote a poem for me. I am grateful for the hand of comfort that was extended by a stranger. This stranger happens to be ill and suffer debilitating pain.

I was so touched! Thank you Belinda!!

13JUN2013 by http://busymindthinking.com/2013/06/13/i-wish-that

I wish that I had known you
when you struggled with your pain
but I didn’t know your situation
oblivious even to your name

I wish that I could have offered
an embrace when tears you cried
saying goodbye to your loved one
filled with sorrow when she died

I wish that things had been different
and that she didn’t have to leave
I wish most of all kind stranger
that you have comfort when you grieve

Never Alone

This was my song for Vic. I played it for her all the time. We spoke about the words and the meaning of the words.

Today it is 21 weeks since I have been able to touch my child, hold her, brush her hair. I know that she is around me, but I feel so alone without her. Vic was my dearest friend, my companion, my daughter, my soul mate.

Yes, Vic is in my heart. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think of her, miss her…. But I really want her to be with me. When will this pain end? When will I come to terms with the fact that I am alone now.

Yes, I know I am surrounded by people who love me…I know they are worried about me… But nobody can fill the void that Vic’s death has left.

I feel alone even when I am surrounded by lots of people, family….

Nothing in the world could have prepared me for this thing called “grief”. This devastating sorrow.

This weekend I will work in the garden and start preparing Vic’s Angel Garden. I don’t want my child in a friggin garden – I want her in my home. I want her sneaking up behind me and kissing me on the cheek. I want to hear her voice saying “I love you Mommy”. I want to tell her how much I love her.

I want to hear her talking to her boys. Telling them she loves them the “mostest in the world”; reminding them to brush their teeth

I don’t want to feel this sorrow and pain. I want to be happy again.

21 long weeks of grief

Vic's last ever outing — Vic’s last ever outing

Thinking of You with Love
We thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
and days before that too.
We think of you in silence,
we often speak your name.
All we have are memories,
and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake,
with which we will never part.
God has you in His keeping,
we have you in our hearts.
A million times we`ve wanted you.
A million times we cried.
If love could only have saved you,
you never would have died.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you didn`t go alone.
For a part of us went with you…
the day God called you Home.
~Author Unknown

Rose of Kindness Award

Rose of Kindness Award.

Rose of Kindness Award

Today I stumbled across an amazing blog. It is a blog about kindness…. http://kindnessblog.com

Please pop in there. Let’s all think about “kindness” and make it our goal to perform just one special act of kindness every day! It has to be a special act of kindness that actually takes an effort.

Vic was a kind and generous person. Her legacy is one of kindness and generosity. So I have come up with an award… The Rose of Kindness Award. I would like to add that we need to remember that our existence here is fragile, and we never have as much time with people as we think we do. If there is someone or someone’s out there that you love, don’t neglect that and don’t put off engaging with them because death waits for no-one… Be kind and gentle. Cherish your relationships remember to be kind…. Pay it forward!

Rules of the Rose of Kindness Award

Add the Rose of Kindness Award on your blog
Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog
Nominate 13 (my lucky number) bloggers whose kindness you have experienced
Post why you are nominating each of your nominees
Let the nominees know that you nominated them
Suggest one special act of kindness that the world may benefit from

So I have to nominate some kind people.

My treasured friend, Sandra @ http://thedrsays.org/, who is terminally ill and yet has so much kindness in her heart that she still reaches out to me and other people. This brave and selfless woman has made a difference in my world. She worries about her loved ones that she will leave behind. Thank you dear friend for caring when you have so much to deal with! You are always in my thoughts and prayers!
http://behindthemaskofabuse.com is a heart wrenching blog about a woman’s life of abuse. She was raised by a narcissistic father, and a mother who rarely protected her from his verbal, mental, emotional and psychological abuse. She endured molestation, both inside and outside the family setting, raped at the tender age of 11 years old. This blog is written by an amazing person. A strong person battling recovery, anger and betrayal. She battles C-PTSD and BDD. Out of her pain two books were born and are published on Amazon “Buckwheatsrisk-Abuse Survival”, and a poetry book entitled “If I Could Write my Heart.” I salute you dear friend for your resilience and kindness. Out of your hardship a beautiful kind and caring human being was born. Thank you dear friend for the kindness you have shown!
http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/ – Rebel is amazing and takes on the world! A kind and brave blogger who fights to make the world a better place. Rebel is a kind and generous friend.
http://jmgoyder.com/ – My precious friend Julie who has so much pain and loss to work through. Julie writes about the love between her and her ailing husband. It is the most beautiful love story ever! Julie is kind and caring. Thank you for your loving kindness dear friend!
http://valeriedavies.com/ A gutsy, wise lady who is a friend and an amazing writer. Thank you for your love and support.
Judy is my dear friend who has guided me through this abyss of grief that I am walking…http://myjourneysinsight.com Judy reaches out to grieving parents. She offers guidance, advice and love. Thank you dearest Judy for your kindness and friendship.
Shirley @ http://justiceforraymond.wordpress.com is a true warrior, fighting for justice yet always ready to extend a hand of friendship and support. Shirley taken on the judicial world to bring justice to the unsolved and uncleared and uncared for deaths. Thank you dear Shirley for your words and actions of kindness.
Len @ http://myownheart.me is a precious friend who always has a kind word of support. Despite her pain after the tragic loss of her precious Klysta Len reaches out a hand of friendship with words of kindness. Thank you dear Len
This wonderful woman has 1077 followers and yet she has time to read my blog, comment and encourage. Her words of advice are filled with compassion and kindness. Thank you dear Diana http://talktodiana.wordpress.com/
Katie Mitchell who suffers debilitating pain yet this brave young woman has made it her mission in life to educate the world on Connective Tissue disorders. Vic suffered from Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a connective tissue disorder. Katie is a kind and gentle person –very worthy of this award. http://connectivetissuedisorders.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/treading-water
Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/ is a kind and cherished friend. I sometimes feel bad because I know I cause him pain because of my grief. He reaches out wanting to make my life better. Thank you dear, kind friend. I know you don’t accept awards anymore so I truly understand if you don’t accept.
http://kindnessblog.com/ I would be remiss to not award the blog that inspired this action. Thank you for the goodness you radiate in your blog. I could not find your name anywhere but I hope you will accept.
Terry @ http://terry1954.wordpress.com/ is a kind blogger who cares for her brother deeply and passionately. She is a shiny example of how we should treat our fellow human beings and family – with kindness!
An extra nomination – My beautiful, brave child who radiated goodness and kindness, this award is for you! You made the world a better place. I am proud to be your Mommy. This award photo is of the rose we planted at the front door…I love you angel child.

My suggested act of kindness: On Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, remember any friends who have lost a parent the previous year, and check in with them. Those will be tough days.

Lets start a wave of kindness!

“Amare et fovere” to love and cherish…

“Amare et fovere” to love and cherish….

“Amare et fovere” to love and cherish…

I have never consciously given thought to the difference between the words “love” and “cherish.”

Today I did.

The definition of love is as follows:

Love/ləv/

Noun
An intense feeling of deep affection: “their love for their country”.

Verb
Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): “do you love me?”.

Synonyms
noun. affection – fondness – darling – passion
verb. like – be fond of – fancy – adore

The definition of cher•ish is as follows:
/ˈCHeriSH/
Verb
Protect and care for (someone) lovingly: “he cherished me in his heart”.
Hold (something) dear.

Synonyms
nurse – nourish – foster

The Latin phrase for Cherish is Alo (alui Altum), Alo (alui Altum) is defined as: nourish, cherish, support, sustain, maintain, keep.

To cherish someone means to treat them with affection and tenderness, to hold them dear – close to our hearts. To me “cherish” implies gentleness, tenderness, respect and friendship; purity of emotion….

We feel cherished when we feel precious….Feelings of being cherished takes me back to my childhood. When my parents loved me unconditionally and I was ensconced in this amazing feeling of being treasured, protected, cared for….safe.

We all crave to be cherished by our friends, family and loved ones. When we are cherished we have a warm, “safe” feeling within the relationship.

It explained to me why I felt safe in some friendships… There are relationships where I feel loved and then there are relationships where I feel cherished. I am tough. A friend once said I was as strong as the rock of Gibraltar. Little did he know how vulnerable I was at that stage of my life….
I suppose we feel loved by the ones who do not necessarily look out for us and protect us and cherished by those who go the extra mile and have our backs.

Love is easy. We love family because we are bound by blood, DNA of the heart, memories, intellectual and physical attraction. We love our car, our homes, our pets… We cherish our children, some friends, our memories…

Yet there are many people who will not allow others to cherish them —for example, someone who exhausts herself helping others, but when she needs help herself quickly says, “No thank you, I’m fine.”

The irony is that often these people experience a kind of elemental disbelief when they feel uncherished and think someone has let them down. “Oh no! It can’t be! Why am I not loved?” A sense of loss, a basic anxiety, grips them.

I know that I will move the world for my loved ones. Yet I find it hard to allow people close enough to me, to “cherish” me…I am a do-er. I get embarrassed when people “do” things for me…

I recall once Lani wanted to give me a hand massage…I was too embarrassed to allow it…. I stayed busy to avoid the intimacy of being cherished by someone I love dearly…

There is a difference between cherish and love. I find it hard to allow people to cherish me because that means I have to trust them with my heart and soul. Love is less intimidating…

I am grateful that I am able to love and cherish. I am grateful that people have patiently hacked away at my defences and love and cherish me…

Today I miss my precious child whom I love and cherish and who loved and cherished me….

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Lets start a wave of kindness!

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