Posted in Angels, Awards

BEST MOMENT AWARD


BEST MOMENT AWARD

I would like to thank my dear friend Shaun, at prayingforoneday for this award. He ia an amazing person with a big heart and always ready to support and encourage.  Shaun suffers from Chronic Pain and despite living in debilitating pain, continues to be a source of support and encouragement for a great many of us. 

best moment award 

 

Awarding the people who live in the moment,
the noble who write and capture the best in life,
the bold who reminded us what really mattered –
Savouring the experience of quality time.

 

RULES:

  1. Winners re-post this completely, with their acceptance speech. That could be written down or video recorded.
  2. Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a NEW list of people, blogs worthy of the award, and winners notify them the great news.
  3. What makes a good acceptance speech?

Gratitude. Thank the people who helped you along the way.

Humour-Keep us entertained and smiling.

Inspiration – Make your story touch our lives.

Get an idea from the great acceptance speech, compiled in MomentMatters.com/speech

  1. Display the award’s badge on your blog/website, downloadable in MomentMatters.com/Award

 

My Acceptance:

I started blogging as a coping mechanism just after the doctors told us they could do nothing for Vic and my brave child decided “no more surgeries…”  I blogged Vic’s quest to die with dignity.  I now blog about my all-consuming grief and sense of loss.

As a child I changed schools 12 times in total.  Academically I coped by I did not cope with the emotional side of it.

I allow very few people close to me.  I find it hard to form bonds with people.  I always expect them to leave my live – I don’t think I suffer from Rejection issues – just separation issues.   It is easier to keep people at bay – If I don’t rely on people they cannot disappoint or hurt me.

On WordPress I found a safe world.  A world where people care and support.  If they leave, as many have, it is okay because they are faceless.  Yet there are people that have never wavered in their support and encouragement.

I have received a number of awards lately that I am busy accepting.  If you are not nominated here please just check my next posts.  I am taking my time because I truly want to acknowledge my blogging friends and their contribution in my journey.  I will nominate my friends in no particular or of importance…

Shaun, thank you again for this award,

My nominees are compassionate, caring people who all suffer their own pain and loss.  Please visit their blogs and I promise you will find goodness and bravery there!

Thank you all for allowing me to heal here.

Vic, this award is for you my precious, beautiful, brave baby girl.  I love you Angel Child!

The 15 people I award:

1.    UntraveledRoads

Jane is a wonderful blogger who writes about living through pain.

She so eloquently writes   “Not writing about how to grasp joy – just about trying to find joy through the labyrinth of pain. Because if I don’t keep joy in my sights, I will drown. It is about the space – like a sunlit meadow – beyond pain that one can reach – or grasp – or glimpse. A place of peace while pain drums in the background. Why try? Because if I do not, what is the point at all?

OK. So I don’t want to write about pain. I live with it. But it has been such an extraordinary journey with such unexpected bonuses that I must write about the plus side – the up side, the fun, humour and bittersweet of living with pain. The irony is that I don’t want it, but I wouldn’t return what I have learnt through it.”

I hope you accept this award!

2  http://grannyscolorful.wordpress.com/  Gloria lost her son, Tommy, when he collapsed at the beach (Myrtle Beach, S.C.) whilst playing with his little son, Taban.  He died with little Taban near him.  Tommy had 2 blockages in his heart that no one was aware of.

Gloria writes about her precious son Tommy and her grief.  Gloria has become a friend and has been such a source of encouragement and understanding.  Gloria has 1236 followers and yet she finds the time to read my blog and comment on my blog.  Thank you so much for caring!!  You are an amazing person!

Gloria recently published her book.  Good luck with the book dear Gloria.

3 http://thresholdofheaven.com/

Peter Wiebe has closed down his blog.  Yet I am compelled to nominate Peter for this award.

Peter wrote:  “My name is Peter Wiebe. I am a husband and father of 4 boys-the oldest of which has gone ahead of us to Heaven after a courageous battle with cancer at the age of 10. I am a Christian and thus write from a Christian perspective. Although my faith was/is being severely tested by the loss of my firstborn son, my hope lies in Jesus Christ and all that the Bible teaches regarding Him, His death and resurrection, and our future hope of glory with Him. This blog is a journey through grief, about cultivating an eternal mindset in a temporary world, about all things related to faith, and life after death. I dedicate this blog to Jesse’s memory and hope that its contents will draw others nearer to God.”

I once wrote to Peter “I envy you your faith and peace.” Peter prays for me and I am so grateful for that.  How do I know?  I know because he still visits my blog and continues to encourage and support me.  Peter has become a wonderful cyber friend.  I am grateful for the healing that he found.  Thank you Peter!

4.  http://justiceforraymond.wordpress.com

Shirley is a brave mother fighting for justice after the suspicious death of her beloved son, Raymond.  She is fearless!  This lady is selflessly fighting for justice, not only for her son but for other innocent victims.

The reason for her blog is “Finding that one person who will step out to defend the innocent even when they are dead.  Help us tell Pennsylvania this needs an investigation, not just a cover-up. it is our sincere prayer to find the true cause of Ray’s death and help others who have experienced a similar crime.”

Shirley is a good cyber friend – always encouraging and supporting!  Thank you brave lady.  I pray that you will find closure and answers!!!

5.  http://thedrsays.org

 

Sandra is one of the bravest people I know.  She is dying from congenital heart failure.  She writes about her journey with terminal illness, impending death and her concern for leaving her husband Chris behind.  She is so like Vic!!  As brave, courageous, stubborn and loving!  Her blog fills me with so much sadness and yet it gives me an insight into Vic’s heart and mind.  I truly hope she will accept this award.  Sandra, thank-you for your love, support, advice and friendship.  You are one in a million!  I wish I could make the same difference in your life that you make in mine.

6. http://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com 

Becky writes about her son, Jason (19), who died in a car accident.

In Becky’s own words:…. ”(Jason) A game player – chess (his absolute favorite), video games, volleyball, basketball,  board games. Intelligent – studying to be a computer engineer; tutored students in math. He gave great hugs and brightened up a room just by walking into it. A great young man; a wonderful son, brother, friend.

In a split second, he was gone and our lives were changed forever.

My goal for writing this blog is to promote understanding – for bereaved parents and for those around them. I do not claim to know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes nor do I claim to speak as an expert on grief. I would not presume to know what anyone else is feeling nor what they are experiencing. Everyone is different; each situation is different; each grief and griever is unique. The only thing I know is what we experienced. But, if my speaking about what we went through can promote even a small degree of understanding, then I have accomplished what I set out to do.”

Thank you Becky for your kindness and support.  Thank you for your guidance and compassion.

7. http://johannisthinking.com –   This blog is filled with beautiful poetry.  The heart of this lovely blogger is contained in her own words “my heart bleeds with all those who lost their lives this day…and all who mourn their lost…WE can all do better…for the memory of all those who have died…let us try to BE our best selves always!”  Thank you for your friendship and support!  http://johannisthinking.com/category/poetry-solitude/

8. http://beebeesworld.wordpress.com – Beebee ia an advocate of Parent Heart Watch, an organization that promotes education on the prevention and care of those with heart issues.   Beebee’s 15 year old son died of a sudden heart attack whilst playing baseball. Beebee is a brave mother and has become a cyber-friend.  She writes beautifully and courageously.  Thank you BB for your kind words of encouragement.

9. http://forphilip.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/they-found-him-day-2-part-2/  Denise Smyth is the loving mother of two children, Philip and Natalie, who are (of course) the great loves of her life.

Denise writes “On February 23rd, 2012, I found out that my son, who had turned 21 the month before, died. It was sudden and unexpected. I was devastated, heartbroken, terrified, none of which comes close to describing what I really felt. It’s just the best I can do at the moment.”

Denise’s’ blog is a brave blog.  It is filled with raw emotion and unconditional love.

10. http://jmgoyder.com/  

Julie lives on a retired dairy farm in Western Australia with her “99.9% lovely, teenage son”.   Julie is a retired lecturer in English and Creative Writing at a local university.  Julie’s beloved husband Anthony has cancer, dementia and Parkinson’s disease.

Julie blog is a beautiful love story filled with her fears and anguish of seeing her Anthony slip deeper and deeper into another world.  Julie arranges wonderful outings for Anthony and includes their friends in his world.  I admire her that she is not trying to “hide” her husband from the cruel eyes of the world.  Her love is unconditional and inspiring.  She writes beautifully and has been a great source of comfort to me.  Thank you dear friend for sharing your love and pain with us. 

Thank you for your kindness and friendship.  You are a very special person.

11.  http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com

Andrew is the author of an e-book, Living with Cancer: A Journey,

This eBook captures his first three years of Lymphoma diagnosis, treatment, recovery, relapse, treatment, and again recovery. He keeps a daily personal journal to capture both the medical and personal things going on during this journey.  I find Andrew’s blog to be filled with not only facts but also his“journey”.  He is a very gifted writer.  Andrew has become a friend.  Thank you for your continued support Andrew!!

12.  http://behindthemaskofabuse.com  Zoe is a wonderfully gifted author who has had two books published on Amazon  “Buckwheatsrisk-Abuse Survival”,  and a poetry book entitled “If I Could Write my Heart”  Zoe has endured dreadful abuse, at every level, as a child.  Zoe is working so hard at healing…Zoe has 658 followers and receives lots of comments.  Yet, every day there is a “Hug” or “Like” message from her.  She has emailed me…Zoe, I appreciate your support and caring.  Thank you for taking the time to email me!

 

13.  http://doilooksick.wordpress.com/

Rachel referred to Vic as a “China Doll”…  How precious was that comment??   I was drawn to Rachel’s blog because she suffers from endometriosis.  Vic too suffered very badly from endometriosis… I recall the first time I read one of Rachel’s posts she wrote about the searing pain of endometriosis.  I was able to understand Vic’s pain better from Rachel’s blog.  Rachel’s blog is about music – as a coping mechanisme.  There are real good songs to listen to on this blog.

 

14.  http://tothatplace.wordpress.com/

Aarthi  dedicated  another beautiful poem to Vic and I –http://tothatplace.wordpress.com/2013/04/13/we-were-one/  Aarthi is one of my favourite poets and Vic and I enjoyed her work immensely.  Aarthi has become a compassionate friend.  Please visit Aarthi’s site (linked above) and read the beautiful poem honouring Vic.  Thank you Aarthi for your love, compassion, friendship and sharing your gift!!!  Thank you for bringing joy to Vic’s life when she found very little joy in living anymore.

15.   http://grammarofgrief.wordpress.com – Una

I am unable to articulate words for Una’s blog so I will use her own:  “When you’re stuck in the quicksand of grief, coming unstuck takes time, tenderness and a loving tribe. You’re feverishly seeking answers. What will help fix the plumbing of my leaky tear ducts? Will I ever feel normal again? How many weeks or months will it take for this awful, gut-wrenching pain to go away?

The Grammar of Grief is where I attempt to unscramble the craziness of grief for you. It is a resource for both the grieving and those who need tips and tools to support loved ones who are mourning. This is both your safe space and how-to resource. There’s room for everyone.”

Una has been a source of great comfort to me.  Thank you Una!

16. http://myjourneysinsight.com/

Judy Unger’s son, Jason, was born with a serious congenital heart defect called “Transposition of the Great Vessels.” As with most heart defects, his was “one of a kind.” Jason had surgery when he was two and a half months old. He had another one when he was five. He died following that surgery.

It doesn’t seem to matter that I addressed my grief for years and years after my son’s death.  Eighteen years later Judy finds it painful to write how it felt to have her beloved son’s soul amputated from her heart and body.

Judy writes beautiful songs and dedicated two songs to Vic:- “I know that soon you will leave” and “Never gone away”  http://myjourneysinsight.com/2012/12/20/how-will-i-ever-say-goodbye/  Judy is an incredibly gifted illustrationist.  She writes beautiful words and songs!  She has held my hand throughout Vic’s journey and now mine.  Thank you dearest Judy for your love, support and compassion.  One day we will meet!!

Lots of love and thanks to each and every one of you who has supported Vic and I in our journey.  She was grateful that I had found an “outlet” and support in Blogging!

Thank you for all your support


My baby girl in healthier days

It was with fear and trepidation that I started blogging on the 17th of May 2012.   I would be baring my soul……  I started blogging as a coping mechanismhttps://tersiaburger.com/2012/06/03/3-6-2012/

Over the past 5.5 months I have received many messages of encouragement, prayer, support, empathy and an outpouring of love.  Until now Vic’s final journey seemed so pointless and unfair ….

A million times I have asked myself WHY Vic?  Why has she had to travel this horrifically painful journey?  Why do her boys have to live and witness this pointless pain and suffering?

I realize now that Vic’s suffering has made us aware of the suffering of others.  In my country we have a terrible poverty problem and only 5% of people dying have access to palliative care.  Maybe Vic had to travel this terrible road so the world can become aware of  the 95%’s plight.

Tonight I was reading through the comments I received on my latest blogs.  I would like to share some of it with you.  I randomly copied some of the comments for you to read:

valeriedavies says:

November 14, 2012 at 01:47  (Edit)

 Tersia, I am still with you, and so touched that you are so conscious of all that is going on around you. I hope that as Vic surrenders, as she is already doing,, so do you, so that this stage of both of your lives becomes an experience you couldn’t have imagined. 

I hope as Vic begins to feel that gentle euphoria, you too get a share of it… the body and the mind are so complex and beautiful that not everything happens as we think it should, and I hope your grief is somehow eased and soothed. Thinking of you all, Valerie

PS I hope you don’t think this message is insensitive….

 sbcallahan says:

November 14, 2012 at 06:52  (Edit)

 In the final stages dying is something we do alone. i have often thought i would like to enter that final sleep while my husband is out. maybe that is just me and my desire to spare him more pain. you and vic are so close and i don’t think there is anything that can be said to make this more bearable for you. my heart aches for you, your husband, vic’s boys, her siblings and extended family. just remember it is easier to be the one leaving. we know that our suffering is going to end. it is your suffering we despair. whatever is meant to be will happen and yet i can’t help but hope for you to have enough time to be ready to let go

optie says:

November 14, 2012 at 07:29  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                    My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family. I pray that you will all have peace in your hearts and minds as you await Vic’s release from this terrible suffering.

Marita Meyer says:

November 14, 2012 at 08:23  (Edit)

 Ai Tersia! My heart goes out to you all. May Love sustain you to the end.

Andrew says:

November 14, 2012 at 08:51  (Edit)

 Amazing that you are sharing this difficult journey with all of us. This takes a lot of courage, and Vic is so lucky to have you (and the others) around her at this time.  And we are so lucky to benefit from your sharing, should (or when) we find ourselves in comparable situations.  But right now, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Ray’s Mom says:                                                                                                                                                                               November 15, 2012 at 00:53  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                 Tersia I wish you didn’t have this to bear, that your daughter could magically recover. God is with you and your daughter is so fortunate to have you near. Thank you for sharing this life experience.

optie says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                       November 13, 2012 at 07:46  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                             I am so glad that Vic has been blessed with these “extra” years but I am sure she is aware that they come at a cost to her and the family. We are never ready to say goodbye to those we love dearly. Vic’s suffering is terrible and my prayer for her is that the pain control will be well managed till the end. My heart goes out to you as a mother and grandmother, I cannot imagine what it must be like for you to have witnessed all that Vic has been through.

Gillian says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               November 17, 2012 at 07:02  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                        That is brilliant idea, is there anything I can do to help you get the (Hospice) centre up and running.

Barefoot Baroness says:                                                                                                                                                                                                              November 17, 2012 at 20:05  (Edit)                                                                                                                                             Can I just say I love you?

I also ran across this blog post Tersia and thought of course immediately of Vic. I would like to share the link.

http://sterlingsop.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/reflecting-at-the-end-of-life/

I have to thank you for bringing a subject most feel they cannot talk about out in the open in such a loving way ~

I would wish too be able to move forward with your goal with a hospice there in your area know If you need a latter writing campaign, or anything i can do from here please never ever hesitate to ask me please.
You are making a beautiful thing out of the tragedy of Vic;s life being cut far too short.

sbcallahan says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  November 16, 2012 at 03:06  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                            it is only normal to want to hold on to your beloved vic. i do hope with all my heart that you can let her go if that is what she wants now. at this stage you know that her suffering is going to go on and no one is served by her continued pain.  this is the hardest thing you will ever do but you can find the strength to do it. wishing you peace of heart

Barefoot Baroness says:                                                                                                                                                                                                              November 17, 2012 at 17:38  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                      My God Tersia. I was instantly taken back to my mom who had stage 4 lung cancer that we were aware of just 2.5 months after diagnosis. I know the fear of the low oy2 count. I do know the fear of the oy2 therapy. What I did not know is the long lasting journey that you & Vic know.

Every post you share and I read I am left with this love for you both that seems to wash away all those things in life that matter not one bit. I have stopped sweating ALL the small stuff. There is something so loving & giving in your sharing with us, but more importantly Vic’s children are always going to have this. your journal of their mom’s life. I cannot think of a more loving, tender and generous thing for a mother and grandmother to do. my prayers and wishes are that this cathartic in a good way for you.

Although I am still behind in reading posts I have devoted m, myself to missing one of yours. Just may put me behind in commenting and I am wondering and hoping this does not cause you more pain having to come back to a memory of a few days ago. You tell me if so because I will understand and honor your wishes.

My gentle hugs to you both, Please give my love too. ~ BB
p.s. you will forgive me please..I cannot hit the like button on your posts.

Barefoot Baroness says:                                                                                                                                                                                                            November 17, 2012 at 19:41  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                               My Dear friend, You have choked me up with tears. You, who is going through so much have the sight to see beyond. I am humbled by your kind and generous words. I’d like you to know that any time you need a cyber-shoulder to lean on I would be honoured if you chose me at times, or all the time. You can even email me, you have my permission.

I am grateful Tersia for your words. I mean what I said that the small stuff is not on my plate anymore. If it arises I am able to just kick it to the curb with no further attention. You & Vic are enforcing this belief in myself every day Vic should know that all she allows to be shared is the most loving gift any human can give to another at this time when real wisdom’s surface. It’s amazing to me that at a time when it would be allowed to let her withdraw she instead reaches out to her children, her mom, and via your blog even her words.

Thank you so much for this message~ My love & gentle hugs to you both.

My Blog says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     October 20, 2012 at 00:43  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                              I too wish your child could be pain free. After I read your post I logged on to Facebook. My daughter posted about her migraine, and how her meds aren’t working. I too suffer from migraines and blame myself for passing them down to her. I wish I could help. All I can do is love her and be there when needed. Keep up your strength. We’re with you and your daughter in spirit

Peter Wiebe says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            October 20, 2012 at 10:53  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                   May Jesus wrap his arms around your whole family and make Himself a real source of comfort for you all.

thedarkest13 says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      October 19, 2012 at 20:51                                                                                                                                                                                                                  It’s amazing that you have that openness with your daughter and the living fear and pain is going to be there. We are made to feel loss and sorrow. Especially when it’s our children. I am truly sorry for what is happening and watching is not easy. Just enjoy what time you do have and make the most loving memories you can. You both seem amazingly strong and I don’t even know you. The love you have transcends these moments.

Praying for you all.

 Aarthi says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              October 23, 2012 at 21:08  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                                          the love you share

the words that say you care

those moments between you and your daughter
those drops of peace and happiness and joy
save them like drops of pearls
save them like diamonds rare
that is a form of unending love
that gives and gives and never expects
be there like a rock for your child
and i am sure she would win and survive
our world is one of miracles too
our world is an oasis rarities
and your child too shall her courage prove
just be there with a smile always
give her the courage to stand taller than before
she shall overcome her struggles soon
prove all wrong and herself right
she must win and win this time
make sure you are there to know
witness her strength, her wars, her fight
love can kill the worst of fears and
happiness shall soon return
changing the way she views her life…

with love and regards…

Dedicated to Vic and her wonderful Mom. :)

Peter Wiebe says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   October 22, 2012 at 01:14                                                                                                                                                                                                                           I so appreciate your openness. I pray that nothing will happen while you are away. I pray that Jesus will bring you comfort.

jmgoyder says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    October 22, 2012 at 02:48  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I am glad you are taking a break and that Vic wants you to.

Andrew says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    October 22, 2012 at 03:51                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I always found the roller coaster metaphor powerful during my cancer treatment, recovery, relapse, treatment, and recovery again and I think you have captured it well with Vic. Good for you to get away for a week – caregivers sometime forget that they need care too. Best wishes.

Gillian says                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             July 4, 2012 at 04:56  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                   Dear Tertia, Do not be so hard on yourself. You have so much on your shoulders, you are allowed to have emotions, you are allowed to get irritated, What you need is a good, well deserved mental rest where you stop trying to work things out yourself …… A long much-needed look at the beautiful creations, topped off with some quality time with a friend. And trusting someone to assist with Vic for 2 days a month. She does not want to feel that she is the cause of you being house bound. Read Matthew 11:28-30. XXXXX

dlmchale says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    October 12, 2012 at 20:48  (Edit)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   I only bookmark a handful of sites that I “need” to follow; sites that do more than convey information – sites that cause an necessary evolution of my own humanity. Your site is at the top of that short list. I have so much empathy for what your family endures on a day to day basis, so much so that there are times I can’t even read another paragraph because it physically hurts to watch you and your loved ones afflicted so.

I know there are times when you feel like giving up. That is more than understandable and you should not run from those feelings….these types of reactions actually keep you sane. But know this: in your darkest moments, when all else seems insurmountable, ….you are not alone, in spirit, in prayer, in thought. You need never edit your writing to mask this incredible pain. In sharing such a violent and honest summary of your families pain, you bring a sense of belonging to something bigger to all those people who are enduring similar challenges.
I can’t tell you why the unfairness of it continues. But I can witness that you have been a champion of love and a gladiator of emotional support. You make a difference in this fight…a big difference.
We….the people who experience this on vicariously through your written word…also have an obligation, one that I commit to and cherish…and that is to be here for you when you need us.
You are an inspiration to me.

Dennis

micey says:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 October 23, 2012 at 21:12                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Hi Tersia. I finally made it to your blog. I’m so sorry for the suffering your family is living through. I pray the Lord gives you strength to carry on each minute of the day. I pray He fills you with peace. I pray for miraculous healing for your sweet girl. I pray for the end of suffering. I pray you have a safe and wonderful trip to visit your family. I pray you receive many hugs from those you love. I pray you find rest for your weary soul.

sbcallahan says:

November 14, 2012 at 06:52  (Edit)

in the final stages dying is something we do alone. i have often thought i would like to enter that final sleep while my husband is out. maybe that is just me and my desire to spare him more pain. you and vic are so close and i don’t think there is anything that can be said to make this more bearable for you. my heart aches for you, your husband, vic’s boys, her siblings and extended family. just remember it is easier to be the one leaving. we know that our suffering is going to end. it is your suffering we despair. whatever is meant to be will happen and yet i can’t help but hope for you to have enough time to be ready to let go

I am so proud of my beautiful Vicky who has made a difference in so many people’s lives.  I am proud that is her most pain filled moments she can think of others who are less fortunate than she is.

I thank Vic for the vision of a Hospice in our city.  I want to thank everyone who has sent us messages of comfort, support, encouragement and prayers…  Thank you for walking with us on this difficult journey.  Thank you for the love you have shown.  Thank you for your prayers.

If  this post does not make enough sense please forgive me.  Today has been a very difficult one for Vic.  She is so tired.  I am just trying to make sense out of everything…..

The comments I extracted were absolutely random and does not minimize the value and comfort I experienced from the hundreds of wonderful messages I have received.  Most of my readers/followers have life-threatening diseases, lost a child, suffer debilitating pain of their own and yet they care!  Thank you. 

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/06/09/9-6-2012/

https://tersiaburger.com/2012/10/16/and-the-winner-is/

Posted in Awards, Daily Post 2012, Uncategorized, Vicky Bruce

Lovely Blog Award


I was recently nominated for the Lovely Blog Award and graciously accept. It is indeed a great honor when someone of Melba’s calibre acknowledges my blog. http://poemattic.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/lovely-blogger-award-nomination-continued/  Melba Christie is an extremely gifted poet and writes  “Poetry is life. It is a big part of my life.”  Melba is truly passionate about poetry

The Rules for the Lovely Blog Award:

– Thank the person who nominated you and link to them in your post.
– Share seven unknown things about yourself.
– Nominate other bloggers and blogs that you like or admire.
– Contact the bloggers you nominate to let them know and to link them back to your post.

  1. I cry in the shower
  2. Danie (my husband) was the first man, with children, I ever dated.  I was scared of children and the complications they bring….I only dated single, childless men
  3. I find gardening therapeutic
  4. I am a Crime Channel TV junkie
  5. I HATE and DETEST lying.  It is unforgivable
  6. I have not worked to a budget in years
  7. I paint.

I have nominated the following bloggers because I enjoy their blogs very much and have found their personal journeys and comments helpful:

  1. http://sickocean.wordpress.com/
  2. http://thresholdofheaven.com/
  3. http://storiesformymom.wordpress.com/
  4. http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com/
  5. http://thedrsays.org/
  6. http://dlmchale.com/
  7. http://grammarofgrief.wordpress.com/
  8. http://eis4em.wordpress.com/
  9. http://drbillwooten.com/

There are many, many more wonderful bloggers.  The nominated bloggers listed above mean a lot to me.  Some of them are very ill and others have lost dear ones.  Some are an absolute source of amazing information.  Aarthi Raghavan http://sickocean.wordpress.com/ wrote a beautiful poem and dedicated it to Vic and I.

The above bloggers all have a special place in my heart.  I urge you to take the time to visit their blogs.

Melba, once again I thank you for your beautiful poetry and this award.  I am honoured!!

Posted in Chronic Pain, Family, Family Life, Grief, Palliative Care, Religion in my world, Terminal Illness, Uncategorized, Vicky Bruce

Is there pain after death – post 2


A pensive Vic…. 2011

Two days ago I reblogged a post “Is there pain after death” written by a Dr James Salwitz.  This post elicited some comments – mainly from Vic.  Vic has started reading the odd post of my blog.  In a way I am truly okay with it but on the other hand I find it difficult to blog my fears and emotions knowing that Vic may read the post.  I find that I have become guarded in what I am writing.  I am thinking that I should blog about stuff that may allay Vic’s fears….

Yesterday Vic asked  “Mommy, I know what we believe in but what if there is more pain after I died?”

“You read my blog?” I asked.

“Yes” Vic replied.

“Sweetie, I believe that when the time comes our loved ones will be our guardian angels and hold our hands whilst we cross over….”

“I know that Mommy but what if I am still in pain… What if the pain does not stop?”

“Sweetie, the pain that continues after death is the emotional pain that belong to the loved ones that are left behind.  That is what the post is about…..”

Tears welled up in Vic’s eyes and she said “I know that Mommy but what if I am still in pain… What if the pain does not stop?  What if your pain does not stop?”

Andrew, http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com/, commented as follows… “Even before one leaves, I always thought it more difficult on my family to watch me go through what was pretty aggressive treatment than on me.” 

sbcallahan, http://thedrsays.org commented…”this is one of the difficult things about being the one who leaves. to know that your loved ones are going to suffer more than they already have is heartbreaking.”

“how to die? I have watched many die over the years and the range is as you would imagine. there were those that just could not let go and suffered every indignity to their body and soul. of course others went quietly with love around them. I have not decided if I want to be alone or with loved ones by my side. is there a way to make it easier for them? would they rather receive a phone call with the news or be at bedside? either way it will hurt them, not me of course as I am the one leaving. I would be lying if I said I don’t think of how I will miss so much. the thing is I have had so much, so much more than others and it seems selfish to complain. what they will go through is tremendous compared to what I will go through. I will sleep eternally and they will live. the best I can hope for them is peace of mind and future happiness. I want them to think of me and smile as I do now thinking of them.”  http://thedrsays.org/2011/03/

I am beginning to think it is easier to be the person leaving than the one being left. I have always known that about relationships and breaking up but now realize that it is the same when someone you love is dying. My husband became suddenly angry and I knew there was something wrong. it is so unlike him to get angry over nothing that I was completely off guard. we had been watching the movie “steel magnolia’s” and he asked me what Julia Roberts was dying from and I told him kidney failure. later when he was able to talk, he shared that it had reminded him of my own kidney failure and near death. we live in limbo waiting each week for blood tests to know if I am back in failure or good for a few more days. I don’t really think about it and when he shared his fear my heart ached. The sad thing is I have no fear and realize more and more how hard this is for him. I know that he will be fine in the end but it is hard for him to imagine he will be fine without me. It is so much harder to be the one being left behind. http://thedrsays.org/2011/03/25/the-one/

Vic so often tells me how worried she is about the family.  She worries about how the boys, her dad and I will cope.  Whether we will cope…. whether we will be able to get over her eventual passing….  Andrew and sbcallahan write about their fears… for their loved ones.  It is a fear that all terminally ill people appear to have.

My Mom died a bad death!  Two weeks after major surgery she died an agonizing death from septicemia   We could see the gangrene spread…. She was burning up with fever and no amount of pain medication could dull or relieve the pain.  God alone knows what went through her mind because she was ventilated.  When my Mom finally died we were so relieved.  We were relieved that her suffering was over.  We were traumatized by the dying process not her death.

As a family we have lived with Vic’s pain and her excruciatingly slow journey towards death for the past eleven years.  For eleven years we have heard her scream with pain, moan with discomfort, we hold her hair back when she is doubled up over a toilet bowel, vomiting until she fractures a vertebrae.  We have nursed open wounds, changed colostomy bags…. We have watched our daughter and mother suffer the most horrendous symptoms.

So baby, if you read this post, know that we will miss you.  We don’t want you to leave us behind but we want your suffering to end.  We will continue to love you until we are reunited one day.  You have to trust us that you will always be “my baby” and the boys’ mummy.  But know that we will be grateful when your little body is freed from its pain and suffering.  You will be at peace…  You will not suffer more pain after death.  We will mourn you but we will also be at peace…  We will think of you and smile…

It is okay to let go my angel child.

Posted in Awards, Chronic Pain, Family Life, Grief, Palliative Care, Terminal Illness, Uncategorized, Vicky Bruce

Is there pain after death?


Andrew, (http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com ), suffers from mantle cell lymphoma (MCL).  Andrew says “I am a husband, father of a teenage son and daughter, brother, a Canadian government executive with a wide range of international and domestic experience, who likes reading, film, music, walking, cycling, skating, being with family and friends.”  Andrew is a phenomenal source of information.  I sometimes think he has a full-time research team constantly researching all aspects of lymphoma and terminal illness.  I often refer back to his blog.  Please take time to visit his blog.

Andrew posted this earlier today.  You may know that palliative care is my favorite hobbyhorse.  I have fought for my child to have a “good death”.  Thank you Andrew for sharing this article with us!

Is there pain after death?

Posted by  on Oct 5, 2012 in Cancer CareFeaturedLife & Health | 4 comments

Is there pain after death?

A grandfather-father-husband-salesman-cook-gardener-hiker-gentleman, adored by many, is struck down by cancer.  His disease is particularly horrible, spreading quickly though his body causing damage not only to bone and organ, but to sinew and nerve. He suffers terrible pain for weeks, relieved poorly with inadequate doses of inferior medications, thrashing in misery witnessed by his kin, always at the bedside, ages seven to seventy.  Finally, uncomfortable and agitated until the end, he dies.  Does his pain continue after death?

Pain that is not relieved in a person’s life continues after they are gone, held as a sordid memory by loved ones.  Just as we retain treasured thoughts of joy, wisdom and warmth, we preserve images of pain.  Unrequited suffering contaminates memory, preventing healing, healthy grieving and closure. This pain in turn flows across our communities, touching many who may never have met the patient.

This does not have to be somatic discomfort to be treated with pain medication.  Shortness of breath, seizures, nausea, wounds and bleeding cast intense images that last more than one lifetime.  Uncontrolled anxiety or fear may contaminate a family and corrupt its fiber, as can loss of spiritual path, loneliness, or guilt.  Failure to settle past wrongs or mixed intentions results in a loss of opportunity, a psychic wound that will never heal.

A poorly managed end-of-life experience can transform families for generations.  I recently heard of a young man who suffered a miserable protracted death from cancer.  This resulted in his wife becoming chronically depressed and isolated from her family.   She committed suicide, leaving their son a life as an alcoholic and drug addict.  The ripples from that one cancer spread out and, through the network of that family, caused pain for many more.

When we think of end-of-life planning, we focus on those immediate moments for the patient and family, as well we should.  The opportunity to live one’s life well, even at its end, should not be denied, and must be the first goal of palliative medicine and hospice.  However, we cannot overstate the need and potential to protect and even nourish future generations by treating pain of all types in patients with terminal illness, and in families sharing that passage.

There is pain after death, and I suspect it is the cause of much waste, anger and tragedy in our society. We must strive to prevent that suffering.  Good things are possible, loved ones can be together, memories shared, and solid foundations laid. Patients, families, doctors and caregivers must protect and treasure even this difficult time of a person’s life, because as one life ends, others are beginning.  http://sunriserounds.com/?p=920