The Semper Fidelis Award


Semper Fidelis Award
Semper Fidelis Award

This was such an amazing award to receive!  Thank you Shaun.  Shaun @  http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com is my Scottish friend…He is a compassionate, funny, crazy friend.  He is so generous!  The award actually says everything I could possibly say about him…

Patty, @ http://petitemagique.wordpress.com  created this wonderful award.  This is a new award so I am terribly honoured to be one of the first ever nominations of this award.  Patty only nominated Shaun so I am one of the firsts to ever receive this award!  http://petitemagique.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/awards/ 

Patty says The “Semper Fidelis Award” means “Always Faithful” in English. ”I created this award because I wanted to do something special for my friends on WordPress. Semper Fidelis is Latin and means Always Loyal. Loyalty means the world to me. I am very loyal myself, but I’ve got major trust issues as well. And I think trust is very important if you are sharing so much of yourself with people you meet through the internet. So I am working on that! 

Why the wolves? Because wolves have very strong ties with their pack. Like a family or a great group of friends. And I just love them!

This award stands for the loyalty and love between friends”

The Rules:

  • Add the Semper Fidelis Award logo somewhere on your blog.
  • Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  • Nominate 5 bloggers whose loyalty and friendship you value and you consider being part of your ‘pack of wolves’ on WordPress.
  • Post something special for all of your nominees separately and dedicate it to them. This can be a quote, saying, poem, picture, anything you think that would fit that person.
  • Let the nominees know that you’ve nominated them.

I now nominate My Wolf Pack.  Shaun, you are already one!

I desperately tried to stick to the rules but I cannot!  Please forgive me Patty and Shaun.  I could add another 100 names to my acceptance and I would love to!  I do not mean to slight anyone by not nominating you!  I appreciate each and every one of my regular followers and friends!

  1. My treasured friend Sandra @ http://thedrsays.org/, who is terminally ill and still reaches out to me.  This brave and selfless woman has to be the leader of my Wolf Pack.  Thank you dear friend for caring when you have so much to deal with!  You are always in my thoughts and prayers!
  2. http://behindthemaskofabuse.com is a heart wrenching blog about a woman’s life of abuse.  She was raised by a narcissistic father, and a mother who rarely protected her from his verbal, mental, emotional and psychological abuse.  She endured molestation, both inside and outside the family setting, raped at the tender age of 11 years old.  This blog is written by an amazing person. A strong person battling recovery, anger and betrayal.   She battles C-PTSD and BDD.  Out of her pain two books were born and are published on Amazon “Buckwheatsrisk-Abuse Survival”,  and a poetry book entitled “If I Could Write my Heart”  I salute you!  Yet this dear woman has so much love in her heart that she is able to reach to me.  Thank you dear friend!
  3. http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/ – Rebel is amazing and takes on the world! A brave blogger who is a great friend.
  4. http://jmgoyder.com/ – My precious friend Julie who has so much pain and loss to work through.  Julie writes about the love between her and her ailing husband.  It is the most beautiful love story ever!  Lots of love dear friend!
  5. http://valeriedavies.com/  A gutsy, wise lady who is a friend and an amazing writer.  Thank you for your love and support.
  6. Judy is my dear friend who has guided me through this abyss of grief that I am walking…http://myjourneysinsight.com  Thank you dearest Judy for your guidance and love!
  7. Shirley @ http://justiceforraymond.wordpress.com is a true warrior, fighting for justice yet always ready to extend a hand of friendship and support.  Thank you dear Shirley. 
  8. Len @ http://myownheart.me is a precious friend who always has a kind word of support ,  despite her pain after the tragic loss of her precious Klysta.  Thank you dear Len
  9. This wonderful woman has 1077 followers and yet she has time to read my blog, comment and encourage.  Thank you dear Diana http://talktodiana.wordpress.com/

Thank you dear Shaun for your generosity and friendship!  Thank you Patty for coming up with this amazing award!

How is Your Day Going?


I woke up crying this morning.  I wept for my child, my motherless grandsons, Izak, who has gone to a forever home, my blogger friend Julie @ http://jmgoyder.wordpress.com/ who is going through a dreadful time; Len @ http://myownheart.me/ who still counts the days since her precious Klysta died, Morgan’s Mom…Sandra @ http://thedrsays.org/ dying from congenital heart failure…  I did not want to get out of bed.

Well, I eventually did and found this wonderful email from my friend, Christelle.  It brought a smile to my face, and I decided that I MUST share it with all of you…  I hope it brings a smile to your face too…

 

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm,

but how to dance in the rain.

If you are having a bad day, remember it could be worse…..

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Most Influential Blogger Award


   

Most Influential Blogger Award
Most Influential Blogger Award

 Thank you so much to http://theseeker57.wordpress.com and my dear friend Shaun @ prayingforoneday for this wonderful award.  It is an honour to be nominated by fellow bloggers that I follow and greatly admire.

I would like to dedicate this award to my beautiful child whose bravery and suffering have influenced hundreds of people all over the world.  Vic was the person who influenced me most in my life.  This award is for you Angel Child.

THE RULES:

1-Display the award logo on your blog.

2-Link back to the person who nominated you.

3-Answer 7 questions.

4-Nominate ( no limit of nominations ) other bloggers for this award and link back to them.

5-Notify those bloggers of the award requirements.

The 7 Questions (Can you all please answer the same questions) Thanks 

THE 7 QUESTIONS:

1-If you could create your planet what would it look like? – no hunger, hardship or war.

2-If you could visit one nation you have never visited before, what nation would that be? – Russia – It is on my bucket-list.

3-Have you ever taken a long distance train trip? – No,

4-What is something you would collectively change about humanity? – Dishonesty, incompetence and Greed,

5-What is your favorite song?

NEVER ALONE – LADY ANNABELLA AND JIM BRICKMAN

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw

Never alone

6-If you could meet one person who is still alive who would you choose to meet? – Nelson Mandela

7-If you could choose one symbol to represent you, what would that symbol be and why? –  Symbol of Peace

I now nominate some bloggers, the limit can be 1 or 100, your choice.

  1. http://thedrsays.org/
  2. http://myjourneysinsight.com/
  3. http://allinthedayofme.com/
  4. http://buckwheatsrisk.com/
  5. http://kellieelmore.com/
  6. http://onethousandsingledays.com
  7. http://livingwithfibroblog.com/
  8. http://cristianmihai.net/
  9. http://walking-on-eggshells.com/
  10. http://doilooksick.wordpress.com
  11. http://cobbies69.wordpress.com/
  12. http://connectivetissuedisorders.wordpress.com/
  13. http://hastywords.wordpress.com/
  14. http://smilescavenger.wordpress.com/
  15. http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/

 

Well done all 15…  Please accept and give to 15 others blogs

Love and well wishes

Tersia

 

 

Caregiver Isolation


Alberton-20120625-00559It happened without warning…

In 2002 I was on top of the world.  My career was at an all-time high, financially we were secure and I LOVED my job.  I was able to work long hours and spend time with my friends.  I was on 9 Church Committee’s and very involved with community work in the poor areas.

Then it happened…Vic had her blotched back surgery and our lives changed forever.  I spent 22 days in the waiting room outside the Intensive Care Unit.  My life ground to a halt.

We moved into a downward spiral of hospitals, doctor visits, x-rays, scans, 81 abdominal surgeries, pain, open wounds, hospital bugs, sepsis and wound dressings.  I felt over-whelmed and out of control.  Doctors and nurses prodding and touching my child.  To them she was a commodity.  But, to me, she was my life.

Slowly but surely my life changed…  I became fixated with finding a “solution” to my child’s devastating health problems.  After all, I am a Baby Boomer.  We don’t accept bad situations.  We find solutions.  We sort out problems.  I refused to accept the doctors’ prognosis as I did when she was a little girl.  I was told that Vic would not live to the age of 12 when she was diagnosed as a toddler…  I refused to accept it.  Vic not only outlived the prognosis but lived to complete school, get married and give birth to two beautiful boys.  The ventilators were turned off and Vic continued to breathe, live….

We went from one doctor to the next.  I spend hours every day of my life on the internet looking for solutions and advice; it became a coping mechanism.  I worked longer hours in-between surgeries.  Quite frankly, work became a crutch.  I spent less and less time with my family and friends…I suppose because I felt no-one understood my fear, my despair, my pain…

My fear, despair and pain became my constant companion.  My computer and the internet my trusted friend…

One day, about 7 years ago, Jared asked me “Oumie don’t you love your family?”

“Of course I love my family!  Why are you asking such a question?” I replied

“Because you are never home….”

I had to sit down and reassess my life.  Quite honestly the financial implications of keeping Vic alive and care for her was daunting.  I feared going home because I could not handle Vic’s pain….  I knew in my heart there was no cure.  The mere thought of Vic suffering for endless years were terrifying!  I could not bear to see the fear and helpless desperation in the boys’ eyes.

So contrary to what I have written before, and comments that have been left, I have not been the best mother.   There was a time that I ran away.  I was petrified of the thought that Vic would suffer for another 40 years…be dependent upon me for another 40 years… There were times that I thought to myself “There has to be more to life!”  I felt lost in the in-balance of my life.  No matter where I turned it was work and responsibility!

In 2009 my Dad came to live with us.  He suffered from Alzheimer’s.

Dad and I
Dad and I

Whilst I reached a maturity level where I realized that being a caregiver is a privilege, not a burden, our lives changed.

I started sleeping downstairs many years ago when Vic was so ill.  I was scared I would not hear her if I slept upstairs.  I slowly slipped into a habit of working late on my laptop and then falling asleep on the sofa.  This continued when my Dad lived with us.  I still sleep downstairs on the sofa – waiting for Vic shuffling footsteps down the passage, text messages saying “Can I have something for pain?” or the intercom screeching!  The intercom was the 911 call.

I slowly and inextricably slipped into depression.  My entire life was dominated by my fears for my child.  The caregiving demands steadily increased as the years passed and the situation deteriorated.  It became a dark and difficult period for the entire family.  We could no longer spontaneously decide to go to dinner, go away for a weekend or even a holiday.  Every activity demanded a great deal of planning.  We became more and more isolated as a family.

It is natural for family and friends to drift away when a loved one becomes ill. The longer the illness, the longer they stay away. By it’s very nature, caring giving is draining. It is far easier to stay home and rest than socialize outside the home.  Isolation can lead to loneliness, depression, and illness. It takes energy and effort to maintain friendships when one feels tired and discouraged.

My salvation was cyberspace.  I joined an Alzheimer support group, https://www.caring.com.  Without the support group I would never had coped with my dad’s descend into Alzheimer’s.  A year ago I started blogging on Vic’s final journey.  I have found a cyber-community with parents who also lost children, friends with a word of encouragement, a kind words.   I receive advice, support and information from a loving cyber-community.

I however realize that I need re-join life.  There are days that I just want to stay on my sofa with a blanket pulled over my head.  I fear that if I sleep in a bed I will never get out of it.  In the TV lounge there is always people.  Whether it be the boys, Danie or the housemaids.

Today I had tea with an old friend.  For almost 4 years I have not been able to see her.  She has a young son that I have never seen.  Our friendship was reduced to the odd phone call or text message.  Often she would phone and there would be a crisis with Vic.  I would say “I will phone you back” and never get around to it.  I isolated myself from friends.  I was so miserable and totally absorbed with Vic that no “outsider” could penetrate my “barrier”.

My life centred round my sick child and family.

Despite the trauma of Vic’s death and coming to terms with the horrible loss, my life has changed.  I have had tea with my new Magnolia friends and Christelle.  We go out to dinner on the spur of the moment; we have been on holiday and I spent 4 days at a Spa with my sister!  I have watched Jon-Daniel play hockey matches, started gym and started remodelling the house.  I have seen a psychiatrist and take antidepressants.  We have started Stepping Stone Hospice.

How amazing is this?

If the truth be known it is not amazing at all.  I am dying on the inside.  I cry uncontrollably – mostly when everyone has gone to bed.  If the boys were not living with us it would have been so different.  I KNOW I would still have been in bed.   I am consumed with longing for my child.  Last night I replayed 100’s of voicemail messages that Vic had left me….

“Love you Mommy…”

“Love you Baby Girl”

Wonderful Team Member Readership Award


wonderful team member readership award

I admit it openly and honestly – I LOVE getting awards.  I think that deep down we all crave recognition, acceptance and love.  I have found this on Word Press.  I have met WONDERFUL people who have loved and supported me for the past year.   It is a very powerful thing to be recognised by a blogger I find not only incredibly inspirational, but funny and thought-provoking too.

Shaun from Praying for One Day awarded me the Wonderful Team Membership Readership Award,which of course I graciously accepted.  Shaun is one of my favourite bloggers who has become a wonderful friend. The first post of mine that Shaun ever read was https://tersiaburger.com/2013/01/25/vic-has-left-home-for-the-last-time/  Sometime later Shaun wrote me an email or a comment, I am unsure which it was…He wrote that after he read my post he and his partner Dawn cuddled and sat in silence for a long time weeping for Vic.  Shaun always leaves a comment, hug or word of encouragement.  Shaun has been awarded this award 6 or 7 times and with good reason.  He is a Wonderful Team Reader who truly deserves this award!

So here are the rules:

1. Display the logo on your page.

2. Finish the sentence: A great reader is…

A great reader is… someone who takes the time out of his/her busy life to read my ramblings of grief, leave a comment, hug, advice… A great reader is someone who reaches out from cyberspace and cries with me, laughs with me and cares for me.  A great reader is my wonderful WordPress friends!

 

3. Nominate 14 readers I appreciate.

  1. Uma Girish at http://grammarofgrief.wordpress.com/ for her helpful blog on grief and surviving loss
  2. http://wordsfallfrommyeyes.wordpress.com/ is about a mother’s love for her son
  3. http://verbalbanter.wordpress.com a wonderful blog about life and it’s irritations and frustrations.
  4. http://drbillwooten.com/ is a blog filled with good music and wisdom.  Bill you are a kind and gentle friend.  Thank you
  5. http://everyonehasastory.me is a blog of hope and despair, healing and pain.  Excellent read.
  6. http://throughthehealinglens.com  is about a bloggers battle with debilitating, chronic pain. 
  7. http://thedarkest13.wordpress.com/ is an intelligent blog filled with good values, friendships, pain and love. 
  8. http://barefootbaroness.org is one of my favourite blogs. BB is a charming, gentle woman who has magical writing skills.  She is an amazing friend.  Thank you BB
  9. http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/ – Rebel is amazing and takes on the world! A brave blogger who is a great friend.
  10. http://jmgoyder.com/ – My precious friend Julie who has so much pain and loss to work through. 
  11. http://picturesofsilverbyjanice.wordpress.com/category/sculptures-silver-art-jewelry/  Janice is the kindest person.  She makes beautiful jewellery and my Christmas Gifts will come out of her innovative jewellery pieces.  I am gifting the boys their Mommy’s fingerprint to wear around their necks – close to their hearts.
  12. http://valeriedavies.com/  A gutsy, wise lady who is a friend and an amazing writer. 
  13. http://walkingthroughpain.com/ writes about “invisible illness” such as RA/Lupus/ Fibromyalgia.  This is a brave blogger who knows and lives with chronic pain!  Please support and encourage her on this lonely journey. 
  14. Tracy Rydzy – http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com is another brave warrior battling chronic pain.

4. Inform the readers with either comments or pingbacks.

These are just 14 of a long list of treasured blogger friends who are truly worthy of this award.  There are many, many other bloggers whom I treasure and who inspires and supports me in my grief journey.

Thank you to each and every one of my blogger friends!!

Nominated for the WordPress Family Award!


WordPress Family AwardI am so honoured to receive this WordPress Family Award from not one blogger but two!!  How blessed can I be?

Thank you dear Jane @ http://johannisthinking.com and Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/    Both Jane and |Shaun are great bloggers, and their follower figures reflect it.  Jane has 375 followers and Shaun 696……I think the reason why they have such great stats is because they care!!  They comment, email, care and share.  Their blogs are filled with real-world life, happiness, sadness, pain, compassion and laughter… They share their joys and sorrows.

So this award is about being part of the Word press Family!

I started blogging almost a year ago.  It was just after my BFF and Dad’s one year anniversary and Vic had made the decision to let nature take its course.  It was a difficult time for the family.  We were helplessly watching Vic die – little by little every day.  Her pain was unbearable.

My blog started off cautiously focussing on Vic’s pain.  Tracy @ http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com/ opened my eyes Vic’s pain – I could “feel” Vic’s pain after I met Tracy; Katie Mitchell @http://connectivetissuedisorders.wordpress.com/ – an incredibly brave young woman who encouraged me when she is in so much pain of her own…  I could “see” life through an ill person’s eyes…”feel” her pain through the eyes and words of other Chronic Pain Sufferers.

I grew more comfortable sharing and started blogging more about my fears and emotions… Ultimately about Vic’s death and our grief as a family.

Today I have 210 followers.  Many of them have become my cyber family!  They love and care for me, my family and my precious Vic.  They offer hugs, love, compassion, sympathy and advise.  They care unconditionally.  They do not criticize my writing, punctuation, spelling or grammar…

I have found friendships and love in cyberspace that I did not know existed.  It has also opened my eyes to the fact that there are good people in the world.  People who care….  It enabled me to open my heart and life to real life friends too…

I love my blogging family!  Love you guys.

I know there are slightly more than 10 nominations.  I PRAY I did not omit a precious friend’s blog.  If I did, please do not be offended.  Blame it on the flu.

Now for a description of the award in the words of the Creator Of The Award:

This is an award for everyone who is part of the “WordPress Family” I started this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can show. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honor to start this award.” from Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/

 The Rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family.
4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them. There is a real problem here since this award spread like wildfire but I think I can find ten who should be recognized
5. That is it. Just please pick 10 people who have taken you as a friend, and spread the love.

My blogging friends and family as follows…

  1. http://jmgoyder.com/ Julie
  2. http://thedrsays.org/ – Dear Sandra
  3. http://myownheart.me Len
  4. http://valeriedavies.com/  Valerie
  5. http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/ – Shaun
  6. http://johannisthinking.com – Jane
  7. http://justiceforraymond.wordpress.com/
  8. http://grannyscolorful.wordpress.com/ – Gloria
  9. http://myjourneysinsight.com/  Judy Unger
  10. http://behindthemaskofabuse.com/

10. http://hopethebean.wordpress.com/ – Mel Lefebvre

11. http://maryrussell12.wordpress.com/ – Journey through Grief

12. http://deaconfamilyblog.wordpress.com/ Wendie Deacon

13. http://talktodiana.wordpress.com/

14. http://janevanwyk.wordpress.com  –  chdmum

15. http://mymomsmemoirs.wordpress.com

16. http://doilooksick.wordpress.com/

17. http://furrynuff.wordpress.com/ Victoria Bruce

18. http://grammarofgrief.wordpress.com/ – Uma Girish

19. http://drbillwooten.com/ – Bill Wooten

20. http://jesussavingmefromme.wordpress.com/ – Michelle

21. http://sophieandemile.wordpress.com/ – Lucinda Elliot

22. http://barefootbaroness.org/ BB

23. http://picturesofsilverbyjanice.wordpress.com/  Janice

24. http://connectivetissuedisorders.wordpress.com/ Brave Katie Mitchell

  1.  http://ramblinsofagrievingmom.wordpress.com/

27. http://smilescavenger.wordpress.com/

28. http://whatcherylsaid.wordpress.com/

29. http://dlmchale.com/

30. http://missmorgansmom.wordpress.com/

31. http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/

32. http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com/

33. http://poemattic.wordpress.com/

34. http://wordsfallfrommyeyes.wordpress.com

35. http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com/

Thank you to all my friends and followers for their support, comments and awesome posts!

You have made my journey bearable.  Thank you for allowing Vic and I into your lives! Thank you for restoring my faith in mankind…

 

The Thank You Award


Thank you to my dear friend Shaun (and his beloved Dawn) at  http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/the-thank-you-award-3/ for this beautiful award. 

Thank You Award

During Vic’s brave journey I have had phenomenal support from Cyber Space.   I want to use this opportunity to thank each and every one of my 209 followers for caring, leaving hugs and encouraging comments.  I know that Vic’s journey had an effect on many people’s lives.  Some found it difficult to follow our journey and others persevered.

 

Some people wrote me emails, many left encouraging comments, others prayed for us, some wrote beautiful poetry tributes to Vic, some dedicated songs to her…..Many just left “hugs” …. Some of you lit candles for my child, cried with me…

I need you to know how much I appreciated your support, advice and love.

So, contrary to the rules of the award I am not awarding the award to six bloggers.  I am awarding it to all my blogger friends.  Thank you for your love, compassion, advice, kindness, love and support.  I could never have gotten through this terrible time without your love and support.  From the bottom of my heart “THANK YOU!”

I would be remiss in thanking my beautiful Vic for the honour and privilege of being your Mom.  I love you with all my heart and always will.

RULES :

1. As usual a big thank you and a link back to the person who nominated you.

2. Mention 5 things you would like to do with your life, no matter how mad or tame.

3. Nominate six bloggers and say why they have left their mark on you. Hence the name “The Thank You Award”

4. Let them know.

5. Say a big THANK YOU TO EVERYONE ON WORDPRESS!!

 

5  Things about me that are Mad or Tame 

1. I got a motorbike for my 50th birthday

2. I would rather travel to a war-torn country like Afghanistan than any European country

3. I want to be the oldest person ever to parachute

4. I love travelling and exploring on my own

5. I will eat oleander leaves if I am I ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

 I thank each and every one of you.  If you are reading this PLEASE accept the award and pass it forward.

I now nominate all my Blogger Friends for the THANK YOU AWARD… I thank you all! 

With love from my blog to yours…..