The boys grief …


He is six-foot tall and wears a number 11 shoe. He has a beautiful open face, perfect teeth and a brilliant smile. He is very bright, a gifted sportsman, he is the “silent” type. He is Vic’s youngest son.

Last night he received an award at the school’s prize giving. His aggregate for the year 84.7% with 8 distinctions.

This is the most difficult year of his life. He lost his mom in the beginning of the academic year.


Jared is the perfect older brother.  He is fiercely protective of his younger brother.  Jared is gentle and caring.  He has a white soul…

On the surface the boys are coping well. They are “getting on” with their lives.


Thank goodness for social media…It gives me an insight into what is happening behind their stoic appearances.

Jon-Daniel’s WhatsApp status is “Live until you die.” That is the example his Mom set…

Jared posted on Facebook on the 18th of September “Can’t believe that it has already been 8 months… Miss you mommy… It feels like a lifetime already… Love you mom  always in our heart♥ forever in our memories…

On the 18th of September Jon-Daniel posted: “How? I ask myself.. It already been 8 months without the greatest Mommy in the world! Time has flown since January, but the memories have stayed. And they will always stay, along with that special place in my heart that is only for MY MOMMY! Love you always Mom, miss you stax!”

 On the 26th of September Jared posted on Facebook “Missing you mommy… you were always there for a laugh

The day of Stepping Stone Hospices’ official opening Jon-Daniel posted “Stepping Stone Hospice was officially opened this evening. Amazing to see 1 person’s dream can turn into something so big! And so amazing how much people will do for somebody they don’t know. Thank you to all that attended!”

 He cried in the doorway of the Vicky Bruce Room

 On the 11th of October he posted on Vic’s Facebook page “Mommy, I miss you! When are you coming home?”

 I am helpless in taking the children’s pain away. Their pain and grief is still so raw and deep.

The stress started years before Vic died. The boys grew up knowing that their Mommy was ill and in a lot of pain. They grew up living with Vic’s imminent death and dreadful suffering.

Teenagers appear to feel grief more intensely than adults, especially if one of their parents has died. The Adolescent Life Change Event Scale (ALCES), which mental-health specialists use to help quantify the events that are the most stress-inducing in teenagers, ranks a parent’s death as the number- one cause of adolescent stress. Second is the death of a brother or sister, followed by the death of a friend.

Teenagers are embarrassed by displays of grief and struggle to express their emotions. The boys seldom talk about their grief. They will tell me when the other brother is having a rough day….

 Jared was very concerned about how his little brother would cope with his first birthday without his Mom. He went to great measures to ensure that his little brother was “protected” from the grief on his birthday. He blew up 40 balloons so Jon-Daniel would wake up to “fun”. (Vic always had lots of balloons on the boys birthdays.)

 The firsts are coming fast and furious now. The first birthdays, prize giving’s, confirmations without their Mommy… Jared and my birthdays, Christmas and New Year is looming…

 I love the boys with every fibre in my body. I hate that they occasionally walk in on me when I am crying. I hate that I cannot make their pain better. I hate that I am so helpless.

 I wish I had died and not Vic. I wish that I could change places with my child. I wish I could rip the heartache out of my grandsons’ lives and hearts. I wish I could protect them.

 I wish I could shake the cold world out there and make them realise how much pain the boys are in….

Please pray for Vic’s boys. Pray that they will heal. Pray that God will hold and protect them. Pray that they will learn to be happy again. 

I pray that one day I will hear their happy, uncontrolled laughter echo through the house again.


https://tersiaburger.com/2013/03/20/i-love-you-angel-child/

https://tersiaburger.com/2013/09/18/the-shadow-of-grief/

https://tersiaburger.com/2013/09/11/your-children-are-not-your-children/

https://tersiaburger.com/2013/06/07/mommys-dream-is-coming-true/

176 days…..4234 hours


In the words of William Shakespeare…

“Time is very slow for those who wait;
very fast for those who are scared;
very long for those who lament;
very short for those who celebrate;                                                                                            but for those who love, time is eternal.”

It is Friday again.  I hate Fridays.  A mere 176 days ago my precious child died.  It seems as if it has been a lifetime.  It makes more sense when I say Vic died 4234 hours ago…

Yet, it seems as if it was yesterday.  292718_395925797163521_948785461_n

Here on Earth …, There in Heaven…


Here on earth imperfection, there in heaven perfection
Here on earth discontent, there in heaven content
Here on earth disgrace, there in heaven grace
Here on earth disease, there in heaven ease
Here on earth hatred, there in heaven love
Here on earth war, there in heaven peace
Here on earth decay, there in heaven freshness
Here on earth selfish, there in heaven selfless
Here on earth oppression, there in heaven liberty
Here on earth agonize, there in heaven relax
It’s either on earth, or in heaven
The decision, all yours

Obed Akuma

Vic’s letter from Heaven


Vic's letter from Heaven
Vic’s letter from Heaven

Today it is 5 months since Vic died.  I am trying to get Vic’s estate done (not doing well at all!!) and came across a file with a letter addressed to me.

It flashed through my mind…”A letter from heaven!”

It is not a recent letter.  It is a letter that Vic wrote years ago.  How do I know?  It was with her old Last Will and Testament.

I am grateful for the letter.  I am heartbroken that I am reading it.

I love you always and forever my Angel Child.

 

I wish that…


IMG_4810Someone wrote a poem for me.  I am grateful for the hand of comfort that was extended by a stranger.  This stranger happens to be ill and suffer debilitating pain.

I was so touched!  Thank you Belinda!!

13JUN2013 by http://busymindthinking.com/2013/06/13/i-wish-that

I wish that I had known you
when you struggled with your pain
but I didn’t know your situation
oblivious even to your name

I wish that I could have offered
an embrace when tears you cried
saying goodbye to your loved one
filled with sorrow when she died

I wish that things had been different
and that she didn’t have to leave
I wish most of all kind stranger
that you have comfort when you grieve

TWENTY …


Vic as a 20 year old with Danie and I
Vic as a 20 year old with Danie and I

Properties of the number 20


Symbolism

  • Represent the God solar for the Mayas.
  • The number 20 is considered as ominous for saint Jerome because it indicates the universal fight, but it also represents the source of all energy of the world.
  • This number is represented in Hebrew by the letter caph, in form of opened hand, to seize and hold. The eleventh mystery of the Tarot, which corresponds to this letter, and consequently with this number, is “the Force” which expresses energy, the activity, the work, according to R. Allendy.
  • Number associated to the resurrection or to the reincarnation, according to Creusot.

Bible

  • Samson had judged Israel for twenty years. (Jg 16,31)
  • Under the commandment of Elisha, twenty barley loaves are enough to feed hundred persons. (2 K 4,42-44)
  • God asked Moses to make the census of all the community of Israelis being twenty years old and more. (Nb 1,3)
  • Jacob spent twenty years at Laban before to escape. (Gn 31,38)

General

  • One month in the religious calendar Maya contained twenty days.
  • Magic square of 20:

8 6 4 2

4 2 8 6

2 4 6 8

6 8 2 4

  • Number of characters of the alphabet of bards.
  • Anniversary of marriage: weddings of porcelain of China.

Occurrence

  • The number 20 is used 117 times in the Bible.
  • The number 24 is used 20 times in the Bible.
  • The number 20 is used only once in the Koran. (Koran VIII, 66)
  • The names of Cain and Rome are used 20 times in the Bible.

 

It is Friday again.  Twenty weeks ago my beautiful Vic died.  Twenty sounds too “little”.  It feels too “much”.  Twenty was always such a magical figure…Twenty had an allure of its own.  Twenty always felt like the “almost adult” number.  I remember when I was twenty years old I was so excited about turning 21…coming of age!

Now twenty represents the number of weeks that we have wept and longed for the presence of Vic.

A year ago I posted “Life aka Vicky” versus Death.  https://tersiaburger.com/2012/06/07/6-6-2012-3-2/

 I wrote “Mommy, I am sick” Every time Vic opens her eyes she utters these words. 

Will she win what we believe to be the final round?  Life aka Vicky vs. Death… Ten long, long years she has fought with every fibre in her little body.  I sense that she is tired.  Ready to concede defeat…  She says she isn’t scared.  I am!  I am scared of facing life without my baby. 

Now I have already faced 20 weeks of living without my baby.

 

I WANT MY CHILD BACK!!!


Yesterday morning I teared up – again.  Danie asked “And now?  What’s wrong?”

“Just missing Vic” I said

“Shame” he said with sadness in his voice.  “I miss her too”

We spoke about how my grief had changed over the past four months.  Today it is exactly four months since my precious child died.  I keep using the words “death and died” and not the gentler “passed”…  I do that because death is harsh.  My child DIED, she is DEAD.  My pain is as real as it was 4 months ago.  My grief is however no longer as transparent as it was to the world.

Four months ago when Vic died my body physically hurt.  My heart was physically aching.  The pain was new.  Now my grief is in me, part of me as if it is a limb or organ…  My grief is hidden from the world. If I did not tell you, you would never know.

To the world – I seem to have adjusted to the loss of my child.  I am “functioning, smiling, carrying on with life”… People are so relieved that they no longer have to cope with my raw grief…

Earlier tonight I read this on Facebook –https://www.facebook.com/TheGrievingParent

“I never knew my mind could be dominated by a single thought every day for years and still not get in the way of the progress of my life. The hands on the clock continue to turn, and the sun rises every morning. 

Even though the grief is not on the surface, the missing is as strong as it ever was. We can’t explain it, but we want to share it. We might not break down, but the strength of the grief never fades.”

We just keep on living with it and do the best we are able to do.”

I miss Vic more today than I did four months ago.  I keep looking at photographs of the past couple of years so I can REMEMBER her suffering; I re-read my blog to REMEMBER her suffering; I keep trying to find solace in the fact that she is pain-free.  It is becoming more difficult to see the positive side of Vic’s death.   My mind is blocking out the horror of her suffering!  I am remembering the good times only.

I hear you say “It is good”  No, It is not good!  If I forget her suffering I will never accept the “need for her to die” element of Vic’s death.

The night that haunts my sister
The night that haunts my sister

My sister shared her heartbreak with me…She said that one night when she slept with Vic she woke up to hear Vic talking to me.  She said Vic was crying and saying “Mommy I am so sore.  I can’t do this anymore”  Lorraine said she kept her eyes shut and pretended to sleep because she could not deal with the moment… Why am I forgetting??????  On the 13th of November I posted “Will my poor baby’s hell ever end?  If there is a lesson to be learnt PLEASE God show me what it is so I can learn it!!  This has come to an end!” https://tersiaburger.com/2012/11/13/signposts-for-dying/

I want my child back with me. I want to hold her, tell her I love her.  I want to hear her footsteps in the passage; I want to hear her voice…

I WANT MY CHILD BACK!

A Mother’s Love Quotes


In honour of Mother’s Day I would like to share some of my favorite Mother quotes.

Pilgrim Peace  “Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return.”

!cid_8_694987314@web163406_mail_gq1_yahoo

No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a MOTHER’s love.  It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star. ~Edwin Hubbell Chapin.

Vic and her boys 1999
Vic and her boys 1999

A MOTHER is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.~Washington Irving.

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. — Irish Proverb.

6bbb

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.  Jessica Lange.

IMG_8395       IMG_8444

MOTHER’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.   Agatha Christie.

A mother_s love

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his. –Oscar Wilde,The Importance of Being Earnest

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. –Erma Bombeck

i-am-a-parent

Motherhood is neither a duty nor a privilege, but simply the way that humanity can satisfy the desire for physical immortality and triumph over the fear of death. –Rebecca West

A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking. -Helen Rice

A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s. –Diana, Princess of Wales

Vic and I in healthier days
Vic and I in healthier days

The hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the world. -W. R. Wallace

Vic and her boys on the beach.
Vic and her boys on the beach.

Mother’s Love for Her Very Sick Child

I know that I would do all things for you.

My spirit would always take care of you.

And when I die and leave this world behind.

You can be rest assured that my love will stay behind.

Even though sometimes we’re far apart.

You have always remained right here in my heart.

I will forever whisper in the wind

Unconditional love that’ll forever stay within.

If only I could go wherever you go

So I could do things I need to do for you.

Since I can’t, the best sacrifice I can give

is keep you in my heart and allow you to leave.

I’m lifting up the burden in your heart

‘Cause I know that you don’t know where to start.

I’m transferring all the pain inside of you

Into my care, into my heart, and now it’s through.

I love you so much and I know that I can bear

This greatest pain to let you go, I swear.

Know in your heart that my love will forever stay

Even though I would seem so far-away.

I’ll be your strength that’s why I’m relieving you

Of all the pain and tears inside of you.

No need to worry for all your pain will be gone.

It will be with me now, and I shall carry on.

You may think I’m letting you go without a fight.

If you only knew how I fought for you each night.

Just remember that there are signs everywhere.

So look around and acknowledge that they are there.

God said to me that love will always prevail.

And each day there is a tale for you to tell.

If you could already see the signs before your eyes.

Embrace it now. Let it stay. It is your guide.

God said the signs may be a word or two

When you least expect it, it is said to you.

It may also be the people that you have met.

Places, names, or things that you kept.

God told me to tell all these things to you

So happiness would set in and peacefulness, too.

I’m always here, and I’ll always love you.

I never wanted you to be in pain. It’s OK for you to go.

Read more: http://authspot.com/poetry/a-poem-about-a-mothers-love-for-her-very-sick-child/#ixzz1zxfdNb9o

IMG_8400

“The pain passes, but the beauty remains”.


                          "The pain passes, but the beauty remains".                                --Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919)
“The pain passes, but the beauty remains”.
Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919)

I have flu.  I get ill once in 5 years and I am a ninny.  I do not handle pain and discomfort well… I whinge, moan and groan until I am better…

This time I have embraced my flu.  I can stay in bed and there is no pressure for me to get up…. I can just lie in bed with my eyes closed and it is okay!  For the first time since my precious child died I don’t have to communicate, talk or pretend.  I can just be sick!!!!  I have spent four days in bed not having to talk, smile or pretend….

I am sick to the core of my soul – not only from the flu but from heartbreak.  I was able to feel the loneliness and emptiness that permeates my life since Vic died.  For four days I have not had to smile or live – I could lie in bed and hope to die.

There are days that I really do cope.  There are days that I am able to smile and laugh.  Most of the time I live a lie…

I have made peace with the fact that my precious child’s suffering is over.  I know that never again will she fracture vertebrae from vomiting, scream from pain, whimper because she does not have the strength to scream… But all I have done is learnt to accept that Vic was amputated from my life.  I still have to learn to live without the amputated part of my body; the pain of the missing part of me continues to taunt me…

I miss my child so much!  I want to love and hold her.  I wish I could have protected her from the ravages of Osteogenesis Imperfecta and doctor error!  No, I don’t have guilt…I did everything I possibly could for my baby girl. I just desperately miss her!  I miss her company.

I am hoping that the pain will pass…I do remember the beauty of my precious Vic all the time.  The wonderful mother and daughter that she was; kind and gentle; incapable of malice…Her beauty will remain with us for ever.

Tomorrow I will get out of bed and carry on living.

In Memory of Vicky – dmchale


I am finding it difficult to see what I am typing.  My dear friend Dennis McHale posted this beautiful poem as ‘n tribute to Vic.  I am touched that this talented man would take the time to do this.  Dennis has been such a great friend.  http://dlmchale.com/2013/05/02/in-memory-of-vicky/

Today has been such a mixed day.  I have been filled with the deepest sadness and sorrow and yet I have felt at peace that Vic’s suffering is over.  I miss her terribly.

I am feeling flu-ish and fell asleep on the sofa.  Jon-Daniel covered me with a blanket, and I woke when he gently kissed me on the forehead.  The way his mommy used too…

I want my child back!  It is too hard trying to live without her.

Dennis thank-you for your beautiful words.  Thank you for your love and support over the past year.  I am too teary to write so I shall post this beautiful poem for the world to read and enjoy.

I love you my Angel Child.  You have touched people all over the world.

In Memory of Vicky

by dmchale

Vicky

 

This poem is dedicated to my dear friend “tersiaburger”
In memory of her beloved daughter, Vicky.

——————————————————————-

You and I
are touched by one star.

Wherever you are
we stand together in one light
which no depth or height or distance
can ever dim.

Wherever you are
your light shines;
past time and space
past flesh to thought,
I feel your power.

Wherever you go
the day will dawn
and the star will appear;
for you are a child of this light
and it fosters your heavenly dreams.

In this light, I have found ways
to heal, to bind up,
to tear down the feeble structures
of fear of your absence has
carelessly constructed within me.

You and I
are touched by one star.

In its glowing embrace
we find our true selves;
we find our peace.

Today I may stand alone,

missing you with all my heart
be I stand strong.
Through the corridors of our courage
you have helped me to
discover those eternal lines
of love within myself;
my birthright discovered because

Vicky and I are
touched by one star.

 

But you go on


Beautiful words blogged by Dr Bill Wooten.  http://drbillwooten.com/2013/04/20/but-you-go-on/  Thank you Bill

But you go on

April 20, 2013 by Dr Bill

“Not the loss alone,
But what comes after.
If it ended completely
At loss, the rest
Wouldn’t matter.

But you go on.
And the world also.

And words, words
In a poem or song:
Aren’t they a stream
On which your feelings float?

Aren’t they also
The banks of that stream
And you yourself the flowing?”

~ Gregory Orr

time

 

Eulogies


Some of Vic's flowers in church
Some of Vic’s flowers in church

Today I read a very moving eulogy that Denise, one of my blogger friends, posted.  It is a eulogy that she wrote and presented at her beloved son’s funeral. 

I identified with her emotions and every word she wrote.  I would like to share Denise’s words with you and also my eulogy with which I honoured my brave child.

Denise says:” I’ve added a page with Philip’s eulogy. It was my last gift to him. As I wrote in the introduction, I’m posting it so you can know him a little better. I’ve just re-read it, and I remember reading it out loud, with Phil and Natalie beside me. I remember that I’d spent the last two hours in my chair, non-stop sobbing. I remember my cousin Maria leaning over and saying, “If you don’t stop crying you won’t be able to read.” I remember my voice clear and strong. And when I was done, I remember being told, “I feel better because I know you’re going to be all right.”

Me and “all right” didn’t belong in the same sentence. But there it was. And here it is; I hope you’ll take a look.”

I encourage you to follow this mother’s harrowing journey with grief.  Please read her Phillip’s eulogy!  http://forphilip.wordpress.com/his-eulogy/comment-page-1/#comment-33

Much of the days, immediately after Vic’s death, is now a distant memory.  The emotions that I did record are hazy now.  I floated on a herbal tranquilizer cloud…  I cannot remember who all was at the funeral.  I remember who wasn’t…  I looked at the January 2013 photos this week and saw that her second eldest sibling did come and say her goodbyes.  I now vaguely remember her little girls being here, but I actually don’t remember!!

When Vic planned her memorial service she asked that I deliver her eulogy.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday after Vic died I cried and was unable to think straight.  I wanted to do the handouts myself but by Sunday evening I knew I would not be able to do it in time.  My mind was blank, and I could not get Microsoft Publisher to do what I needed it to do…  At 8.15pm I texted the undertaker and asked them to do it.  I would send them the content, and they would format my information.

I prepared a wonderful slide show of Vic’s life.  All the fun bits and the people she loved were in it with her.  All the highlights of her life were captured in PowerPoint.  “Never Alone” as performed by Jim Brickman and Lady Annabella would play as her coffin was carried out of the church.  “If tomorrow starts without me” would play before the start of the service.  The slide show would loop from 15 minutes before the service and again 10 minutes after Vic left the church for the last time.

The eulogy and thank-you’s would be done by me.

Strangely the “thank-you’s” was far more difficult to do.  There were so many people to thank that had loved, helped and supported Vic and the family over the years…

I actually don’t know whether I blogged on the service as such before, but if I have either forgive me or please move onto another post.

When I stood up to do the thank you’s and eulogy I thought “It is the 3rd eulogy in 18 months I am doing…”

As I stood up Vic’s boys got up and flanked me.  They bravely and stoically stood next to me supporting me as we paid our last respects.  I could feel their bodies tremble and occasionally I hear a stifled sound as they suppressed their tears.

The boys and I before the memorial service
The boys and I before the memorial service

We stood on the stairs below the pulpit.  Three steps below us Vic lay in a casket.  More than a hundred candles burning; her St Josephs lilies on the casket and a beautiful framed photo of her… I so wish someone has taken a photo…

Like Denise I was surprised by the clarity of my voice.  It was as if my voice belonged to someone else.  The steadiness of my voice belied the physical pain of my heart.

I said the following:

Where do I start?  How do I begin a farewell when I still can’t believe you’re gone?  How do I say goodbye to a part of my soul? 

The day you were born I experienced this UNBELIEVABLE rush of love.  I was smitten from the first second I lay eyes on you.

You came into my life and changed me forever.  Over the years people have complimented me for being a good mother but I truly cannot take credit for that.  You were born good, and great and amazing.  You were the one who taught me lessons in life.  I believe you are an angel God sent to teach me. 

You taught me love.  You taught me honesty.  You taught me to love unconditionally.  You taught me how to forgive and how to be strong.  You are the strongest person I have ever known.  You gave me strength when I was weak.  When times were sad and tough you reminded me to be grateful for the small things in life.  You taught me how to be myself.  Most of all you taught me about life and how to live. 

When you were diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta at the age of 18 months and the doctors told me I should wrap you in cotton wool and wait for you to die, you taught me it was more important to feel and grow like any other child than to have me hide you under my wing.   It was so important to you to live.  And that you did.  You gave birth to not one beautiful baby but two!  You mothered the boys the way you lived life – with a passion. 

You are the bravest person in the world.  You rewrote medical history.  You defied death for so many years… You mocked bad news and a poor prognosis… 

You made me so proud.  You have always been my greatest pride and joy.  At school you excelled as a pianist.  As a mommy you were an example to all.  As a dying person you were brave beyond words.

I’m not sure how I can live this life without you.  You worried about me just as much as I worried about you.  You told everyone how worried you were that I would not cope without you.  You fought so hard to stay alive.  You fought until you gave your very last breath.  You did not want to leave your boys.  You lived for your boys.

You often said you were scared people would forget you…

No-one will ever forget you.  You made an incredible impact on the world.  You left two monuments of your love and mothering skills.  Your sons will honour you every day of their lives with their actions.

The photo on teh casket
The photo on the casket

Your dream of a Hospice for Alberton has been realised in Stepping Stone. Thousands of people will benefit from your dream and compassion in years to come.  It is ironic that you were Stepping Stone’s first death… 

Two weeks before your passing you  started seeing angels.  You saw Gramps, Uncle Dries, your father and Auntie Marlene.  Then a week before your passing you said “My whole room is full of angels”  You fought to stay alive every single day of your life.  Eleven months ago you called a family meeting and told us that you had decided enough is enough.  No more surgeries.  No more hospitals. 

Over the past 11 months you made your final wishes known.  You planned your memorial service.  You spoke to the boys about what was important.  I personally got a long list of do’s and don’t’s. 

Just before Christmas you said you were worried about me. That you could see I thought you would bounce back again…You said you were dying…You could feel the changes in your body.  But like 95% of the people in this church today I honestly though you would bounce back and defy death once again!  

One week before Vic died...
One week before Vic died…

The day you were born you filled my entire life.  You were always my first and last thought.  I feel numb and as if I am in a bubble.  You will be happy to know that we have been surrounded by love and support.  But it still feels as if the world should have stopped because you left it. 

Vic, I miss you so much already and I don’t know if I can take this pain anymore.  But then I think, how can I be sad when I know you’re in a better place?  How can I be sad when you brought me so much happiness?   How can I be sad when God is already working miracles through you?  How can I be sad when I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have been chosen to be your mother?  How can I be sad when God gave you to me for 14,019 days, 20 hours and 15 minutes?  I thank God every day for the time we shared together. 

Baby, I promise you today we will be the support system for the boys you wanted.  We love them so much.  No-one in the world can ever take your place.  We promise we will keep your memories alive.  We will honour our promises to you.

So now we must bid you farewell.  It is your time to run, free from pain and suffering.  We will always love you.  We will never forget you. 

Rest in Peace my Angel Child. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw

A fin
A final rose