Dying is a lonely journey. Not only for the sick person but also for the family. As hard as we may try to avoid death, the truth is that we do a lousy job of it. Science and medicine will certainly postpone it, even staying healthy might seem to delay it, but the harsh reality is that death does not wait for you, it does not ask you, and it does not listen to you. Death ignores your feelings and wants; you do not matter to death…Death is the only certainty in life! We need to remember that our existence here is fragile, and we never have as much time with people as we think we do. If there is someone or someones out there that you love, don’t neglect that and don’t put off engaging with them because waits for no-one… Vic's Journey ended on 18 January 2013 at 10:35. She was the most courageous person in the world and has inspired thousands of people all over the world. Vic's two boys are monuments of her existence. She was an amazing mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will miss you today, tomorrow and forever my Angle Child.
I am blessed to be able to spend 4 days at a Spa with my little sister. I will be absent until Thursday. I look forward to the pampering, fresh air and mindless relaxation.
Today, the 12th of May 2013, is my first Mother’s Day in 38 years without my precious Vicky.
I attended my sister’s birthday party. I smiled and participated in her birthday and Mother’s Day celebrations. I know that worldwide millions of other mothers joined me today in quietly reflecting on our grief and sadness.
I know that the family and especially Danie were worried about how I will handle Mother’s Day. On Friday morning Danie asked whether he could get me flowers for Mother’s Day as he has done for the past 22 years. I declined.
I know that even though today is dedicated to mothers, entire families will be affected. Fathers too experience grief and yet the world seems to forget about them. Maybe it is because men are so stoic in their grief.
I saw this on a Facebook site – Grieving Mothers, and it really shook me…
I know that Danie is grieving for Vic. He is grieving with the boys and me. He is grieving for us. I know he fears that he lost part of me….
Today I share Mother’s Day with my fellow club members – the grieving mothers of the world. Tonight I will reread 30 odd Mother’s Day Cards and drawings that I received from my precious child over the years. I will cry on my own. I will burn candles for my child and for the moms of Henry, Tommy, Raymond, Phillip, Klysta,Jason, Alex, Matthew, Caitlyn, Morgan, “B”, Jason David, James, Jesse, Steven, Graham, … I will weep for my beautiful grandsons who did not have a mommy to wish a “Happy Mother’s Day” today… I will mourn my Mom – a woman of great strength, beauty and love.
Yet I am filled with gratitude and love for my stepchildren and grandchildren; the messages of love and support that started coming through from friends, family, Vic’s friends and even the boys friends mothers…
My phone started pinging early this morning. I ignored the pings. Danie sneaked into my TV lounge where I was sleeping on the sofa. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Then my phone rang, and I could not ignore the call… It was Lee-Ann. She said “HI T, I am just phoning to tell you I love you…” I burst into hysterical tears. Poor lee!
Danie brought me letters that the boys had written me… Jared wrote “Dear Oumie, I know we don’t have a reason to celebrate mothers day, other than to remember Mom and all she meant to us. So I have decided that we are changing the name to Oumie’s Day. We got you a sign that says “HOME” . That is because this is OUR home, and it always will be.”
Jon-Daniel wrote: “Happy Mothers Day Oumie” It may not be the happiest time of the year for you. Although your very own child is up in Heaven, you have GRANDchildren. Nothing will ever fill the gap – Mommy’s gap! This is the first year you will be celebrating Mother’s Day without the One who made you a Mommy. It is difficult,you must know I am always here. After all you are our grandmother. The word says it all, “grand” – great, awesome, amazing. And “Mother” – well, no need to describe that. Everybody knows how special a mommy is.”
Henk, second eldest grandson wrote “Ouma, it was a difficult year but you are always here to help and love. You always have a smile no matter how bad things are for you. We are grateful for it, and that is why we love you so much and always will do.”
Yesterday little Simone put her arms around me and said “Thank you for being my Ouma. Thank you for spoiling us. I love you very much. My words are your Mothers Day present.”
I have had beautiful messages of love and caring from all my stepchildren. It has truly filled me with joy.
I also read a card that Vic gave me in 2000 “We have all changed a lot through the years Mommy but one thing will never change – and that is the love between us. It is a special bond that keeps us close no matter where we are. I love you more than words can say.”
I know that today my precious child and Mom are celebrating Mother’s Day together. I am grateful for all the years we were able to celebrate together. I love you and honour you both today. Two amazing mommy’s…
In honour of Mother’s Day I would like to share some of my favorite Mother quotes.
Pilgrim Peace“Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return.”
No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a MOTHER’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star. ~Edwin Hubbell Chapin.
Vic and her boys 1999
A MOTHER is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.~Washington Irving.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. — Irish Proverb.
The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children. Jessica Lange.
MOTHER’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. Agatha Christie.
When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?” it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. –Erma Bombeck
Motherhood is neither a duty nor a privilege, but simply the way that humanity can satisfy the desire for physical immortality and triumph over the fear of death. –Rebecca West
A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking, it never fails or falters, even though the heart is breaking. -Helen Rice
My Mom died 15 years and 11 months ago. She was tiny and petite. I remember my school friends telling me that my Mom reminded them of a fairy princess. My Mom dressed beautifully, had perfectly manicured nails and hair…. She taught us the finer things in life.
My parents
My Mom always worked…she was bright and diligent in her profession as a bookkeeper. She was proud to be a career girl. Mom knitted beautifully and made glorious tapestries!
The surprising thing is that we did not ever feel deprived because Mom worked. I was proud of my mom. As a family, we went on wonderful holidays every single year of our childhoods. We were always the well-dressed kids on the block…We got new bicycles, and we had a beautiful home.
As a child, I thought we were rich. Of course, I knew that many of my parent’s friends lived in seriously nice homes, but somehow I never thought those people were wealthier than we were. Today I realize that I grew up in a middle-class home. As a child, I felt protected and RICH! How amazing is that?
My mother was a remarkable lady. She brought us up to be compassionate, honest people; to never let the sun set on an argument; to love unconditionally, to protect our own… We learnt from her strength, her respect for others, her courage, faithfulness and her love for God. Mom was around for the happy and sad times.
My mom as a young woman
“As mothers and daughters, we are connected with one another. My mother is the bones of my spine, keeping me straight and true. She is my blood, making sure it runs rich and strong. She is the beating of my heart. I cannot now imagine a life without her.”
― Kristin Hannah, Summer Islandhttp://denacronholm.com/
My Mom died after she developed septicaemia post-operatively. It was two agonizing weeks! We sat next to her bed willing her to fight, get well…. To die…
When my Mom died I thought my life was over. The grief was overwhelming. It was my first “real” death. My gran had passed many years ago, but that was my mom’s grief… I was young, ambitious and climbing the corporate ladder. My life went on. I remember my Mom crying at silly times because she was missing her mom. I remember thinking “surely it can’t be that bad? Old people die…”
After my mom died I read these words, “A daughter without her mother is a woman broken. It is a loss that turns to arthritis and settles deep into her bones. ” ― Kristin Hannah, Summer Island.My mom grieved for her mom until the day she died.
I must add that my father was an amazing gentleman. He supported my mom on every level. He treated her like a queen and tolerated no less from us children. I adored my dad! But today’s post is about my mom and motherhood.
I only understood my mom’s love for us after I gave birth to Vic. It was an all-consuming love. I held my tiny baby girl in my arms and knew that she needed me for every one of her needs; she could not survive without me… My mom and I were so close after Vic’s birth. We shared a selfless love that only mothers can understand. As mothers, our children come first; nothing is more important than our child’s comfort, happiness and safety.
Mom, my siblings and I
“Womanhood is a wonderful thing. In womankind we find the mothers of the race. There is no man so great, nor none sunk so low, but once he lay a helpless, innocent babe in a woman’s arms and was dependent on her love and care for his existence. It is woman who rocks the cradle of the world and holds the first affections of mankind. She possesses a power beyond that of a king on his throne.
…Womanhood stands for all that is pure and clean and noble. She who does not make the world better for having lived in it has failed to be all that a woman should be.”
― Mabel Hale, Beautiful Girlhood: A Timeless Guide for Christian Adolescence
I know there are mothers out there that really suck… I know because I have been told by friends that they were never protected or defended by their moms. I am so sad for people who do not have a good relationship with their mothers. I was blessed with an amazing mother and that enabled me to be a good mother to my child. My child was an amazing mother to her sons. She loved her boys with every fibre in her body. She suffered excruciating pain and indignity to stay alive… Vic could have given up much earlier in her life. She fought to live right until the end…why??? It is easy – to bring up her beloved boys herself!
Vic reading to her boys
I am so proud of the mother Vic was. She packed a lifetime of parenting into the little time that she had with her boys. Jon-Daniel’s (14 years) BBM message this morning read “I really do miss you Mommy. I miss the laughs we had and the time we spent together, and I miss talking to you. Love you Mommy.”
A moment in the sun in the Hospital courtyard
The boys are level-headed, clean-living boys. They have taken their mother’s words to heart “I am your mother not your excuse”. Academically they are doing well. Emotionally they are coping. They are beautiful boys and truly do Vic’s memory honour.
I am the last mother alive…there will be no next generation mother to carry forward this miracle of motherhood. The boys may become fathers, but I am the last of a long line of great mothers.
I will think of it on Sunday when millions celebrate Mother’s Day all over the world.
I am so honoured to receive this WordPress Family Award from not one bloggerbut two!! How blessed can I be?
Thank you dear Jane @ http://johannisthinking.com and Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/ Both Jane and |Shaun are great bloggers, and their follower figures reflect it. Jane has 375 followers and Shaun 696……I think the reason why they have such great stats is because they care!! They comment, email, care and share. Their blogs are filled with real-world life, happiness, sadness, pain, compassion and laughter… They share their joys and sorrows.
So this award is about being part of the Word press Family!
I started blogging almost a year ago. It was just after my BFF and Dad’s one year anniversary and Vic had made the decision to let nature take its course. It was a difficult time for the family. We were helplessly watching Vic die – little by little every day. Her pain was unbearable.
My blog started off cautiously focussing on Vic’s pain. Tracy @ http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com/ opened my eyes Vic’s pain – I could “feel” Vic’s pain after I met Tracy; Katie Mitchell @http://connectivetissuedisorders.wordpress.com/ – an incredibly brave young woman who encouraged me when she is in so much pain of her own… I could “see” life through an ill person’s eyes…”feel” her pain through the eyes and words of other Chronic Pain Sufferers.
I grew more comfortable sharing and started blogging more about my fears and emotions… Ultimately about Vic’s death and our grief as a family.
Today I have 210 followers. Many of them have become my cyber family! They love and care for me, my family and my precious Vic. They offer hugs, love, compassion, sympathy and advise. They care unconditionally. They do not criticize my writing, punctuation, spelling or grammar…
I have found friendships and love in cyberspace that I did not know existed. It has also opened my eyes to the fact that there are good people in the world. People who care…. It enabled me to open my heart and life to real life friends too…
I love my blogging family! Love you guys.
I know there are slightly more than 10 nominations. I PRAY I did not omit a precious friend’s blog. If I did, please do not be offended. Blame it on the flu.
Now for a description of the award in the words of the Creator Of The Award:
This is an award for everyone who is part of the “WordPress Family” I started this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can show. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honor to start this award.” from Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/
The Rules:
1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family.
4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them. There is a real problem here since this award spread like wildfire but I think I can find ten who should be recognized
5. That is it. Just please pick 10 people who have taken you as a friend, and spread the love.
I have flu. I get ill once in 5 years and I am a ninny. I do not handle pain and discomfort well… I whinge, moan and groan until I am better…
This time I have embraced my flu. I can stay in bed and there is no pressure for me to get up…. I can just lie in bed with my eyes closed and it is okay! For the first time since my precious child died I don’t have to communicate, talk or pretend. I can just be sick!!!! I have spent four days in bed not having to talk, smile or pretend….
I am sick to the core of my soul – not only from the flu but from heartbreak. I was able to feel the loneliness and emptiness that permeates my life since Vic died. For four days I have not had to smile or live – I could lie in bed and hope to die.
There are days that I really do cope. There are days that I am able to smile and laugh. Most of the time I live a lie…
I have made peace with the fact that my precious child’s suffering is over. I know that never again will she fracture vertebrae from vomiting, scream from pain, whimper because she does not have the strength to scream… But all I have done is learnt to accept that Vic was amputated from my life. I still have to learn to live without the amputated part of my body; the pain of the missing part of me continues to taunt me…
I miss my child so much! I want to love and hold her. I wish I could have protected her from the ravages of Osteogenesis Imperfecta and doctor error! No, I don’t have guilt…I did everything I possibly could for my baby girl. I just desperately miss her! I miss her company.
I am hoping that the pain will pass…I do remember the beauty of my precious Vic all the time. The wonderful mother and daughter that she was; kind and gentle; incapable of malice…Her beauty will remain with us for ever.
Tomorrow I will get out of bed and carry on living.
I have been very slack and decided before I depart this world from this vicious flu-virus that I have contracted, I should get my affairs in order and accept all my awards.I apologise profusely for only accepting now. I LOVE getting awards, but I find it so difficult to pass the award on to so few bloggers. So I have come up with a strategy of saving my awards and doing it one-shot and hopefully I will not leave any one out… If I do – It is the flu…I received the Best Moment Award from two amazing bloggers – Jane – johannisthinking and Shaun http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/10/best-moment-award-2/
Three Time Winner
Awarding the people who live in the moment,
the noble who write and capture the best in life,
the bold who reminded us what really mattered –
Savouring the experience of quality time.
I would like to thank two of my dear blogger friends for this amazing award. I dedicate this award to my precious child who is the reason and inspiration behind my blog. I started my blog when Vic was going mad with pain, and I was still fighting the system to get her into a Hospice Program.
Shaun has more than 670 followers after only blogging for a couple of months…He is articulate, bright, honest, sensitive and an amazing friend and blogger. I have so much respect for this young man who has overcome so much tragedy and hardship in his life. His love for Dawn and his children radiates from his blog.
The second is Wisconsin native Jane Johann, is a retired Reading Specialist and Language Arts Teacher. Jane received her undergraduate degree from Marquette University, where she earned a B.A., majoring in English Literature and a minor in Secondary Education (1974). She attained her M.A. as a Specialist in the Acquisition of Language and Reading Instruction, K-12, graduate of Cardinal Stritch University (1994).
I have never had any formal training – I just write from my heart. What I am trying to say is that Jane has every reason in the world to be a literary snob. Jane however is a kind, generous and compassionate friend. She writes to me and always has kind and encouraging words for me. I find peace in Jane’s writing. She cares deeply for others whilst she seeks “light, love and truth within ourselves is paramount to receiving the light, the truth and the love in others. Only in first accepting our worth, we will then be open to accepting the worth of others. Only in first loving and caring for ourselves, will we better equipped to love and care for others. I try to keep in mind the words of Kahlil Gibran, “It is not that God lives in us, rather we live in the heart of God!” Understanding that we all are part of each other, hopefully we will create a better world.”
Shaun and Jane thank you for honouring me with this wonderful award. I humbly accept.
The WordPress Bloggers that I nominate for this award are:
Wendie Jeanne Deacon at http://deaconfamilyblog.wordpress.com/an-angel-named-vic/. Wendie is a new blogger. I actually don’t know how she found my blog but I am grateful that she did. Wendie has fallen under Vic’s spell! Wendie is a very, very brave young woman. I cannot share her bravery and determination with you because she shared it with me in private correspondence. Wendie you are great. Thank you for your tribute to Vic and your friendship! I hope that you will blog about your challenges so the world can learn from you.
2. Krista – http://wordstohealthepain.wordpress.com is a young woman who is battling to come to terms with the death of her fiancé and soul mate. She is a new blogger too and can do with some support. She writes well. “Grief is a solitary journey. No one but you knows how great the hurt is. No one but you can know the gaping hole left in your life when someone you know has died. And no one but you can mourn the silence that was once filled with laughter and song. It is the nature of love and death to touch every person in a totally unique way ~~ Unknown”
Lori at http://letstalkaboutfamily.wordpress.com/was her late Mom’s advocate and caregiver. Her beloved father suffers from Alzheimer’s and Lori suffers from debilitating back problems. Lori is caring and understands the stresses of caregiving. Lori blogs about elder care, death and dying, assisted living, family relationships, hoarders and hoarding. She is an excellent blogger.
http://ericalagan.net is a gifted engineer who writes beautiful poetry about Life, Love and Family – giving these profound topics a boy’s/man’s point of view. This brave man writes “Yes, men do remain faithful to their loved one and men do cry.”
Gloria at http://grannyscolorful.wordpress.com is an amazing friend. Gloria always leaves a word of encouragement after reading my posts. She writes about her sadness after her son’s death, her anger, depression and the rare happy day. Gloria is a very colourful blogger and I encourage you to visit her blog.
Emmitt Owen Riley at http://mysteryoriley.com/dear-grieving-parents/ is a blog that gives one a glimpse of how these parents are coping with their journey of unbelievable grief, loss, and mystery after the mysterious death of their 20-year-old son. Truly a brave blog.
Mary Russell blogs her Journey Through Grief after the sad death of her son. It is poignant and raw blog yet filled with courage and hope. Thank you for blogging your pain Mary. http://maryrussell12.wordpress.com/
Mel Lefebvre at http://hopethebean.wordpress.com is blogging her pregnancy. She lost her precious baby, Henry, to Osteogenesis Imperfecta. It is the genetic disorder that my precious Vic was born with. This blog is about hope, fear, more hope and love. Please hold Mel in your prayers. Love you Mel!!
Diana at http://talktodiana.wordpress.com/ ‘s blog is a wonderfully upbeat blog. I love the quote section! “Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn.” – Miguel de Cervantes is just one of many! Great fun. Thank you Diana for featuring Vic’s journey (and my blog)on http://talktodiana.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/friday-pick-46/ . It meant so much to me!!!
Jane at http://janevanwyk.wordpress.com/ blogs about her daughter DD and her daughter’s illness. She is a brand new blogger and I am giving her this award to encourage her to come back and continue blogging.
Kelly at http://nevercryoverspilledmilk.com is a single mom who bravely battles chronic pain. She makes the brave statement “you can’t cry over the small things and you have to look at the big picture.” Kelly you are a brave young woman.
Victoria Bruce at http://furrynuff.wordpress.com/ is a fellow South African blogger with my Vic’s names…I love commenting on her excellent posts because I get to type “Victoria Bruce”….She also happens to be a great blogger. I hope you accept this award Victoria Bruce.
Jonathan at http://afathershope.com/ eloquently writes about his grief when his baby daughter was born without kidneys. Jonathan writes from a father’s perspective. He admits to his raw pain and shares how he copes with his grief. It is a blog of hope.
Denise at http://forphilip.wordpress.com/ blogs about her raw, undiluted pain after the death of her son, Phillip. It is a difficult blog because she so perfectly articulates my pain, anger and longing. Diane I hope you will accept this award.
MJgoodburn at http://mymomsmemoirs.wordpress.com shares her mom’s final journey and the trauma within the family. It is a difficult journey…
http://behindthemaskofabuse.com is a heart wrenching blog about a woman’s life of abuse. She was raised by a narcissistic father, and a mother who rarely protected her from his verbal, mental , emotional and psychological abuse. She endured molestation, both inside and outside the family setting, raped at the tender age of 11 years old. This blog is written by an amazing person. A strong person battling recovery, anger and betrayal. She battles C-PTSD and BDD. Out of her pain two books were born and are published on Amazon “Buckwheatsrisk-Abuse Survival”, and a poetry book entitled “If I Could Write my Heart” I salute you!
Alison at http://happilyhomeless2.wordpress.com ‘s Handsome Husband died on the 21st of April from cancer. She is going through a dreadful time. She is angry, very angry… Alison I don’t expect you to do anything with this award but I am nominating you so you can know I am thinking of you. Hugs of strength to you.
Optie at http://walking-on-eggshells.com is another fellow South African whose blog I enjoy for her humour. Optie has however also been an amazing friend – always leaving a little message of encouragement. Thank you Optie.
RULES:
Winners re-post this completely, with their acceptance speech. That could be written down or video recorded.
Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a NEW list of people, blogs worthy of the award, and winners. Notify them the great news.
What makes a good acceptance speech?
Gratitude. Thank the people who helped you along the way.
Humour-Keep us entertained and smiling.
Inspiration – Make your story touch our lives.
Get an idea from the great acceptance speech, compiled in MomentMatters.com/speech
Display the award’s badge on your blog/website, downloadable in MomentMatters.com/Award
I would like to encourage you to visit some of these blogs. It will be a worthwhile visit…
I am finding it difficult to see what I am typing. My dear friend Dennis McHale posted this beautiful poem as ‘n tribute to Vic. I am touched that this talented man would take the time to do this. Dennis has been such a great friend. http://dlmchale.com/2013/05/02/in-memory-of-vicky/
Today has been such a mixed day. I have been filled with the deepest sadness and sorrow and yet I have felt at peace that Vic’s suffering is over. I miss her terribly.
I am feeling flu-ish and fell asleep on the sofa. Jon-Daniel covered me with a blanket, and I woke when he gently kissed me on the forehead. The way his mommy used too…
I want my child back! It is too hard trying to live without her.
Dennis thank-you for your beautiful words. Thank you for your love and support over the past year. I am too teary to write so I shall post this beautiful poem for the world to read and enjoy.
I love you my Angel Child. You have touched people all over the world.
This poem is dedicated to my dear friend “tersiaburger” In memory of her beloved daughter, Vicky.
——————————————————————-
You and I
are touched by one star.
Wherever you are
we stand together in one light
which no depth or height or distance
can ever dim.
Wherever you are
your light shines;
past time and space
past flesh to thought,
I feel your power.
Wherever you go
the day will dawn
and the star will appear;
for you are a child of this light
and it fosters your heavenly dreams.
In this light, I have found ways
to heal, to bind up,
to tear down the feeble structures
of fear of your absence has
carelessly constructed within me.
You and I
are touched by one star.
In its glowing embrace
we find our true selves;
we find our peace.
Today I may stand alone,
missing you with all my heart
be I stand strong.
Through the corridors of our courage
you have helped me to
discover those eternal lines
of love within myself;
my birthright discovered because
Stepping Stone Hospice is the name of the Hospice that we started as a tribute to Vic’s journey. It is the only thing that makes sense – why else would my child have suffered so long and hard?
I am busy with the website for Stepping Stone Hospice and accidentally came across this beautiful poem…I share it with you.
If any of you talented bloggers out there have appropriate poetry that we could publish on our website please send it to me. We will link it back to you.
The Menu will contain a Grieving and Bereavement Folder and I would like a “Poems of Love and Compassion” Section.
Please help.
Together We Walk the Stepping Stones – by Barb Williams
Come, take my hand, the road is long.
We must travel by stepping stones.
No, you’re not alone. I’ve been there.
Don’t fear the darkness. I’ll be with you.
We must take one step at a time.
But remember, we may have to stop awhile.
It’s a long way to the other side
And there are many obstacles.
We have many stones to cross.
Some are bigger than others.
Shock, denial, and anger to start.
Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness.
It’s a hard road to travel, but it must be done.
It’s the only way to reach the other side.
Come, slip your hand in mind.
What? Oh, yes, it’s strong.
I’ve held so many hands like yours.
Yes, mine was once small and weak like yours.
Once, you see, I had to take someone’s hand
In order to take the first step.
Oops! You’ve stumbled. Go ahead and cry.
Don’t be ashamed. I understand.
Let’s wait here awhile so that you can get your breath.
When you’re stronger, we’ll go on, one step at a time.
There’s no need to hurry.
Say, it’s nice to hear you laugh.
Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good.
Look, we’re halfway there now.
I can see the other side.
It looks so warm and sunny.
On, have you noticed? We’re nearing the last stone
And you’re standing alone.
And look, your hand, you’ve let go of mine.
We’ve reached the other side.
But wait, look back, someone is standing there.
They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I’d better go. They need my help.
What? Are you sure?
Why, yes, go ahead. I’ll wait.
You know the way.
You’ve been there.
Yes, I agree. It’s your turn, my friend . . .
To help someone else cross the stepping stones.
I started fiddling on the Appearance etc links and changed the theme of my site!! I have made booboos and don’t quite know how to fix it…. I have categories in twice – I am not sure whether the colour works!
I found this wonderfully talented poet blog when I was reading some Freshly Pressed blogs. This woman is a member of the “My Child is Dead” club too. When I read these words they echoed through my soul. I am hoping that I will feel whole again…I don’t yet.
I miss my child!!!!!
When my brave daughter planned her memorial service she specified these words of wisdom to be in the funeral letter. It was a personal note from Vic to us. I wonder how many people actually realized it?
Reason, Season and Lifetime …
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. …
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. …
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. …
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. …
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends. …
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.
Love
Vicky
When I read this the first time I categorized people in to the Reason; Season and Lifetime categories… I clearly remembered and recognized the “Reason” and “Season” friends… I found that the “Reason” people were people who crossed my path early in my life… I almost felt that it was old work colleagues, school friends, childhood neighbours. Character defining people who either moved on or were left behind by me.
A “Season” can be defined as an hour, day, week, year, or several years. Maybe even part of a lifetime, but it will at some time fade out and for no real reason. The “Seasoners” will bring you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season. The season relationship is not something to force or cling to… It dies naturally and through no fault of either person.
Lifetime friendships offer not only good times, but also survives bad times, offers times for growth and challenge. The friendship grows over time, and a deep abiding bond develops – a love which sustains both people in the friendship. They become members of your family. They may be people with whom you’ve grown up or met yesterday, but they will be there “until death do us part”.
I stood in front of the church flanked by my grandsons when I delivered my precious child’s eulogy. I looked at the people and recognised the “Reasoners, Seasoners and Life timers…”
I saw so many Life Timers who truly loved Vic until death saved her from more pain and suffering. Friends that never abandoned her, patiently waited for a good day to see her… Friends quietly crying tears of deep sorrow and loss….
I remembered why Vic chose this poem, in 2003, to be in her funeral letter. She wanted to thank each and every person for the role they played in her life. She wanted people to know that she clearly saw and accepted this truth. She felt great sorrow when someones time with her ended. It’s only natural when we come to love someone to want them to be there forever. Vic clung to relationships and friendships way past their “expiry” date. She mourned her losses.
Vic did however learn that very valuable life lesson – to be grateful for whatever time she was granted with those she cared about. Vic clung to life to extend her time with the “life timers”…
My beautiful Vic
Death had to pry her fingers from Life and her Life Timers…
Does time really heal all wounds? Mothers who have lost a child to death assure us that “it will get better.” Friends and loved ones have started telling me that “it is time to get over it and get on with life.”
Researchers say that a mother never ceases mourning the death of her child. I believe this finding.
In those immediate hours, after my precious child’s death, time stopped. My life ground to a halt.
At Vic’s Memorial Service I was amazed that people rushed off after the service and tea to meetings, to pick up children from school…I remember thinking that everyone had already moved on…
I stood next to the hearse not wanting it to leave. I rested my hand on the wood of the casket…I wanted to pull my child out of that darn coffin and wrap her in my arms. I was not ready to say goodbye.
Today it is 100 days filled with searing pain and longing since Vic left home for the last time.
I have begun to mark time differently. I count the number of days, weeks and months that I have mourned and missed my child.
I know that every day that passes is one day closer to me being with my beloved child again. I know that Vic’s suffering is over; I know that it is for the best that Vic’s dreadful pain filled life is over…. It does not make my mourning less.
So today I am burning candles for my child. I am praying that my child is at peace. I am praying for grace to endure this longing. I pray that I will have the strength to continue honouring Vic’s memory….
I pray that I will be worthy of the trust she put in me to look after her precious boys.
On the surface it appears as if the boys are coping well. I heard a comment from a teacher this week saying that, despite the trauma they went through with Vic’s death this year, they are actually doing better than last year.
It was so difficult watching her suffering!
So today, once again, I say “Rest in Peace my beautiful Angel Child”
Today it is the 14th sad Friday since Vic died. Will I ever experience a Friday without sadness again?
It is 99 days today… Tomorrow it will be 100 long, tear filled days…
Sweetie, I love you as much as I did the day you stopped breathing. I miss you more than I could ever have imagined. I miss your gentleness, your unconditional love, your caring, your friendship and your voice.
I am so honoured to receive this WordPress Family Award from not one blogger but two!! How blessed can I be?
Stepping Stone Hospice is the name of the Hospice that we started as a tribute to Vic’s journey. It is the only thing that makes sense – why else would my child have suffered so long and hard?
I found this wonderfully talented poet blog when I was reading some Freshly Pressed blogs. This woman is a member of the “My Child is Dead” club too. When I read these words they echoed through my soul. I am hoping that I will feel whole again…I don’t yet.
I miss my child!!!!!
Vic's Final Journey 