Terrorists and angels


I have come to the conclusion that life is about missing people.

When I am in South Africa I miss the UK girls and when I am in the UK I miss the South African grandchildren…

I am having a wonderful time.  The girls are amazing.  Michaela has very aptly nicknamed Georgia, the middle girl, Osama… and Chloe the eldest “Bin Laden”….. Georgia (Osama) has the face of an angel…  She also has a mind of her own.  She knows what she wants and will not compromise!  When Georgia says “Me wants…” she means it!  She is fiercely independent and very bright!  She idolizes her daddy and wants her mommy to put her to bed and lie with her at night!  She falls asleep in the naughty corner…

Osama in disguise!

Chloe (Bin Laden) is heartbreakingly beautiful!  She is 4 years 10 months and just started Big School.  She knows her alphabet and numbers, she can write her own name, identify and read words!  Chloe has a “boyfriend” and she writes him letters “Freddy I love you”….  Chloe remembers South Africa and says she wants to go back home with me.  She has packed a bag and it is standing at the bottom of the staircase!

Bin Laden at rest!

Chloe is a daddy’s Girl.  She challenges her mommy all the time and is stubborn!  She will not apologize if she believes she is in the right!

The family Angel

Mackenzie is an angel!  I think God knew Danie and Michaela needed a break after the first two terrorists!  Her smile reaches her eyes.   Her sisters absolutely adore her.  She is fed-up with her bottle and is ready to switch to a cup like her sisters!

Two more sleeps and the girls go back to their own beds and I go back to missing them!

I am happy to report that Vic is doing well!  I think I am having a mild “separation anxiety” attack but I quickly drowned it in ice-cream!

 

Trick or Treat?


Whatever the history is behind Halloween it is a tradition in the UK and we went trick or treating tonight.  The girls were so excited.  To them it was all about the dressing up and knocking on the doors of neighbors for treats…

We have a lovely evening!  Most of the neighbors lights were turned off – Halloween language for “Do Not Disturb” and very few homes were decorated.  I saw no bonfires or fireworks.  (I heard a couple of crackers after the little one’s went to bed.)  The people who opened their doors handed out cup cakes and sweets.  The girls squealed with delight!

Another day filled with joy and laughter.

Chloe

All ready to go Trick or Treat

Halloween History: 13 Strange Facts On Why We Celebrate Halloween

http://www.policymic.com/articles/17477/halloween-history-13-strange-facts-on-why-we-celebrate-halloween

Halloween History 13 Strange Facts On Why We Celebrate Halloween

It’s that time of year again — Halloween! But before you tear the wrappers off 87 “fun size” Milky Way bars, here are 13 things you didn’t know about the spooky season.

Samhain Bonfires

1. Halloween celebrates the Christian holiday of All Hallows Eve (followed by All Saints Day on November 1). But the Christian holiday is likely rooted in the Celtic holiday, Samhein, or a number of other pre-Christian harvest festivals.

carved turnips

2. In Great Britain, Jack-O-Lanterns are traditionally made from turnips. The Halloween custom came to American through Irish immigrants, and since turnips weren’t cheap state-side, Americans used pumpkins. Today, pumpkins are used worldwide, to the disappointment of turnip farmers everywhere.

150 year old carved turnip

3. The Jack-O-Lantern tradition comes from another Celtic tale. Jack tricked the Devil into paying for his drink, so the Devil gave Jack a hellish ember. But crafty Jack placed the ember safely into a turnip, which he carved and carried with him so as to scare away any future hellish encounters.

pumpkin carving record

4. Pumpkin carving in bulk is a popular Guinness World Record. The proud Halloween enthusiasts of Highwood, Illinois took the record in 2011 with 30,919 simultaneously lit Jack-O-Lanterns.

all saints day prayer card

5. Trick or Treating has a short history. In 19th century Scotland and Ireland, there is some record of children travelling door-to-door praying for souls or performing for money or cakes on All Hallows Eve. However, the tradition is a short step from the medieval practice of souling, in which beggars went door to door on October 31 to pray for souls in return for food.

old halloween ad

6. Sugar rationing in Europe and America from WWI and WWII kept kids off candy until the late 1940s. Radio programs at the time joked that children would have to explain to adults what trick or treating was, and many adult groups opposed the practice as it encouraged extortion and begging.

peanuts halloween

7. A 1951 Peanuts comic strip can be credited with the popular spread of trick or treating as we know it nationwide. So dress up as Snoopy if you want to be historically accurate.

wayne's candy company

8. Oh, and candy-makers are pretty happy about that. Halloween is a $6 billion industry.

halloween cake

9. But with or without candy, everyone loves a Halloween party. Traditionally, aHalloween Cake was baked with a thimble inside. Whoever got the thimble in their slice was to be unfortunate in love for the next year.

largest halloween party

10. These days, most major cities see the tourism benefits of major Halloweenevents. Salem, Massachusetts and New Orleans are the traditional hotspots for celebrating in the U.S. New Orleans holds the current world record for largest Halloween Party with 17,777 costumed revelers at once.

French paper shack

11. But what if you aren’t in America? Of course you can find parties all over the U.K., and the French have joined. The French village of Limoges attracted nearly 50,000 partiers last year. Several European countries celebrate a version of trick-or-treating on St. Martin’s Day on November 11.

candy skull

12. If you are lucky enough to be in Mexico on October 31 (or the early morning of November 1), enjoy Day of the Dead festivities. Kids still trick-or-treat, but are rewarded with candy skulls.

not like anyone is eating apples

13. Lastly, be safe out there. Statistically, the biggest danger on Halloween is alcohol poisoning. There are no reported incidents of razors in candy or poisoning (except by parents).

One bloody tear


Photo courtesy of http://500px.com/photo/5192248

Thirteen years ago Vic’s dad was involved in a bad car accident.  He was airlifted to a hospital with an excellent trauma unit.

When Vic and I arrived at the hospital we were greeted by a trauma councillor.  He explained that Tienie was being stabilized but that the situation was grave….  It was terrible seeing Tienie lie in the ICU ventilated, swollen, battered and bruised.

The news was not good.  Tienie would be a quadriplegic if he survived….

Tienie was one of the most vibrant, energetic party animals I ever knew.  We were childhood sweethearts.  We started dating when I was 13.5 years old.  I have photos of us dancing at his 16th birthday party.  We got married very young.  We got divorced very young.  We remained friends and business partners until his death.  Tienie was an accountant by profession and hated every second of it.  He turned to property development and went from one cash flow crisis to the next.  He was one of the most intelligent people I ever met but also one of the stupidest!

Tienie was a giver… He would give away the clothes off his back.  He hated sleeping.  He said it was a waste of time.  Tienie never cried… he mourned Vic OI diagnosis in a different way.  Some men love cars…Tienie loved women.  He was a loyal friend.  He was the world’s friend.  Everybody loved Tienie.

The day after the accident I had some time alone with him.  I spoke to him and told him that I had forgiven him for cheating on me and finally leaving me.  Standing next to his bed I realized for the first time that I had also caused him a lot of pain!!  I asked him to forgive me.

I also told him that I knew he was worried about his situation at that moment in time.  All he had to do was pray to God and ask him for forgiveness.  I held his hand and prayed for him.

A single bloody tear ran down his cheek.  I knew he had heard me and that all was okay….

The machines went crazy and I was asked to leave.  I knew Tienie was gone as I walked out of the ICU….

Six days later Vic signed the consent forms for the machines to be switched off.  She also signed the consent for Tienie’s organs to be donated.  That is what he would have wanted.

Tienie was buried on his birthday, the 10th of November 1999

Thirteen years later my child still mourns her father.

I know that when the time comes Tienie will be there to take Vic’s hand to lead her towards the light….

UK day 3


I woke up at the crack of dawn when Chloe climbed into my bed with me.

“Oumie I cried for you when you went back to South Africa” she whispered as she crawled into my arms

“I cried for you too my baby” I said

“No Oumie, I looked.  You did not cry…”

Chloe was right.  I worked so hard to control my emotions, to not upset the girls further, when I left.  I swallowed my tears until the girls drove off with their Grandad.  As they pulled off I broke down and sobbed.  The tears were streaming down little Chloe’s face…

Today was all about laughing and fun.  I painted Georgia’s face – she wanted whiskers and Chloe wanted the South African flag.   They then decided to paint my face.  Chloe also decided to improve Georgia’s painted face ….

It took a little while to clean off all the face paint!

Face paint!

Yesterday Vic did not a great day.  She vomited and had severe intestinal cramping.  By today she has settled down and doing well.  I am so relieved.  Technology is amazing.  We Skype at night and BBM all day.  I spoke to both the boys tonight.   I miss them so much.

Many years ago Danie Jnr once said to me he always misses someone.  When he is with his Mom he misses his Dad… I often remember those words.  When I am in Johannesburg I miss him and his family.  When I am with him and his family I miss the South African kids and grandkids.

But for now I am basking in the love of my UK grandchildren and kids.  Life is great!

UK Arrival


Mackenzie, Chloe and Georgia
Tears welled up in Vic’s eyes when I said goodbye.  “Have a wonderful time Mommy.  Give my love to my brother, Mac and the girls…”

“We will Skype every day angel”  I promised

“Bring our cuzzies back in your suitcase Oumie”  Jared said

And then we were on our way to the airport.  It took every ounce of my strength not to stay.  I kept seeing Vic’s tear filled eyes….

It was a wonderful flight.  I literally slept from Johannesburg to London.  I had a cup of tea at the airport and caught the coach to Coventry.  I slept from Heathrow to Coventry….

It was so great seeing Michaela again.  We had lots of tea and chatted non-stop.  Mackenzie, the one-year old baby cried and would not sit with me.  We pull faces at her and chat on Skype but that is so different to real life.  She will warm to her Oumie!

At 3pm we first collected Georgia from Nursery School.  She was quietly sitting on the carpet in her class and when she saw me she just mouthed “Oumie…”  We hugged and kissed and she held onto me as if to say “Don’t go…”

At 3.15pm Chloe’s classroom doors opened.  Chloe was sitting next to a little boy and did not notice me at first.  Her teacher called out her name and she got up to walk out of her classroom.  Her blue eyes connected with mine and disbelief spread over her little face.  She went from walking to flying!

We spent a wonderful afternoon playing and chatting.  I got to help with the girls bathing.  Mackenzie no longer cries when I come near her and her sister wanted to sleep in my bed with me….

I am such a blessed woman.  I am surrounded by love.

 

Lovely Blog Award


I was recently nominated for the Lovely Blog Award and graciously accept. It is indeed a great honor when someone of Melba’s calibre acknowledges my blog. http://poemattic.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/lovely-blogger-award-nomination-continued/  Melba Christie is an extremely gifted poet and writes  “Poetry is life. It is a big part of my life.”  Melba is truly passionate about poetry

The Rules for the Lovely Blog Award:

– Thank the person who nominated you and link to them in your post.
– Share seven unknown things about yourself.
– Nominate other bloggers and blogs that you like or admire.
– Contact the bloggers you nominate to let them know and to link them back to your post.

  1. I cry in the shower
  2. Danie (my husband) was the first man, with children, I ever dated.  I was scared of children and the complications they bring….I only dated single, childless men
  3. I find gardening therapeutic
  4. I am a Crime Channel TV junkie
  5. I HATE and DETEST lying.  It is unforgivable
  6. I have not worked to a budget in years
  7. I paint.

I have nominated the following bloggers because I enjoy their blogs very much and have found their personal journeys and comments helpful:

  1. http://sickocean.wordpress.com/
  2. http://thresholdofheaven.com/
  3. http://storiesformymom.wordpress.com/
  4. http://lymphomajourney.wordpress.com/
  5. http://thedrsays.org/
  6. http://dlmchale.com/
  7. http://grammarofgrief.wordpress.com/
  8. http://eis4em.wordpress.com/
  9. http://drbillwooten.com/

There are many, many more wonderful bloggers.  The nominated bloggers listed above mean a lot to me.  Some of them are very ill and others have lost dear ones.  Some are an absolute source of amazing information.  Aarthi Raghavan http://sickocean.wordpress.com/ wrote a beautiful poem and dedicated it to Vic and I.

The above bloggers all have a special place in my heart.  I urge you to take the time to visit their blogs.

Melba, once again I thank you for your beautiful poetry and this award.  I am honoured!!

Beautiful Blogger Award


A very gifted young lady has honored me by awarding me the Beautiful Blogger Award.  Not only did she honor me in this manner but she also wrote some really flattering things about my blog.  Pat is a very gifted and published writer and this truly makes this award so special!   Pat also paints silks and makes beautiful handmade gifts.  Please check this out and join me as being one of Pat’s loyal blog-followers/ fans.  http://patwoodblogging.wordpress.com/pats-pop-up-shop-october-2012/

Pat thank you for this award.  Thank you for all your heartfelt comments and loyal following of my blog.

You are truly a Beautiful Blogger.

Seven things about myself:

  1. I am a frustrated amateur photographer
  2. I used to gamble
  3. I love watching TV
  4. I think that cooking is a labor of love….
  5. I bake a mean Christmas Cake that comes with an age restriction
  6. I only learnt to cook in my 30’s and bake in my 40’s
  7. I drink at least 20 cups of tea a day

Now here is where I get to nominate other people:

I suggest you check out:

  1. http://jesussavingmefromme.wordpress.com
  2. http://idealisticrebel.wordpress.com/
  3. http://throughthehealinglens.com/
  4. http://writerightmel.wordpress.com/
  5. http://jmgoyder.com/
  6. http://picturesofsilverbyjanice.wordpress.com/category/sculptures-silver-art-jewelry/
  7. http://valeriedavies.com/
  8. http://rachturner.wordpress.com/
  9. http://whatcherylsaid.wordpress.com/
  10. http://ohwhatapain.wordpress.com/
  11. http://ourlonggoodbye.wordpress.com/

I do hope you will go and take a look at them. They really deserve their awards and your visit.

Thank you again Pat for your kind nomination. I will do my best to be a Beautiful Blogger!

http://patwoodblogging.wordpress.com/

Vic’s poem


Aarthi Raghavan, http://sickocean.wordpress.com, http://mysticparables.wordpress.com, a very talented poet, whose work I enjoy immensely, has written a beautiful poem and dedicated it to Vic and I.  We are so honored and blessed with the gift of your words and your heart!   Thank you so much Aarthi!

the love you share
the words that say you care
those moments between you and your daughter
those drops of peace and happiness and joy
save them like drops of pearls
save them like diamonds rare
that is a form of unending love
that gives and gives and never expects
be there like a rock for your child
and i am sure she would win and survive
our world is one of miracles too
our world is an oasis rarities
and your child too shall her courage prove
just be there with a smile always
give her the courage to stand taller than before
she shall overcome her struggles soon
prove all wrong and herself right
she must win and win this time
make sure you are there to know
witness her strength, her wars, her fight
love can kill the worst of fears and
happiness shall soon return
changing the way she views her life…

with love and regards…

Dedicated to Vic and her wonderful Mom. :)

http://sickocean.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/to-vic-and-her-wonderful-mom/

http://mysticparables.wordpress.com

And Hospice says “Go!”


 

Image

South Africa is advertised as “Sunny South Africa” with beautiful white shores and blue skies.  Barbeque is our national pastime.  Today is an overcast day.  It is as if Mother Nature is preparing me for England’s grey skies, drizzling cold and wet weather.

By now I assume everyone has concluded that I got the go-ahead from Hospice to travel!

I am hopping, skipping and jumping with excitement.  I cannot wait to see my UK babies.  Not only see them but hug, kiss and hold them.

Vic is insisting that I go.  We are both fearful but I also realise that I desperately need a break.  There is never a perfect time.  Vic is very swollen and not well at the moment.  She is partially obstructed but we will clear it by Thursday.  The Hospice Sister will pop in every day to evaluate and monitor her and report back to me.

In the words of the Hospice Sister Ceza:  “Things are slowly going downhill.  Go now.  You need your strength for what lies ahead”.

Timing, as always, is an issue.  Vic is well enough for me to travel but on Monday it is little Yuri (youngest grandson’s) school concert, Simone (2nd eldest granddaughter) birthday and Lani’s (2nd eldest stepdaughter) 40th birthday in the week that I will be away.  I have still not seen Liza and Adrian…. On the other hand I will get to see the girls “trick or treat”, Chloe is on a week’s school holidays and I will watch the extravagant Guy Fawkes fireworks displays and bonfires being lit… I feel so selfish and caught between two fires.

I am scared for Vic, worried about the boys, guilty for Yuri, Simone and Lani and excited as can be about seeing Danie, Michaela and the girls.    On the one hand I feel so selfish.  On the other hand I realise that I need a break.  It has been a year out of hell!  On a daily basis the demands on me are increasing.  It sounds as if I am having a pity party and/or trying to justify my decision to go to the UK….Yes I am!

The Hospice Nurse will start on Wednesday evening.  I must shop for groceries and ensure all meds are in stock.  I must write up a medication schedule for the nurse….

Got to run!  Lots to do!  I will make it up to everyone….I hope!

I will only be 14 hours away from Vic….

 

Tears are sacred…


There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.  They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”

Washington Irving

 

Vic’s Roller Coaster….


 

 The Voyage
Located at Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana, this roller coaster is a wooden hybrid consisting of a steel structure and wood tract. The lift goes up 163 feet, before falling 154 feet, then up and down 107 feet, and once more up and down 100 feet. Not only that, it goes through five tunnels, and it is the second longest wooden roller coaster in the world with a run of 6,442 feet. The top speed for the roller coaster is 67.4 miles per hour, third fastest in the world among wooden roller coasters. If the drops and trips through the tunnels was not enough to make you cringe, there are three 90-degree bank turns. http://roadtickle.com/worlds-scariest-roller-coasters

The life of someone who is chronically ill can be equated to being on a roller coaster ride.  Physically (and emotionally), you can be up and hopeful one minute and down and despairing the very next. The illness inevitably takes unexpected and unpredictable turns. One disease can dispose you to or give rise to another. Cortisone suppresses the immune system and is used to treat inflammation.  Cortisone weakens Vic’s bones further and has resulted in her developing Addison’s….This is frightening.

Every chemical that enters your body has a side effect.  Correct and adequate pain control, a healthy diet, balanced lifestyle is needed to minimize the effect of the illness on your daily life.  Living with illness affects every part of your life and every significant relationship you have.

There have been times in the past couple of months that all Vic can do is lie in bed and breathe.  Completing simple tasks is a cause for celebration….if Vic is able to get out of bed, showers and put on clothes, all in the same day, it is a major achievement.  There have been days (few and very far in-between) that she has been well enough to pick up the boys from school, take them for a milkshake.  She attended Jared’s confirmation and Jon-Daniel’s prize giving… We are so grateful for the good days!

Vic is going through a grieving stage where she (once again) is experiencing profound grief for the life that she had known and which has been lost forever. Vic is feeling lost and confused.  She is on the down ride hurdling to who knows what stage of her journey.

Vic is so sad that she is unable to actively participate in her children’s lives.  Most friends have stopped calling. Her sense of identity is blurred. She has been reduced from being a wife and mother to “a child”.

Danie and I planned to go to dinner on Friday night.  Vic was not well so we decided we would go on Saturday.  On Saturday Vic had another lousy day.  She fluctuated between being confused and weepy.  She was up and down like a little jack in the box.  By Saturday night she was asleep on her feet.  The intestinal cramping kept her awake.  She was weeping from pain and frustration.

Last night Vic cried “Mommy, I am such a burden.  You don’t have a life because of me.”

“Sweetie you are not a burden.”

“I am” Vic sobbed.  ”You can’t even go to dinner with your husband because you don’t want to leave me alone.”

“Sweetie, it was our choice to stay home”  I said

“But I have ruined your life” Vic cried….

Jared spent the weekend with a friend.  The child never goes out.  The two of us are too scared to leave.  I suppose we have become overprotective control freaks.

I have come to realize that I must take a break. It is not only for my own sanity but for Vic and Jared’s sake’s too.  My protective behavior is a bad example to Jared and is causing Vic distress.  My entire family is concerned that I will “crack” under the pressure.

I hope to fly to England for just over a week to spend some time with my UK children.  I have so much to arrange.  I must sort out the toy cupboard in the girls’ bedroom to make space for a nurse; I must appoint a nurse; get adequate medication in; get Hospice to okay the trip; buy groceries to see the family through and cook a couple of emergency frozen meals..

Vic’s symptoms wax and wane on this roller coaster ride of hers. Her illness is slowly depleting her energy reserve. A cold or infection can overwhelm her ability to fight it and her overall health and functioning can change dramatically – very suddenly. There will come the day that we will not be able to clear the partial obstruction or to contain the infection…..

I hope that it will not happen whilst I am away.

 

When A Daughter Cries


http://halfmanhalfgreek.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/sad-woman.jpg

when a mother cries
her tears stab at her daughter’s heart
as they plummet to the floor

when a mother cries
he daughter cries too
because her heroine is wounded and she doesn’t know how or why
she cries because she cannot rid her mother of the pain
she cries most of all because she loves her mother

when a daughter cries because her mother cries,
her mother cries more
because her weakness has hurt her child
she cries because it hurts to know she’s the cause of her daughter’s tears.
she cries most of all because she loves her daughter

once the tears have ceased however
love remains
the love forever shared between a mother and her daughter

Portia Lane http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/a-daughter-cries/


	

The albatross


http://cedequack.wordpress.com/2007/11/29/el-mundo-de-los-albatros/

The albatross is a large seabird with a wingspan of up to eleven feet. The albatross are regarded as the planet’s ultimate frequent flyers.  The albatross don’t flap their wings, they use wind energy.  An average black-browed albatross may cover 100 miles a day during its lifespan of more than 40 years.  Over a lifetime, an albatross may cover 1.5 million miles.

A master at gliding, the albatross can stay aloft on virtually motionless wings for many hours at a time. For that reason, seamen used to believe that the albatross had magical powers.  There was also a belief that albatrosses, hovering endlessly above the ships at sea, contained the souls of lost sailors, former comrades of the sailors below. Many sailors believed that disaster or death would haunt anyone who harmed or killed the bird.

 In 1798 the great English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge made albatross mythology the basis for his famous poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. The Ancient Mariner (that is, the “old seaman”) tells the story of how he, while on a ship at sea, killed an albatross for no apparent reason. Later the wind stopped blowing, and the ship could not reach port to get fresh water.

The crew assumed that the disastrous turn of events occurred because of the death of the albatross. Angry at the Ancient Mariner, the crew picked up the dead bird and hung it around the man’s neck as a symbol of guilt and punishment. The profound intent of the symbolism was reflected in the Ancient Mariner’s own words:

“Instead of the cross, the albatross

About my neck was hung.”

 Today that imagery has generalized, so that anything that causes deep, persistent anxiety can be called an albatross. And an encumbrance that hinders accomplishment is an albatross around one’s neck.

(Principal sources: Oxford English Dictionary; Darryl Lyman, Dictionary of Animal Words and Phrases, Jonathan David Publishers, http://www.jdbooks.com)

Vicky suffers from Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a brittle bone disease.  In people with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, one of the genes that tell the body how to make a specific protein does not function. This protein (type I collagen) is a major component of the connective tissues in bones. Type I collagen is also important in forming ligaments, teeth, and the white outer tissue of the eyeballs (sclera).

As a result of the defective gene, not enough type I collagen is produced, or the collagen that is produced is of poor quality. In either case, the result is fragile bones that break easily.  Collagen in the body is what cement is in a building.  It keeps the tissue/bricks together!  Vicky has poor quality collagen.

Vic has a very bad spine.  Her neurosurgeon decided to do experimental surgery in 2002.  The Prodisc Total Disc Replacement is an implant designed to mimic the form and function of a healthy intervertebral lumbar disc. It is implanted during spinal arthroplasty after the diseased or damaged intervertebral disc has been removed. The goal of artificial disc replacement is to alleviate the pain caused by the damaged disc while preserving some or all of the natural motion of the lumbar spine. By preserving the natural motion, it is hoped that the adjacent levels of the spine will not be subject to additional stress as they are in traditional fusion surgery.  http://www.spine-health.com/treatment/artificial-disc-replacement/fda-approves-prodisc-lumbar-artificial-disc;  

Vic had the Prodisc procedure on Wednesday morning, the 13th of February 2002.  The operation was scheduled to last “two hours and thirty-seven minutes”.   Six hours after Vic was pushed into theater we were told that she is in recovery.  Vic would go to ICU for “pain control”.

She was pretty out of it the entire Wednesday and Thursday.  Friday Vic was conscious and in dreadful pain.  No amount of morphine brought her pain relief.  Her face and nose itched in a reaction to the morphine.  Vic was losing her mind with pain.

Early Friday morning I cornered the surgeon.  He said she is fine.  I kept badgering the ICU staff to increase her pain medication.  I pointed out that her heart rate was elevated and she was running a temperature.  Her breathing was shallow and fast.  If it was today I would have recognized the danger signs.

That evening I was too scared to leave.  My child was in trouble.  Just after 8pm the doctor came and spoke to me. He explained that Vicky’s tissue is extremely poor (surprise surprise!!) and that there was a small chance that her bowel may have been perforated.  The X-rays did not show up anything but my concern had “alarmed” him.

“Mommy, you must decide.  We can take her back into theater and check her out.  The chances are that we are going to subject her to unnecessary anesthetic and surgery.  The decision is yours…”

“Take her back to theater tonight” I said

“I will get a specialist surgeon to do the surgery” he said.

At 9.30 pm Vic was pushed into theater again.  Eleven hours later she was rushed back to ICU.  Sunday the 17th of February Vic went back t theater for a further 9 hour surgery.  She came out ventilated.

She spent 22 days on the ventilator hovering between life and death.

Doctor arrogance and negligence has led to almost 11 years of sheer undiluted hell and misery.  I wish there was a way I could make the arrogant fool pay for Vicky’s lost life.  I wish I could put him in Vic’s shoes for one day.  I wish with every fiber in my body that I could make him give the boys back their mother.  I wish my child could be pain-free.

The Prodisc was never removed.  The Prodisc is systematically spreading sepsis to Vic’s intestines.  Thank God for adhesions.

I digress.  The specialist surgeon, Brendan Bebington, which Dr Frank S tried to get to do the surgery that Friday night, wife was in labor   His locum was called in.  Years later (after surgery maybe 30) we ended up back with Dr Bebington again.  He has managed to keep Vic alive for many years.

Brendan calls Vic his “albatross”.  He is still consumed by guilt that he wasn’t available to do her emergency surgery…  I wonder whether the neurosurgeon ever thinks of her?

I want to reiterate at this point that the Prodisc is an excellent alternative to spinal fusions.  Surgeon arrogance is the cause of this disaster!  Giving the choice again, we would more than likely opt for the same procedure again.  Different surgeon.

When the albatross glides across the skies it is stunningly graceful and beautiful. But when the albatrosses webbed feet touch down on earth it walks clumsily, like a staggering drunk, and becomes the object of ridicule and pity.

One day Vic will soar through the sky, graceful and beautiful.  Free from pain and suffering!

WebMD Pain Coach


 

I found this wonderful ap and would like to share it with you.  Hope this is someone out there that may find this useful!!  Well done Apple!

WebMD Pain Coach 

By WebMD           http://www.webmd.com/mobile

 

Description

WebMD Pain Coach™ offers a holistic approach to balancing lifestyle with chronic pain conditions to help inspire a better day. WebMD’s new app is a mobile companion to help you through daily health and wellness choices so you can better manage your chronic pain. Enjoy a personalized experience as physician-reviewed tips related to your specific condition are delivered daily to you. WebMD Pain Coach™ puts you in control of your lifestyle choices so you can review personal patterns to understand triggers, set goals, and easily share progress with your physician.

WebMD Pain Coach™ is specially designed and customized for people with the following chronic pain conditions:
✓ Back pain
✓ Neck pain
✓ Nerve pain
✓ Fibromyalgia
✓ Migraine
✓ Osteoarthritis
✓ Rheumatoid arthritis

If your chronic pain condition is not listed above, you can still use the app to track pain, set goals, and get pain management tips, articles, slideshows and videos.

When you first download and use WebMD Pain Coach™, you are asked to select your chronic pain condition(s), as well as symptoms, triggers and treatments that apply to your condition(s). If privacy is important, the option to set a four digit PIN will keep your information secure. WebMD’s drug look-up allows you to search and select over-the-counter and prescribed medications, and record the dosage of each drug selected.

WebMD Pain Coach™ is organized into four easy-to-use sections:
✓ JOURNAL
The Journal section allows you to quickly and easily record your day. A separate Journal screen exists for each day. Once entries are created for multiple days, flip back to see your pain history. Turn your phone sideways to generate your Pain Coach™ Report: a historical chart that plots your general well-being against your pain levels while listing your most common symptoms, triggers and treatments. Tap on a day to view a snapshot of your pain history and export your Pain Coach™ Report to PDF and email it to yourself or your physician.
♦ Record how you generally feel each day by sliding the Pain Coach™ ‘Well Being Belt.’
♦ Log a pain entry to track details surrounding pain: pain level from 1-10, symptoms, triggers, treatments and notes.
♦ Reminder to log a pain entry by receiving a Pain Coach™ notification once a day.
♦ View a new Daily Tip that is personalized to your condition(s), triggers and treatments.
♦ If you set goals to better manage pain, tap ‘Today’s Goals’ to check off achieved goals.

✓ Goals
The Goals section allows you to browse and select physician-approved goals from five lifestyle categories related to your pain condition(s): Food, Rest, Exercise, Mood, and Treatments. You can also create your own goals. Each related tip can be viewed before selecting a goal. The goal duration can be set from one day to one year.
♦ The green ribbon at the top of the Goals screen indicates the percent completion rate for active goals.
♦ Once a goal is selected, tap ‘My Goals’ to view Goal Activity for active and completed goals.
♦ If you have more than one chronic pain condition, the goal that is suggested for a specific condition is indicated.

✓ Library
The Library section contains all of the critical, physician-approved content relevant to your condition(s) and pain management. The Library contains hundreds of articles, videos, slideshows and quizzes. All articles are available for offline reading.
♦ Library content contains links to WebMD’s mobile website.
♦ The Library is searchable.
♦ Share all Library content via email, Facebook or Twitter.

✓ Tips
The Tips section features hundreds of ‘bite-sized’ tips that are matched with goals and organized into the same five lifestyle categories: Food, Rest, Exercise, Mood and Treatments. Each goal has between 3-10 supporting tips.
♦ Search for a specific tip.
♦ After reading a tip, view the goal related to the tip, or view related Library articles.

…More

iPhone Screenshots

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Customer Reviews

Great app

by Dragon Slayer 1

What a game changer. I can finally define my pain in my terms.

brilliant app!

by pyroclasticlux

excellent for tracking my migraines & other chronic pain. it’s a well thought-out app & is very user-friendly! i definitely recommend this programme; it is both easy to use and comprehensive.

Great little app for my neck pain

by Grimlock2011

On a recent ride to Cheyenne i bit it and was in the hospital for 2 days. Some disks popped in my neck, and let me tell you, goody’s powder wasn’t cutting it. i like this app because it helps me think about ways to feel better and i can also show my doctor my pain charts. looking foward to rejoining the boys and riding again soon! Get this app you won’t be sorry.

 

Remission 15.10.2012


Vic could live like this.  We could live like this.  Please let this continue!  Today I pray that this is the case.  I pray for a miracle.  I pray that Vic is in remission. 

Remission (medicine), the state of absence of disease activity in patients with a chronic illness, with the possibility of return of disease activity.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remission

Remission 15.10.2012.